A/N
I'm sorry about the late update! Ok, this is a sad chapter, just a warning. If you don't wanna read it, I'll summarize it in the author's note of the next chapter; although, if you choose not to read this, you'll have to wait until Sunday for the next chapter. Thank you guy's for your diligence with my story! Thank you ally2214, SPAZZOUTyo123, tephriam, LimoLuzie, cookiehamster, LoveShipper, amazingchloexox, Chubbyhippos and Guest for your reviews! It made me so happy to read them :)
To Guest who I can't PM because you don't have an account:
Yes, Ally is serious about waiting. My aunt didn't even hold hands with her boyfriend and then fiancé until they got married, personally, I don't know how she did this. The reason they haven't really kissed yet is because my mom caught me on the chapter that I was originally going to have them kiss and now reads each chapter…I will have them kiss though…I will. I don't mind if you choose to cuss, even in your reviews; I just don't do it myself. Anyway, thanks for your reviews and I hope you read this note.
Disclaimer: Don't own Austin and Ally
I get down on one knee and pull out the ring, I hear Ally gasp as I begin, "Allyson Marie Dawson, I love you. I want to kiss you. I want to hold you. I want you to be mine. I want to be yours forever. I want to write songs with you and have new experiences with you. Will you marry me?"
She doesn't answer and I start sweating, what if she doesn't love me back? "Au-austin, I l-love you too. I would like to be your wife…but…" she takes in a breath like she's about to start sobbing, "I can't."
How could this be happening? What do I do now? Why can't she? All these questions race through my mind. We'll just get into an argument if I question her so I let her explain on her own. I set the ring down and scoot up to her. I wrap my arms around her as her eyes tear up. "I do want to, Austin." The tears built up in her eyes break their dam and trickle down her face. "But we've only known each other for nine days! You're in a famous band and I'm going to go back to college and work soon. We haven't even told your parents we were in a relationship! How do you think they'd take it if we just came back from camping and you told them we were engaged?" Ally's sobbing now, I hold her close to me; I wish I could help her, but I don't know what to do other than what I already am.
"We'd make it work. It'd be fine. I love you, you love me. Love is the strongest emotion right?" I whisper, trying to soothe her.
She shakes in my arms, her tears mix with the water vapor in the air. "I-I haven't had a proper conversation with my father since I moved out five years ago. I don't even know if he cares about me anymore…and…I'm scared, Austin," she says, her voice quivering and decreasing in volume as she speaks.
I use one hand to stroke her hair and I kiss the top of her head, "Shhhhh, Als, I love you. You don't need to be afraid. We'll sort everything out."
"But I am, Austin. This is really hard, but," she pauses and draws a deep breath, "I'm going to be completely honest with you, I can't say yes yet. I need time to think and so do you. I'm not breaking up with you but I think we should just give each other a little space until we figure this out." I'm shocked. This started out as my proposal to the girl I love and it turned into her saying she needed space to think.
"Oh, ok, I guess." I still love her, but this hurt. I feel like she stabbed me in the chest with a knife. I know I won't be able to stay away from her though, even if I wanted to. I feel my eyes tear up and I try to keep myself from crying, but one slips out and traces its way down my cheek. Ally senses the change in me and looks up. She's still crying but she reaches up and wipes away my tear. She doesn't offer any words of comfort and neither do I; we just don't know what to say. We just sit there a while in silence; the air is shifting around us; the cool night verses the warm steam. The starts twinkle up in the sheet of darkness above, beyond sadness, beyond love. I sigh and realize Ally's breathing has slowed. I think she's asleep. I pick her up bridal style, grab our stuff and carry her back to the campsite. The fire is out and Trish and Dez are probably asleep. I drop my stuff off in my tent before gently putting Ally in hers. I don't know what she usually sleeps in and I don't think she'd like it if I dressed her while she's asleep so I just pull my(now her) purple hoodie onto her and tuck her into her sleeping bag. I notice a stuffed dolphin hiding in the corner of the tent. I bring this to her and she hugs it tightly in her sleep. I take out the black box with the ring inside and place it in the palm of her hand, her fingers curl around it and she clutches it in her fist. I kiss her closed fist and back out to let her sleep.
I change and get into my sleeping bag. No matter what position I try though, I can't sleep. I think I doze off and on, but deep sleep doesn't come until the early hours of the morning.
-Line Break-
I'm woken up when something clatters outside. I stick my head outside of my tent and shiver as the cool morning air touches my bare skin. I slept shirtless ok? I'm a dude, deal with it. I see that Dez and Trish are up; it appears that Dez dropped a pot and that was the loud noise. I throw on a blue v-neck and jeans and step outside. "What's Dez doing?" I ask.
