Risky Involvement

Verna slowly felt herself slip back into the world, then became immediately aware of an obnoxiously bright light. Weston was over her and peeling her eyelids back to shine his flashlight into them.

"-oria… Viktoria." He said firmly.

Although her arm felt like a thousand pounds she swatted the light away. "I hear ya…."

"Oh good. Now I can start telling you how stupid that was. Can you stand?" he grunted.

"Yeah…" she croaked without moving.

"I'm waiting."

"Don't want to." She grunted.

"Don't want to or can't?" he asked, starting to worm his hands under her.

"Don't…" she protested as he started to lift her.

"Throne on Terra, woman! You're heavy!" he strained as he heaved her up.

"Stop…" she groaned, her dignity being knocked at with every step he took.

"Too late." He growled, kicking back the curtain and depositing her on the table, making sure she was on her side.

Peeling her shirt off again, he started poking and prodding her. "I was ordered to inform you that this was the last lesson and that you are to behave from now on. Something I actually agree with. Throne, you're stubborn as an ass. You just couldn't say no could you!"

"Sam—

"No, you don't get to 'Samuel' me." He grunted. "You get to sit here, in silence, while I chew you out and put you back together because you don't listen. Keeping you alive is a lot harder when you don't even use common sense."

++++It was the same speech I had heard a thousand times, but this time I actually deserved it. Weston served in the Imperial Guard for a long time, he knows about sacrifice and the need to defend others. Most of the time, I am not bringing this kind of thing on myself. Being in powerarmor frequently did make me a walking shield. I also know how to take a hit and keep going. Sometimes I take a hit for an ally out of penitence or simply because I know I can survive the wound a lot better than they can. There are, however, times where I just get myself backed into a corner with someone more skilled than I. I am not a very bright woman, but I am very lucky.

So I sat there listening to my surgeon verbally lash me up and down. He is one of two subordinates who can speak to me like this. (Other than them cheeky acolytes get reminded on their place with a black eye.)

My scribe, unlike my surgeon, does not usually abuse his power. He is my oldest friend but is a slave diver when it comes to paperwork. He has given me a beautiful godson and keeps my operations funded and stocked. I have never heard of an inquisitor being fired before (as in out of the job, I have personally put other inquisitors to the pyre), but without Lanus I am sure I would be the first.

Weston has been tearing into me from day one. I never punished it, I don't know why. Maybe I admired the fact that he had the balls to do so. Either way, he keeps me in one piece and actually gives a damn about my well being.

Before I knew it, I was sitting up and he was sewing my back up again.++++

"So when did you start caring?" Viktoria abruptly asked once he had run out of ways to repeat himself.

"From day one. If you die, I don't get paid." He grunted.

"You know that's not what I mean."

"Viktoria, this is hardly the time to talk about this. I'm so angry that I'm on auto-pilot here."

"Which it exactly why I am asking now. You and are such stoics, occasionally though, passion boils up and we find a fuel to keep going and…." Angry herself, she was unable to speak for a moment. "Basically what I am trying to say is that I am more likely to exhibit signs of self preservation if I have something other than a desk to look forward to when we get back."

His hands came off her and he was silent for a long moment.

"Guilting me isn't fair." He finally said.

"I'm just being frank." She grunted.

"Ever think that maybe I'm not throwing myself into this because I'm not ready?" he said quietly.

"Not ready? You've been in the manor for ten years, I thought I knew who was seeing who." She asked, puzzled.

"It was before I came into all this."

"And you are still holding onto it?"

"It's more complicated than that." He said, picking his tools back up and going back to work. "She died while I was trying to save her."

"Did she love you too?"

"Yes, but what does that have to do with anything?"

"I have loved and lost too. My first love basically killed himself for a promotion no matter how much I asked him not to." She said, drumming her fingers on the metal table.

"I don't understand."

"You know Castus?"

"The magos?"

Viktoria nodded. "Yeah. He took the rite of pure thought. He died that day and never loved."

"I had no idea."

"Did you think that the mechanicus does all it does for me because of favors?" she half chuckled. "My point is that we have all loved an lost. It is never easy to get over, but it can be done."

He was silent again. His fingers danced along her back with the great prowess that she paid him for. "You see why I hesitate though? Why getting involved with you is beyond risky."

She smirked. "Usually I hear the same thing for different risks. But…" Viktoria took a deep breath. "… I do understand."

"Good." He grunted.

++++ After that we sat in silence for a very long time. It was pathetic, but even though he was looping a needle through my skin, I sat there and enjoyed the touch. He wanted to talk about stupid? The stupidest thing about the whole day was that his rejection was more painful than the whip. I didn't think it was possible to be friend-zoned by my surgeon.++++

"There." He finally grunted, giving everything one final wipe.

Verna started throwing her clothes back on. Just as she made to stand, he grabbed her shoulder and took a breath to say something.

The ship shuttered and for a second, colors didn't seem to appear right and cold shot straight through to their bones. As soon as it started, the oddity ended.

Viktoria looked at Samuel who was glancing around the room. "That was a gellar field glitch if I ever felt one." She grunted and hopped off the table, stomping for the door.

"Viktoria, you have to wait for orders to go warp hunting. Wait until there is evidence that something got on first." Weston yelled after her.

She paused and looked over her shoulder. "You're right. I'll see you back at the bunk."

++++On my way back to the bunk, I came across the commissar. I stopped and saluted him without making eye contact. I hated myself for the show of submission, but he seemed satisfied and stalked off. When I got back to my bunk to log the day, I had several people come up to me intermittently and commented on the whipping. It was mostly praise for not yelling, but I gained their respect. Others are still very weary, but at least I am getting somewhere with them. Now I wait to hear if anything nasty got in through the field. Throne, please let it. I don't want people to get hurt, but I could really use a challenge that is a little more my style. Let's say there are reasons that Malleus keeps asking for me to change Ordos.++++

Thanks for reading!