AN: So this chapter is quite a bit longer, and I am pleased with it for now. As I said earlier, I'm not aiming for a quick, 4 chapter and then bam, in love, kind of story. This will be a longer chapter fic. Don't expect him to be anything but Sasuke.
Pairing: Sasuke and Sakura. Mild romance otherwise will be included, for instance in this chapter, you can construe a mild Naruto and Sakura pairing. If that's what you want to see. I won't deny you that right to see it that way.
Rating: K + For now.
Goal: I will attempt to have the next one up in 3 or 4 days,
So, appropriate disclaimers are where they belong. I don't own anything but this story plot, and even that is age old. So, I hope you enjoy this. It's unbeta'd and a little raw, so excuse any small errors. The next chapter will be quite a bit longer. Get back to me on whether you like it. I haven't written any fanfiction in quite a while my loves.
"She hated that she was still so desperate for a glimpse of him, but it had been this way for years." ― Julia Quinn, The Secret Diaries of Miss Miranda Cheever
I look over at Naruto's expression, and for just a moment, feel pleasantly at peace. He is so happy in this moment, that I think I have done the right thing by throwing this party.
Ino smiles at me, and slings her arm around my shoulder. She is, for once since the time we were 10, genuinely happy to be around me. She and I have been at odds for years because of Sasuke. I don't think I'll ever be able to truly blame her. After all, loving the same man isn't a crime, and even more, he will never love me. It isn't like I don't understand why people would love Sasuke. I just feel off when girls say that they love him. I wonder, how can someone who wasn't me love him? Why would they love him?
Even I, who loves Sasuke so much, can't truly understand why I love him. Those who are not close to him every day like me, would only see his malice. His distance and his solitude. What is there to love in that?
Yet I, I have seen his strength and his wisdom, and even on rare occasions, I have seen his kindness, even if it is gruff.
Maybe they love him because he is simply unattainable. He is as sure as the air, and as impressionable as a whisper. He will not be swayed. He is simply of another realm of existence, and maybe that draws people to him.
I gaze at him now, a still among the blurred excitement of the party, and even here he is more interesting to me than anything else. Even next to all of the glory and the laughter of my friends, he is more substantial to me than they are.
Ino's arm goes slack around my shoulder and she stumbles off into the arms of someone else. Her giggles and smiles are contagious, and I let them convert my face for a moment. I pretend that I am a normal girl. That I don't have these feelings, and that things are not this difficult. The smile remains for a moment longer, because smiles- like sneezes- are contagious. Just a moment.
The moment doesn't fade, it is set on fire and burns before me; crashes down like a bomb as Sasuke's voice violently withdraws me from my daydreams. My smile evaporates and with it all the air in my lungs, seemingly gone.
"Naruto is drunk." He says casually, almost annoyingly. It is his usual tone of voice, but it still sounds like heaven to me.
I round on him, and my hand flies to my chest. I take a moment to think of what expression I might have been projecting. It is probably utter shock. My shoulders deflate after a second, as I realize what he said. "Oh." I say, oh so elegantly.
He looks irritated by my aimlessness. "If he drinks much more, he'll probably pass out, that idiot."
After a moment of gazing up at him, entirely giddy about our approximation, I sigh, "He won't go easy you know." I say, and Sasuke seems to be exhausted by my tedious details.
"Whatever. Let's just get him out of here before he makes a fool out of himself."
I am touched by his thoughtfulness, even if he was trying to cover it up with his demeanor. "Okay." I breathe softly, and follow him as he weaves through the crowd of many of our fellow shinobi.
While I weave my way towards the front of the crowd, Sasuke seems to simply cut through them. They part away from his vaulting steps, like waves separating in his favor. With each step, they divulged away from him, in a dutiful way, and I simply slither along in his shadow. They do not move out of my way, and as a result several of them- no doubt drunken out of their minds- bump into me.
I stagger more than a few times, and yelp as someone steps on my toes, yet Sasuke does not turn around to check on me.
I sigh and attempt to get as close to his back as I can. I want to reach out and grab his shirt, to cling to him so that I don't get lost among the madness, but it is an impossible dream.
I know that even if I did indulge myself and reach out for him, he would simply be annoyed, or worse, angry at me.
I make do until we find Naruto. The blond is as far away from the door as he could be, leaning against the wall for support, and yet still swaying unsteadily.
Sasuke stops there, and I realize that this is why he brought me. To handle drunken Naruto is a delicate procedure.
I reach him and place a hand on his shoulder. He looks up to see that it's me, and immediately his face lights into a gleaming smile, like he'd seen a shooting star.
