Men never cease to amaze me, and I'm not sure if that's a good thing.
After catching Daryl Dixon spying on me at work, and politely asking for a rain check when he invited me into his apartment to listen to country music, the solitude of my own apartment was oddly refreshing. Not that I wasn't surprised, or excited, by his offer, I was just put off by the idea of Merle eventually coming back. While the moment was fleeting, Daryl seemed like a completely different person when his older brother wasn't around. He seemed like someone I actually wanted to get to know better.
Once I was back in my apartment, I plopped down onto my sofa and laid there for awhile. I couldn't decide on what to do that night. A classmate, Zach, had invited me out to one of the college bars around town, but I didn't feel like going. Plus, if I went, I knew Jimmy would get upset. Granted, Jimmy got upset about a lot of things I did, but going out to a bar with some other guy? That'b be practically begging him to come down here and take me home for good. It bothered me that he didn't really trust me even though we'd been together for so long. Even while I was still living at home, if a boy looked at me from across the room, Jimmy would go and "talk" to him about looking at his girl. I felt like more of a possession than a girlfriend.
As if by magic, my phone began to ring with that familiar Taylor Swift tune that had been set as Jimmy's ringtone. With a sigh, I grabbed the phone from the coffee table, set it to speaker, and set the phone on my chest. "Hey baby" I cooed, "What can I do for you?"
The background was full of noise like people yelling, bottles being broken, and louder than life Bluegrass music. Obviously he was enjoying his night out while I stayed at home. What else was new? "Can't I call just to hear my girl's voice?" he slurred, his thick country boy accent mixing with the effects of whatever he was drinking that night. "I've been missin' ya somethin' terrible." Usually I would have loved to hear Jimmy say such things, but his voice had a darker lilt to it and I knew where that was headed.
"Why didn't you call me before you went out?" I asked immediately. If missing me was so important, why did he have to wait until he was drunk in order to tell me? "Or you could have called me in the mornin'."
"Well I'm missin' you right now" he murmured sloppily. I could hear his breathing changing as he spoke. Apparently he was that drunk. "Wish I was there with you right now, layin' in bed..."
I knew what he was trying and it wasn't working. Not only did I have way too much on my mind about school, work, and church, but in the past couple of days, I hadn't really thought of him. I didn't seem right to allow him to continue when we hadn't really spoken since he dropped me off. "Honey, I'm sorry but I'm not really in the mood for this" I placated. "I have exams to study for and chores to do. Plus I'm exhausted. Rain Check?"
That was the second rain check I had asked for in under 12 hours, from two different men. A new personal record.
"Aw come on, Beth..." he whined, "Tell me you don't wish I was there right now, touchin' on you, kissin' you." He never was one for getting the hint right away.
"Jimmy, I'm sorry baby, but I can't tonight." Honestly, it was a tad pathetic. Why couldn't he just take the word "no" at face value? He had probably been at his brother's house, drinking 'shine with their little posse, then got horny and decided to call. It wasn't the first time, that's for damn sure. And I knew it wouldn't be the last.
Immediately after I spoke I heard yelling coming from across the hall, only this time it seemed like Daryl was doing most of the yelling. That was incredibly unusual since it was usually Merle who got all riled up first. It wasn't long until I heard their door slam, which brought me back into my conversation with my drunken boyfriend.
"Are you even fuckin' listenin' to me?! Stop being such a goddamn prude bitch!" he barked at me, clearly upset by my lack of focus. However, the way he spoke to me was unacceptable and I made sure to tell him so.
"James Matthew Archer!" I cried back, "I am a lady and you will NOT speak to me like that. I hope I'm making myself clear!" I then proceeded to hang up on him and threw my phone into the cushions of my sofa. Deciding that I needed a change of pace, I got up and ran out the front door out into the hallway. As I knocked on the Dixon door, I silently prayed that Merle had been the one to slam the door and had left Daryl in the apartment alone.
No such luck. Soon the drunk bastard opened the door and leaned on the doorway, probably because he couldn't keep himself upright. "Well well well..." he chanted softly, "To wha' do I owe tha' pleasure, sugar?" Just the sound of his voice made my skin crawl. I understood then why they brought home so much trailer trash at night. They were the only ones dumb enough to fall for that grimy shit.
