So I got carried away by life and it's been a while since I've posted. But I'm back now. Summer time means that I have more free time so I can definitely get more shit done. I'll be posting a bit more. On this story, and others that are incomplete. Look forward to it?
Gimme a comment on my fic if you would, lovelies. Also, I'm looking for a reliable beta, if anyone is interested.
Pairing: Sasuke and Sakura. Mild romance otherwise will be included.
Rating: Mild sadness. K+
Goal: I will attempt to have my next chapter up by the end of this week, or next.
"A person doesn't know true hurt and suffering until they've felt the pain of falling in love with someone whose affections lie elsewhere."
― Rose Gordon, Her Imperfect Groom
I wake in the morning to the sound of Naruto's loud yapping just outside my door. Arguing, it sounds like. Heatedly explaining- or yelling more like it- at someone else.
Of course, I don't have to rack my brain to figure out who it is. There is only one person who would be in my apartment this early in the morning, arguing with my best friend.
The grogginess of waking up is replaced with an uncanny combination of excitement and dread.
I crawl out of bed, dress in my normal clothing, and take 5 minutes to gaze at myself in the mirror. My skin is fair enough, my hair is presentable, and my eyes are the same startlingly green color they have been my entire life. I think that I look presentable. Noticeable even.
But of course, when I step out of my room and into the living area just outside of it, only Naruto seems to care.
Their conversation is abruptly halted in favor of Naruto's haste to greet me. He pounces me with a firm, warm hug. It's natural the way my hands come up and circle around his waist.
I gaze over his shoulder at Sasuke, who is as usual, preoccupied by what appears to me to be absolutely nothing. Gazing in the distance, as if he is constantly seeing something that no one else could see. Something very attention getting.
Instead of gazing at him I face Naruto. His blond hair is particularly skewed today. It almost makes me smile through the fact that I eternally feel uncomfortable with my affections towards Sasuke. Almost.
"We've got a mission!" He says happily. As always, he's excited at the prospect of moving up in the world. One more mission means one more step closer to achieving his dream of becoming the Hokage. It is a dream that's been his so long, I've began to make it my own as well; To see Naruto become the Hokage is my dream now. Closely followed by a far more unrealistic dream of getting Sasuke to acknowledge, maybe even love me.
Dreaming is all that will ever be.
Sasuke. You pull me in like a too tight vow. Squeezing me into submission. Rolling up my eloquence into a knot, and making me tense with nerves. Why is it so appealing?
"We're going to the Land of water!" For some reason, it is extremely exciting news to Naruto. The last time we were there was many years ago. I would agree that I liked the area. Islands were nice. Lots of fun involved if we stayed for a day after we finished the mission. We could go for a swim.
I smile at the prospect of seeing Naruto splashing in the water, with the carefree happiness that he was so good at producing. The happiness that I need. I selfishly need Naruto to be happy enough for us both. To make up for the fact that I am so horribly tormented.
One sided love. I might as well be a tiny speck of an island, in the entire ocean to Sasuke. This fact is enough to make every day miserable.
Loving someone like Sasuke.
Naruto slings an arm around my shoulder as we head our way out of my apartment, finally. I'm sure I could not take another moment of standing there near Sasuke as he typically ignored me.
I never knew that distance, or nearness could be so smothering. He is not close to me in comparison. Not nearly as close as Naruto, who is now standing literally directly at my side, but either way. Sasuke might as well have had his hands at my throat. He felt so near to me. So powerful and in control.
For a moment, I am consumed with thoughts of how hideously pathetic it is that such a fact be true; He has far too much power over me for someone who I can never truly touch. Not in the way I want to.
I sweep the thought away as usual.
Naruto, Sasuke and I are the only ones going on this mission. Kakashi hasn't gone on any missions with us since we were promoted to Jōnin last year. We are skilled enough to go without Kakashi and have been for a long time now.
We walk slowly, for some reason. I assume that Sasuke would comment about our speed, but rather, he walks blankly as normal.
If he has a problem with our casual attitudes, he doesn't mention it.
At this time, I make it my mission not to look at Sasuke.
His beauty, which I love to look at, was simply hurting my heart today.
I didn't have the spirit for it.
Rather I focus on Naruto. On the mission coming up.
The gates to leave Konoha are standing tall in the distance, and we make our way towards them as a team. Naruto at my side, like a puppy. Looking at me with a grin and bright eyes.
"Say, Sakura," His voice draws me, and I look at him with an affectionate smile, "Can we go swimming once we're done with the mission?"
