Nikki Heat

They fell asleep tangled together, lost in memories, and the journal spent the night wedged between them so that when Kate woke the following morning, it was one of the first things her eyes landed on.

The book was slightly beneath Castle's bicep, and the man himself was still fast asleep, so Kate gently worked it free on her own. He stirred slightly, mumbled something unintelligible, and snuggled further into her; she smiled to herself because she adored sleepy Castle more than she'd ever admit.

He shifted again, pulling one arm beneath himself and pushing his torso up slightly. He yawned, blinked open one eye and then the other in the early morning light, looked around in confusion. Kate greeted him with a warm smile, eyes raking adoringly over the lines of his face, still relaxed from sleep. She traced a finger down his jaw, across the slight stubble growing there, leaned in to press a gentle kiss to his lips. He returned the gesture lovingly, smiled into her kiss.

They separated lazily, languidly, leaned their foreheads together.

"Reading?" he asked after a moment, eyes falling to the journal in her hands.

"No, you were sleeping on it."

"Mmm, comfy," he slurred, smirking slightly to himself.

"Right."

He nuzzled into her neck, breathed her in. "Want to?"

"Read?"

"Yeah."

She lifted her head to glance at him, could see that even though he was still covered by the haze of sleep, he was aware of what he was saying rather than murmuring random words and then falling back asleep. (Which had happened in the past, despite his vehement denials. There had been entire conversations he didn't remember in the morning.)

"Sure."

He kissed her cheek in response, wrapped an arm around her and tugged her closer so they could both make out the words on the page.

Dear Kate,

I still don't know why you were so angry with me this morning when I brought you coffee, but whatever the reason, I want you to know I never meant it to be for anyone other than you. Natalie just took it from me before I could react and stop her.

Coffee has always been something I've done as sort of a 'good morning' and a thank you for putting up with me day after day. I didn't realize it meant so much to you, too, that one morning without it would get you so riled up. I guess now I know better. And I'm glad it holds meaning for you as well.

I'm also guessing that your irritation had to do at least in part with something else. Perhaps your comment about me sleeping with Natalie? Or, well, not sleeping with her. Apparently I missed out on the two of you having that conversation. I have to admit, I'm intrigued as to how that came up. Did you ask, or did she tell? I was detecting some hints of jealousy from you, so part of me thinks maybe you asked her. Either way, I guess it was good that the conversation happened.

"She asked me," Kate murmured almost to herself, eyes still fixed on the page.

"Hmmm?"

She lifted her head, repeated her words. "She asked me."

He looked at the page in confusion, back to Kate. "If you'd slept with me?"

"No, no." She chuckled at the memory. "Asked me if you were gay, actually, because you'd turned her down."

Castle laughed too, loud and incredulous. "I've been asked a lot of things, but that's never been one of them."

"I spit out my coffee," Kate admitted.

"Seriously?"

She quirked her lips into a smile. "Yeah, it caught me more than a little off guard."

"So what did she say?"

Kate shrugged, the exact words now fuzzy in her mind, but she could recall the gist of the conversation. "That we had feelings for each other but I was ignoring them. She thought that's why you wouldn't sleep with her so she wanted me to give you permission to go ahead and do so. 'In the name of research,' of course."

She made quotation marks with her hands as she spoke, watched as Castle's eyes went from wide with shock to even wider with shock.

"She asked you that?" he spluttered.

Kate smiled, nodded, because at the time it was horribly awkward but in retrospect it was pretty comical. "Yep."

"And did you?"

She cocked her head, raised an eyebrow. "What do you think?"

Castle waggled his eyebrows, grinned cheekily. "Possessive of me, were you?"

She whacked him in the chest for that one but the softness of her eyes belied any annoyance she may have been trying to portray. They were both possessive of each other at times, and though Kate had refused to even consider such things three years ago, she'd admit to it now.

Castle pressed his lips to her neck in understanding, silently rested his cheek against hers and shifted his attention back to the letter.

Besides, there's no reason for you to be jealous. I never seriously considered sleeping with Natalie. Like I said, it'd be way too meta to sleep with the actress playing the character inspired by you and written by me. I'd rather have the real thing. Tall, brunette, brainy, gorgeous. Now that I've seen you so jealous, it makes me want you even a little more. It was sexy seeing you like that, all riled up and hot and bothered.

And sure, there was an attraction with her, but with you there's more than that. I'm attracted to you physically, don't get me wrong. But that's not all. I don't know exactly, but I felt it when I accidentally proposed. A twinge of something. Attraction on a much deeper level. Feelings that I'm not sure I want to put a name to.

Did you feel it too?

There's something there, Kate. We're both with other people, and I've been trying to ignore it ever since you chose Demming over me last summer, but it's there. It's there and it's real and it's getting harder and harder for me to overlook it.

If you feel it at all, anything, please just let me know. Let me know it's real and there's a chance that someday something might come of it. I need to know if I missed my chance or if I should keep believing.

-Castle

"I did," she murmured when they finished.

"Did what?"

"Feel it. There was a wave of something, but I ignored it because I didn't want to deal with it."

He nodded sadly.

"I'm sorry," she said softly, but he shook his head, cut her off.

"It's okay. It wasn't just you. I didn't pursue it either because I thought I'd already lost my chance."

"You hadn't."

He smiled, cupped her chin. "I know."

And in retrospect, his accidental proposal and the conversation surrounding it had been all sorts of informative, especially now that he was seriously considering proposing. There would be no helicopter ride, nor would it take place in public. It would be private and intimate, just like she'd told him most women prefer.

He already knew what he was going to say, though he didn't know exactly when it would happen. But he'd know when the moment arose.

He smiled to himself at the thought, felt his stomach flutter with anticipation.

Soon.

As you read this, I'm headed off on vacation for 10 days. Without internet. Which means that you won't be seeing a new update for a little while. However, the next 4 chapters are uploaded (just not edited yet), and if by some chance I wind up in a place with wifi, I'll do my best to post the next chapter. Otherwise, it will be up the day I get back.

Have a lovely week and I'll see you all in a couple weeks!