I have no clue where I got the idea for this chapter but once it started, my brain just ran away with it. And this is the result.

Suicide Squeeze

"What're you doing?" Kate mumbled as Castle climbed over her to grab something off the floor, pulling the covers off of Kate's torso and kneeing her in the back in the process.

He pulled himself back up and re-situated on the bed, held up the retrieved object.

Oh. Right. It must've ended up on the floor last night when she'd tossed it away in her little mini tantrum of jealousy. "Yeah, sorry about that."

He wrapped his arms around her again, pulling her back flush against his front and feeling her relax into him, sated.

There'd been a round of rather hot, passionate, I'm-still-a-little-bit-angry-at-you sex when they'd first arrived home from the airport, followed by a nap, followed by a second, much slower and gentler round. Now, they were teetering on the brink of sleep, still basking in the afterglow. Or, at least, Kate was. Castle was opening the journal, propping his chin on her shoulder so they could read together. Apparently.

Kate sighed, slightly irritated, as she shifted so she could read without going cross-eyed. She was tired and really just wanted to actually sleep rather than hover on the edge, not having slept particularly well in his absence.

"Please?" he whispered, dropping a kiss behind her ear.

She shivered in spite of herself, covered his hand with hers in silent but slightly reluctant affirmation.

Dear Kate,

I had no idea you're a baseball fan. I guess it just goes to show that I still have a lot to learn about you. I remember you once compared yourself to an onion. It's accurate, in a way. Except you smell much better.

But I digress.

We should go to a game sometime. I can get us great seats. Maybe sometime next summer. It'd be fun, and I want to see you fangirl over the players. It was so amusing to watch you stumble over your own name to Joe Torre. Priceless, really.

Who knew that all it took to shake the unflappable Kate Beckett was a famous athlete?

Apparently famous authors don't have the same effect on you. Too bad for me, I guess. Although, I'm pretty sure I could figure out a way to throw you off your game. It would involve physical contact and minimal clothing. Oh, and probably a home run.

Yes, that was awful. Yes, you're probably rolling your eyes right now. But you also know I'm right.

And if you don't believe me, well, I'll just have to prove you wrong.

-Castle

As it turned out, he'd kept his promise... to take her to a game, that is. Though he'd also discovered numerous ways to make her stumble over her words. A lot of deliciously sexy ways, which usually ended much better than the fiasco that'd resulted from the baseball game.

He'd gotten the tickets as a surprise, a present for her just because, and the look on her face when he'd given them to her was something he'd never forget. Neither was the night that followed.

At the game, Kate had been so carefree and happy as they'd sat in the stands, stealing each other's French fries and feeling the wind on their faces, and from that moment on, Castle vowed to do everything in his power to see her smile like that every day.

All in all, it'd been a lovely date.

Until someone in the crowd had recognized Castle, snapped pictures, and subsequently sold them to any website willing to pay. Most were harmless; Castle and Kate talking, laughing, eating hot dogs. But there were two in which his arm was around her shoulders, one with their heads leaned together.

And one of them kissing.

The fight that ensued hadn't been pretty.

It began with a text from Lanie late the following night as Kate was on the verge of sleep.

'Going public I see,' it read.

"What?" Kate exclaimed loudly, her reaction going from confused to panic to anger in a matter of seconds. Because really, there was only one reason Lanie would be sending such a text.

She angrily pushed back the covers, grabbed Castle's iPad from the nightstand, typed his name into the search bar of the web browser. Sure enough, a handful of pictures appeared at the top of the news section. Pictures of them at the game. Pictures of them...

Crap.

"Castle," she hissed, smacking his arm, waking him from where he dozed next to her.

"Hmmm?"

"Wake up," she said harshly, smacking his arm again.

"Ow, what the hell?"

She held out the iPad and he squinted at the screen, forced his eyes to focus.

Oh. Well. This wasn't good.

Even in his sleep-addled state, something in his brain clicked into place, realized the seriousness of the situation, realized he needed to wake up and focus because he was in for a not-so-fun conversation.

"Kate," he pleaded, sitting up and taking the device from her to look at the images more closely, assess the damage.

While she groaned and dropped her head into her hands, Castle breathed a sigh of relief. They weren't nearly as bad as they could've been. It wasn't like they were groping each other or making out. Nothing compromising, no partial nudity. But still...

"I'm sorry," he apologized softly, closing the page and setting the tablet aside.

She snapped her head up angrily. "Sorry?"

"Kate, calm down."

She rounded on him, though the effect was somewhat lost due to the fact that she was naked, hair still thoroughly mussed from his hands. "Calm down? We're kissing on the internet. I think I'm allowed to freak out."

"Fine, but don't take it out on me."

She was furious, seething at this blatant invasion of their privacy. Aside from their families and close friends, no one knew about them. Now, everyone did.

She'd known going into the relationship that it was liable to happen eventually. But they'd discussed it at length, agreed to keep it quiet and out of the media as much as possible. They'd done well so far. She'd known it wouldn't last forever, but this...

