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66: Such Great Heights

There is a breaking point that I think everyone has. At this point things are so chaotic and hideous, but at the same time things click. The stars align, the dust settles, and in the mess there is only one path forward. I have reached that point, and in the muck and confusion the way out illuminated itself in front of me. My final words still rung in the air; we should be together. That was the route, that was the getaway play, that was the skip forward directly to go card. That hug I had so desperately wanted in that room. The arms I needed to be wrapped in all those minutes ago were right there in front of me. There were no other options. There were no other tasks to be completed in that moment. It was just the one thing in the world I truly needed and I. As the silence between us began to permeate throughout the air I took a small breath and closed the gap between us. Back where I belonged, I rested my forehead on his chest and lightly wrapped my arms around his torso. Home. It was all I could feel. How strange it was to think of how long it had been since I had felt this, since I had been in this spot, but at the same time it felt as though I had never left. Maybe I hadn't? Maybe that bit of me had clung here all those months, waiting. There was no initial resistance, as I had been expecting. Instead I got to bask in the glow that was my own happiness undisturbed. As I stood there time became muddled; it might've been second or minutes, but eventually those familiar arms found their way around me.

Very seldom does anyone get exactly what they want, and I can only imagine that statistic had decreased significantly since this all started, but here I was, right where I'd wanted to be. Whatever tragedy had befallen me became fuzzy in my mind as if they were some sort of made-up nightmare, and in those arms I wasn't entirely sure if any of it had even happened in the first place. There was just this small portion of peace in the world where all my troubles had once been. Maybe I was delirious from blood loss. Maybe I was so starved for an embrace that it had driven me into temporary madness. Maybe I was just so tired that I was slipping into a dream state; I don't think so, though. I felt awake. I felt a raised level of awareness even. I could hear his steady heartbeat as it clashed so completely with my own's quickened thuds. I only moved to get closer, to remove any remaining distance left between us. Then we stood there in the cell, my heart slowed, joining his, and even though I wanted the moment to continue on forever I knew it would have to end eventually. I allowed myself a few more minutes of bliss before speaking once more.

"I'm glad you're back," I leaned back, shuffling to keep my weight on my good leg. "Rick kind of lost it and without you here things sort of…" I paused. What do I say? While you were gone we were lost, divided, confused, barely keeping it together? Was that even the case, or had I just been projecting the last few days? No, things had been different. Everything had been harder; it wasn't just me. I nodded slightly, deciding it was best to just keep it simple, "It's just good that you're back."

He sat down on the bottom bunk and glanced over to his brother standing across in the main room, "Would've been back sooner if Merle knew which way north was."

I plopped down beside him, all of my grace used up for the day, "How's having him back?"

He chewed on his fingernail, "S'fine, I guess."

"I know Glenn doesn't want him around," I let a small smile creep across my lips as I stared at the one-handed brute, "But I'm glad he's here."

From the corner of my eye I could see his face contort in confusion. He motioned briefly to his own ear, "Didn't he?" In reflex my own hand went up to the bandaged empty space on the side of my head, and the second my fingers grazed the gauze there was a sting of pain and a flash of that room. The dingy walls, the metal table, the bloody mess with the remnants of my left ear sitting in the center. I was not mad. Not about that. My moments with Merle had been the least offensive thing that happened to me in that room. What he did I could at least begin to understand.

"It was only because he wanted to find you," I poked at his side, "Can't say I blame him for it. I would've done the same thing."

His eyes flashed from the bandage back to my own, "You gonna be deaf now?"

"No," I chuckled a bit, scooting back further onto the mattress, "I'll still be able to hear, but it'll just be different." I could tell he was uncomfortable, so I tried to lighten the tone, "Carl thinks that it'll make me look more intimidating, scare off bad people. That could be useful." I turned when I saw Daryl's eyes dart to Merle, who had only just walked up to the cell door.

He waved his metal contraption around in the air, "Least ya didn't lose a hand."

My grin was wide when I wiggled my fingers as I spoke to him, "Very true." He slid down the wall carefully and took a seat on the floor, "So, how do you like the prison?"

"S'fine."

"I'd imagine Woodbury was more," I shrugged trying to figure out where I was planning to go with that. Woodbury was more evil. Woodbury was more cruel. I smirked at him, "comfortable."

