Thank you so, so much for all of your lovely comments and suggestions last chapter! You guys are so wonderful! If I didn't reply to your review individually, it's because you reviewed on anon or have PMs disabled, so I'm thanking those of you now! Really, you guys are so sweet! I hope this chapter lives up to your expectations... I know a lot of you mentioned you were looking forward to this one.

Cops & Robbers

After being interrupted earlier (not that he was complaining, not at all), Castle was now sprawled on his stomach on top of the comforter of their bed, re-reading the half-written journal entry and adding on the finishing touches.

Kate had gone for a run on the beach (though he couldn't fathom how she had any energy to run after their activities this afternoon), and was now in the shower. He'd offered to join, even offered to behave when she said that she needed a little more time before doing that again, but ultimately she'd kissed him deeply before sauntering to the bathroom alone, leaving him gaping after her. He was pretty sure the rest of what he was writing now had more to do with her alluring beauty than their most recent case.

He finished the final sentence, signed his name at the bottom just as the bathroom door opened and Kate emerged wearing leggings and a loose top. Castle shut the notebook, was leaning over to set it on the nightstand when Kate slid onto the bed beside him, reached out to catch his wrist and guide it back to the bed.

"Let's read some more," she suggested softly. The tips of her hair brushed the skin of his arm as she settled in, leaving tiny droplets of water in their wake, and Castle was momentarily distracted by the odd sensation, the cool liquid against the head of his skin.

As usual, Kate drew him back to her, this time with the gentle stroke of her fingers over his as she slipped the journal from his hands, thumbed through to the next entry. She glanced up again to see if Castle was with her, found him gazing at her with bright blue eyes, so filled with love and tenderness that it made her heart melt.

He smiled softly, knowingly, and tossed a leg over hers, keeping her close. Always close. She feathered smiling lips over his just once before dropping her eyes to the page.

Dear Kate,

A few hours ago, I wasn't sure I'd be alive to write this letter. When you left the bank with the son-in-law, I didn't think I would ever see you again. And because of the circumstances, I couldn't even say goodbye, couldn't tell you one last time that I love you. I hoped you could see it in my eyes; I know it was there. I couldn't have hidden it if I tried.

Her eyes lifted to his and he could see the lingering terror from that horrible day, one of many that would never be lifted from their memories.

"I was so scared," she murmured, dropping her gaze back to the page and tracing the words of his first sentence. "It felt like my entire world crashed down around me when that explosion went off."

Castle shook his head, because as terrifying as it was to know that he might be blown to pieces, he knew from experience that watching someone else die was infinitely worse.

"I can imagine," he voiced softly, and Kate nodded to herself, knowing he was one of a small number of people who truly did understand.

They shared a brief moment of silent condolences before continuing to read.

I don't want to wait any longer, Kate. I know you're not ready, and I'll continue to respect that. But today – we almost lost our chance. I don't want that to happen without having an opportunity to look you in the eye and tell you how much I love you.

I think you saw it today in my eyes, and when you came to our rescue I thought I saw it reflected back in yours, too. But maybe it was just the adrenaline of the day elevating everything. The way your eyes lit up, though... I've never seen you like that before, Kate. You were so happy. And you were looking at me.

God, you have no idea how badly I want to see that again and again and again. I want to hold you in my arms at night, wake to your smiling face every morning. I want to show you, tell you every day that I love you and that you're amazing and that I'm so completely enamored with you. You've become everything I didn't know I wanted and the one thing I could never live without.

I know, now I'm just rambling and this is turning into a really sappy love letter, but I guess that's just how I'm feeling right now. I survived an explosion. You saved my mother and me. You just left my loft after a lovely dinner with my family and two glasses of wine with me on my sofa, looking so comfortable and at home.

If you can't tell, I really enjoyed it. You look good in my house, Kate. You should come over here more often. You can hang out with my family, play games, watch movies, play laser tag. Whatever you want, so long as you're here.

It's a selfish request, I know. You have a life of your own, other things to do. I know there are some things you're working on personally. But I love being around you, I love who I am when I'm with you, and I want that all the time.

Every day.

Is it too soon to ask you to just move in with me?

