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32: The Dying Fire.
There wasn't enough time in my days to do everything I wanted. I don't think that will ever change. Life will always equal not enough time, and there's really nothing to do but be fine with it. Being under the gun did help me prioritize. Every minute was spent wisely, and for most of those I was with Daryl, Carl, or Lori. Their soon-to-be absence was never spoken aloud, and I was grateful for that.
"What are you doin' up here?" T-Dog came was standing in the doorway when I looked up, "You're making an awful ruckus."
"Just trying to pack up some of my stuff."
He sat down on the bed, "You think Rick'll let you come with?"
"Oh no," I laughed, "I'm thinking of taking my own little trip a few weeks after you all."
"Annie leaving her hideout? Now I know you've lost your mind."
I shook my head, "No, more like finally regained my sanity." I fumbled around with a few things before picking up a gun, "Truth is I've totally forgot what I'll need out there."
"Weapons and food."
"And first aid stuff, and meds, and who knows what else!" I threw up my hands in defeat and looked over at him. I could see it in his face, he didn't understand why I was leaving. I picked up one of the cans of food I had stashed in the corner, "I can't save anyone with just a gun and a can of beans, now can I?"
"So you're on a mission to save the world?"
"Not the whole world," I sat down beside him.
"Not the whole world," he repeated with a headshake. "Is this all part of your Hippocratic Oath?"
"Never got to make that," I looked down at the gun and can for a second, "But I figure, I wanted to help people before all of this, when things weren't so bad. Now people actually need my help. I can do some good. At least until I turn into one of those things."
"Like you'd get bit," he threw his head back with a laugh.
"Hey, I won't if you won't." I held out my hand and we shook on it.
He stood up, "Well, I gotta see Hershel about something. I'll see you down at dinner."
I nodded at him as he left, then went back to my packing. My usual weapons were a no-brainer. Sturdy clothes. Bedroll. I would need food, but I couldn't go wandering around the wasteland with a bunch of cans. I could use those MREs that I had been saving, I mean it's not like I'll was coming back here. Then just fill the rest up with medical supplies? The whole thing frustrated me, and I could feel my feet get cold. Maybe it was a bad idea? But I couldn't stay here wasting away my days. Not anymore.
-o0o-
I was stuck between a rock and a hard place, and I didn't have a soul to talk to about it. I'd made it a point to keep things light, that's what I always tried to do, but it was eating at me. Should I stay or should I go? What if I can't make it out there by myself? What if it was all luck that got me here in the first place, and I end up dying a week in? I stirred the fire for a while, debating, speculating, and finding nothing helpful.
"What's been with you today?"
I shook myself from my thoughts, "Me?"
"Who else would I be talking to?" I looked around and noticed that everyone else had left the den while I was lost in my mind. It was just Daryl and I.
"Just been a lot on my mind," I walked over and sat down on the other end of the couch.
"Us leaving?"
"No. Well, I guess that too. But mostly I'm worried about getting back on the road."
"You're going on the road?" I had completely forgot that we hadn't talked about my change of plans until I saw the look on his face.
"Yeah, I don't really want to stay here anymore."
"But you're safe here?" he looked at me like I was the biggest idiot in all of creation.
"I know." I smiled at him for a second before returning to my gloom, "I'm just tired of being safe. And I can do some good out there. I'm not a doctor, but I might be able to save a few people. I'm just worried I won't be able to make it out there on the road. It's been a while since I've been on my own. And maybe last time was a fluke, and this time I'll die in a week."
"You're not gonna die."
"Everyone dies eventually," I laughed.
"Well, then you won't die for a long time," he nodded his head back, signaling me to move closer.
I slid next to him and tucked my feet up on the worn leather, "You don't know that."
"The hell I don't." The second his arm wrapped my shoulders I rested my head on his chest, breathing in deeply and trying to catalog the smell for the months to come, "So, do you know where you're gonna go?"
"I hadn't really thought about it too much. I figured I'd just get on the road and go, ya know?" My hands made their now natural trip around his waist as I nestled in, "Maybe I'll try to find Amanda, or something."
"That your friend from school?"
I nodded, "I'll keep an eye out for Merle, too. I mean, I don't know what he looks like but how many one-handed guys are out there, right?" My chuckle brought on a long silence.
"D'ya think you'll run into us again?" Was that a hopeful tone in his voice? I hadn't really thought he would want to see me after they left. Was I wrong?
"I promised Carl I'd come find you guys in a year," His thumb began to rub my shoulder, sending subtle shivers down my arm.
"He said something about that. I figured you were just trying to make him feel better or something."
"Honestly, at first I was. But I'm guessing a year from now; if I make it through I'd be nice to see a few familiar faces. Plus, I'd like to see that baby." I was looking forward to that. The potential reunion in the future. Everyone would be older. Time would have changed them, but they would still be the same people I grew to care about while I was here. I'd be different, too. I was really most interested in seeing who Carl would be. How his time away would mold him. If only I can survive long enough to make it to there.
"You think the kid'll make it that long?"
"With you guys looking after it and keeping it safe, yeah." I couldn't think of a safer place than with the group. Here was fine for shelter, but the group was safety personified. They'd make it; there was no doubt in my mind. "Besides, Lori is dead set on that baby grow up good. If it was anyone else, I'd be skeptical. But this is Lori we're talking about. She'd die for that thing."
Another silence fell over the den. It wasn't uncomfortable. I don't think any time with Daryl could be uncomfortable. Not anymore. It was a kind of warm quiet, where nothing needed to be said and time just sort of passed by. It took a good ten minutes before he broke it. "At least we'll see ya again."
I thought about saying something. Yeah, I'll get to see you if I can manage to not be killed or eaten for a year. Yeah, we'll see each other and time will have changed us to the point where you'll probably hate me, or at least we'd have lost whatever this is. I didn't want to say those things. Not out loud. Those were the kinds of thoughts that were best locked away. Instead I just sat there with him, enjoying the few shards of happiness I still had in my life and watching the fire as it slowly died out.
Author's Endnote: Okay, so just a heads up: the story might get a tad-bit slow (Why must they make us wait until February?! WHY!?), but I'm going to try my damnedest to keep it interesting and have it not be slow! Because of this feedback is a necessity as I don't want to do the lazy thing and go on hiatus (especially since I've got all this free time). Anything you feel like throwing at me, go for it, I'll keep an open mind. There might even be spoiler rewards involved, I'm not sure yet. And again, thank you for reading Annie Get Your Gun!