"You'd imagine correctly." I had to appreciate how animated his voice was, even now, with everything up in the air. There was something about it that made me forget just how bad things actually were; it was a rare quality to have these days. "Now I gotta ask," he reached across the cell and motioned to my arm, "Were you lyin' about this bite of yours?"

"Yeah," my eyes suddenly became glued to the floor as my hand instinctively covered the scar, "I was bit at the beginning of this last spring."

Genuine interest and shock filled his voice, "And you didn't turn into one of those bastards?"

"No," I squirmed, not wanting to lie anymore, especially in front of Daryl, especially after we'd finally made progress, "Not exactly."

"What's that mean? Not exactly?"

Daryl spoke before I could even open my mouth, "Doesn't mean anything." It was strange how much relief came from those three unsuspecting words. It was clear he hadn't entirely accepted my condition, but there was something defensive about it. He was defending me, my flaw. I reached over and grabbed his hand as my eyes left the floor.

"It just means that I," I looked Merle directly in the face, "I get hungry." I saw his eyebrows furrow and hastily added the rest, "And I can smell… stuff."

"Hungry?" he looked from me to his brother and let out a laugh, "Ain't we all hungry?"

I shook my head, "I kind of get hungry for people… well, meat. That's why I can't eat any of it anymore. Not even squirrels. Too risky."

There was a flicker of disgust on his face, but he hid it quickly, "What do you mean you can smell?"

I tapped my nose, "Now I have a nose like a hound dog. I can smell bodies from miles away," I continued, trying to make it sound as normal as possible, "The bigger they are, the easier it is." A wave of quiet washed over us and I thought back to the day's events. Had I smelt the oncoming storm that was the Governor's assault? I had, but I had been too busy to register it, too wrapped up in my own bullshit to save Axel, save all of us. My voice came back soft, "I was distracted earlier, otherwise I could've…"

Thankfully Merle didn't miss a beat in changing the subject, "You two hunt together?"

"She doesn't need my help," Daryl's voice seemed quasi-defeated. He was right, though. I really didn't need his help with hunting anymore, not like I used to. That wasn't the whole situation though. Hunting alone felt pointless; I always brought someone with me. Besides, the only reason I hunt is to feed the others. If it wasn't for them I'd probably just avoid animals.

I quickly disagreed with him regardless of his valid point, "Yeah, I do. You're a good shot, and I can't carry most of the bigger game by myself."

I could tell he wasn't happy, "Whatever."

"Fine," I rolled my eyes before inching closer to him, trying to fix what discord had just occurred. To my surprise his arm instantaneously wrapped around my waist and pulled me the remainder of the distance to him. There was no fighting the joy in my face. Finally things are easy again. I felt safe again. I felt like I might actually get to relax. I yawned before attempting to continue the conversation, "Probably won't get to hunt for a while now anyways. At least not until he's been dealt with."

"He'll probably kill you first," Merle spoke almost in passing. Daryl shot him a mean look, and I couldn't help but be glad to not be on the receiving end of those anymore. He raised his hand in retreat, "Just sayin' is all. He'll find out that she's the strongest, and then it's curtains for her."

"I know, that's a good thing," my smile was countered by two confused-looking Dixons. "He goes after me first," I began to explain as best as I could, but I started to feel sleep dragging at my eyelids, "I can smell him coming, and if my arm heals by then it will be cake to shoot him," I mimed shooting a pistol, "Then –BANG- dead as his daughter."

Merle let out a laugh, "Sound pretty confident about that, Killer."

"I am," I wiped my eyes in a final attempt to combat the fatigue, "But I don't know if that's how I want him to die," my voice started to trail off as my eyes refused to remain open, "Might be too easy for him. He should hurt." I felt the arm around me give a subtle squeeze. I looked up into Daryl's face, "I think I'm going to take a nap now." Before he could move I slumped down and rested my head on his leg. I was asleep in seconds.

-o0o-

I didn't dream at all that afternoon. My eyes shut, the lights just went off and I was gone for what felt like a split-second before I heard hushed voices. I didn't need to open my eyes to know that night had fallen. The air had a coolness that only a set sun could account for. When I came to completely I did not immediately sit up.

"Think she'll be okay?" I heard Daryl ask softly as I felt a hand carefully make its way through my hair. It felt nice, to be so tenderly touched by anyone, most of all him. I would've fallen back asleep right then if I hadn't been so curious about their conversation.

