Because this ep was too good to only have one journal entry...

Knockdown (Part 2)

"You okay?" Castle's voice cut through the darkness.

He felt as she shrugged against him, released a heavy sigh.

"Kate," he probed gently, carefully, because it was obvious something was bothering her. He'd dozed off briefly after reading, after whispered apologies and reassurances, but from the tense state of her muscles he could tell she hadn't slept at all.

She sighed again, rolled over to face him. "I'm just thinking."

"The last letter?"

She nodded, resituated her head on his bicep. "Yeah. About how much more time we could've had."

Castle gazed at her in understanding, eyes piercing even through the dark. "We talked about this," he reminded her, though the words were as much for himself as for her because from time to time he still found himself caught up in very similar thoughts. "We weren't ready. It wasn't right."

"I know." She exhaled slowly and with it Castle felt some of the tension leaving her body. "I know. I just... it's hard not to think about the what-ifs sometimes."

He pressed his lips to her temple, felt her relax more at his touch. "It is," he agreed. "But we're here now and things are amazing and I wouldn't trade it for anything."

She smiled into the darkness of the room, felt Castle smile too. "Me neither."

"Good." He pressed his lips to her skin again, tightened his hold on her. "Just relax," he murmured, hands rubbing gentle patterns on her stomach, her sides, calming the tense muscles there.

Kate breathed deeply in and out, allowed herself to push away the thoughts and just focus on the present, both of them in their bed. Together.

"Want to read more?" Castle suggested after a minute. "Take your mind off of things?"

Kate smiled, nodded slightly at his suggestion. "Sure."

He reached over her, retrieved the journal once again. She rolled over in the cave of his body, snuggled up to him to rest their heads together.

Dear Kate,

There were a lot of things I should've said when I wrote to you yesterday, but I was far too distracted to focus on much of anything so I'm writing again today to say everything I should've told you before.

I don't know where you are right now, but I hope you're sleeping in, relaxing, recovering from the case. And I hope you know that if you need to talk about anything, I'm here for you. If you want to keep digging, I'll help you. If you need coffee, I'll supply it. I'll bring you flowers again if it will make you smile, I'll hold you in my arms if you need to cry it out. Just let me know and I'm there. I'll do anything to help solve this case and make this easier for you.

We established the other day that I'm your partner, and I want you to know I take that very seriously. I know you didn't like me when we first started working together and that it was a long time before you trusted me to behave responsibly in tense situations, but I wanted to thank you for trusting in my 'dumb idea' yesterday.

I also want you to know that I'm here to help you and protect you and have your back. I meant what I said yesterday in that ambulance. I'm always here, Kate, no matter what the circumstances.

You know, my mother was panicked after the shooting. She sat down with me that night and let me know she was scared about what I'm getting myself into with this. Scared that I could have gotten shot instead of Raglan. She's right, even if I didn't want to hear it. I thought she wanted me to quit; in reality, she wanted me to be honest with myself about why I show up at the precinct every day, why I willingly walk into these situations knowing that my life could be in danger.

I think that after yesterday, you and I both know the answer to that.

Truthfully, though, I'm scared too. I really thought you'd been shot in that diner. Then Ryan and Espo got captured... all three of you could have died. Hell, you and I could have died trying to rescue them. It's starting to scare me, how deep this is.

I know you want – need – justice for your mom, and you know I'll do anything to help you find it. But please be careful. Please. Your mom wouldn't want you to get hurt fighting for this, and neither do I. I don't ever want to see you in the hospital or being lowered into the ground. I wouldn't survive that, Kate. I'm too far in, too attached to you.

Maybe it's selfish since I'm the one who opened this case again, but please just tread carefully. And please let us help you, let us keep you safe. You have an amazing team of people who will do anything to protect you. Please let them.

The world needs you in it, Kate.

I need you.

Rick

"I need you, too," she whispered, lifting her eyes to his, wide and searching in the darkness. "More than I ever thought I would."

He smiled gently, pressed a soft kiss to her lips, and he could feel in her answering smile that she was much more relaxed now, her limbs already becoming heavy with the pull of sleep.

"I know the feeling."

Thoughts?