A/N: Your many reviews and messages convinced me to not let you wait until Friday for the next chapter. I want to thank you all for letting me know what you think. As always, I hope I answered every one of you who was logged in. There were quite some guest reviews, though, this time. Unfortunately, I can't answer those. So, thank you to all guests who reviewed. But there were two guest reviews, I feel the need to address here. One guest called Bella a slut while the other even called her a whore. You know, I cherish all your opinions, and I don't censor reviews I don't like, although I could. I wanted to let you know that, either you read this story wrong, meaning you missed Edward being with even more women in a much shorter period of time or you're hypocrites who still think a woman who gets around is a slut while a man who does the same is a stud. Whichever it is, I wanted to let you know that I'm not okay with this kind of name-calling.

So, on to happier things. Thanks a lot to my betas evelyn-shaye and EdwardsMate4ever. I love you. Thanks as well to my friends and prereaders LaPumuckl and Vamgirl79. You ladies rock.

I hope you'll enjoy the chapter, the only regular chapter written in EPOV. See you at the bottom.

Disclaimer: It's not mine! But I love it.

******POMH******

Chapter 28 – Horribly wrong EPOV

I couldn't get the picture out of my head, the image of Bella in Jacob's arms, kissing him. After I'd returned from my doomed mission the night before, I hadn't slept at all.

Thursday night, I'd had to work late to meet a deadline. I'd missed Bella like crazy since I'd refused to meet her with Jacob around. When she came to my office Wednesday morning, basically asking my permission to go on a date with him, I felt so bitter that I let my temper get the best of me, and before I realized what I was doing, I told her to go. Soon after, I already regretted my stupid words. I beat myself up about it, until sometime Thursday night, the realization hit me that Bella didn't even know I was in love with her. I'd never told her.

I hurried to finish my work and drove over to her apartment, determined to wait until she returned. I would finally lay my heart at her feet.

I wasn't at all prepared for what I was about to see. When I came around the corner from the elevator, I was hit by the image of Jacob holding my Bella in his arms, kissing her passionately — both had their eyes closed. And suddenly, I saw that she wasn't my Bella and never would be. She had fallen for him again. I'd been kidding myself all this time, thinking that she would come to see that I really loved her and that she loved me, too.

I couldn't stand the sight for long, turning around and practically running away from the scene. I didn't remember how I got home, and I didn't really remember what I'd been doing for the last day besides wallowing in my misery.

About twenty-four hours later, I was sitting at the bar in Jazz's living room, holding my fifth whiskey in ten minutes. The Christmas decorations all over the house seemed to mock me. Most wonderful time of the year, my ass. I couldn't remember a worse time, not even with what Tanya did.

I came because I'd promised my friend I would — and I knew I needed to talk to Bella. Fortunately, I hadn't seen her yet. So I might get the chance to down a few more drinks before the moment of truth would arise.

I ran my hand over the past day's stubble on my face, contemplating my loss. After Tanya, I'd been sure that I would never ever get in that position again — letting someone fuck around on me. And yet, I was in the exact same situation. Looking back, I knew that I'd never loved Tanya. I'd cared for her at one time, I'd liked her, but I'd never felt even an ounce of the love I felt for Bella. With Tanya's betrayal, it was mostly my ego being badly hurt, whereas now, I'd lost the woman that was most certainly the love of my life. But, hey, she doesn't love you back, so, get over it, Cullen. Move on!

"Hi, handsome," Bella said flirtatiously, suddenly appearing next to me with the most innocent smile on her lips.

What the fuck? Was she kidding me? From the corner of my eye, I noticed Jacob across the room, looking at us rather unhappily. She had come to me instead of greeting him first. Okay, so they didn't seem to be together. Then it must have been another one night stand. History must have repeated itself for the second time. But I refused to be her doormat — not for anyone, ever again.

All of a sudden, I had an out-of-body experience. I watched myself going off on her, firing shot after shot, insult after insult, while she just stood there, obviously unable to grasp the situation. Why wasn't she saying anything? She just stood there, taking whatever I threw at her with a horror-struck face, her beautiful brown eyes wide with shock. What was her problem? That I had caught her? She really had to think I was stupid.

I heard myself say the last words loud and clear, designed to hit her sorest spot. "Maybe you really are cheap!"

I winced slightly when the words were out, but I couldn't take them back, and I didn't want to, either. She'd made her bed, now she had to lie in it. She had broken our deal and had to live with the consequences. I wanted her to hurt as badly as I did.

She looked into my eyes once again, with a pained and broken expression on her face, before she turned around and, slowly but determinedly, with her head held high, left the room and the house.

I couldn't allow myself to care. She'd brought this upon herself. I was not the one who had fucked someone else without calling our deal off first, or even worse, came to her, smiling just like nothing happened.