"She seems pretty calm now, don't she?"

"Why'd you let him do that to her?" I didn't have to be able to see his face to know he was scowling at his brother. The harshness in his voice that I had become too accustomed to was back. I thought about sitting up and defending Merle's inaction, but my body was too exhausted, my brain was too tired, and it wasn't my place. Instead I just stayed still and listened on.

"Nothin' I could've done." There seemed to be a level of remorse in his words even as he continued, "If she'd have talked then it wouldn't have had to happen."

"That supposed to mean something?" It was nice to hear that he was on my side again. That he felt some loyalty to me. I'd wanted that for so long, having it happen felt so surreal. Was I still asleep? No. No, I'm awake.

"I didn't think she was serious bout lovin' you, bout how the Governor would be killin' ya."

"What'd she tell you?" My stomach tensed in anticipation. What would he tell him about that day? Had he not told his brother a single thing about what happened in that room yet?

Merle let out a low chuckle, "Kept saying we were alike, me and her. She had a chance to kill me too, when y'all were runnin' off. Chose not to." There was a long pause and I found myself holding my breath, "After he had his time with her she lost it, I think. Told me to keep you alive and then told me that she wasn't walking out of there and asked me to be the one to kill her. Said something about losing her brother or some shit, that it would mean something if I was the one to pull the trigger." Another long pause passed and the hand that had once been in my hair held my shoulder lightly, "Then she said that if she thought she could get him back she'd do anything, she said she understood me, what I did." My breathing returned to normal. That was it. That was all that he could say. Nothing bad. That was all there was. The deep voice returned, "When I left I could hear her talkin' to herself. Sounded like she was set on dying in there. Knew she wouldn't make it out." He had heard me? He had heard me talking to Death?

The hand's grip on my shoulder tightened gently, "She didn't die."

"Nope," there was a hint of pride in his tone. Was not dying really something to be proud of? Either way, it felt nice to know that Merle had remembered what happened in there. It was nice to know that I hadn't imagined our camaraderie. It was nice to know that I wasn't so alone. "So you two?" there was a mischievous edge to his words when they came back, "Have y'all… consummated the relationship?"

"We've been sittin' here since this afternoon," Daryl sounded more annoyed than usual.

"Damn, little brother," the edge remained in his phrase, "Even I got to see her naked." There was movement and I could hear the various thuds of the playful sibling violence I had once enjoyed with my own brother. I felt a pang of mourning as the fake beating continued. "You little shit," the rustling ceased, "Well? What's she like?" Shit. What had I missed? My eyes squeezed as shut as possible. Don't tell him. Please, don't tell him.

Daryl's voice came back cold, "Fuck off."

"C'mon brother," another punch, "Don't hold out on your big brother now."

There was a slap next, "S'none of your business, asshole." I couldn't keep from smiling then. Not totally because he had kept our private life private. Not entirely because the thought of someone slapping Merle was a joyous thing for me. I smiled mainly because he got his brother back. Someone who I cared about had been rewarded in this new world. Daryl had gotten the one thing he'd been missing since I'd met him. Family.

A minute passed before the silence broke again, "Think she'll be able to kill him?"

"The Governor?" The hatred and anger in his voice paralleled my own disdain for the man.

"Yeah," I felt eyes on me as I tried to stay as still as possible, "Think she has it in her to take care of him?"

As I waited for his answer I began to feel anxious. Did he think I could do it? Was he as confident in me as I was in him? Then he gave his answer, "If she doesn't then I will." I went back to sleep then, happier than I'd been in months.

-o0o-

A good night's rest does a lot for a person. It clears everything up, it refills empty tanks, and it puts everything in perspective. Life is a whole lot easier after a solid sleep. The only way to make it even more simple is to have everyone you care about even remotely close to you, and having someone to flirt with doesn't hurt either. And as the overall awareness and readiness of the group increased since the attack I began to think that we might just be able to swing this conflict into our favor.

I peered out from between the wooden slats as a new fragrance passed through the air. I took a step back and looked to Carl, "Someone's coming."

He nodded and I heard Maggie holler from another lookout point, "How many?"

"Smells like just one," I called over to her, "But we better be ready just in case. I'll go get the others."

Hope you enjoyed this one. :) I know it was like, cavity-level sweetness. LOL. Please review with your thoughts on it all!