Disclaimer: Charlaine Harris owns all.
Rated M for several reasons.
Chpt 55 The One in the Middle
SPOV
Eric's nose is rubbing lightly and randomly all over my face, his ragged breath cool on my feverish skin, his body moving languidly against and inside mine.
Oh god, if this isn't real . . . .
My eyes flutter open, it's real, if a little 'soft' focus.
Is it always like this? I'm not sure I've ever heard anyone thinking about this, this complete feeling of . . . . I feel . . . . but that's ridiculous . . . .
My long sigh of total contentment morphs into a vaguely embarrassing moan which draws my legs back up around him automatically.
He's still, I thought, no he's definitely . . . .
I can feel the fading warmth on my skin return to heat even as my body, inside and out, clenches around him.
"Sookie . . . ." He groans, rolling into me a little harder and dropping his lips to suck on the skin just below my ear.
"Mmm . . . . ungh . . . ." My mind can't form a coherent thought but my body arches up into his as best it's able.
He continues to undulate his hips into my automatically responsive ones even as he murmurs into my neck.
"We need to talk."
I know that's supposed to be a dash of cold water, intellectually it is a dash of cold water, even though I can feel him in the bond. But a dash isn't going to put this fire out, it's going to evaporate before it even makes contact.
"Ache." I moan, my lips roving over the hair on the crown of his head, as my fingers tighten in the muscles of his back. "Eric, I ache . . . ."
Without hesitation his mouth and body crash into mine, once again chasing away everything but himself . . . .
EPOV
I must admit that a breathless, boneless Sookie sprawled across my chest and caged in my arms, the white glow fading from her flushed skin, is likely to become one of my favourite things. Along with the slight burn receding from my muscles and the last echoes of the tremble in my thighs. There are no complex thoughts or feelings consuming me and I am simply relaxed in the moment.
Like everything else about us this is so much more than just sex, though we have barely begun to explore and learn each other we have already surpassed anything I have experienced before. And frankly, I have a lot of experience, though I suspect I could waste days considering and never finding a comparison.
Things are changing between us, and not just in the nature of our bond, yet though it disturbs me I cannot summon the will to fight it.
Fatalistic acceptance.
I am headstrong, proud and unemotional but that does not mean I have to be a fool.
She may be only a moment on my timeline but I can admit that I am not ready for that moment to end. I will, in truth, be disappointed when it does.
Perhaps I should be the one to be afraid of how much I want her.
Her scent, her skin, her softly muscled body, her sounds, her everything, are more than I have ever experienced. She is the most beautiful woman that I have ever laid eyes on it is true, yet there is something more . . . .
She stirs, wrenching me from my contemplations, pressing her lips against my throat.
"I need to do something with my hair." She mutters in a soft rasp, lifting one of her hands from the bed and fluttering ineffectually at it.
"You have sex hair." I chuckle.
I can feel the blush on her cheeks against my skin even though I cannot see it and her groan vibrates through my chest.
I almost groan in response but we really do need to talk and ignoring her wordless protests I ease her gently off me, rolling us onto our sides, facing each other. For a moment we are captured by each other's eyes and then she blushes, dropping hers to the sheet beneath us.
I sigh internally, it is so easy to forget that she is not at all that I thought she was, how young and innocent she really is.
"We need to talk."
She nods, pulling at the sheet until I help her release it and bring it up over our bodies. The sudden distance is pleasing neither of us and instinctively I gather her into me, feeling her begin to relax as she curls herself into my chest, using my arm as a pillow.
"Much has happened." I point out, garnering another nod. "But I stand by what I said in your doorway, we should work out what to do about it together."
"You still want to do that?"
"Yes."
The firmness of my answer seems to calm her further and after a moment she relaxes completely.
"It is dangerous for you to remain in this realm, you understand a little of that already, but perhaps not the reaction of other Vampire to your true nature."
She shudders.
"Your existence, certainly your freedom, will not be tolerated. Vampire, knowledgeable or not, tend to believe many rumours about the Fae. For your deadliness alone many would demand your death. Others would covet what they believe you would be able to give them. The intoxication of your blood, to those who have tasted fairy it would be like heroin to an addict. Many would believe that your blood would also grant them the ability to walk in the sun, father biological children, make them immune to the true death in any form, grant them powers beyond their wildest dreams. These are elements of the communal stupidity that has tempted Vampire to engage the Fae in the past.
If your true nature becomes known . . . ."
"Wouldn't Niall's existence deter them?"
"That is a sensible question. And the answer is some, possibly the older among us. But Sookie, you need to be aware that something bad could happen to you before even he would be able to react."
"And I can't protect myself?" She asks in a small voice.
"Yes you can and the more you learn the better you will be able to do so. But Sookie, even you will not be invulnerable, Vampire have been killing fairies for thousands of years, your Great Grandfather will probably explain this to you in more detail."
She opens her mouth to object but closes it again, forcing me to marvel at how well I know her.
"Palm trees and people are entirely different things. Could you do that Sookie?"
"I don't know." She admits quietly and completely truthfully.
Wanting to soothe her I begin circling my thumb on the back of her shoulder, so soft, so smooth, the movement releases the scent from her pores into the air and I inhale deeply.
"Is any of that true?" She asks after a while.
"I have little experience of the Fae, except in battle. But apart from the temporary intoxication Godric always led me to believe that none of the rest was true and I have no reason to disbelieve him. You certainly have not bestowed any of those 'gifts' on me."
"Do I make you intoxicated?"
