This chapter drove me crazy. Absolutely crazy. It gave me so much trouble. And it shouldn't have, because Sucker Punch was one of the best episodes of season two. But for some reason I just couldn't seem to come up with anything to write. Thank you to Andy for putting up with my obscene amounts of whining over this chapter.

Sucker Punch

"Want to read some more?" Castle settled into bed beside Kate, shoulder to shoulder, leaned back against the headboard. He was clutching their journal in one hand, a hopeful expression in his eyes. Sometimes she wasn't sure which one of them was enjoying this more. Probably him.

But it'd been a couple days since they'd last read a letter and he looked so eager and his overly-excited smile was so endearing and just... how could she say no to that?

She set aside the novel she was reading, bent her legs beneath the blankets. Castle did the same, placing the journal on the ledge created by their raised knees. He flipped through to the correct page, leaned his head against hers as they began to read.

I'm so sorry, Kate. So incredibly sorry; for poking into this case, for what you're going through, for what happened today. If I'd known things would happen this way, I'd have minded my own business.

Of course it's always easy to say that in retrospect. All I really wanted was for you to have closure, but instead of bringing you closer I've only pushed you further from the truth. Judging by the case file, that's the closest you've ever come to having answers. And thanks to me, that connection is gone.

I know you're not angry with me, I know you don't think it was my fault, but it was. If I hadn't been so stupid and reckless, maybe Coonan wouldn't have gotten ahold of me and we could have stopped him some other way. Maybe if I'd thought things through we could have realized the truth before he cut a deal. I just wish I could go back and redo this entire last couple of days.

I don't know how you can possibly still want me around, not after what happened, and you have no idea what it means to me that you're allowing me to stay. I don't feel I deserve it, but for you I'll stay. And if at any time it gets too difficult to have me around just let me know, because I would step away for you too, Kate. Whatever you want.

One of these days, I promise I'll make it up to you. I don't know how I'll ever be able to pay restitution for everything that happened as a result of my actions, but one of these days I'll figure it out. It's the least I can do considering how badly I screwed things up.

And finally, I hope you're doing okay. I hope you're recovering and talking to your Dad and going to bed early and just trying to not let it overwhelm you. I'm here for you, Kate, if you need anything. If you can't sleep, call me. I don't care what time it is, call me. Or come over. I have alcohol, a lot of movies, a comfortable spare bedroom. And my arms are always open, too. I'll talk, I'll listen, I'll hold you, I'll pull your pigtails. Whatever will make you feel better.

Like I said yesterday, I'll do anything you need, even if that means taking a step back and allowing you to deal with this on your own. I'm at a loss here, because I've never been in a situation like this before. I can only begin to imagine what you're going through and I want to help but I have no idea how. So just say the word and I'll honor your wishes.

I care about you, Kate.

And all I really want is to see you smile.

-Castle

"That seems like it was so long ago," Kate murmured, lifting her head and setting the journal down by her hip, allowing the pages to flip closed.

He nodded in agreement. "It does."

So much had happened since then. Snipers, conspiracies, funerals, bullets, scars. All of it. And sometimes it was difficult to believe they'd made it through, uncovered the answers, all the while coming out of it stronger than ever. Strange to consider that the one thing that tore them apart so many times was ultimately responsible for bringing them together.

"You know I never blamed you for that, right?" she said softly, one hand coming to rest on the arm that was now balanced on his knee.

"I know. Or I do now, at least. At the time, I couldn't understand how you didn't hate me for screwing it up."

"Your life was more important," Kate replied without hesitation.

"But your mother's case..."

"Was important, too. But when you were around, you made me forget her death was what drove me. You made me smile and laugh. You made me feel, and that was something I'd avoided for so long."

He smiled, twined their fingers and rested their joined hands on the blankets. "I'm glad I could help."

Both laughed as they considered how far he'd come since the day she crashed his book signing.

Silence fell then as Kate sobered, thoughts of a time before Castle flooding her brain. He'd turned her life around in more ways than she'd ever imagined a single person could. Before him, she'd been driven by her quest for justice, one that was tinted with the desire for revenge. She'd worked long hours, set aside very little time for herself or for activities outside the precinct.

Sure, she'd gone out with friends on occasion, even went on dates. But for the most part, she'd maintained her distance, closed herself off to avoid the hurt that was sure to eventually transpire. It was her defense mechanism, and it'd always worked for her. Until Castle walked into her life and flipped it upside down, awoke in her the desire to emerge from behind her walls.

"I can't believe it's been fifteen years," she almost whispered, one hand still linked with his while the fingers of her other hand fiddled with the edge of the blankets. "I wish you could've met her."

"So do I."

"She'd have loved you."

Castle smiled tenderly. "If she was anything like you, I know I'd have loved her, too."

Kate dropped her head back to rest against the headboard, sighed sadly. "I miss her so much."

He twisted his neck to lean his forehead against her temple, press his lips to her cheek. "I know you do."

Thoughts?