Yo. Here's a story for musicalBlink, who wanted a SolKat fanfic. Enjoy xoxo
disclaimer: I don't own any of the Homestuck characters. They all belong to Hussie, as does your soul.
Habitual
I didn't know why I was so obsessed with it. Eveytime I started it was hard to stop. It's kind of like smoking, you try to stop and tell people that you won't do it again, yet it still happens. It's unstoppable.
Everytime I have the craving, it has to happen. I can't not do it, it doesn't work that way. Life's hard and no one understands, only you do. People can fake it but you know they're just trying to make you feel better.
It's my habit, and I'm not proud. Some people bite their nails or chew their lip, not me. I do something tons of people do, but no one ever realizes. Yeah, if you haven't figured it out, I cut. I hate it yet love it.
I can't help when the itching arrives, it doesn't work. I take several tylenols and painkillers to try and numb it. I've actually gone to the hospital a few times. Not anymore, no one knows. Only he does.
I have several blades hidden in my apartment, some in the bathroom, some in my room, some in the closet. It's like finding an easter egg on easter morning. Sometimes I don't mean to, but I find them, and I do it.
I don't go out much anymore, I don't like to. The world's a cruel place, filled with horrible people. I learned that the hard way.
My days are now filled with him. It's my obsession. I follow him everywhere he goes, watching the way he reacts. I miss him.
The way he awkwardly holds his arms when walking, and the way he drags his feet in that tired way. I really miss him. Everyday that passes by I miss him, it hurts to not be around him.
Since I died, I follow him as a ghost. I hug him when he's sad or crying, laugh with him when he laughs, and talk to him when he speaks to me. Some may think he's delusional, but I'm there to listen. It scares me to know I can't do anything to help him. Recently my fears came true.
One of the few times I go out, I get attacked. I tried to fight back briefly but gave up when he brought out the knife. I'm ashamed to say I almost smiled when he dragged it across my skin.
The feeling passed when he stabbed it deep into my arm. I screamed and kicked him, trying to get free. I heard a loud yell and he was gone, about 10 other people replacing him to all crowd around me, freaking out and getting 911 on hold.
I wanted to ask if he was there, but I couldn't. I was so tired of living, it'd be better if I died now. It was slowly killing me, and I was almost right.
When I woke up in the awfully bright room, they said I'd need to stay for a while. I was extremely sick and was suffering from a crippling depression. I already knew that, but hearing it said aloud made it worse.
A lot of the nurses gave up on me, leaving when I went into fits about my medications. One in particular would constantly leave the breathing tube in my throat when I woke up, it was horrible. It made me feel like I was choking.
My next nurse was amazing. She asked me to call her Cherry, because of her red hair. She'd often ask questions about him, and we'd speak to him when we were alone. She said she'd lost someone too, and had gone through my issues. She made it through because of her nurse, so she became one too.
I still missed him, happiness didn't make it go away. I spent most of my days looking out the window and crying. Sometimes I slept the whole day, sometimes I never slept. I still couldn't leave, and it was driving me crazy.
I remember waking up on a Tuesday, maybe Wednesday, and having trouble breathing. The previous nightmare was too much and it sent me into hysterics. Cherry ran in with 3 other nurses and 3 doctors. She asked me to calm down for her, to try and live. I stared at her blankly while they began to work on me. I begged her quietly to let me pass on, everyday it got worse. I felt like I was being crushed and I couldn't take it. It was too painful.
She said to hold on, but it was slipping. I saw her look at me, eyes wide with fear, and for the first time in years, I smiled.
My vision grew dark, blocking out the staff. I saw shapes behind Cherry and saw a familiar person behind her. I laughed when he smiled sadly at me.
Cherry begged again, and I shook my head. I said I could see him and I wanted to hug him. I wanted to cry it all out and hug him. She looked at me for a second before closing her eyes and nodding. I grinned and looked back at him.
I felt light, and was pulled away from the loud noises. I walked over to him hugged him, something I had missed so much. I turned to look at my body, looking at my closed eyes. I looked at Cherry, watching as she fell to her knees crying and smiling when her boyfriend, my favorite doctor, hugged her on the floor.
I turned to look at him when I felt him tug my hand. I raised a bro and then smiled when he floated up, dragging me with him. I'd finally get to be with him, for all eternity.
Karkat's POV
I slammed the book shut and blinked a few times. Holt shit that was depressing as fuck! I rolled onto my back and stared at the roof. I really shouldn't of agreed to read Nepeta's book. She said it was romantic, and it was, but gog, so many feels!
"KK," I looked up to see Sollux looking at me with a quirked eyebrow, "whath going on?" I stared at him and felt myself wanting to cry. Somehow the book just spoke to me.
"You okay," I watched as he took a step toward me, "are you about to thart crying KK?" I got up suddenly and launched myself into his arms, sending us onto the floor in a heap of huggles.
"What the fuck KK? Whath wrong with you!?" I shook my head and nuzzled it into the crook of his neck.
I heard him sigh before kissing my forehead.
I guess cuddling was my habit.
I didn't know where the story was going so I just randomly wrote, originally it was going to be a sadstuck but nah. XD Hope you enjoyed it and sorry if it's a bit short, but I have tons of fanfics to write.
xoxo feel free to leave suggestions