AN: REVISED

10: Group Dynamics

After a few days things got into a flow. Everyone seemed to be fine with working in the oversized garden, turned almost farm, or helping with the various projects I had going. They were pleasant enough to live with. It was nice to have the hum of people around. Hershel had a lot of good input for the crops, so I conceded that charge mostly over to him. He knew what had to be done, and his daughters and Glenn seemed to enjoy the work. They were like something out of a pastoral. The way they tended to it all was horribly zen compared to my confused attempt at a green thumb. Daryl and Rick would go out hunting, and a part of me wanted to go, too. I wanted to get out of here, have some room again, but Rick still seemed uptight when it came to my presence. So, I just stuck around chopping down a tree a day, or cleaning, or keeping watch. Being up and away from them seemed to make the transition easier. Carol and Lori were normally teaching Carl stuff from the books I'd so smartly collected, or preparing the food.

That's what happens when people come into your life, I think. They eventually take over everything, and that's what Daryl's group did. Now what was I left with? Hacking wood, keeping fit, and keeping watch. This was exactly what I didn't want. I didn't want them to take over everything I'd built, not really. Sometimes I couldn't even sleep. I had grown so used to being useful that now that my favorite activities were taken from me, I had all this energy. At night I would go into the garage and clean the weapons to pass the time. I was alone, but sometimes it didn't feel that way. Sometimes it felt like someone was standing there, looking at me. There was never anyone there until one night.

I had the garage door open that night, so I could feel the breeze, and I saw something out of the corner of my eye. I grabbed the nearest in tact pistol and aimed.

It was Carl.

"You should be sleeping." I smiled at the kid, trying not to think about how much he looked like Joey.

"I couldn't." He stepped in.

"Am I being loud?"

He shook his head.

"Well, since you can't sleep you can sit with me and talk if you want." I tapped the space in front of me with the tip of the rifle I was cleaning.

"Can I help?" He came over and sat.

"Your dad will want to teach you this sort of thing."

"Did your dad teach you?" He was staring intently at the gun.

I shook my head with a laugh. "Papa took me hunting exactly one time." I smiled at the thought. "Want to hear the story?"

"Sure."

"Well, I had just turned 14, so my little brother was 10, and one morning Papa woke us up and said we were going hunting. It was the first time for both of us, and I was so nervous. I shook like a leaf the entire car ride." I laughed and he did too, mimicking me the way kids tended to do.

"You were scared?"

"I don't know about that. My dad was there to protect me, so I don't think it was fear. I was worried I wouldn't be good, you know? That I'd embarrass myself." I began piecing the rifle back together. "Not that being scared is bad. It's good. It's your body telling you something is wrong and you should always listen to it. Promise?" I looked up at him.

"Promise."

"Good. Anyways we were in the woods, and my brother had already had his chance with trying to shoot this deer. Then it was my turn, and you know what I did?"

"What?"

"I aimed. Papa said, 'Don't waste the shot.' Because my brother had sent it running, but I shot anyway.

"Did you hit it?"

"Perfect shot. A complete fluke. Papa was so proud. So he took my brother and me out to pick it up, and the second I saw it up close, saw how it wasn't moving, saw the blood, I started bawling. He asked me what was wrong, and I said I never wanted to go hunting again."

"Why?"

"Killing that deer was wrong. It was just living its life, and I came in and took that away for no good reason. It didn't even do anything to me." He leaned over and patted me on the shoulder. He was a sweet kid. Joey wasn't this sweet, but the teen years do that to everyone. "That's when I think I really knew I wanted to be a doctor. I wanted to save people, repay the world for my stupidity."

"Can you teach me?"

"Medical stuff?"

He nodded.

"Sure, I don't see the harm in that."

-o0o-

The next night Carl joined me again, ready to learn. I showed him where everything was in the garage, the suture kits and gauze, basic stuff.

"What's with all these tools?" He pointed at a shelf.

"Well those are for surgery." I lifted up one. "This is for extracting stuff like bullets or glass." I held up another. "This is a bone saw, which is pretty self explanatory, it's a saw for bones."

He laughed.

"But what will really save you are the meds, see." I opened a cabinet. "I labeled the lids by wound type, in case I was to kick the bucket and someone wandered onto this place. I'm not really a teacher, but I tell you what, I will give you the introductory textbook for you to start with. How does that sound?"