"Sakura!" He shouts my name, and throws his arms around my shoulders. Though he would never hurt me, in his clumsy, drunken state, his heavy hands and awkward balance dizzy me. I let loose a gruff sound into his shoulder as he squeezes me. He smells much like Naruto always does, only, with much alcohol mixed in, and it is almost overwhelming.
My nerves are tousled as he releases me, but not before running his hand down my back. I roll my eyes at him. Such habits were natural to him when he was inebriated. "Naruto, I want to go home now." I am careful to choose my words. He is not the kind of boy to be told when he's had enough to drink, but mentioning myself he might actually listen to me.
"Ahw, come on Sakura," His words are a bit slow at first, "I don't wanna leave yet." By the end of the sentence, they are slurring and I catch myself smiling at him.
Not quite laughing at him, simply loving that Naruto was free enough to let himself to get this way. Sasuke however, would never be this fun or vulnerable. It was a big difference between them, one that I appreciated.
"Come on Naruto," I reach my hand out to him and he grabs it without any hesitation, even as drunk as he is. "please take me home?" I ask, sugary sweet.
A grin cuts across his face, and it bleeds onto mine. We share this smile, before I turn around and begin to usher him out of the crowded room.
Sasuke is looking at me when I turn around. Not at Naruto, at me, and it makes me nervous. "Let's go." I tell him, anxiety was about to curl my toes. "Naruto is going to take me home." I am not sure I need to tell him that. He understands either way and we head towards the door.
Sasuke's back is very broad and it makes my heart flutter, but I try not to pay attention to it. Instead I focus my attention on Naruto's hand over mine. His calloused hand is very large in comparison.
I don't bother searching for Ino or anyone else to tell them why we are leaving, we just do. Besides, Sasuke would not want to wait for me either way.
The streets of Konoha are empty and quiet at this time of night. It's summer and I am glad for the warmth, even without the sun shining.
I am distracted temporarily from further observations about the beautiful weather by Naruto's unexpected outburst. His hand over mine suddenly lifts into the air, taking my arm up above my head. "Sakura," He says in an exuberantly happy voice, and I look over at him in surprise, "It's awesome out here." He exclaims, and it seems to have drawn Sasuke's attention.
Sasuke stops walking from his place ahead of us and turns to give Naruto and I a frightfully stern gaze. He waits for us to catch up, with a startlingly unamused expression.
Naruto's hand leaves mine before I can do anything about it, and claps Sasuke on the back. To this Sasuke lurches forward slightly, and turns back with a face so fearful I almost jump out of my skin.
"Naruto!" I hiss, appallingly, but the blond won't have any of it.
"Sasuke," He groans, "When did you get here? Have you seen the sky?" He proceeds to throw both hands into the air, like he would if we were kids again, "It's awesome!"
My shoulders slope in defeat and I run a hand through my hair. "You've already said that Naruto." I shake my head at him, but it isn't an annoyed kind of shake. It's the kind of head shaking that only Naruto could bring out in me. He can be such a kid, but only he was good for making me feel this way. At ease, happy and fearless. Like this boy was the only one in the world that could erase all the tears I'd cried, and the bad thoughts I'd had. Without Naruto, I would be very sad indeed.
I lean towards him and sling my arm around his waist. He casually, and attentively cups my shoulders. The bend of his arm fit perfectly around my neck, and I felt safe there.
I notice that Sasuke has resumed walking, so I pull Naruto along.
It is literally impossible not to notice his slightly drunken pattern of walking. "Thanks, for taking me home Naruto." I smile over at him.
For some reason, I am stricken by the thought that one day, it was possible Naruto would have a Mrs. Uzumaki at his side. I wonder what sort of woman he would love. I also wonder a little obnoxiously, if there would ever be another woman that would understand him like me, or know how to handle him the way I do.
Would any woman that my best friend ever came to love really be enough? Would they ever really know him like me?
Would they eventually know that Naruto doesn't like to sleep in the dark. That he almost never checks the dates of the food in his refrigerator, and therefore, gets sick often from eating bad food. That he doesn't like to be talked down to, because it brings up bad memories for him. Would she know how self conscious he was, or how mature he was deep inside. Would they know anything besides his sense of humor, or ramen was his favorite food.
Would they know each of his scars, and how he got them? Could anyone really know Naruto like me? Naruto who had stood by my side as my friend fo so long. Would anyone know the wonders of him.
I realize now, that I think like this often. That no one would ever know Naruto or Sasuke like I did. I try to think that it's not selfish of me, because it's my right to feel this way. These boys are boys that I see every day of my life. I bleed with them, sweat with them, sometimes I laugh with them. I cry for them, with them and over them. I worry about their safety, and I've watched their growth.
