Punked
"Castle?" Kate murmured into the silence, curling further into him in the late morning light.
"Hmmm?"
"Thank you."
He snuggled up behind her, her back to his chest, nuzzled into her neck. She shivered as his breath fanned across her skin, melted deeper into him and his warmth and their bed.
"For what?"
"Last night."
She'd ended up staying snuggled in his arms on the break room couch for about half an hour before he gently coaxed her to her feet, convinced her to leave the case for the night. She'd set an alarm when they got home, fully intending to be back in the precinct early this morning, but Gates had called at six a.m., reporting that CSU had run into a complication. Kate was far too exhausted to remember much of the conversation after that but she did latch onto the fact that, due to its sensitive nature, the investigation was being put on hold until a new set of results came back this afternoon.
And then she'd rolled over and gone back to sleep.
Now she and Castle were both awake, lazing in bed, as they didn't have to be to the precinct for another couple of hours. Kate was still sluggish from the late night and from sleeping in, this case wreaking havoc on her normal sleep schedule. But she'd regained enough presence of mind now to be incredibly thankful for Castle and the way he'd taken care of her last night.
"That's what partners are for," he reminded her, and she shivered again at the whisper of his lips on her skin.
"I know, but I feel like I don't thank you enough."
He gently rolled her over so they were face to face, met her eyes deeply. "You know you don't have to."
She smiled, kissed him instead, because she knew from past experience that this line of conversation could go back and forth all day. And kissing him usually proved a very effective way to shut him up.
"Did it help?" he asked when they separated.
"Hmm?"
"The journal and the coffee?"
She nodded, slipped her arms around his neck and pulled him down for another kiss. "So much."
"Want to read some more?"
She shrugged against the mattress, covers rising and falling in time with her shoulders. They had two hours and no intention of leaving the bed just yet.
"Sure."
He lifted onto an elbow, leaned over her to retrieve the book from the nightstand. Castle flipped to the bookmark, settled back down, and Kate propped herself on one elbow as well, leaned over so she could see the page.
Dear Kate,
"All the songs make sense."
That's what you said today when I asked how you know you're in love. I imagine the question seemed out of the blue; I should clarify that it was about Alexis. She has a boyfriend now and is trying to decipher her feelings for him. She asked me last night how you know, and I didn't have a good answer for her. Thankfully, she managed to talk herself through it on her own.
You know, when you first answered me I didn't think much of it. But later, I started to realize what you meant. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that the songs do make sense... when I'm with you. I know, I'm with Gina and you're with Josh. And it should probably be her who does that to me. And she does, to an extent. But I'm not exactly sure how to interpret it, because if I love Gina... and I do... then you shouldn't have this effect on me. I shouldn't have feelings for you, too.
Ah, hell, who am I kidding?
Of course I have feelings for you. That's why I took Gina with me to the Hamptons. Because you turned me down, and I knew that if I went alone I'd spend all summer missing you. So I invited her because I knew her and knew I could like her, maybe even love her again. I thought she could make me forget about you.
Obviously, it didn't work.
Then I was wondering if maybe I should end things with her and give us another shot, since I still clearly have feelings for you. I know I could overcome the pain of last summer if I had had a chance to be with you now.
And then Josh showed up.
Yeah, that caught me completely off guard. It was so unexpected, because you've never mentioned him or made any indication that you have a boyfriend. I'm assuming it's relatively recent, but I guess I really have no idea because I have no clue when you broke up with Demming.
But if he makes the songs make sense for you, then I'm happy for you. It sucks, knowing that he holds the place in your life that I so desperately want. I still want us to have a shot, Kate. A real chance at this. Sadly, sometimes you have to settle for second best.
I'm not used to losing, you know, and maybe that's why this is so difficult for me. I'm not used to being turned down. I know I said a long time ago that you turning me down was what caught me at first. And it was. I loved the chase. But now that I'm out of the race, it's lost its thrill. I know I should be happy for you because you seem to really like him and I can see that he likes you. But it's hard, because I want to be in his place.
But I'm not, and I have Gina, and I guess I'm going to have to learn to be happy with that.
At least I still have the precinct, still get to see you every day. It's not ideal, but I can learn to make it work, because having you in my life in some form is infinitely better than not having you at all.
-Castle
"Castle?"
"Yeah?"
"You do make the songs make sense."
He smiled, leaned in to brush his lips across her cheek. "So do you."
Kate smiled in return, rested her forehead against his temple.
"Can I ask you something?" he said after a moment of silence.
She lifted her head, met his eyes, found them swimming with nervousness. "Of course."
"You broke up with Demming because you wanted to go with me to the Hamptons."
"That's not a question."
He chuckled, continued. "Getting there. Anyway, why..." he paused, considered his word choice. There really wasn't a good way to ask this. "You had feelings for me, right? So why did you date Josh?"
She hesitated for a split second before answering. "Because I didn't think you'd ever come back. I know it was both of our faults, but I was mad and hurt and he made me forget."
"Wait a second." He shook his head. "You met him over the summer?"
Kate nodded. "In July, when I was out with Lanie one night."
"Oh. I thought..."
"You thought..." she prompted.
He ran a hand over his face, wiping away the unpleasant memories. "I thought it was in the fall. I didn't realize..."
She shook her head. "It wasn't. But you were with Gina, and I was in no frame of mind to sit back and wait for you to stop cavorting with your ex-wife."
"Our timing sucks."
Kate laughed at that, as did he.
"That it does. Or, well, it did."
"We're doing pretty damn well now, if I do say so myself," he added in agreement.
She laughed again, glanced at the clock and then leaned her head back against his. "Speaking of timing, we've got a while still."
He raised his eyebrow sexily, sent a leer in her direction, but she was having none of it. She may have slept for a few hours, and slow and tender with him was always so amazing, but she wasn't feeling quite that energetic today.
Castle followed her gaze back to the notebook, did a decent job of hiding any disappointment that may have crossed his face.
"Want to keep reading?"
She smiled gratefully, knowing and loving that he understood without her having to say a word.
"That sounds great."
Thoughts?