"Dez wants hot chocolate. We have some of those instant cocoa packets, but we haven't had a way to warm the water. Dez packed this pot for some reason and figured he could boil the water over the fire, admittedly, this was a good idea but then he dropped the pot full of water on the ground. Now he's gonna try again, you should help him carry it," she informs me.
"Ok. The faucet is at the bathroom so it's on my way anyway." I grab my toothbrush and stuff and go to the bathroom. I'm done quickly and when I exit, Dez has just finished filling the pot with water. He grabs one handle and I grab the other. I grunt, this is heavier than it looks. We get it back to the site, put that grill thing on top of the fire and place the pot on it. Now we just have to wait. Ally gets out of her tent and makes her way to the bathroom. She doesn't even look my direction. I just sit and watch the fire, the flames are so interesting, it's almost like they're alive. The way they jump and dance, the colors playing with each other; red, orange, yellow, blue and white. I don't know how long I've been spacing off and then Dez interrupts my thoughts by walking up to the fire and dipping his tin camping cup into the now boiling water. He grabs a hot chocolate packet, dumps it in and stirs. He gives a happy sigh. I take my cup and do the same. The hot chocolate feels good as it goes down my throat, slightly scalding my tongue and the heat blooms out into my chest.
Ally gets back and even though she's freshly showered, she still looks as bad as I feel. Her eyes are slightly red and puffy; she has bags under her eyes so I guess she didn't sleep well after I left. She still avoids eye contact with me and when I ask if she'd like some hot chocolate, she ignores me. Dez gives me a weird look and repeats the question. She nods and thanks him. Is she going to ignore me all day?
With the left-over hot water we put some instant oatmeal in and eat that for breakfast. It's so good, especially with this weird, chilly weather. It's my turn to do the dishes so I take them down to the faucet. The water is cold on my hands, making me shiver. I finish up and put them into their box back at the campsite.
We leave today at noon; we don't get to have fun or anything; we just have to pack up. Once we're done, it's time to go and Ally still hasn't spoken to me, let alone looked at me. Trish is driving first this time and she wants to sit by Dez so Ally and I end up in the backseat together. It isn't one of those seats that are designed for three people so we're sitting pretty close to each other. Ally breaks her total non-interaction with me; I noticed she glanced at me. In that one look I could see the mental war raging in her. Maybe she's been avoiding me 'cause she doesn't know what to do yet and she thinks she'll completely let herself go.
We sit in awkward silence, no one is talking, well, Dez is mumbling to himself, but that doesn't count. I look over at Ally and observe that she put her ear-buds in and fell asleep. A tear finds its way down her cheek and I gently wipe it off. I take the right ear-bud out of her ear and listen to the song that was playing when she fell asleep.
Don't speak as I try to leave 'cause we both know what we'll choose,
If you pull then I'll push too deep and I'll fall right back to you.
'Cause you are the piece of me I wish I didn't need,
Chasing relentlessly, still fight and I don't know why.
If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?
If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?
Why are you my clarity?
Why are you my remedy?
Why are you my clarity?
Why are you my remedy?
She shifts her body and I replace the ear-bud. If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity? Our love does seem like insanity. I watch her sleep, she looks so peaceful. Her chest gently rises and falls with her breathing and occasionally her eyes flutter under her eyelids. I eventually drift off too, tired from my lack of sleep last night.
-Line Break-
My eyes open and we're parked outside Dez's house. He's waving and dragging his stuff inside. Trish drives to her friend's house that she's staying the night at, next she grabs her stuff and tosses me my key. I get into the driver's seat and bring myself and Ally back home. I don't know if she'd want me to touch her, but after a brief hesitation I carefully shake her awake. She comes to and looks up at me. Being a gentleman, I grab her bags for her while she turns on her phone and checks her missed texts and calls. A look of horror crosses her face and she quickly listens to the next voice mail on her phone. She hits the next couple and then slowly sits down on the concrete. I don't know what happened, but I'm really worried now. I pick her up and carry her inside. She doesn't object and I bring her upstairs to her room. I return to my truck, lock it and bring her things up as well.
Ally's just sitting on her bed, staring at nothing. I take a seat beside her and wrap my arm around her shoulders. Whatever happened, there's no way I won't be here for Ally. "What happened, Als?"
"He-he's dead," she whispers, her voice cracking.
"Who is?"