"I'm lookin' for Daryl" I replied quickly and somewhat timidly. He's eyes burned as I looked into them. They were similar to Daryl's but...darker and more menacing. "He around?"
Merle scoffed as he took a swig of what appeared to be moonshine out of a mason jar. It was obvious that he was hurt by the fact I didn't want to see him, but there was also a touch of jealousy in his actions. "Nah, sorry Blondie, but Darlene ran away somewhere" he snapped angrily, making me quake in my place. "Probably went ta go see that bitch he's been fuckin' for awhile. I wouldn't blame 'im. She's round and soft in all the right places."
His words creeped me out beyond a doubt and I crossed my arms. Why had I gone to their apartment? Why had I thought Daryl could help me feel better about Jimmy? What was he going to do? Listen to sad country music and mope with me? Tell me how dumb boys are and eat Ben and Jerry's with me? "On second thought, I have no idea why I'm here. Night, Dixon." I turned on my heels and retreated back into my safe and quiet apartment. Forgoing the studying, I grabbed my phone, noticing I had ten missed calls and twelve text messages all from Jimmy, and violently pushed in onto it's spot on the dock. Lucky for me, I didn't have class the next morning do to my professor canceling, so I didn't bother setting my alarm. I just stripped off all my clothes and threw them in the hamper before curling up in bed and succumbing to the tears that had been building behind my eyes for hours.
I finally turned onto my back and stared at the ceiling. Before they left, Maggie had helped me splash glow-in-the-dark paint on the plain white ceiling so it would look like stars. She said she did it because she knew how much I would miss the nights at home where we would climb out onto the roof and just watch the skies. Said it was her bringing a bit of home to me. The memory helped the tears stop flowing but then I thought about Daryl. Just imagining him made my lips curl up a bit. I pictured us sitting on my couch listening to George Strait, sipping my momma's county famous sweet tea. I shook my head to get the picture out of my mind and proceeded to try to sleep, a smile still etched into my lips.
The next morning I woke up a bit earlier that I had originally intended. Deciding to be productive for a change, I got out of bed and put on some old clothes so I could clean the apartment. There was dust and pieces of plastic and other materials everywhere from the move, but everything needed a good scrub and wipe down. I cleaned the kitchen counters, my bathroom (toilet, shower, sink, AND counters), my bedroom, everywhere. The last chore I had to do was sweep the floors and I was finished.
Taking the broom in hand, I realized I didn't have a dust pan. I had nothing to really fashion one, so I chose to sweep all the dirt out into the hall. If I did that, I could at least borrow the building's vacuum and clean it up, or call maintenance if I was feeling lazy. Grabbing my iPod from my hip, I scrolled through different artists and playlists until I found what I wanted. As I swept and moved about my apartment, the voice of Brandy Clark filled my ears as I worked. Momma used to call me Cinderella because I would sing while I cleaned to pass the time. It had always been a habit, one that I picked up from her.
I left the front door open and I worked my way from the back of the apartment to the front, making sure to sweep the living room last. I didn't want to clean the front because then I'd drag all the dirt from the back over the newly cleaned floors. When I was finishing up and sweeping the last bit out into the hall, I looked at the dirt pile and saw two boot prints embedded in it, only to look up when I heard the Dixon's door close. Was he watching me again? The thought made me blush and squirm a bit, which was slightly unwelcome.
Looking at the time, I noticed it was only eight in the morning. My stomach was rumbling due to all the work I had been doing on an empty stomach, but my head had an idea. Putting the iPod and headphones on the the table by the door, I stepped over my dirt pile and knocked on Daryl's door. I stood there, shaking in nerves, until he answered complete with signature liquor bottle in hand. Looking around his apartment, it seemed like Merle was out, which made my decision even easier.
"Mornin'" he greeted, his voice gruff and thick with alcohol and sleep. "Somethin' I can do for ya?"
When I looked into his bright blue eyes, I dropped my gaze quickly. I was never like that around men, not even Jimmy. I couldn't grasp what kind of hold he had on me. All I could do was nervously clear my throat and watch my shadow on the floorboards. "Mornin' Daryl" I replied sweetly. Maybe it was time to try to get to know him. Maybe it was time to do what Daddy always preached about in Church on Sundays. Looking up into his eyes once more, I felt the color rush into my cheeks, along with my nerve. "I was wonderin' if maybe you'd like to come have breakfast with me..."