AHH! I'm so excited for tonight, and I know you are too! So here's this chapter to help these last few hours pass a bit more quickly. :)) ENJOY!

63: The Smart Move

Daryl was in there. He was in there with those people. The people who did this to me. Shit. Shit. We had to make our move soon. We couldn't wait any longer. I looked down at Glenn barely breathing at the bottom of the tree I was leaning against; he'd be no use if we went storming the town. He'd be in danger of getting shot, or worse captured again. Shit. I turned my foggy gaze to my own body. I could see the swelling of my ankle peek out from the top of my boots. My bare legs were shaking violently beneath me not from cold but from the recent assault. The blood was beginning to seep through the fresh gauze around my trembling wrists. I was beat. I could barely move myself. If I went in there with them I wouldn't be coming back out. Shit. I'd be of no use either. Damnit Annie, the one damn time you need to be brave and strong and you're a mess. No, I'm more than just a mess. A mess was putting it too lightly; I'm a pane of glass that has shattered into a million empty pieces only held together by thin laminate and that laminate was slowly failing. If I went with them, if I went back into that town, I wouldn't come out. I needed to go back though. I need to save him. I need to fix this. I need to get him back. Shit. I picked my head up to see Rick still talking things over with Michonne, Maggie had joined the discussion. Three people I trusted completely. Three people that I knew could get him out. If it had been anyone else with me, if it were any other three people I wouldn't have even considered leaving. But it wasn't just anyone, it was them. They could do it. They could save him, even if I wasn't at their side. They could save him, but the two of us couldn't just sit here. We couldn't just wait for them to come back, couldn't just wait to be found. We had to keep moving. We had to get back. We had to get everyone ready.

"Rick," my voice was almost inaudible now, but he'd heard it somehow. He moved over to stand closer as I continued, "We won't be able to help you," I looked down to Glenn who nodded up at me, "We'll just slow you guys down."

"Are you sure?" I couldn't tell if he was disappointed. It didn't matter. I was disappointed. I wanted to go running back in there, killing everyone I saw, and pull him out of that Godforsaken town. I wanted to save him like he'd saved me. I wanted to help, but that wasn't an option, not tonight.

We could still be useful though. We could still warn the others. "We need to – to try to get back to the prison," I breathed, "I'll help Glenn walk. Might be able to get there by morning."

"We shouldn't split up."

"I know," I sucked the air in through my nose feebly motioning down to Glenn, "But we gotta keep moving." I could see the hesitation in all of their faces. Did they forget? Did they forget that the prison had been compromised? My voice came back for a second, "Warn everybody." That was all I needed to say. They knew I was right. If we couldn't help save Daryl we could at least help warn the group. Maggie knelt down by Glenn, saying goodbye.

Rick whispered to me, "Do you know where you're going?"

I gave an exhausted nod, "I remember the map." I hadn't expected the embrace he gave me then, my own goodbye. How far we had come since those days at the house amazed me. How far I'd come amazed me. Now I had people who said goodbye to me. Now I had people of my own. I had a place. When he released me I wheezed at him, "Hurry back once you get him. We'll need numbers." He nodded back in the dark.

"Here," he handed me a pistol from the bag, "In case of walkers." I readied it, but kept the safety on. The last thing I need right now is to accidently shoot myself. Hopefully we wouldn't need it and they'd just leave me alone. It would be hard enough to get back all those miles without a bunch of deadies biting at us.

I turned to Glenn who was now standing, "You ready?"

His own voice was empty, "As ready as I'll ever be." I knew he didn't want to leave Maggie, but this was what had to happen. We had to get as far away from here as possible. We had to get some space between this awful place and ourselves.

I looked back to the three people I was trusting to rescue the man I loved, "See you soon." More nods were shared and then we were off going our separate ways. The pain on my ankle was keeping me awake. It reminded me that I was still alive. We'd only made it about twenty yards when I felt it was safe enough to whisper to him his first orders, "You're going to have to be my ears, okay?" He grunted. Silence returned as our feet dragged across the forest floor.

We made our way step by step, leaning into each other for support, our breaths gasping in the night. Anyone who saw us would've thought we were walkers for sure. There was no life in our movements, just survival and desperation. Just keep going, just keep moving. That's all we have to do. I repeated the phrases over and over again in my head, hoping that they would help keep me from shattering. All I needed to do was make it to the prison, warn them, and then I could break. That's all I had to do. Our steps would slow down and speed up at irregular intervals; we wanted to run, but we just couldn't. We were running on fumes. After an hour I could feel his steps shorten along with his breaths, and his weight grew even heavier against me. I knew he was at the end of his rope. He was at the end and I would have to pick up the slack, even if I couldn't.

