You'd think summer would mean I'd have more time to write. Apparently, not so. I apologize for the slower updates but know that I'm not forgetting about this story. It's still my goal to be caught up by the beginning of season 5!

A Deadly Affair

"You let me win, didn't you?" Castle exclaimed, attempting to look affronted but only coming off as adorable. Sitting cross-legged on the bed wearing pajamas and messy hair made it very difficult for him to be intimidating. In fact, it made it difficult for him to be anything but ridiculously handsome.

"What? No!" Kate denied. He really didn't need to know she had three queens while he had something resembling a random assortment of non-facecards.

"Liar."

Kate tossed a pile of cards at him, folded her arms across her chest in a very over-dramatic fashion that made it evident she'd been spending far too much time bonding with his mother. He loved that they got along so well - except at times like this.

She raised her eyebrow in challenge and he snorted disbelievingly, began stacking up the cards and sliding them back into the box.

It was poker night tonight. Castle had invited his author buddies over for a few games this evening and, as par for the course, Kate had made herself scarce for the majority of it. He'd roped her in to joining them once or twice before, but for the most part she preferred to sit on the sidelines. Or, in this case, in their room with a good book, completely avoiding the men and their literary conversations interlaced with plenty of good-natured ribbing.

But they'd finally cleared out about an hour ago and after cleaning up, Castle had appeared in their room with the deck of cards, thoroughly riled up from losing to Patterson. So despite the fact that it was almost midnight, Kate had decided to humor him. Well, right up to the very end when it became obvious he was going to get his ass kicked. Again.

So she threw her hand.

"You say that like you've never let me win anything before," he continued when she offered no response.

"I haven't!" Kate protested.

"What about the first time I invited you over for poker night?"

"No that's – we let each other win," she stuttered, recalling how irritated she'd been when she'd found out Castle threw his hand that night. "We're even now."

"There was another time, too," he tossed out randomly.

"No there... oh," she trailed off, a strange mix of emotions flashing through her eyes. Damn him and his interrogation abilities. She'd taught him well. Too well, it appeared.

Castle raised an eyebrow, far too sexy to be happening in the middle of an argument, no matter how friendly it may be.

"Oh, what?"

"Nothing," she shot back far too quickly.

One arm snaked out towards the spot on her side, just below her bra line. Her weak spot.

Fortunately for her she noticed the movement, wriggled out of his grasp before he could really get a hold of her. Unfortunately, in doing so she ended up with her back against the headboard, trapped by his body as he scooted closer, looming over her.

"Care to revise your previous statement?" he asked in a low voice, hands bracing themselves on her sides, thumbs teasing just below her most ticklish areas.

"No," she panted breathily, the word slipping out with no real thought on her part.

He wriggled his thumbs higher and she squirmed beneath him. "You sure about that?"

"Yes," she managed, still mostly composed.

His teeth latched onto her ear lobe, bit down gently. "Positive?" he breathed.

"N... no," she stuttered, voice shaky, resolve disappearing at the feeling of his tongue on her skin, hot and wet and so good.

He loosened his grip then, dropped a quick kiss on her lips and then sat back. His hands came to rest on her knees, eyes fixed on hers eagerly. "So when was this other incident?"

Kate rolled her eyes, should've known he wouldn't drop it so easily. "At the precinct."

"The precinct?"

"We made a bet. Right after the summer..."

There could only be two possible 'that summers,' and considering that there was nothing resembling a bet following her shooting, she had to be referring to the summer before that. Right after that would've meant his first case back.

The one where she arrested him, the case with the counterfeit... oh.

"You figured it out first?"

Kate smiled, though she did have the decency to look at least a little bit guilty.

"You let me win?"

She nodded, rested a hand over his on her knee and squeezed.

"You wanted me back?"

Her smile blossomed now, spreading across her face because yes, she'd missed him and yes, she'd wanted him back, even if she'd been more than a little mad at him at the time.

"Yeah," she admitted softly. "I kinda did."

"So you..." he thought back, unable to recall the exact words. But he could recall enough to realize that she'd been guiding him in the right direction the entire time.

"Yeah."

"Tricky."

She shrugged easily.

He smiled, lifted a hand to cup her jaw, drew her in. "I'm about three years late," he said in a low voice, pausing to kiss her briefly, "but thanks for taking me back."

"Well, you know," she said teasingly, nuzzling her nose against his, "there was still more Nikki Heat. I had to give you something to write about."

Laughter rang out at that, dispelling the tension.

"Speaking of writing..." he began once they'd calmed, reached over to grab their journal from his bedside table.

"Did you?" she asked, her usual enthusiasm slightly dampened by the possibility of his answer being 'no.'

He flipped it open, thumbed through to the bookmarked page and checked the date at the top corner. Despite the large gaps during their first three summers, he was fairly certain he'd only ever skipped one case.

"Yeah. Want to?"

She nodded, shifted over so he could lean against the headboard next to her, knees curled up parallel to hers.

Kate rested against him, shoulder to shoulder, and together they stepped back into the third year of their partnership.

Dear Kate,

It's been a while since I've even opened this notebook, and I'm not really sure where to start. I didn't have much of a reason to write the last few months. I wanted to. I tried a few times, sat down and opened this up, but I just couldn't find the words. Pathetic, right? A writer who can't find the words... not even for his inspiration.

Then again, I haven't been overly inspired as of late. But the book is out and I'm back at the precinct and you let me back as your shadow...maybe things are starting to look up again.

