Hello Everyone.
I hope you all had a good weekend. This is slightly theological chapter - well this whole story results from the bloody Devil, so I had to throw in religion somewhere!
I have played fast and loose with the Bible and its interpretation here. It is a character's viewpoint, nothing more.
I own nothing. Being Human is owned by Toby Whitehouse. The BBC used to fund it.
Four nights.
Alex lay in her bed – she'd stopped calling it 'theirs' – for the fourth night in a row alone. She looked at the clock next to the bed – 12.47 and sighed. They were both out tonight, Hal and Tom. They'd been going out for over a month, three, sometimes four nights a week, the frequency increasing as the amount of night he spent with her decreased.
She didn't know where they went. Their answers were vague at best and snappy at worst. The last time she had pressed Hal he had rounded on her 'What does it matter what we do? Tom's babysitting me and we're both getting better, isn't that what you wanted?'
It was true; Tom was thriving. He had more energy, he smiled more and had started doing well meaning, if not entirely useful jobs around the house. She had requested that he keep himself to the kitchen or basement after finding him attempting to iron her bras into submission along with the other washing.
His latest project involved trying to turn the said basement into a gym, humming as he whizzed around with this and that, hammering along to radio one at full blast despite Hal's yells for silence. He was always going somewhere, doing something, so much so she had barely spoken more than five sentences to him in a week. If Alex had been the suspicious type, she might have wondered that all these new projects, jobs and nighttime excursions were the ideal way to avoid any long conversations with her. It had certainly been a while since she'd seen Tom without Hal around.
Hal… Alex frowned and tossed to her side. He wasn't doing so well. He would sit in his room reading, he had started re-arranging the books and plates again but it wasn't like how the old Hal had done it. He would frown, pause, his eyes glazing over into the distance right in front of him. Then he'd jerk back and go do something else, the original task left uncompleted. Some nights he had even come home at separate times from Tom, black circles under his eyes, his frown deeper. He would sit downstairs tapping each finger against his thumb as he stared blankly at the muted TV.
She had woken to find his space next to her vacant again, Alex had gingerly crawled down the stairs towards the bright lights of the front room, rubbing her eyes.
'Hal?'
He'd jerked his head towards her from his place on the sofa, blinking fast as if he'd half forgotten who she was.
'Alex,' he'd said with a look of tense relief. 'I'm sorry, did I wake you?' He added slightly bewildered.
'Yeah all the noise from the silent telly was getting on my nerves.' Alex glanced at what suspiciously looked like Jeremy Kyle, she shook her head, Hal must have been way out of it to let that on. 'What you doin up? It's four thirty, only ravers and Asbo holder should be awake now.'
'What hath night to do with sleep.' He said simply, his head turning back to the screen.
Alex wandered over to the opposite end of the sofa and perched on the end. 'We'll not sure what that means but it doesn't look like you've even tried to sleep yet.' She said eyeing up his fully dressed form.
Hal looked at her questioningly, then down at himself, he slowly brushed something off his chest, once, twice, and then the third time his hand stopped momentarily over his heart before resting on him lap again.
'Who said that?' ventured Alex. Hal looked at her. 'The 'hath no sleep' thing?'
'It's Milton's poem Paradise Lost. I have been thinking about it a lot recently.' Hal replied.
'Could ya say it for me?' Alex said, poetry really wasn't her thing and both of them knew it, but she wanted him to talk, maybe that would get him out of this… whatever it was.
Hal smiled, 'It's quite a long poem Alex. And it is late.' his faraway look returned. He remained that way for a while, so still that Alex thought maybe he had gone to sleep with eyes open, she almost backed away to bed again, feeling a bit unnerved by this silent ghost that was before her.
'Can I ask you something Alex?' Hal said, so softly she had almost believed she'd dreamed it.
She waited. Hal seemed lost in thought again.
'Yes?' She whispered when he didn't continue.
Hal didn't look back at her, seemingly unaware she was there. 'Do you ever wonder if the reversal of our curses.' Hal paused, finally looking up. 'Were a reward from God or did He mean something else by it?'
Alex blinked. Where the fuck had that come from? 'I er, I honestly haven't thought about it.' She said carefully.
'I have.' Hal responded.
'Well, what do you think?' asked Alex as she slid down into the sofa, bringing her legs up to her chest on the seat.
'I can hardly deny that God exists like I once did.' Hal said. He looked down at his hands again. 'But would the fact that He allowed the Devil to exist in the first place, mean that it was part of his design? As a means to bring people towards him, there is nothing better that the threat of a stick over the lure of a carrot. Especially if that stick is eternal damnation in the company of the Devil. So would He reward us, for destroying that deterrent?'