It is a question that I expect. Even if he hadn't asked, I knew we would do so. I roll my eyes playfully at him. "Duh."
A great, golden smile lights up his face, before it turns sly, and he looks at me through slanted eyes. "Will you wear a sexy bikini?"
Though I convert my face to look annoyed at his display, I wasn't truly angry. I never can find myself truly angry with Naruto. I thump him on the head, and sigh. "You moron." I chime, but the smile that he normally put upon my face simply buoys to the surface as usual. I can never be mad at this boy.
I steal a glance at Sasuke during these shenanigans- normal happenings between Naruto and I- and his black eyes are directed at Naruto.
His pupils are angled towards us, but his mind must have been elsewhere. At least, if he were thinking about anything, it wasn't present on his face. The line of his lips was flat, and his gaze was empty and dull.
And they shift away from us after a slightly disapproving eye-roll at our foolishness. I imagine what it would be like if he participated. If he smiled and joked with us.
The thoughts disappear quickly after. If ever Sasuke did those things, he wouldn't be my Sasuke. My Sasuke wouldn't joke about those things. He is far too serious, and clouded for that.
His meaning was uncertain, but it definitely wouldn't ever be similar to Naruto or I.
I consider myself lucky to have him a part of this team at all.
Even if he doesn't let it on, I know that he cares about us.
Or that's what I tell myself.
We walk slowly, our conversation mingling here and there. It's funny, but I don't even notice we've left the village until we're already past the gates. The winding dirt road that cut through the trees was empty the the exception of us. Naruto gives me a conspicuous look. "We're going to be gone for a while this time."
I nod seriously. "It's a reconnaissance mission right?"
His blond hair is shining in the sunlight, and his smile is heavenly. It was like the world was happy to be in his presence. The sun shines just for him, and the wind aches to caress his skin. He produced a happy chuckle. "Yeah. We're going undercover alright. We could be there for a month, or longer." For some unexplained reason, he seems overjoyed by this information.
I squint suspiciously at him, and turn to face Sasuke. His dark eyes are on the road ahead, but I know that he is listening.
Why won't you look at me?
"What's our cover then?" I ask, and it is a little surprising that Sasuke answers me.
Though his eyes remain distant. Far from me. He has a mask complex. Thick skin, and gray origins. I can never really know what he's thinking, and it hurts to recognize that.
"We are from a neighboring village," My eyes hold onto him. Drink him in. His profile is illuminated by the sun, a fiery outline against his pale skin. "I will be your guard." He says in a level tone. The prospect of what he said makes me nervous.
"Why do we need a guard exactly?" I ask. They had received the information for this mission without me there. Because Sasuke is our team leader, technically he has the ability to accept any kind of mission he wants without us there.
His eyes are scanning the distance when he speaks, not gazing over at me. "Because you are very rich." He says evenly.
Naruto chuckles off to my side, and I turn my head to him to raise an eyebrow. "It'll be fun! We get to be brother and sister!" There is a jab to my arm as he elbows me and I shake my head at him.
Apparently we will need to wear disguises, and to be very careful to keep our covers. Two rich siblings, and one guard.
"You're going to be the key here Sakura." Naruto wiggles his eyes at me. "You're supposed to be marrying the eldest son."
I am immediately struck with all of the ways this can go wrong, and it brings chills to my skin. "That cover sounds risky." I say quietly, my voice sounding awkwardly uncertain, "Can Naruto and I really be siblings?"
Naruto slings his arm around my shoulders as we walk, and I am unsettled with how warm and friendly it is. As if I would ever really be able to doubt this crazy fool. "Of course we can Sakura," He gives me a bright, familiar grin, "We can definitely pull this off!"
Sasuke is annoyed with our conversation, and he grunts very quietly off to my side. The sound draws my attention as if the sound were a magnet.
I look over at him. It appears that his patience is being tried. "You're supposed to let him court you. Naruto will be there as your support, and I am your guard. You must aquire the rare gem that the eldest son is said to have stolen. This will fall to your acting skills Sakura. Don't screw this up." He says quietly, and a little unkindly. Much like always, Sasuke means business.
And like always, Naruto attempts to counter it with a nervous chuckle. "You can definitely do this!"
I bite my lip at the prospect.
We walked the next few hours in relative silence, with the exception of Naruto's slightly animated, absurd stories.
Sasuke remains cool and detached, and I must have looked awkward and sad.
This was the story of my life these days.
Unreturned love.
Sad love.
I am a beast that will be broken by loneliness. I cannot withstand it, and the man I love will bring me no reprieve.
It's a sad acceptance.