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A Death in the Family

After a rather heated make-out session spawned by Kate's admission of wanting to start a family, she found herself seated on Castle's lap in the same wicker chair, surrounded by his bare arms, his chin on her shoulder, his breath on her cheek.

The sun was higher now, the shadows less encompassing, allowing them to soak up the increasing warmth in contented silence. Neither had ever broached the topic of children, Kate because she was unsure where she stood and Castle because he feared the outcome of pushing things forward; but now that they'd crossed this bridge and knew each other's desires, it was as though their relationship had just taken a giant step forward.

Kate wanted to start a family one day. With him.

Wow.

"Do you want to read any more?" Kate asked eventually, lifting him from thoughts of small children with her enchanting eyes and his unruly hair, her smile and laugh and his sense of adventure and enthusiasm.

Castle lifted his head slowly, still enraptured by the images playing through his mind. "Yeah, yeah, we can."

"We don't have to..."

"No, no. I want to," he clarified.

Castle spread his hand across her stomach, stroking gently, and the muscles quivered against his touch, causing her voice to flutter as she spoke again. "Mmkay."

Kate bent down to retrieve the journal from the deck, flipped through to the next entry. She had to admit, she was nervous as to what she might find in the pages that lie ahead. In the same way that the words of his novels had drawn her in so many years ago, his words on these pages were doing the same. Capturing her attention, tugging at her emotions, her heart.

And from what she could recall, the next letter was going to be a difficult one for them to read.

Kate,

I hate what I'm about to do to you, and I know you're going to hate me for it, too. Our partnership will likely be over after today, and I know you'll say it's my fault, but what choice do I have? As much as I don't want to hurt you, my mother pointed out that I can't keep this from you forever. It wouldn't be fair, not when it's become clear that everything you know about your mother's case is based on an enormous lie. I have to tell you.

And I'll have to suffer the consequences.

I meant what I said in the hospital, you know. You're extraordinary. Every day, you give closure to innocent victims even though you've never gotten that for yourself. But you deserve it, and I want to help you find it. I want to find what those other cops denied you.

You've never said it, but I know that you still want to solve this case. I can see it; even though you've hidden it away, it's simmering just beneath the surface. You want answers. Is it really so horrible for me to want that for you too?

I gave the case file to a friend of mine, and he found something. I already had the information when I asked you about the case the other day, about why you'd never re-opened it. After the answer you gave me, I didn't want to tell you. I sincerely thought about not saying anything, respecting your wishes and not telling you in order to save our partnership.

But I owe it to you to be truthful, no matter the consequences. I won't add to the web of deceit.

I obviously made the wrong decision when I took the file home with me. I'm well aware this is probably going to be our last case together. And if this is the last letter I ever write you, I want you to know that I never wanted to hurt you. I only wanted to help.

I know you probably disagree, but I hope when I tell you what I've found, you can see it from my point of view. Please, try to. Because I don't want this to be the end. I want to help you.

And we can do it together this time. That way you don't have to worry about getting lost in it again like you say you did before. I can be there to keep that from happening.

I care about you, Kate. So let me help you. Please.

-Castle

By the time they'd finished, his grip on her was tighter and the hand of hers that wasn't holding the journal was clinging to his arm. It was painful, reliving the memory, not only because of what he'd done at the time, but because it brought to the surface the other memories of her mother's case.

The case that nearly cost her her life, that nearly robbed them of their chance to be together, to become what they are today.

Kate spoke first, voice low but steady. "I never hated you, Castle."

"You didn't?"

She shook her head, her cheek brushing his temple. "No."

He thought back to their fight in the hospital hallway, the memory of her walking away from him, body trembling with unshed tears. At the time, he'd been absolutely convinced he'd never see her again.

"It's about your mother."

Kate stumbled backwards, calves connecting with the edge of the bench. "What?" she hissed, bracing a hand on the wall behind her to regain her balance.

"I..." he hesitated, not sure what to say. He'd witnessed her annoyance with him plenty of times, but this was different. This was pure anger. And he had no idea how to deal with an angry Kate Beckett.

"What did I tell you?" she snapped, eyes flashing dangerously. "Did I or did I not make myself clear?"

"Yes, but..."

"But what? You think it's some sort of a game to stick your nose into my life and uncover things you have no right knowing about?"

"No, I..."

"You think just because you're shadowing me gives you permission to unearth my past and broadcast my pain to the whole world through one of your damn books? There are things that are private, Castle, things I don't need other people to know about."

"It wasn't like that," he protested, the words spilling out while he had a chance to speak. "I already had the file. I had a friend of mine look at it. He's a pathologist and he found something, and I..."

"We're done, Castle," she interrupted, tears prickling the back of her eyes. "You can go now."

"Don't you want to know what I found?" he called out as she spun away.

Kate stopped but didn't turn, and when she spoke, she had to fight to keep her voice steady. "I told you what happened last time. I can't go there again."

"But..."

"Goodbye, Castle."

And without a backwards glance, Kate Beckett walked away, leaving him alone in the long, desolate hallway.

Kate sighed, pulling him from his thoughts. "I hated what you'd done. And it took me a long time to see past that. But deep down I knew you'd done the wrong thing for the right reason. And I couldn't hate you for that."

He nodded thoughtfully. They'd never discussed this, not beyond his apology all those years ago, and there were things Castle had refrained from saying at the risk of upsetting her. But now that they were together and at a point where there were no secrets between them, he wasn't afraid to speak freely.

"We'd been working that case with the frozen lady," he began softly, continuing when she hummed her approval, "and I just... all the people who hadn't come forward, you know? Then I found out about your mom. That case was the first one where I'd ever really felt I helped make a difference. I thought if I could find missed connections for that family, maybe I could do the same for you. It was stupid and arrogant, but..."

"Castle." She turned her head, silenced him with a kiss to the cheek. "It wasn't stupid. You wanted to do what was right. And it took me a while to realize it, but you know I appreciate what you did. Without you, who knows what would've happened. We might never have solved it."

"But look what happened instead." His hand slid beneath the flap of her shirt to rest between her breasts, covering what remained from the bullet that very nearly robbed them of the chance to build a life together.

"We did it," she said firmly, covering his hand with her own, holding it in place over the puckered skin. "It's over now. There are probably a thousand 'what if' scenarios, but it's done, and we're safe and we're together and somehow it led us to this, and I couldn't ever regret that."

"You got shot, Kate."

"And you told me you loved me, and I lied, and we fought and almost fell apart, but we made it through and we're stronger for all of that."

"I know, I just..." he trailed off.

"I know," she murmured, twining her fingers with his and guiding his hand back down to rest against her stomach. "I know.

Anything you'd like to see for season 2? If so, don't be afraid to send ideas my way!