"We gotta stop," I halted, leaning him against a nearby tree before I spoke again, "Just for a minute."

His voice replied, almost panicked, "Annie, I don't think I can make it any further." He sighed and winced. What did Merle do to him? His face was beaten, and I realized that it was his shirt I was wearing. Shit. "Just leave me here," he hunched over and rested his hands on his knees, "On their way back they can pick me up."

Leave him here? Was he really asking me to do that? I couldn't do that, not to him and not to Maggie, "I'm not leaving you here." If he wasn't going to be able to walk anymore, then I would just have to carry him. It was as simple as that. Even if I couldn't, I'd have to. I stepped in front of him and faced away, bending my knees slightly, "Get on."

"You can't be serious, Annie."

"You can't walk anymore," my voice rasped as loudly as it could, "So I'll carry you the rest of the way."

"But you're limping just as bad," he pointed to my ankle, "You can barely walk yourself."

I looked back at him. His face was already a bloody mess. We were two disfigured corpses wandering the woods. If we had to do this, then it was better if we stuck together. I could never just leave him. I couldn't show up at the prison alone. There was no way. I'd never do that, not now, not ever. "We stick together. Better than leaving you here by yourself." I handed him the pistol Rick had given me, "Just take this and get on. We're wasting time." He conceded, carefully climbing onto my back. We both let out various moans and groans of pain as we got sorted, and then I started onward. It would be slower, and significantly more painful, but we'd both get back. We wouldn't be alone out here. I kept going, picking up my legs and stepping down, each step closer to the place that I could let this façade fall. Glenn wasn't as heavy as I'd expected at least, and I could tell he was trying his hardest to make it easier for me. For all his attempts still every now and then I'd step in just the wrong way and let out a wince.

"Sorry," Glenn coughed. It seemed so silly to apologize for. He wasn't the one who'd hurt me. He didn't have anything in the world to be sorry for.

I did my best to lighten my voice to try to pick up our moods just for a few moments, "I used to give my brother piggyback rides all the time, this is nothing." Maybe talking a bit would help the time pass. Maybe it would get our minds off things for a moment, just a moment, "Did you have a brother?"

"No, just sisters."

I was going to try small talk again but then I caught a scent on the breeze, "I can smell them."

I could almost hear the smile in his tone, "That means we're close right?"

"Yeah," I grinned slightly myself, "Be there in no time." My pace quickened marginally.

Then he asked what felt like the oddest question, "How are you so okay right now?"

I didn't want to answer him, but I didn't have it in me to lie to him, "I'm not."

There was nothing but the hard steps of my boots on the floor for several minutes. Then he spoke, "You didn't talk."

I croaked back, "You didn't either."

His words became rushed suddenly, as if I'd accused Maggie, "It's not her fault, she-"

I tried to calm him down, "I know. I don't blame her, I still love her, don't worry."

He calmed down just in time before his voice came back in a near yell against my ear, "I can see it," his words were borderline hysterical, "I can see the fence."

I sighed, "Thank God." I all but ran those last fifty yards, even with nothing left. It didn't matter. I was so close; I'd get to stop. I'd get to stop this act.

"Glenn! Annie!" Carl ran up to meet us at the gate, I'd never been so happy to see him, "Are they behind you?"

"Daryl got captured," I was glad when Glenn answered him. I don't think I could've said those words. "They're rescuing him though, should be back soon."

"Get everyone armed," it was all I could get out, "Everyone."

Axel piped up, "Why? What happened?"

"They know we are here," Glenn answered for me, "They'll be coming."

"I'll stay out here on guard," Axel shook the binoculars as we passed him, "Holler if anyone approaches."

Beth and Carol came running up to us just as Glenn was dropping off of my back. "Oh Glenn," Carol's arms were immediately around him, helping him stand, "Honey we're gonna get you a nice bed, and some soup." I felt so unreasonably jealous in that moment. All I could do was remember how much I'd wished for my Mama, how I'd wished for her arms around me. Seeing someone else get that, get exactly what I'd desperately wanted, it was too much. It felt so childish, to want that at a time like this, but I couldn't help myself. I'd have crumbled right there and then if Beth hadn't spoke up.

