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Highs and Lows

I ate all the food he'd given me. My appetite was normally ravenous but for some reason I didn't want to eat. I had to force myself to take in each bite. The alarm clock that sat next to my stuff told me the time was almost 1. Soon enough they really would be back and I had to be out of this funk. Sitting around wasn't going to get me any answers about anything. It would just make me more upset and confused.

I threw back the covers and forced myself out of bed and to the bathroom. The whole dojo was quiet, my feet echoed on the wooden floor. Where was Kai? Even my softest foot steps could be heard with no sound to cover it up. He always seemed to walk around without a sound. That was my Kai for you. He could have been standing right behind me and I doubt I would have even heard him. No, he could be close enough to touch, I wouldn't hear him. And he wouldn't touch me so I wouldn't feel him.

I didn't realize I was in the bathroom until I saw myself in the mirror. Tears streaming down my face. My vision was blurring to the point of blindness. I wiped at my eyes but it didn't help.

"Kai..."

His name on my tongue takes the breath out of me. I dropped to the ground in a lump. All energy ripped from my body so harshly that I can't even cry out. This doesn't feel right. Nothing in my whole life has ever ripped me apart like this. My head was spinning. I couldn't think of anything but Kai. His eyes, his smirk. They were the only clear image in my head. I must be losing my mind, having a break down. Kai why can't you save me? You weren't mine to lose but it feels like my heart is breaking.

Time to change that. But first we gotta get up Maxie.

My strength came back in a flash and the tears ran their last stream down my cheecks. Those weren't my thoughts. I didn't care. They gave me back the feeling of life. I didn't feel broken hearted. For the first time in a long time I felt hope.

New energy was flowing through me like I slept for a year. I threw my clothes off and hopped into the shower. The water was a rush, it felt so new to me. I'd taken a million showers before but it still felt like the first time. So warm and fresh. I smiled as I watched colors spin down the drain, browns and reds. Wait what? That wasn't normal. I stepped back from the water and looked down at myself, whatever had caused that color was all gone now. Down the drain. Another mystery to add to my pile. What happened the day before?

I still smiled. Kai had saved me. I knew he had. My kai. I'd find a way to make him mine. At the very least I'd find a way to tell him. I was a blader in and out of the ring, I never gave up no matter the fight. This was no different. I'd fight til there was nothing left to fight for. I leaned against the while and wrapped my arms around myself. My eyes drifted shut, the smile on my lips never faded. One day the arms that wrapped around me would be his.

One day he would me mine.

The guys got back not long after I was out of the shower. Ray was the first to ask him about how he was feeling. I told him I ws feeling better, just needed some rest. The rest of the day was nothing but normal. So normal that Kai was missing. I was worried but my mood was still so high I wasn't going to let it get to me. I mean it was Kai, he was always okay. Nothing ever hurt him. With the comfort of my new confidence that he would be mine soon enough I didn't feel like I had to go follow him. Part of me wanted to but I knew I didn't have to. Why chase in secret what would soon be yours?Without him near me, distracting me with every move the day flew by.

By the time he got back every one was getting ready for bed. Tyson infact had passed out long ago right after dinner. So the evening had been peaceful, everything felt normal. If I hadn't seen Kai standing in the door way I swear I could have forgotten that there was something in my life that wasn't quite right. I smiled at him as soon as I realized he was there. He stared at me for a moment and walked out of the room. I wanted to follow him. Just talk to him. My mood was still sailing high in the clouds. I still knew better.

I turned my attention to the blanket in front of me. My knuckles were turning white, I didn't even know I was doing that?

"Max you alright?"

My eyes shot up from my hands as they slipped under the blanket. Ray was staring at me from across the room with his hand on the light switch. I looked around me and noticed that Chief had already fallen a sleep and Ray's bed was all mad and ready to sleep in.

"Yeah I'm fine. Goodnight Ray." He smiled and flicked off the lights. My eyes took a while to adjust to the darkness that engulfed me. I heard the sound of Ray as he crawled under his blankets. Everything was quiet after that, Tyson wasn't snoring either. I laid down, closing my eyes planning to sleep. Except my mind was not going to have that. I had pushed Kai out of my head for most of the day until now. In the cold darkness of the room I longed for him. It wasn't as bad tonight as others. Some I stayed up for hours just thinking about him and others I cried myself to sleep.

Sleep was beginning to take over me when a sound made me sit straight up. I heard it again and threw my covers back, leaving the room as quietly as I could. The sound was gone, I stood stock until it came. I walked as quietly as I could in the direction it had come from. The back yard by the pond. At first I didn't see anything. Then I heard that dreadful sound again, my eyes immediately followed it to a dark figure leaning against a beam. I watched as Kai's chest heaved right before another cough shock his whole body. It was hard cough that shook his whole body and seemed to come from the deepest depths of his chest.

I ran over to him not sure what to do. He was holding the beam for support so tightly his knuckles turned white so utterly visible in the moon light. When he stopped coughing for a moment I put my hand on his shoulder, his head whipped around to face me.

"Max..." His voice trailed off. At first I didn't know what I was seeing then it struck me hard. There was a line of blood running from the side of his mouth. My eyes opened wide with horror, I looked down at the ground splatters of blood dotted the ground. I must have looked terrified because Kai immediately recoiled. He whipped his mouth on the back of his hand and turned away from me. I felt so embarrassed, it was as if I had caught him in one of his weakest moments. A moment I had no right to see in his eyes.

He turned and breezed past me, I turned just barely catching him by the hand. It was cold and wet. I knew with his blood. "Are you okay?"

His voice was cold as ice, "Leave me alone. Go back to bed."

I tried to grip his hand harder but the blood made it slip from mine. The night was so quiet I heard droplets of it splatter the floor. He was pulling away fast so I grabbed his shoulder. Before I even realized what had happened he had turned around and grabbed my hand. I stood for a moment transfixed by the way the moon light played across his face. For a bare moment I could pretend that this wasn't such a horror scene.

"Please Kai I just want to help you."

"You can't help me. Just back off."

I needed to help him. I knew it somewhere in my heart that I had to help him. Why didn't he feel that?

"Oh Kai..." I had no words for him. I couldn't think of any words that would convey my feelings to him. I wanted to cry, just crumble into a bal and cry. To scream my feelings to him. I guess my face must have showed some of how I felt because Kai seemed to soften.

"Maxie... I'm alright just go back to bed don't worry about it." His voice, the one that was so normally cold, had hint of kindness in it. That there was enough to get me to go back to bed. I left him with much hesitation. But how could I deny those kind words? I forced each foot step away from. My feet felt like lead. I looked over my shoulder at him . He had turned away from me, staring out at the moon. The light danced over him enchancing each feature making him more gorgeous than usual.

That night I waited til he came to bed. My whole body screamed to let me sleep, I was totally exhausted. I just had to wait to make sure he was okay. I waited. Til I heard the change in his breathing to know he was a sleep. Only then did I dare let the dark abyss of sleep that had been trying so hard to consume me, take me under.

Hope you guys liked it! Let me know your thoughts good or bad lol. Thanks for reading!