I downed the rest of my drink in one gulp, motioning for the bartender to give me a refill, when I noticed someone approaching me from my left.

"You're wrong," a quiet voice said, audibly laced with anger as well as defeat.

I took another big gulp from my newly filled glass, not looking at Jacob. "What are you talking about?" Who was he to come and talk to me like that? Hadn't he just dumped her for the third time after taking advantage of her feelings for him? I almost felt sorry for her — only I didn't.

"What you said to her, you were wrong." My brows furrowed in confusion, but I wasn't going to say anything. "You said you saw us kissing." He snorted once. "Well, you can't have been watching for long." He was still sounding strangely calm.

"What? Should I have stayed to watch you two going at it? No, thanks. I didn't need to torture myself any further." I emptied my glass yet again, determined to drown my sorrows.

"If you'd stayed, you'd have seen that she pushed me away about five seconds into the kiss. She didn't even kiss me back at all." He sat down next to me, ordering two vodka shots.

I felt my face fall. My skin began to crawl, and my heart started to race when it dawned on me that I might have made a horrible mistake.

"I told her that I love her, and the only thing she said was that there's someone else." He downed one hot. "She loves you, not me. I was too late. I blew my chance with her. You might still have one. As much as it hurts me, I just want to see her happy."

Alice had come over and sat down on my other side. "She was about to tell you that she loves you, tonight." She sounded strained, almost unable to hold back her anger.

Oh. My. God! What had I done? Suddenly, my lungs weren't getting enough air as my chest constricted. My stupid insecurities, resulting from the stunt Tanya had pulled on me, had gotten the better of me and made me jump the gun, judging the woman I loved, without even giving her the chance to defend herself.

I was feeling paralyzed and sick to my stomach, fighting the urge to throw up.

"I have to talk to her," I choked out before I stood up and staggered out of the house.

****POMH****

I knew, with the amount of whiskey I'd had, that I shouldn't be driving, but I needed to get to Bella's apartment as soon as possible.

When I arrived at her building, I couldn't remember how I got there. It was all a blur. I wasn't sure if I'd just run several red lights or violated the speed limit. I parked my car across the street, not even caring enough to lock it, and ran to her building. As I entered, I noticed that both elevators were somewhere on the upper floors. I deliberated for a second, then decided that I was too impatient to wait in the lobby. Instead, I ran up the four flights of stairs leading to Bella's floor.

My lungs were hurting from my race up there. Without pausing, I stumbled down the hall until I reached her door. No light was visible through the slit under the door, and I didn't hear any noises coming from within.

"Bella, please, open the door. I need to talk to you," I choked out, still out of breath, while I knocked on her door.

Nothing happened — no noise, no opening the door.

"Bella, baby, please. I was so wrong, I'm so sorry. Please, hear me out." I tried again, knocking louder.

I waited for what felt like forever without hearing the slightest noise from within. Maybe she wasn't there. But where else could she be? She wouldn't go anywhere other than to her sanctum to try to digest what I'd said to her.

Oh fuck! I'd called her cheap. That was about the worst thing I could have said. And not even for a second had I believed it to be true. Yet, I'd said it with the sole intention of hurting her. I felt my heartbeat speed up, and my breathing became more irregular by the second as panic started to take over. What if she never spoke to me again?

"Bella, please let me in. I need to explain. I made a mistake. I fucked up. Please, baby, give me a chance to make this right." My banging against her door became weaker as I slowly realized that I'd maybe destroyed the best thing that ever happened to me.

"Baby, I'm so, so sorry." There was still no noise from her apartment, but somehow I felt her presence, and I was sure she was inside — too hurt or too mad to even tell me to fuck off.

I knocked my fist against the door in a steady but gradually slowing rhythm.

"Bella, I can't live without you. I need to make this right. Please, talk to me." My voice sounded weak and strangled as my head dropped down and my forehead rested against the wood. Desperation started to feel like a heavy weight on my shoulders, pushing me to the ground. I turned, resting my back against the door, and let myself slide down, until I was sitting on the floor, my knees pulled up against my chest.

"Baby, I'm not going anywhere until you talk to me. I can't leave before I explain and apologize. Bella, please, don't give up on me. On us."

My last words reminded me once again what was at stake. Since Thanksgiving, we had finally developed some kind of real relationship. Bella had stopped constantly reminding me that we were just friends. The night before Thanksgiving, when I had surprised her in her childhood bedroom, she had opened up to me in a way she never had with anyone else. Although her revelations made me very sad, I felt elated, knowing that she trusted me, and I tried to tell her — carefully and subtly — that I loved her and wanted to be with her. Since that night, she hadn't seemed to object to us being a couple anymore. Even though we hadn't talked about it, there had been a shift in the way we acted around each other.