Her face was full of fear, "Maggie?"

"She's alive," I looked at her as I started my limp towards the door, "She was strong, should be proud." She must've felt reassured because she didn't speak again until just as we were stepping into the prison.

"You're bleeding really bad." It sounded so hilarious; of course I was bleeding. You'd have to be blind not to see that.

"Yeah," I almost laughed.

"I'll have my dad get ready to check on you cuts," she started forward just as I turned down another hall. She looked back at me and in the soft lamplight I could tell she was confused, "Where're you going?" Another strange question.

I spoke to her as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, "Shower."

It didn't take long to get to the showers, or maybe it did, I couldn't tell anymore. Everything blended together. I set the lamp on the floor before grabbing a fresh bar of soap and a washrag. I was so tired, so drained, but I needed to do this. I needed to get this off of me. I pulled off my boots, noting how swollen the one ankle had become, almost twice the size of the other one. Shit. No, I'll worry about that later. Now I need to get cleaned. I yanked off the bandages around my wrists and my ear as I waited for the water to heat up to its hottest setting. I needed to seer this day away. I needed every last spec of dirt to be gone, every centimeter of my skin to be boiled clean. Once I saw the steam I stepped into the downpour. It stung at my ear, it stung my face, it burned through the fabric of the shirt. It burned, but I didn't care. I didn't care about anything anymore. There was this vacancy in the place where I used to feel. A giant chasm with only six things housed at the bottom: Daryl, Carl, Judith, Rick, the group, and that hatred. As my skin burned so did I, I wanted that town razed. I wanted everyone there to hurt just like me. Not just die, but suffer. It's all I could think of. That odium and those eyes. I tried not to think of them though; it made my stomach seize up with questions. Was he okay? Did they hurt him? Would they save him? When would they be back? Eventually I pulled off the shirt and started vigorously scrubbing at every inch of my skin. I scrubbed as hard as I could, disregarding the way it felt. Just get clean. Just get this off. Please. Please just get this off of me.

It would never come off though, at least not all the way. After the stream turned cold I gave up and turned off the water. When I came back to the place I'd put my boots I found they had been replaced with prison grade slippers and my comfortable clothes. There was also a large towel and a water bottle lying beside the lantern. Beth must've brought them in while I was under the water. I couldn't help but feel better at the sight of it. It wasn't much, but it was something. It was compassion, and I badly needed that. I dried off, noticing the bleeding had slowed substantially. Good. Good. That's good. I put the clothes on and started to drink from the bottle. It felt like heaven going down my sore throat as I limped through the halls.

Once I reached the cellblock I saw a group of people I'd never seen, but I couldn't for the life of me begin to process that information. Carl unlocked the bars and let me through before shutting them once more. He didn't say anything to me; he just walked beside me as I approached Beth standing at the nearest cell. I silently uttered, "Thank you."

"Oh my God," she covered her mouth in disgust, "Dad, Annie's lost an ear."

I let out the strongest laugh I could, "No, I know right where it is. It's in Glenn's pocket."

Hershel was suddenly right beside me, motioning for Beth to have me sit in the cell. "She's lost a lot of blood," he started going over me. Is this what it felt to be on the other end? This is what being a patient it? It had been so long since I was on this side of things. "I'm going to need some antibiotics," he looked over to his daughter, "One of the suture kits. She'll need something for the pain, and I'll need something to clean the wounds with." She disappeared and then she was suddenly back. How long had that taken her? She was like a ninja she was so fast, or maybe I was slowing down? Hershel handed me four blue pills, "Take these." I followed his orders, finding it difficult to get the pills down. They stuck to my throat and I had to down the rest of the water. Then I saw Hershel had the Smirnoff bottle out, "This is going to sting."

I laughed again, "I know." When he carefully poured the liquor over my ear I could almost not feel it. The pills hadn't started working yet, but there was just this numbness to my skin. How much blood did I lose? Maybe I was just too tired? I suddenly remembered the unfamiliar faces, "Who are those people?"

"We're taking care of it, don't think about them right now," Hershel had the loveliest voice. When he said not to worry I felt it as all the worry left my body. "Now all I can do is rebandage your ear," he seemed to be saying it to himself, more than to me, "But I can stitch up the cut on your back."

I nodded down to my feet, "My ankle."

He immediately inspected them, "Jesus, Annie. How'd you manage doing this much damage?"