"What if my parents get mad that you gave it to me?"

"Just say you found it and asked me if you could borrow it," I said with a wink. "Now go try and get some sleep." He went off and I sat down and cleaned.

-o0o-

The next day I slyly gave Carl the book and went about my daily business, offering to help everyone but getting continuously shut down by them all, except for Hershel who gave me a few things to do like collect water from the stream. Carl smiled at me whenever his mom wasn't looking. He had Joey's smile almost. It felt creepy how much I'd wrapped him up with Joey already. Eventually I ended up on the roof, like I always do, minding my own business, deep in a book between scans the horizon.

"Annie, can we have a word with you?" I looked down and saw Rick, Daryl, Hershel, Glenn and T-Dog standing together beneath me on the lawn. I hurried down.

"Is something wrong?"

"Daryl brought it to my attention that there's a hostile camp nearby."

"Not near, but not as far as I'd like it. Yeah."

"We plan on going to check it out, when would be a good time to do that?"

I smiled at Rick. He was being so respectful; it was a nice change. "I can just do it." They all looked at me for a second like I was insane for saying it. "It's just, Hershel you have to stay here just in case for the crops. Really you all should. It would be too risky. Plus, I know the woods around here."

"If you want to come that's fine, but we're going." Daryl spoke up this time. It was weird the change he made from when it was just the two of us to now, but everyone in the group seemed to think it was normal, and I was starting to acclimate to this new person. Maybe it was for the best we just acted like nothing ever occurred; no friendship, no kiss, no nothing.

"Not all of you. A couple should stay back at least. The more people that go the harder it will be to remain under the radar. Might want to use the rule of three, I'll let you sort it out for yourselves."

I walked back into the house.

"What's going on?" Carl asked.

The two women looked at me with the same question in their eyes as well. I answered, "There's a hostile camp a ways away from here. They want to do a recon mission, or at least they should. It's better to know what we're up against."

They didn't press me for any more information, but talked about the situation amongst themselves. I cared a bit, being ignored like that, but not enough to say anything.

Later that day at the household dinner Rick informed everyone of the situation. Him, Daryl, and I were going to head out tomorrow before dawn. There was upheaval and arguments, but I remained silently lurking in the corner of the room. After all, no one was arguing over me. No one cared if I was putting myself on the line. Hell, I wasn't even sure I cared if I was putting myself on the line. No. No, I would be fine. I was smart.

Once it settled down, the other two went to plan as everyone went their own ways for the evening. I lingered back to help with the dishes. They barely spoke to me, but once I knew we were alone I broke the silence. "I'll make sure they come back, you know."

"Excuse me?" Lori tilted her head.

"I just mean, if things get hairy, which I doubt they will so long as we're careful, I will make sure they come back." I couldn't explain it, but their coldness had sprung this strange desire in me. I wanted them to like me. I wanted to be accepted. I wanted to have friends again and be a part of something.

"How?" Carol leaned against the wall.

"Don't you worry about how, just rest easy. It'll go fine."

-o0o-

All the plans were made, and the gear was prepared when the signs of morning first showed. I put on my stealthier items, put my canteen in a camouflage backpack, and began placing the holsters, guns, and blades in their designated spaces, spare bandana in my back pocket. The glow in the dark compass necklace was the last thing to go on me. When I made my way downstairs everyone was gathered already, saying goodbyes. I walked past them and ate a few power bars and an apple. I'd need my strength with the hiking we were going to be doing. When we walked down to the fence only Lori and Carl were with us. I opened the gate as they hugged, and did whatever loved ones do in this situation. Once that was done the two started out the gate, and I followed.

I felt arms around me. "Carl! Get back here." I looked down to see the boy in the sheriff's hat. I couldn't help but hug him back. Our odd fellowship of insomniacs was my favorite thing since these people showed up. It might have been the only thing keeping me from kicking them out, or running away to start fresh. But here he was hugging me like he cared about me.

"Can you do me a favor?" He stepped back from me, and I took the necklace of keys off and put it over his head. "Watch after this place until I get back." He nodded and suddenly he was my brother, alive again. He was younger than he had been, but he was alive. I whispered, "I love you, Joey." Thankfully, he didn't hear me.