Hey! New chapter! So I'll do my best to get some writing done these next two weeks, but it's finals so my brain is begging to be murdered. I hope you all like the chapter, but feel free to give your opinions and criticisms in the reviews (it helps me improve, therefore better story for you). ENJOY!

30: To Always Be Looking Forward.

I was slipping, slipping and falling fast. Everything was so grey and covered in dirt. Or was it mud? It must've been mud because it was covering me as I continued my decent. The surface was toothed, and I could feel myself being consumed. I tried to cling to the rocky surface, slow myself, grab onto something, but I couldn't grip anything. The jagged rocks just tore at my hands and then came the blood. Blood and mud encasing me and I kept going. It was just oozing as my sliding turned into a free fall. I flew through the grey air, and the blood still flowed only now I could feel it from my back and hands and wrists and anything else that had tried to cling to the surface. Just falling. Falling into nothingness. Falling through the ash filled air. Grey. Suffocating. Soon my fall was stopped. I was caught in a web? No rope. The course rope wrapped around me, splintering into the open skin. I could feel them slowly constricting around me, and I could feel them run against the wounds on my back. I needed to escape. I needed to get out. I needed to be free. The ropes continued to coil and uncoil, writhing like snakes in the darkness. I needed to get out. I needed to breathe. Finally the contractions stopped, and there was just one. Just one lone and harmless rope hanging there in front of me. I sucked the cold air in, smelling nothing but blood and dirt. Then came the groans. They were coming. I couldn't stay here. I needed to get out. I grabbed onto the rope and started to climb. Up, up, up. With ease at first, but then the darkness grew closer. Tighter. It wrapped around me and it took all my strength to keep pulling. I couldn't see anymore, I couldn't breathe anymore; all I could do was try to climb out. I needed to climb out of the darkness so I could breathe.

As I struggled the darkness shifted. It molded and grew until it wasn't darkness, but thick dirt. It encased me, and I couldn't find where the rope had gone. I couldn't even remember if the rope had been there in the first place. I needed to get out. I needed air. So I clawed. I dug my fingers into the soft earth and pulled myself towards the surface. I kept dragging myself, and the soil grew less compact until finally… I broke the surface. Bright sun. Morning grass that soothed my wounds as I pulled myself out of the ground. I crawled forward on my hands and knees as I took deep breaths. Free. Safe.

"Hello Annie. You look terrible."

Joey? I looked up to see my brother, leaning against something. What was that? A tombstone? What the hell? I looked around as the sun's rays were blocked by a cloud, causing the colors to drain. I was, I was in a cemetery. I looked back at Joey.

He nodded at the stone and stepped away, "Can't say you didn't deserve it, what with all the people you've killed." There. Annabelle Lee: 1987-2012 'Gone but not missed.'

"You'd have done the same."

"Oh really?" He stared at me, but not with his eyes. These eyes were dead.

"Want to know something, Joey?" I got to my feet and made a sad attempt at brushing off the dirt, before looking back up at his face. Smug, and expectant. His favorite expression. "When I found you, do you know what you were doing little brother?"

"What was I doing?"

"You were face deep in Papa's intestines." I could tell he was having problems registering what I'd said, "You were a monster. You had already killed Mama, and you were chowing down on Dad."

"No, I wasn't…"

"Yes you were. You weren't yourself, and when they came back they weren't themselves either. So don't tell me I deserve to die. You don't know the first thing about who I am now. And yeah, I'm sorry about that. I'm sorry you all didn't live, and we could've beat this thing together," I walked over to him and put my hand around his neck before setting my forehead on his. "We could've you know? Beaten this thing."

His dead eyes cleared for a moment, "That would've been something to see, huh Sis?" I could feel the water rain from my eyes. It burned my skin as it raced down my face.

"Please forgive me. Please. If there had been any other way, I would've done it. I love you, I love you guys and I feel like a piece of shit for what I did. I really do, but I'm gonna need you to work with me here and just forgive me. Or I won't stand a chance when I go back out there."