These two boys that I love so much, in such different ways and for such different reasons.
Naruto who I treasure just as much as Sasuke at my age now. It's true that when we were younger, I undervalued Naruto, and for that I will forever be indebted to him. I will always have to pay for the way I treated him when I was naive. I will continue to make up for it every day.
As for Sasuke, someone that I love so much. It is a different kind of love.
Very different.
Sasuke will forever be a phantom. Something that I will never be able to experience for myself, and can only remain content to dream about.
Naruto's arm never left my shoulders as we made way to his apartment. Sasuke was still dutifully with us, even though I'm pretty sure we both know I can handle this by myself.
Naruto wouldn't be giving me any trouble any time soon.
Sasuke opened the door quickly, without looking back and entered into the darkness. He did not turn any lights on for us.
Not being able to see Sasuke usually makes me nervous, but I couldn't pay attention to that. Instead I was busy trying to steady a staggering Naruto as we entered the dark of his apartment.
"Sasuke," I call peering blankly. "It's really dark in here," I say and right on cue a light graces the room, and suddenly Sasuke is beside me.
I lose my breath as I think of just how close he is.
His arms drift towards me and I freeze. His right is around my front side, and his left, hovering behind my back. I peer up at him nervously, but he isn't looking at me.
After a second, I realize he is reaching for Naruto who has suddenly become very heavy at my side. The blond is now also spewing gibberish.
I resist a sigh and turn my attention away from Sasuke. "Naruto, come on." I mutter, and duck out from between Sasuke's arms. His pale skin, bright blue veins winding up his arms, were so tempting and beautiful to me, that it was more than a little hard to pry my eyes away.
Instead I smile tiredly at Naruto, "I'm tired. Let's get to bed." I tell him and he is ecstatic. "Yeah, sure!" He agrees happily.
He probably thinks I mean that I will be going to bed with him, but I think it's probably better to cross that bridge when we get there. Rather, we focus on ushering him into his room.
A fox smile lights his face even in the dark of his bedroom, and I am tempted to smile with him, but rather, I just watch carefully as Sasuke walks him to the bed.
Naruto sits without any fuss at all, but he grabs my hand when I attempt to step away from him.
"Stay?" He asks. His words are thick, and slurred. I lift a hand and lay it on his soft hair.
"You should rest." I tell him fondly, and he peers up at me with sad blue eyes. "I'll be back in the morning. Don't worry." I wink, but he doesn't seem to care.
In fact, he looks surprisingly sober for a drunk boy. His eyes were swimming, but not from alcohol. For a moment I wondered if he was really drunk at all. "Don't worry." I repeat, and he releases my hand as soon as the words leave my lips.
In the same breath, he flops on the bed like dead weight, and is snoring before I turn around. I giggle and turn around, but no one is there.
The room is empty, and I walk into an empty living room.
With a sharp intake of breath, I left Naruto's apartment in a stiff run.
Down the steps and out into the street. It was dead out this late at night, so I spotted him immediately.
His silhouette was dark against the bright of the moon, walking down the street at a slow pace.
He may have left, but he'd chosen to walk. I pretend that he chose to walk because he wanted me to catch up with him, and run after him.
I know he heard me running, but he didn't slow down. I don't let it bother me.
I'm too happy just simply see him, alone with the two of us like this. "Sasuke!" I call his name just as I catch up to him.
My house is closer to Naruto's apartment than his is, so I would be leaving first.
We were side by side at this moment, but his eyes remain trained on the road ahead. "Thanks for helping with Naruto." I say this simply because I wanted something, anything at all, to talk about.
"Hn." He makes a noise of some sort, that sounds apathetic to say the least.
We spend the next few minutes walking in silence, because I'm afraid to say anything. Afraid that anything I say will turn him away from me. will make him angry, or will make him insult me.
I realize that I'm afraid of him because he has power over me and my emotions.
When we come upon my house, I slow down but Sasuke does not.
"Well," I hastily say, because I'm frightened to watch this moment walk away from me, "I'll see you tomorrow, Sasuke."
He turns his head to the side, and his profile is outlined for me by the moon. Though I can see the side of his face, he doesn't say anything.
I watch him continue walking like a bad dream. I play a few scenarios in my head. Running after him. Him turning around and running back to me. Me yelling his name and him turning to see what I want.
In the end, after his figure has disappeared entirely around the corner, I am left with a heavy heart. It's so heavy, I feel tears pulling my eyelids closed. I bite my lip and run inside.
Sasuke will never love someone like me. So in that case, why do I love him so?