Love,

Rick

Kate chuckled as she thought back on that evening, the lovely dinner with his family, the ridiculous conversation about who had saved whose life however many times. She'd thought it was silly at first that he'd kept track. But the fact that he remembered these details, the moments between them... that almost said more than anything else about the depth of his feelings for her.

And it had made for a very interesting conversation.

"Then there was the time I had to brave the hellish flames to pull you out of your bathtub, won't be forgetting that anytime soon."

Kate rolled her eyes as she sat, allowed Martha to fill her plate with a variety of delicious looking concoctions. Sitting around the table with wine and good food and his family twisted Kate's stomach, overwhelmed her with a feeling of longing she usually did her best to ignore. But tonight she couldn't, because the Castles were a family and yet they'd welcomed her into their home, their evening, like it was an everyday occurrence.

Castle was still going on about lifesaving escapades but he trailed off as he noticed the faraway look in Kate's eyes.

He nudged her foot with his own beneath the table, drew her gaze to his. "You okay?"

She placed a napkin across her lap, picked up her fork, smiled gently in his direction. "Yeah."

"So... nine, huh?"

They'd put the conversation on hold over dinner in deference to Alexis's presence; after today, Kate was pretty sure the girl didn't need to hear about all the other times her father could've died. But now it was just the two of them and his sofa and wine and the low light of the living room. And though Kate had initially scoffed at Castle when he'd brought it up, her mind had spent the last couple hours subconsciously sifting through their history, trying to remember all the scenarios to which Castle was referring.

"Yep, and don't you forget it."

Kate tapped the stem of her wine glass thoughtfully. "I'm still only coming up with seven."

"Seven?"

She set her glass aside, counted them off on her fingers as she spoke. "When my apartment blew up, when Dunn tried to shoot me, the case with the counterfeit money..."

"Twice," Castle interrupted. "She pointed a gun at you and then both of them pointed guns at us."

"Right. So that's four."

"The case with the knockoff purses... that guy came in with a gun."

"Right, yeah. Okay, five." Kate brought up her other hand, extended the first finger. "When you punched out Lockwood. The dirty bomb. The freezer. And that night..." she trailed off, unable to finish the sentence.

"Yeah," he murmured softly, letting her know he understood. That night in the hangar.

"And I've saved you how many?" she asked after a moment of silence in which they mourned for their fallen captain and mentor.

"Eight."

Kate paused to think for a moment, then began counting off. "The very first case."

"Yeah. Then when you made me stay in the car and that guy dragged me out onto the sidewalk and punched me. When you pretended to be my Russian girlfriend, which was hot, by the way."

Kate whacked his arm but smiled. "There was the time you got bitten by a guy who thought he was a vampire. That counts, right?"

Well, she did technically save him from being bitten in the neck, so he supposed that counted. Castle chuckled at the memory. "And that counterfeiting case again."

"Right. And there was the shootout right before we got locked in the freezer."

"And today."

"That's seven."

Castle swallowed hard. "Coonan."

She froze, and for a split second he thought she was going to excuse herself for the night. Maybe he shouldn't have brought this up... too many touchy topics involved. But to his surprise, she relaxed again after a moment, nodded. "Yeah."

"I think those numbers are substantially larger now," Castle commented, pulling them both from the memory.

Kate hummed her agreement. "We should probably work on not letting them get any higher."

"Mmmm, yeah."

"Castle," she said after a bit.

"Yeah?"

"You've saved me more than that, you know."

"Like I said, those numbers are..."

"No, not like that." She lifted her head, met his eyes and resolutely held his gaze. "Not physically saving my life. Just... saving me from myself."

"How so?"

"Your books," Kate replied softly. They'd had this conversation a couple weeks ago and she knew he understood, but she still felt the need to elaborate. "And in the cemetery."

"When you were..." he trailed off, looked away, still unable to complete the sentence when you were shot.

She nodded. "Your words. They kept me going through the summer, gave me a reason to keep fighting when all I wanted to do was give up."

He remembered reading that in her letter, nodded to himself.

"I'm glad I could help," he managed, throat tight with emotion. It still pained him, imagining what she'd gone through that summer, though reading her words to him had eased his mind somewhat.

Kate seemed to understand, though, held him tighter. "Me too."

Thoughts?