Thank you to everyone who reviewed last chapter. With school underway I can't promise time to respond to each one but know that I read all of them.
Rise (Part III)
"Are there more?" Kate asked after a minute or two of silence.
Castle nodded, didn't even have to turn the page to check. He knew these ones by heart. "One."
She contemplated for a moment, looked up to meet his eyes. "Should we?"
"Yeah, yeah. We should. Last one." Get it over with as quickly as possible.
Kate pressed a kiss to the skin of his neck as he picked up the journal, prepared for one last page of heartbreak and agony from that awful summer.
Dear Kate,
I don't even know what to say, really. It's been six weeks. Six long, miserable, lonely weeks, and I haven't heard a damn thing from you since the day you woke from surgery. Nothing.
I can only assume that you're doing okay, that you're recovering well. I don't know if you're still in the hospital or if you're home now, with Josh, letting him nurse you back to health. I know he's your boyfriend, he's the one who should be doing that job. I hope you're letting him take care of you, because you deserve to have someone who will. But I want it to be me, Kate. I want to be the one who holds your hand when the pain is too much, who cradles you in his arms and makes you feel better.
But I'm not, because that's never been the way things are between us. We've always kept our distance, and it's for that reason that I'm respecting your need for space. I don't want to, though, because I've grown to hate it. I can't stand it anymore. I want to come find you. I need to see for myself that you're okay, because just hoping isn't cutting it anymore.
Part of me doesn't want to see you, though, because I'm not sure my heart could take it. Not if you're still with Josh, living with him, or engaged to him, or whatever has happened in the last few weeks. I don't think I could handle that. I'd give anything to be in his place. Anything.
Alexis told me the other day that I should stop. That I can't keep 'moping around and waiting for something that's never going to happen.' Her words, not mine. It hurt to hear, but part of me can't help but think that maybe she's right. I like to think that I'm important to you, that you enjoy having me in your life as much as I enjoy being there, but maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I've been living in fiction, creating a reality for us that's never going to be.
I really believed you, Kate, when you said you'd call me. Now, with each passing day, I'm losing my faith in you. In us. In the future I've always wanted us to have. Maybe that's because it was never meant to be. And maybe someday I'll actually be able to accept that.
But until then, I'll continue to cling to the tiny thread of hope that someday, maybe even someday soon, I'll see you again.
Yes, I'm angry.
And yes, I have a right to be.
But in spite of it all, I still love you.
Rick
"I..." a teardrop fell on the page, smudging a couple letters, and Kate made to wipe it off but Castle caught her hand, stopped her.
"Leave it," he said softly. "There's a couple of mine on there too."
"I'm so sorry," she said sadly, her stomach clenching, heart constricting in her chest. "God, I had no idea. I was so selfish."
"It's okay," he placated. "It's in the past."
She shook her head. "It's not. I had no idea how badly I hurt you, Castle. How could you..." she choked up, unable to finish the sentence.
How could you still love me after this?
"I love you," he whispered, reading her mind, knowing she needed the reassurance. "I love you so much, Kate. And that means that we're going to hurt each other. It's inevitable. But I forgave you a long time ago."
"How?" she sniffed.
He held her tighter, kissed her softly. "Because you're worth it."
Thoughts?