Finally, she had invited me to her bed just to hold her at night instead of having sex and letting me stay out of some convenience. She'd let me hold her hand at First Beach and at dinner with Alice and Jasper. We'd been Christmas shopping together, holding each other, kissing and laughing a lot. All the world could see we were in love.

While I was in New Orleans, I missed her like crazy. I wanted — no, I needed to talk to her about everything, but I'd decided to wait for her to come to me, afraid I would scare her off if I pushed her too far too soon. I wanted to do it as soon as I was back.

And then, there was Jacob. I couldn't believe that he was there at the bar with Bella, Alice and Jasper. It really stung when he asked Bella if I was her boyfriend, and she answered that we were just friends. Thinking about it rationally, I had to admit that she couldn't have answered any differently. After all, we weren't officially a couple. At that moment, though, it only made me more uncomfortable and enhanced the distance between us.

Although Bella seemed kind of reserved, the four of them were so familiar with each other, just like the four of us usually were. It felt like he had taken my place. All of a sudden, I hadn't been so sure anymore that Bella really wanted me. What if she wanted him again? After all, he'd been her first love, her first lover. No matter what happened between them afterward, that still meant something. Maybe there were still feelings between them after all.

I felt like the fifth wheel all night, so I went home early, too confused by the sudden change of our situation to take Bella home with me, although there was nothing I wanted more than to make love to her, hold her all night, finally tell her that she was my everything. I just couldn't, and I didn't want her to miss out on time with her friend, if that was what he was.

The rest of the week, everything seemed to be stacked against us. We both had loads of work to do, and the only evening we could have spent together would have been another night with Jacob around. I decided not to go because I couldn't stand to see them together.

So, when I saw them kissing, I'd been sure they were back together, or at least, that they would end up in bed together. It wouldn't have been the first time. I knew Jacob was in love with Bella the second I laid eyes on him. So, I thought maybe they were together for real this time. Anyway, no matter if they were in love, just hooking up for old times' sake or he'd walked out on her again, Bella and I were done. Or that's what I'd thought. I was sure I'd lost her, or she had at least broken our deal. After what I'd gone through with Tanya, I wasn't willing to let anyone cheat on me ever again.

How could I have known that the kiss was only one-sided, that nothing else happened? My old fear had reared its ugly head, and I totally overreacted. I should have given her the chance to defend herself, to explain what happened. But instead, I'd kept hitting her while I knew that she was on the floor already.

Realizing that she wasn't going to open the door, I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket.

Bella, baby, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean what I said. I was stupid and hurt. Now I know what happened, and I'm so so sorry. Please, talk to me. - E

Seconds after I hit send, I heard the faint sound of Sexmachine from the apartment. So she was home after all, and she must have heard every word I'd said.

"Bella, I'm not leaving. I'm staying right here until you talk to me. I can't lose you." I wasn't sure, but I thought I heard a quiet sob, and it broke my heart. I could only imagine how she must be feeling. I'd taken advantage of her insecurities and hurt her with the knowledge only I had. She had trusted me against her better judgment, and I'd betrayed that trust in the worst way possible.

****POMH****

Time went by slowly. Although my whole body hurt from the uncomfortable pose I'd been holding for hours, I didn't move. Every now and then, I assured her again how sorry I was, and that I needed her to listen to me, but aside from the occasional sob I thought I heard, there was no sign of life from within the apartment.

I wasn't sure what time it was and how long I'd been sitting with my back against Bella's door, but eventually, people started to walk past me sporadically, always eying me suspiciously. After a while, more people crossed the hall. I realized that it must be morning, and that I'd sat there, waiting all night for Bella to let me in. My heart sank, knowing that if she hadn't let me in by now, she most certainly wouldn't open the door any time soon.

I stood up, stretching my stiff muscles, placing my hand against the door.

"Bella, I'll leave now. Please, call me. I need to talk to you. Please, give me one more chance."

For a very long moment, I stood still, hoping against hope that she might come out now that I told her I was leaving, but she didn't.

Taking in a painful breath, I turned and walked away, leaving the woman I loved, not knowing if I would ever talk to her again.

********POMH********

A/N: I think this one didn't hurt as much as the last one, but it's not the ending most of you were hoping for. In my first idea of the story, I had Bella forgive Edward that same night. But the closer I got to actually writing that part, the clearer it became that she just couldn't. If she'd forgive someone calling her cheap that easily, than she's the doormat instead of Edward.

You want a glimpse at the next chapter, which will be in BPOV again? Here it goes:

… It was like a magnetic force pulling me toward him, to be as close to him as possible for what might very well be the last time ever. …

What do you think?

I can't tell you when yet when the next update will be. I can only promise that it'll be no longer than five days. Until then, please, review, PM or join us on FB in the Payton79's Fanfiction group. Over the last days, we had some really interesting discussions there.

See you soon.