Was she really ready for this? Was she really okay with possibly having people snap pictures of her at any time and place, giving the world a glimpse into her private or professional life?

Yeah, no. Definitely not.

"Castle I can't..." she blurted after a tense moment.

"No," he interrupted harshly, not allowing her to finish her sentence. "You do not get to run away from this."

"I..."

"You knew this was a possibility," Castle reminded her.

"I know but... why does anyone even care?" she snorted in disgust.

"If no one cares, then why does it matter?"

I just... can't," she stammered insufficiently.

With that she climbed out of bed, threw on her clothes, and slipped silently out of the loft while Castle collapsed in defeat, spent the night wide awake with his body wrapped around her pillow.

Guilty didn't even begin to describe how Kate felt during the drive back to her apartment, but she needed some space, some time, some perspective, so she could figure out how to deal with this. She loved Castle, more than she'd ever loved anyone. She wanted to be with him, now and for the foreseeable future. But she wasn't sure she'd ever truly be okay with her picture being broadcast to the whole world, regardless of the number of people who may or may not see it.

And then there was the fact that she'd left him naked in his bed in the middle of the night.

Lovely, Kate.

She tossed and turned all night, not sleeping a wink, and finally at five a.m. she gave up, hopped in a cab, and headed back to the loft. She crept through to his bedroom, slipped off her shoes, and climbed back into bed with him.

"Kate?"

Crap. Despite the fact that she'd barely slept, she also hadn't come up with a plausible solution for them. Maybe she should've thought of that before she climbed back into his bed, but she was here now and he was awake, so she'd better come up with something. Fast.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

Castle blinked his eyes open, forced himself to focus. "You left."

"I know. And I shouldn't have."

"Damn right you shouldn't have." He sat up angrily, tossing the covers aside, startling her with the sudden iciness of his voice. "Is this going to happen every time we fight?"

"No, look..."

"No, you look. You left. You walked out on me. And I can't keep doing this if I have to spend the night wondering if you'll come back this time. We're going to fight, Kate, and I need to be able to trust that we can work our way through things together."

"I just needed space to think."

"So go sit in the office. Hell, go upstairs to the guest room. But stop leaving. I just..." she could see the moisture collecting in his eyes, the hollowness and exhaustion and pain looking out at her. "A guy can only take so much, Kate. I'd think you of all people would understand what it's like to have people keep leaving you."

He saw the moment his words registered, watched them travel through her, hardening her features. "That's not fair."

"Neither is what you're doing to me. And I deserve more than what I'm getting."

"I..." She shook her head, angry not at him but at herself for the selfishness of her actions. She'd screwed up. Badly. Again. And she needed to fix it. She sighed, reached out to cup his jaw. "You're right. You're right, Castle. You do deserve more, and I'm sorry. I was selfish. And I was wrong. It won't happen again."

"You said that last time. So how am I supposed to believe you?"

Kate dropped her head into her hands in defeat. He already struggled to trust her and while they'd been making great strides, she'd probably just erased everything they'd accomplished with one poor decision. "I don't know."

Silence fell, ominous, tense. Castle was staring resolutely at Kate, almost daring her to speak, to come up with some sort of solution. Finally she spoke, her voice laden with despair.

"I love you," she said softly. "You believe that, right?"

Her eyes had always been able to reveal her deeper feelings, and as he searched them now, he saw only honesty. "Yes."

"Which means that deep down, you trust me. It's in there somewhere. And I know I have no right to ask this of you, but please find that part of you now, trust that I have learned and I won't do this again. I might walk away from you physically but I'll stay in the loft next time. I promise."

She grasped his hands in hers, met his eyes, pleading. "Please. I need you, Rick."

"I needed you last night."

Her heart sank. This was getting her nowhere and she was running out of ideas. "Then what can I do, Castle? Tell me what to do to make this better."

"Well you could have started by staying..."

"I didn't, okay?" she snapped. "I left. I screwed up. We've been through all of this. It happened and I'm sorry, but dwelling on it isn't going to make it better."

"Well I don't know what will."

Kate softened, her features and her voice. "Give me a chance to prove I can be better."

Castle sighed heavily, and when he finally spoke Kate could see in his eyes what this was costing him.

"Okay."

She cupped his jaw with both hands, guided their mouths together. "I'm so sorry," she whispered against his lips, kissing him gently. "I love you."

The next time they fought, Kate was right in front of him, standing toe to toe. They yelled themselves hoarse, said things they didn't mean, and then collapsed into a naked, sweaty mess on her bed.

Because angry make-up sex was so much better than spending the night alone.

"We should go to another game sometime," Kate suggested softly, pushing aside the memories of their fights and focusing on the happier times that his letter reminded her of.

"Plenty of games coming up."

She smiled. "I have next Thursday off."

Castle picked up his iPad, opened up the internet browser. "On it."

Thoughts?