I still don't understand why you and the guys were so mad at me. Still are, perhaps. I'm not completely convinced that Ryan and Esposito have forgiven me yet, and I'm pretty sure that whatever is upsetting them has to do with more than me being found with two dead bodies. Especially once you knew I was innocent on both counts.

I'm pretty sure it has to do with me being gone, but I can't figure out why that was such a big deal to the guys. It's not like I was a real part of the team anyway. I'm not even a cop. And I really did have to finish the book. Maybe I shouldn't have left for so long. Or maybe I should've called. I have a feeling your questions in interrogation were about more than just the case. Perhaps I should've come back before my book release rather than after, as I'd been planning. Maybe I could have done a lot of things differently.

But that still doesn't explain the anger.

In retrospect, I wish I'd spent the summer in the precinct rather than the Hamptons, especially now that I know you and Demming broke up. That was the main reason I left, you know? It was too painful to watch. But if he's out of the picture, I guess I could have come back sooner without having to worry about his presence.

But it's over and done with, and all I can do now is move forward. I just hope that somewhere in that process, you and the guys can find a way to forgive me for whatever it is I've unknowingly done.

Regardless, I know this: I'm not proud of the choices I made. I'm not proud I chose to walk away, removing you from my life so completely. Believe me, leaving you was the last thing I wanted to do. But I also wanted to do what was right. I wanted to give you two space. In the end, though, I did was what was best for myself. I was a coward. And I'm sorry.

The truth is, aside from my family, working with you is the highlight of my days. I know I'm not really a cop, but you've admitted you like having me around. I know from your actions that you've come to rely on me at least to a small extent. And in light of that, I shouldn't have left the way I did. I shouldn't have turned my back on all of that.

Is that why the guys are mad at me? Because I let you down?

I don't know,

And I don't know if it helps at all, but I missed you every single day. All summer long.

So consider this my apology, my promise that I'll never walk away from you again.

I'm sorry, Kate.

Please forgive me.

-Castle

She fell silent as they finished reading, and it was Castle who spoke first.

"What did you..." he quickly trailed off, second-guessing the wisdom of his question.

She raised an eyebrow, urged him on, but he shook his head.

"What, Castle?"

He sighed, ran a hand through his hair, ruffling the edges slightly. "No, I shouldn't ask."

"Rick." Kate rested a hand over his on her knee, looked directly into his eyes. "You know you can ask me anything."

"I know, but..." he trailed off again. "Can and should are two different things."

"Never know unless you try," she urged with a shrug.

The silence stretched before he spoke. "What did you do that summer? Without Demming, I mean?"

Her eyes flicked down briefly, the pain from those months alone flashing through their depths. But as quickly as it appeared, it was gone, stifled by the passage of time.

"Worked a lot. Spent some time with my dad. Went out with Lanie a couple of times." She shrugged offhandedly. "Did whatever I could to forget about you and the fact that you'd left with your ex."

"Is that why the guys were so mad at me?"

"What do you mean?"

"When I came back. Or, when you arrested me. I mean, I know you were upset, but I never understood why they were so mad."

"Because you left and left me standing in that hallway."

"Wait, they knew?"

"Castle, they saw us standing there talking. They saw Gina walk up, and they saw you guys leave together. And I was upset. It doesn't take a genius to do the math."

His shoulders slumped forward slightly, head bowed. He knew they'd moved on from this incident now. Hell, they'd already talked all of this through. But he still hated himself for walking away.

"So the guys were mad at me on your behalf?"

"Pretty much."

"That's... sweet," he offered.

Kate smiled in spite of herself, recalling how Ryan and Espo had spent the entire summer trying to cheer her up. From little smiles to coffee to offering to destroy Castle's chair and hunt him down and kick his ass.

Kate was sure she hadn't exactly been fun to work with that summer, knew she'd snapped at the guys more than once for trying to cheer her up when all she'd wanted to do was be mad and irritated and have a bad day. But at the end of the day, she loved them a little more for it.

"It was annoying at times," she admitted, a small smile still lifting the corners of her mouth. "But yeah, it was a nice gesture."

"I'm glad you have people looking out for you like that, having your back, you know?" Castle replied, setting the journal aside and lifting an arm to wrap around her shoulders. "It makes me feel better about the days I'm not there with you."

"I didn't have a partner for a long time, you know?" Kate pointed out.

"I know." He kissed her temple softly, nuzzled his nose into her hair, inhaling the scent of cherries and something else that he could never put a name to, but that was undeniably Kate. "But everyone needs someone to watch out for them. And to love them. That's my job now."

On one hand, she hated knowing Castle had taken on that burden. But on the other, she felt the same about him and she knew there was nothing she could do to change his mind. There'd been multiple fights on the matter, and Kate had finally relented because, really, what else could she do without being completely hypocritical?

"I know," she murmured, tilted her chin to capture his lips.

The kiss was lazy and lingering, their lips barely brushing as they breathed deeply, exhales caressing each other's faces. At long last, Kate dropped her chin, tucked her head into the crook of his neck. Castle set the journal aside, wrapped his other arm around her, encasing her in his warmth. He felt her body go slack against his and, as her breathing slowed, Castle allowed himself to relax, meld the planes of his body against the curves of hers.

He wasn't sure which one of them mumbled the words as they drifted off, but he thought it might've been her.

"Mmmm, love you."

Thoughts?