"My dad. They called, but since we had no reception while we were camping…" she starts sobbing. It hurts so much to see her in pain like this; I want to cry along with her. "Th-the first day he got in a car accident with a drunk driver and was taken into intensive care. He h-had a p-punctured lung and broken r-ribs as well as a concussion and whiplash. The hospital called y-yesterday saying th-that they di-didn't get him in time and by the t-time they got him it was for sure he was going to p-pa-pass away. My stepmom called today to tell me there was gonna b-be a small fu-neral at nine, but…I couldn't go!"
"Oh, Als," it's the only thing I can think of to say. I rub her back and she hiccups as more tears come.
"I-I hadn't even told him I love him! I hadn't told him that I love him in thirteen years! When I was ten and we found out Mom had cancer he started drinking 'cause he couldn't take it. He was hardly ever home and when he was he was passed out or completely incoherent to the world, I convinced myself I didn't need him; that I didn't need anybody. After I moved out I avoided talking to him as much as possible. I'd send him a happy birthday text every year and one for Christmas, but that was it! And-and now he's gone," she's wailing into my chest. My heart is aching and I taste salt as my own tears drip down my face and onto my lips. I can't believe she just told me all that incredibly personal things, poor Ally.
I kiss her temple, "I'm here, Als, I'm here." She shudders in my arms.
"Thank you, Austin." We sit there, wordlessly reassuring each other until Ally scoots away slightly, "This is crazy."
"I know, but…" I think of what to say and the lyrics from Clarity come back, "if our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?"
She looks into my eyes and whispers the next line, "If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?" I spot her fiddling with her necklace. It still has the treble clef, but there's another addition; the engagement ring. Ally shakes her head, "But with this…I-I need tonight to mourn by myself. You can visit me tomorrow and we'll figure this out ok?"
I nod. I can understand this. I remember when Pops died; he was my grandfather, he died when I was seven from a severe stroke. "You're sure you'll be fine?"
She nods, "Yeah, thanks again, Austin." I hug her tightly and she nuzzles her head in the crook of my neck. Despite all the confusion, I know we both know how we feel and that things will work out some how. We know that we are each other's clarity. She breaks the hug and kisses me on the cheek, "Bye, Austin."
"Bye, Als." I leave her house and it feels like I've entered a different world. The sun is shining and the sky is clear. It's not too hot and it just keeps going on, a perfect day that doesn't take notice of Ally's suffering. This makes me angry so when I go into my own home I'm in a bad mood.
"Hey, Austin! You're home! Was there traffic, you were supposed to be here two hours ago," my mom greets me.
"Hey, Mom. Uh, yeah, something like that," I mutter back sullenly.
"Did something happen, Austin?"
"Nope. I'm gonna go unpack," I tell her and go upstairs. I don't like lying to my mom, but she doesn't need to know about Ally's situation. I remember that my parents not knowing that we're dating was on her list of worries so I make note to tell them after dinner. I unpack my things, when my mom calls up that dinner is ready, I go down and eat. The food is awesome, much better than our camp stuff. They ask questions about our trip and I tell them about the good parts, swimming, Dez being a goof, but exclude anything about what Ally and I did.
When dinner's over I speak up, "Hey, guys, can I tell you something?"
Mom looks slightly worried, "Um, of course, Austin."
I nod. "Well, Ally and I are dating. I've thought about proposing to her," I tell them; they don't need to know that I already did propose.
"I can't believe this! You two are so perfect for each other! I can't wait to be a grandma!" Mom says ecstatically. Dad just nods to tell me he approves. I was kinda expecting this, well, this or her being crazy angry at me.
"Thanks." I excuse myself and go up to my room. I took Ally's stepmom's phone number from her phone earlier and decided to call her now.
The phone rings a few times before it's picked up and a woman answers, "Hello, this is Mrs. Dawson speaking."
"Um, hi, Mrs. Dawson, this is Austin, I'm your stepdaughter's boyfriend."
"Oh, ok, what do you want?"
"I was wondering if Mr. Dawson had any last words Ally should know about."
"Why do you care?"
"Because I care about Ally."
"Hmph, why does she care? She didn't even visit him in the hospital or come to the funeral!"
"We were camping; she couldn't receive the phone calls. She's really miserable right now."
"Well, he said he was sorry for all those years and for abandoning her when her mom died, but I thought he was delusional, he was the nicest man I ever met. Oh, and he said he loved her."
"Thank you Mrs. Dawson."
"Sure. Bye now."
"Bye." I have to tell Ally this; it'll probably make her sadder, but also help her heal. I said I'd wait for tomorrow though so I'll just tell her then.
A/N
This was a sad chapter for me to write… Please review, favorite and/or follow if you haven't already.
*Goes and hides in corner in fear of reader's wrath*
~Maggie