Alex was taken aback. She had never seen Hal like this; he seemed lost; a man questioning his core beliefs and coming up empty; she didn't like it; this wasn't the hada-answer-for-everything Hal. It frightened her.
'I was a vampire for four hundred years before I believing in the Devil, and that was only because I had proof right in front of me. I believed that once he was trapped, utopia would reign, but he was right, humanity didn't prosper in peace, they descended into a war the likes of which had never been seen before, with weapons I doubt even God himself could have conceive.'
He looked over at Alex. 'Was it punishment from God for removing one of His creations? For attempting to alter His Great Design?' He frowned and looked away. 'In obtaining knowledge Adam and Eve disobeyed God's law to eat from the Tree of Knowledge so he banished them. It was only when they toiled in the wasteland that they realized what they had done by their act of defiance. And they never forgot the Paradise they had lost; that was their punishment.'
Hal stopped. His eyes had lifted to the television again, but Alex could tell he wasn't watching it. Slowly she reached out her hand and covered one of his. 'Hal,' she started carefully. 'We were cursed by the Devil and now that curse is gone. There is no monster to control or tempt you anymore. How can that be a punishment?'
'Because He will never let us forget.' Hal whispered.
'Hal,' Alex half sprang forward, placing her hand on the side of Hal's frowning face. 'All those things you did in the past weren't you. I'm not saying you should forget what you did, but remember that it's not who you are now. Now, please Hal, you're scaring me.'
Hal looked at her face, his eyes darting over hers. He started to protest that it wasn't what he'd meant. That it wasn't the evil, it was the memory of… Finally he smiled, it was sad, but it was enough for Alex.
'You're right Alex.' He said, then his voice became stronger, more like the old Hal. 'Forgive me, I think too much.'
Alex smiled back. 'Yeah you do.' She chided. 'But I'm not surprised after five hundred years of reading every dull book ever written.' She leaned back. 'Seriously, tomorrow we're starting you off on some Calvin & Hobbs to lighten the mood.'
Hal smiled but his eyes remained the same.
'Are you comin to bed now?' She said.
Hal had nodded and looked down at his hands again. 'In a second.'
Alex frowned a little, then on impulse she leaned in and kissed him on the lips. Hal responded, but his hands remained where they were.
When she pulled away her eyes searched his, she knew his fears weren't eased, his eyes were dull. 'Okay, see you upstairs.' She said, would wait for him to come up, and she would hug him, and they would make love and he would be back to normal, and everything would be fine.
Hal nodded again.
After Alex left Hal remained on the sofa, his hands poised over his thighs like he was about to play a piano. It wasn't her fault that she didn't understand what he meant.
Perhaps it was for the best that she had misinterpreted his words. She needed him to be strong, and silence was better than the truth.
The smile had remained fixed on his face. He didn't move for the rest of the night.
Alex tossed again and looked back at the clock. 12.57. That had all happened what felt like months ago. No, it had been days she reminded herself.
The next day Hal hadn't said anything at breakfast and neither had she. She told herself it was because Tom was there and neither she nor Hal wanted to worry him. Was that right? Alex thought. Was it Tom that had made them hesitate? Hal had been quiet, but he had smiled, arranged the plates and cutlery, boiled the kettle, toasted the bread and cleared up just like normal.
Just like normal.
Alex gave off an involuntary shudder. He had done everything he was supposed to; she had done her routine of washing, drying and waving off the boys exactly as before. Both were doing precisely what they always did.
So why did it feel so strange? Asked the voice in her head. Why did it feel like two machines going through the motions. They were human; they should be having the time of their new lives. Instead, it was like this; it wasn't working.
Okay! so now Alex is starting to finally let doubts creep in; Hal's careful grip seems to be faltering (talking religion!) and Tom has taken to building a gym. Next chapter in a few days!
References:
'What hath night to do with sleep.'
A line from John Milton's (1608-1674) epic poem (1667) Paradise Lost. Actually this was going to be my original title for this story, but I thought against it. I have included though some quotes. As most of the story is from Hal's POV, I have picked those that I think represent his train of thought. As he says above, he has been thinking about the poem for a while, so have I.
I would say go read it, it is very very long though. The summary: Adam and Eve in Eden, Angels come and talk to them, warn them about Satan who has organized Hell and has come to find and poison them to spite God, and about going against the word of God by telling them the story of the fall of Lucifer. Adam and Eve then are tempted and ultimately thrown out of Paradise.