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3XK
"You're reading?"
Kate lifted her eyes, met his across the living room. Castle was leaned against the doorframe, and she could tell from his slouched posture that he was tired, that it'd been a long day.
The second round of publishing meetings had begun following the first round of edits on Raging Heat. He'd taken a week off from the precinct to put the finishing touches on this draft of his manuscript and today, thankfully, marked his fourth and final meeting for the time being.
"Yeah. I..." she trailed off, knowing she was going to sound completely sappy, but continued anyway as his eyes grew curious, questioning. "I missed you. I feel like I've hardly seen you all week. So I just..." she held up the journal, and Castle smiled in understanding.
He crossed the room, sank down next to her on the sofa. "Did you read anything new?"
She shook her head, flipped it open to where her finger was marking the page. She'd actually started all the way back at the beginning, was still only in the early stages of their second year of working together.
"Didn't want to read the new ones without you."
Castle smiled gently, dipped his chin to press a kiss to her temple. "Well, I'm here now."
She smiled up at him, allowed a moment of distraction as their lips met lovingly. Sure, he'd been home every night and they'd fallen asleep together on most of them, but the full days at the precinct without him made it feel as though she'd hardly seen him and she was craving the physicality, the warm feeling of having him next to her, surrounding her.
They separated a minute – or two or three – later, eyes darker than before, faces flushed a lovely shade of pink. Kate was half tempted to toss the book aside and straddle him right here on the sofa, but there'd be time for that later as neither had a place to be in the morning.
So she flipped forward in the journal to the next new letter as Castle slung an arm around her shoulders. She settled into the hollow created by the side of his body, head resting on his shoulder, and began to read.
Dear Kate,
I don't even know what to write right now. I think I'm still too shaken up from today, from everything that happened... and everything that almost happened.
I was so scared. Scared I'd leave my family behind, that I'd leave Alexis without a father. Scared that I was going to die without accomplishing everything I wanted to. Scared he'd shoot me and walk away, leave my body in that trashy motel room for someone else to stumble upon. Scared that once he left me, he'd track you down and kill you as well and I wouldn't even be there to try to stop him. To protect you, save you.
So thank you, for everything you did tonight. For finding me, saving me, bringing me coffee, helping me talk it out, grounding me when I felt like my world was completely off its axis. It meant so much, Kate, more than I think you understand.
I know it shouldn't be a big deal, but feeling your hand in mine was comforting in a way I didn't realize it would be. I don't think I've ever felt so much before in just a simple touch, and maybe it was because I was still amped up on adrenaline, but I'm pretty sure there was more to it than that. I'm pretty sure it stemmed from something much deeper than gratitude for saving me and the heightened sensations that come from near-death experiences. I'm pretty sure it had more to do with the fact that I care for you, so much.
It's getting harder and harder to ignore it, especially after something like today – after staring down the barrel of a gun, images of you and my family filling my mind in what I thought might be my final thoughts.
We may both be in other relationships, but I care about you. So much. I hoped that tonight as we sat by that pool I'd have a chance to tell you how I feel, but unfortunately such a moment never arose. So I'm telling you now, because if something had happened to me tonight and I'd never had a chance to tell you...
I care, Kate. A lot. You've become very important to me over the last two years. Take that to mean whatever you want, but just know that I do. And please know that I'll always be here for you in whatever capacity you need.
-Castle
Silence fell as they digested his words, felt the desperation and fear that had laced his writing that night. It seemed so long ago now, and yet the memories were still so vivid.
"I've always wondered," Kate asked finally, the first to break the silence. "What did you say to him?"
"To Tyson?"
She nodded.
Castle shook his head sadly. "I profiled him. I tried to reason with him, make him see why he was doing what he was doing. I guess I thought it might make him stop. And then my mother called at exactly the right moment."
"I'm surprised he didn't take your phone."
"He did. He answered it on speaker, let me talk to her, but I had to be careful. I knew that was my last chance."
Kate nodded slowly, fighting against the onslaught of images of Castle talking to his mother, tied to a chair with a gun to his head. She shivered at the horror, the cold dread that she could still recall from the moment she'd realized that Castle and Ryan were with the Triple Killer, that she might not get there in time.
"You know, I seriously considered asking you to stop shadowing me that night." She spoke softly but matter-of-factly.
"You did?"
"You almost died, Castle. I had no idea what I was going to find on the other side of that door. It shook me, because you've always managed to defy those kinds of situations, but that one..."
"It was too close," he murmured.
She nodded. Sure, there'd been many more close calls since then, many of which far eclipsed what'd happened that night. But at the time, it'd been his closest brush with death.
"You have a family to think about, Castle. And I'd never have forgiven myself if something happened to you while you were with me. I know you signed the waivers, but I'm supposed to keep you safe and I almost failed that night."
"You didn't," he assured her softly, arm lifting to cup the back of her head, guide her lips to his. "You saved me."
"I know," she whispered against him, the words leaving on an exhale. "But we were lucky. Both of us."
"We were."
Kate lifted her head, met his eyes as she spoke. "But at the time, all I could think was that it was my fault you were even in that situation."
"What changed your mind?" he asked curiously.
"I don't know," she answered truthfully. The rest of the night had been such a blur, especially because the moment his hand had twined with hers was the moment she'd forgotten about everything else, sat there stunned as the heat from his fingertips raced up her arm and through her body, because who knew a mere touch could be so electric?
"I guess I realized I wanted you there with me every day, even if it did put you in danger." She trailed off, shook her head. "It was selfish, I know, but I guess somewhere deep down I decided it was worth it."
He hummed a response, allowed silence to fall. The fact that each would risk their life to save the other had long been a point of contention between them. It was an argument they'd had far too many times, and in the end they'd always wound up agreeing to disagree, because neither was willing to budge.
And neither wanted to not have Castle at the precinct, so there was really no other option than to simply accept it and try their best to stay safe and have each other's backs.
"I'm glad you let me stay," he verbalized softly a minute later.
Kate smiled, shifted further into the chair and his warmth. "Like I could have gotten rid of you that easily."
He chuckled at that, offered a not-so-apologetic shrug. "True."
She smiled again, lifted to press her lips to his cheek. "I'm glad I let you stay, too."
Thoughts?