Medication:

Chapter Six: Seems Like It's Been Forever That You've Been Gone

I so want to shoot someone right now. He can't even remember his own name.

Poor bastard.

"Nny, this stuff is like poison. You don't know the person you used to be, do you?" I feel sort of sorry for him.

"...No." He says quietly, "But I was content with that."

"You used to...I think we should sit." I suggest. It saves me from having to pull him to the couch or something.

"Yes...Come into my living room." He says, and leads the way.

"It's...Um...Plain." I say. The walls are white. The carpet is white. The furniture is white. There are no pictures. There are no decorations. No posters. No nothing. I think the soap was even white.

"Now what was it you wanted to say?" he asked. He kind of looks a little...desperate. Like he wonders this all the time.

"I came here to make you the guy you were before. Before these fuck-bags got a hold of you. Y'know, I used to pray to whatever god would listen that this would happen to you. You fucked up my life, you asshole! I hated you so much for so long!" I scream, and push his shoulders. He goes back, but catches himself.

"I'm...sorry?" he says, obviously confused. I won't be able to do this without freaking out on him at least ten times.

"We're going to go to your old house tonight. I'll explain on the drive." I say, grabbing him roughly by the arm. He wasn't going to show me any mercy that night; I am DEFINITELY not going to show him any mercy. Prick.

Why am I doing this?

...This is what I wanted, wasn't it? I wanted him to be locked in a cage for the rest of his life for what he's done. But...

Why am I helping this jerk?

I sigh quietly to myself. We get to the door to his apartment, and I feel resistance.

"Johnny?" I turn around.

"I...I have to stay here. I'm not really allowed out." He says, and kind of stares down in shame.

"Nny, come ON." I say, just yanking him out the door.

I don't know what is possessing me to help him, the fucker. All those people...

I suppose I'd just want the same kind of care and help. I'd want my memory back. I wouldn't want a medicine-induced amnesia. I know that for sure. Maybe it's part of me wanting to give him back the life he doesn't deserve.

Asshole.

I throw him in the passenger side of my car and slam it shut. I run around to the other side, and get in and start it, buckling while I back out.

"Buckle." I tell him harshly.

"...Ok..." he squeaks out. I think he thinks I'm mad at him.

Maybe I'm not being fair. Right now he's a completely different person. He doesn't remember how warped he actually...was...

I come to a stop light and think about putting him back in the apartment...Telling him to forget everything we just discussed. Especially his name and mine.

"Johnny...I..." I start, but I look over to him, and his eyes are just so pitiful. He really looks like he wants to remember. He wants to know so badly. I can tell he's thought about this. A lot.

"Yes?" he asks eagerly.

"...I...Are you absolutely sure you want to go through with this? I can turn around right now and take you right back to your apartment and you'll never have to know anything."

He kind of gasps. "No! No, Devi. I want to know so badly. Please." He begs.

I hate beggars.

"Fine." I sigh, and decide that it could be for the best.

"Um...I...We...Ok. I used to work for a bookstore. You'd come in every now and then and talk to me. We'd have the greatest conversations..." I say...I can feel tears ever so slightly stinging the backs of my eyes, but I swallow and it's gone. "And then I asked you out on a date. And you accepted. And we saw a movie. And it was fun. Really, really nice..." I gulp, "And then...We went to a cliff that I'm assuming is your own special place. Was your own special place. Whatever. And then we went back to your place. We talked some more...And then...We leaned in to kiss..." I bite my bottom lip...But...

God dammit...

I'm not going to be able to do...

"We leaned in to kiss...And..."

He's staring at me intently. My God, I wonder what's running through his mind.

"...You left. You left before we kissed. You got all clammy and twitchy – almost hysterical – and left the room. I came looking for you. And you flipped out and pulled some knives on me."

And I heard him gasp. I take my eyes off the road for a second, and look at the expression on his face. One of pure horror. Like he was looking at one of his old paintings or drawings.

"...I..." he says, "I would NEVER do that!"

I'm kind of shocked at his tone, and I furrow my eyebrows involuntarily.

"I would never do something so sick! Never! Especially to you, you're that special girl in my head! And to stay with me like that, you'd HAVE to be something really super-special to me!"

I raise my eyebrow. God, Nny. Super-special? It almost makes me want to cry. This is so fucking sick and twisted it's not even funny. He was so warped...Right now, I'd give anything for him to spout some quirky insult...Cuss up a storm...Something...

But no.

He doesn't, not even something he feels this strongly about. Deep inside I get the feeling that this is the most he's protested or felt in a long, LONG time.

This is sickening.

I hate this. I want him better. Maybe I can make him the Nny I knew him as. The sweet one...

Super-special?

Ugh. God.

Nny...

What have they done to you?