I kept looking into his eyes, they were his now but I could see it waning, "Of course I can, Annie." I could feel the heat of the sun on my back, pure redemption. "The real question is can you forgive me?" In that second his eyes turned dead once more, his skin decayed and he resembled the monsters I now had to fight. Then the pain of teeth into the flesh of my arm…

I sat up immediately in bed. For whatever reason tonight's nightmare was different. Joey forgave me. I couldn't help but feel relieved. I know it was a dream, but it had meant so much to me.

I looked down to see Daryl still asleep. Last night still burned across my skin, and for the first time I felt the peace of my modern life. The world was over, I knew that. My family was dead, and I missed them dearly. But I finally understood. In that moment I was back in that classroom with the aging teacher and the students and my friend. Then it all made sense. I carry your heart with me. I carry it in my heart. I had always seen those words as flowery or overly optimistic, but they rang true. In fact they were nothing but the truth. The world, my family, my friend, and these people I'd grown to care for, who were going to leave me in less than a fortnight. It was all going to stay with me. I carry it in my heart. I am never without it. I let out a laugh, but quickly clasped my hand over my lips to quiet the noise. So simple. I had been struggling for so long over something so simple. I looked back down. Sleeping peacefully. I smiled and silently got out of bed, slipping on a few layers of clothes, and then my work boots. There were still things I needed to do, first was to go for a little solo hunting trip. I'd be back before anyone woke up, but just in case I pulled a pad of paper and a pen and scribbled, 'Gone hunting. Be back soon. Don't you go leaving.' Then I set the paper on my pillow, grabbed my weapons, and headed downstairs.

"You two goin' huntin?" I jumped slightly before I saw Rick on the couch.

"Just me," I gave a small smile.

"Mind if I come with? It's been a while since I've gotten out of the house."

"The more the merrier." I waited as he disappeared upstairs for a few minutes, emerging minutes later in the appropriate attire. "Shall we?" I opened the door and waited for him to walk out ahead of me. Then it was the silent walk down to the gate in the dark. The snow was gone now. There was just this bitter cold that hung inside my ears.

"So, do you think you have tracking down now?"

Small talk? Alright, then, "I'm not as good as he is, but I'll be able to make it work."

"Good." We passed through the gate.

There was a long silence as we walked the forest surrounding my home. I could hear an owl in the distance, and the wind in the trees, even the light stomps of our boots. "I hope you know I'm sorry."

"For what?"

I stopped and looked at him, "Acting like some victim of fate or something. Like my hurt is worse than yours. I know it's not, I was just being a child."

"You'll be fine here, right? I mean, after we head out." I nodded. "I hope you know we aren't leaving just to be cruel."

"I know. You want your own life," I smiled at him.

"And you're okay with that?"

"I wasn't at first, but I get it now. Besides, I have my own things to take care of."

"How do you mean?" This was the first time since I got shot that he seemed genuinely interested in me.

"I mean I'm wasting away here. No help to anyone but myself. That's not the life I wanted for myself before all of this, and I'm tired of letting the apocalypse get in the way of the life I want."

"So you're going to leave soon too?"

"I'll wait a bit, but that's the plan."

"I don't understand, though. You have this place? You have safety? Why would you give that up?"

I kicked the ground a bit; "I knew I wanted to be a doctor since I was 10. And I wanted to be a doctor because I wanted to get to save people's lives. You were a cop, I'm sure you can understand that." He nodded, "I'll never get to be a doctor, not really, and I can accept that, but I can still save people. I can go out there and try to save some people." We walked more, and I kept my eyes to the ground, but there was nothing around. No fresh tracks, no nothing. "I'm sorry, I'm not seeing anything, we should head back."

"S'alright. It was nice to get some fresh air."

"Good," we walked back in silence, but it wasn't like before. I understood him, and he understood me and I think there was respect there. Mutual respect. Just in time for them to go.