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26: Nightmares and Dreamscapes

It was dark, and everything seemed so fuzzy through the rain, but I knew what was in front of me. A horde. Hissing and biting at me as I kicked them off, praying for someone to save me, praying for more bullets, praying for anything. My heart was beating so fast, so strong that its frantic drumming rang through the air. This cant be happening. I don't want to die, not like this. Not alone. I tried to fend them off the best I could, but my arms and legs got heavier with each shove. I was done for. This was the end. "Please."

And just like that they had vanished. The sun was out, just past noon by the look of it. There were birds somewhere, singing away like nothing happened. There was a distinct smell coming from somewhere in the breeze, honey. Honey like on those Sunday mornings. I must be close to home. The grass I was standing on was such a bright shade of green; I even had to squint just to be able to see. I began to wander towards a familiar looking house. Was this home? It had to be, I'd remember that door anywhere.

"Annie!" I turned immediately and saw Carl running towards me, he looked scared. Why was there blood all over him? "Annie, hurry! We need your help," I moved to run, but I was already steps behind him. What had happened? Was everyone okay? Where's Rick? Or Lori? Or Daryl? Or anyone? I followed him through the brush; its twists and turns making my head spin slightly. It was dark green everywhere, and stray branches began to cut at me with every step. Limbs heavy once more I slowed to a stop. Ominous chain linked fencing. Guard towers. This place is a prison. "There's no time, we need your help." We began to run once more, my legs nearly falling off as I drug them behind myself. What was wrong? I needed to save them, help them, protect them.

The light changed in an instant. Darkness once more, but it was different than before. It was a room; I knew this room. This was my brother's old room. "What do I need to do?" I looked to Carl, but he was gone. In his place was the one person I had hoped to see, my brother. My Joey.

"You killed me, Annie." I shook my head. No, no I didn't meant to, I tried to speak but no sound escaped my lips. "You killed me… Just like you killed Mama. Just like you killed Papa. Did you even care? Did you even care that you left us?" Of course I care. Of course I care. I would give anything to have not had to do that. I kept trying to speak, but it was like someone somewhere with a remote control turned me onto mute. "No wonder everyone wants to leave you, Annie. Who could stand being around someone like you?" I finally let out a scream, but still silence. I reached out to him. I needed him to know the truth. I needed him to know I still cared. He didn't resist as I pulled him into a hug, squeezing him as tight as my arms could manage. I love you. I love you, Joey. Please know that. "Murderer," he let loose a bone chilling snarl before he bit into my arm.

"Annie! Annie, wake up!" I felt a hand shake up, and I snapped up from the bed. "You okay?" I looked over at Daryl and sighed. It was just a dream; I looked down at my arm where Joey had bitten me. Just a horrible dream. Just a horrible, incredibly realistic dream.

I looked back to Daryl, "I don't think so." I wasn't going to lie anymore. Not to him. "Can I talk to you about it?" His only answer was pulling me back down to bed. I rested my head on his chest and came clean. "I'm a killer. I killed my family. I killed those people in the woods. I've killed who knows how many walkers. They were people, too."

"You did what you had to."

"Did I?" I listen to his steady heartbeat for a while. I could have found some other way; I didn't have to be so ruthless. And what would happen when they leave? How much more of myself would I lose? "It's not just that, you know. You guys are leaving soon. I don't know if I can handle it. I'm already a monster, what will happen… It's just, when you all leave what will keep me from losing the rest of myself?" He pulled me closer. "I've just changed so much already. I don't want to change anymore."

"Then don't."

"Cause it's that easy." I sighed.

"What were you like before?"

"Before all of this or before you showed up?" I let out a shallow laugh.

"All of this."

"I was tough, but not like now. You kind of have to be with all the dissecting. And I was so focused on school to the point that I only really had one friend at the university. See, I had social anxiety. Not with my family, though. They couldn't get me to shut up. But Amanda, my school friend, totally got me; she was an art major who liked the same music I liked, the same TV shows. We met during this American Literature class, and that was it. Best friends. I got my tattoo on a dare from her. Finals were over and we were bullshitting about everything. She told me that if I were a poem, I'd be Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening. When I asked her why she said it was because, even if I occasionally got sidetracked, I never gave up on anything. Then she dared me to get it tattooed, and I have never been one to back down from a dare, especially when Amanda was doing the daring. She made me better that way, I would've had the most boring college life without her there egging me on." I smiled to myself. "I must've been a decent person back then, if she'd hang out with me."

"Did you try to find her?"

"No. I was too scared. What if I found her and she had turned? Or she had died? It's better like this. She's still alive, and by now she could be anywhere."

"I wonder if Merle's alive."

"Your brother?" I looked up towards his face in time to see a nod, "Well, if he's anything like you then he definitely is. Even if he's only got one hand."

"Ya think?"

"I know," I nestled in once more, "Maybe you'll find him when you guys head out."

"Maybe."

It was strange how easy it was for Daryl to calm me down. "Thank you. For listening and everything."

"Feel better?"

"I do."

"Then let's get some sleep."

Audience Participation Time: Time is running out fast for Annie and the gang, but the story isn't even half way through! What are your thoughts about all this? :)