Carl spoke up, and I remembered he was there, "She was carrying Glenn when they came up." I wish he'd sit by me. It would be nice if he could just sit by me, maybe I could give him a hug and this would all be better? Maybe?

Hershel's voice came back, snapping me out of my thoughts, You'll have to be off it for at least a few weeks, maybe over a month." He looked to his daughter once more, "Beth, would you get that extra pair of crutches we found, she'll need them." She nodded and ran off again. "I'm going to start the stitching now," Hershel pulled out the suture kit, "Have those pills kicked in?"

I chocked out a few hollow laughs, "I had my ear cut off, I was sliced up and then raped, I think I can handle a few pricks from a needle." As soon as I said it I saw this look of terror on his face. Shit. What did I just say? Wait, Maggie. His daughter. "She wasn't," my frail hand came up to pat his shoulder and my eyelids fell, "She wasn't hurt."

"What does that mean?" Carl's voice came through. I looked over to him. He wasn't asking me, he was asking Beth. When did she get back? She started to whisper something to him. No. No, don't tell him.

Hershel put his hand on my shoulder, "Just try to relax," he leaned me back onto the bed and had me roll over so he could get to work. I felt it as the needle bit and pulled at my skin. I couldn't focus too hard on it. I couldn't focus too hard on anything. There was this mist that covered everything now. "There." Was he done already? Good. Good. I need to get back out there. I need to go save them. I stood up and started out of the cell and towards the door out of the cellblock, "What do you think you're doing?" A hand stopped me.

"I gotta make sure they get back safe."

Hershel's voice was stern, "No, you have to get some sleep." Beth was beside me then, placing crutches beneath my arms, "We'll keep watch."

I looked to them, "You sure?"

"We'll all pitch in," Hershel had picked up his shotgun. Was it really safe to sleep? Was it really time to let this mask fall?

I looked to Carl, but he didn't look back at me, "Buddy?"

His voice had a tinge of wrath to it, "We'll handle it." He started off towards the exit, towards the hallways leading outside. Why wouldn't he look at me? I felt the heat behind my eyes. It was only a matter of time before I'd be unable to keep this together. I put my weight on the crutches and started towards the stairs.

"I'll be in my cell," I looked back to then, "If you need me just come get me."

It took me forever to get up the stairs, but I was set on doing it alone. Just get to your cell, Annie. Just get there and then it will be safe. I started down the walkway when I passed by Glenn's cell. I looked in, finding Carol beside him with an empty bowl in her hand. "Now you're all cleaned up," I just stared into the cell. I couldn't help myself. There it was. There was the one thing I'd pleaded for back in that room. A mom caring for her kid, it was all I could see. The tears were threatening to break out and stream onto me face when Carol glared over at me, "Excuse me, he's trying to rest." I'd never have that. I'd never have a mother again.

I draped the damp shirt on the railing before awkwardly reaching for the bloody jeans on the floor, "Just getting something." I searched the pockets before I pulled out the remains of my lost ear.

Glenn's voice was a bit stronger now, "You okay?"

I looked at him. I wasn't okay. I'd never be okay. He sent me a nod; he knew I'd never be okay. I maneuvered out of the small cell fast, trying to hide that I'd started crying, "Rest up."

I clacked down the walkway as quickly as I could, the tears pouring now. Just get to your bed. Just get there. You can do this. I hopped into my cell and clumsily dropped the crutches before falling onto my bed. I curled up, pulling the covers around me, needing to shut everything else out. I had nothing now. I had nothing but the emptiness and the cries. I sobbed into the blanket, thinking of nothing and everything all at once. I wanted arms to hold me. I wanted my mother, any mother, to sit with me and cry with me. I wanted hot soup of my own, I wanted to be tucked in and babied. I wanted someone to protect me.

That wasn't going to happen, though. I'd never have that. What had happened in that room back in Woodbury would be mine to bear alone. There was no soft place to land, not for me. There was no one to help me pick up these pieces. What happened to me would stay with me until the day I die.

I'd never be the same.

Thank you for reading! You are seriously the best readers a writer could ask for, you totally make this worth it. :)

Question Time: Did Annie make the right call in heading back to the prison without the others? What do you think will be going through her mind in the chapters to come? Will she bounce back, like she always does, or will she curl up and hide indefinitely? What do you think Carl is feeling, and why? When the others get back (if the others get back), what will the aftermath be in regards to Annie?

:) Ahh! Only a few more hours!