"Not with your blood."
"I don't know how to take that."
"And I am not sure I am able to explain it." I sigh. "But I have certainly not been myself since I met you."
I am tempted to hold my breath, which has, naturally, synchronised with hers again, waiting for her to press home her advantage but she does not. No matter how well I come to know her I continue to underestimate her actual lack of guile.
"If you get caught, um, with a fairy, does that make trouble for you too?"
And I forget that her beauty is inside and out.
"Yes."
She blows out a breath and I almost feel her eyes roll.
"How much trouble Eric?"
"The same trouble as you."
"I'm not worth it."
"You are an amazing woman."
"You said that once before." She murmurs.
"Twice actually."
Silence.
Do not speak, do not give her any more power . . . .
"I have meant almost every word I have ever said to you Sookie. Do you remember them all?"
"I remember . . . ."
"Do you understand?" I need you to understand because I do not and I am not sure I have said and done enough to explain.
"I'm trying, but it's hard . . . . whenever I think I've begun to understand you something changes . . . . and then I don't."
"It was never my intention to hurt you."
"That's not true." She says, sounding amused. "Niall's right, it is a long time since I've forgotten anything."
I should probably apologise into the silence but the words are stuck in my throat, nevertheless I pull her tighter into my body.
"If I do understand you." She offers eventually. "Then I understand why you behaved the way you did sometimes."
"And if you do not?"
She blows out a long breath which tickles my skin.
"Then I guess I'll get some new painful memories to add to the pile."
"I do not want to hurt you."
To my surprise she laughs.
"I am amusing you again?"
"In a way." She chuckles. "If I really do know you and understand you, then I would be right in my assumption that the reason you haven't promised not to hurt me again is because you don't make promises you can't keep."
"I do not make promises I do not know I can keep." I clarify. "I am not a human, I rarely think or act like one, I cannot even begin to imagine the ways I may inadvertently hurt you in the future."
There is a long but not totally uncomfortable silence.
"I know you Eric. I know I do. But I can't trust it."
"You cannot trust me?"
"No." She sighs, pressing her lips briefly against my skin. "I trust you. It's me I don't trust."
"I need you to explain Sookie."
"That's a shame." She sounds amused again as she throws my words back at me. "Because I'm not sure I can."
I throw my head back and laugh, I cannot help it, she may lack guile or experience but she is an intelligent woman who does not give ground easily. I could take her comment about not trusting herself in any number of ways and she knows it.
My laughter and her giggles subside.
"This is serious isn't it?" She asks eventually and I know she has returned to our original topic.
"Yes." I confirm. "But you have choices."
Silence as she stiffens against me.
Alright. I am not a coward. I can do this. I know what I want and I can deal with not getting it. I am mindful of a sales techniques course Pam made us attend in the eighties, she thought it would aid our pre-revelation ability to manipulate humans, as if we needed anything more than our glamour and our looks. Anyway, one of the 'lessons' was simple, place the option you want your mark to select in the middle.
"You could accept your Great Grandfather's offer and live in Faery. Nowhere is devoid of all danger, you know that as well as I do, but you would be protected there, held in high esteem. And there would be no Vampire."
"Niall intimated that I would be bored." She murmurs quietly.
"I do not know Sookie." I respond truthfully. "No Vampire has ever been to Faery and lived, though tales are told of its beauty."
"It seems like a pretty extreme choice when I know so little about it." She huffs.
"I am sure the Prince would be more than happy to discuss it with you in more detail." I reply, failing to keep the edge from my voice. "And you should ask him, you deserve to know everything."
"Humph."
Time to move on.
"You could remain here, in the Palace, I would protect you as I promised."
"You know you can then?" She asks perceptively.
"I know I trust myself to do it better than any other." I qualify.
Silence.
I should say more, explain, I probably have not said and done enough . . . .
"But it could be dangerous for you, for Pam, Charles, Thalia, Alcide . . . ."
"For everyone if your identity were discovered." I will not lie to her, I want her to understand and make an informed choice and this, I think, will be our impasse . . . .
"It sounds like a very selfish choice."
"That depends how you define selfish." I counter. "If you choose to leave you will be missed."
"Humph."
I knew this would be hard, one way or another, but not his hard. I am in some kind of pain that I cannot identify.
"There is another option."
She mutters something that sounds like 'whoop-de-doo' and snuggles closer into me.
"You could leave. Possibly back to Bon Temps, preferably further away, I could still protect you but you would be away from Vampire and the current attention they have for you. In time you would be forgotten, you could lead a normal life. Marry, have children, a career. Leave all this behind you but still be in an environment you recognise and are comfortable with."
She gasps and manages to get even closer to me.
"I am certain Niall would assist in ensuring your anonymity and safety."
No 'humph'.
In some ways I believe it to be her best option. The Britlingens I am about to hire will keep her safe in the unlikely event that she is found, at least long enough for the Prince to find her and ensure it.
Silence. And not a comfortable one. Long. The joy of holding her close is leaking out of me slowly. This is so complicated and we have barely scratched the surface . . . .
"What do you want?" She demands suddenly.
"You know what I want."
Silence, the gathering of courage, she has a lot, and it takes time.
"I need to hear you say it." She growls.
My groan of protest is instinctive and heartfelt but I know I am going to do it anyway.
"I want you to stay with me. I want here to be where you belong."
I am not a romantic but in my head she should be melting into me and telling me that that is what she wants too. But this is Sookie, my own personal demon, and that would be far too simple . . . .