This is sappy. It's been written for almost four months. And it's my absolute favorite chapter so far. I hope you guys feel the same.
Till Death Do Us Part (Part I)
"You coming to bed soon?"
Castle lifted his head, tilted it back to look over his shoulder at the sound of his partner's voice. Kate padded across the office, came to a stop behind him and rested her left hand on his shoulder. He reached up to cover her fingers with his own, smiled up at her. "Yeah, in a couple minutes."
"Okay," she murmured.
Castle debated saying more, but Kate seemed to have no problem with waiting. Her eyes were already flitting around the room, her hand dislodging his and sliding from his shoulder up to his head so her fingers could card through his hair. She alternated between fingering the strands and massaging his scalp, and he quickly descended back into his writing mode, back into memories of the case they'd closed just hours earlier. Their first one since returning from the Hamptons, and thankfully it'd been relatively straight forward, allowing them to gradually ease back into work.
A few more strokes of the pen filled the remaining blank lines of the page, and Castle quickly re-read his work before signing his name at the bottom, the same way he ended every single letter. He set aside his pen, closed the book, and the sound of the cover meeting the pages guided Kate's focus back to the man sitting in front of her. She ruffled his hair lovingly, smiled down at him as he turned his head and lifted his eyes to hers.
"Done?"
He nodded. "Yep."
Kate's eyes flicked to the journal, away, then back again, as something registered on the edge of her consciousness. She paused, giving weight to the thought as she struggled to latch on to what exactly it was that stood out.
"Everything alright?"
"This one's different." The words escaped her mouth almost without conscious realization but as soon as they crossed the threshold, she realized they were correct.
"What do you mean?"
"The cover," she answered, reaching out to finger the edges, smooth and un-tattered. "It's..." she opened it, thumbed through the mostly blank pages. "You got a new one?"
"Found it in my desk drawer," he offered. "But yeah. Other one was full."
She nodded to herself, silently set it back on the surface of the desk. She couldn't believe he'd filled an entire journal of letters for her, about her, to her. It was... overwhelming, to know that he'd based an entire character on her yet still found the words to write about her in other genres as well.
"Bed?" he offered, seemingly unaware of her momentary distraction.
"Yeah," Kate stammered, pushing aside the overwhelming sense of wonderment. "Yeah."
Castle stood, flicked off the lamp, the room descending into darkness, illuminated only by the residual light shining from their bedroom. Kate reached for his hand as she took a step back, pulled him after her into the bedroom. Once there, he toed off his socks, stripped out of his sweatpants so he was wearing just a t-shirt and boxers. Kate, already in her pajamas, climbed into bed, folding back the covers for him to join her. He wasted no time in doing so, situating himself next to her, shoulder to shoulder and propped up against the pillows.
By silent agreement they both were drawn to the older journal, to Castle's words once again, and he reached over to the nightstand, retrieved the book and opened it in front of them.
Dear Kate,
Someday, that's going to be us. You and me. At the altar.
I can see it. Me in a tux. You in a long white dress, simple but elegant. A beach wedding, I'm thinking. I love you in heels, but for this you'd be barefoot. Hair pulled halfway back, the wind catching the flowing tendrils, making them dance in the breeze. You would be holding a small array of flowers, lilies perhaps, and your mother's ring would be nestled against your chest, keeping her close to your heart on this day. Your dad would walk you down the aisle and you would be smiling at me, that gorgeous smile that sneaks out when you're not holding anything back. You're beautiful all the time, but you'd be the most stunning bride.
And then I would smile back and I wouldn't be able to take my eyes off you. I hate to admit it, but I would probably shed a few tears because you're so incredible and stunning and about to be my wife.
The ceremony would be small, just our families and friends. You'd stand there with me at the altar, hand in hand, and I'd be in awe of you... your beauty, the fact that you're actually marrying me. Your dad would tear up and so would my mother. There would be an empty chair in the front row in honor of Johanna, and I know that wherever she is, she would be crying tears of happiness as well.
Kate reached up then, discretely swiped away the droplet that slipped from the corner of her eye. If Castle noticed, he wisely didn't say a word.
The officiant would start talking but I'd be so lost in your eyes that I wouldn't hear anything until the vows. I don't know what you'd say, but I know mine would end with "always." There isn't any other way for our story to end. Then I would kiss you, our first kiss as husband and wife, and you'd probably have to push me away from you because I'll have forgotten that we're in public and I should keep the kiss decent.
We would turn to the crowd and everyone would be clapping and smiling as we walked back down the aisle, arm in arm, grinning so broadly that our faces hurt. There would be a delicious meal and dancing and I wouldn't be able to keep my hands off you all night.
After the ceremony and our cake and the first dance and all of that, I'd whisk you off on a romantic honeymoon to a destination of your choosing, and we'd spend the entire time naked and wrapped up in each other, never wanting to return to reality.
But I'm getting carried away. You still need space and time, and even when you're ready – because I'll wait until you are – it's not like we'd be rushing to the altar. Maybe you were right, and third time is the charm, but this time I'm going to take my time and do things right because after this, there isn't going to be a 'next time.'
So someday in the future, you and me. Together.
It's on my bucket list, you know: get married and make it last. I'd all but given up on that one. And then I fell in love with you. If there's anyone I'd want forever with, it's you, Kate. Without a doubt.
I love you so much.
Always,
Rick
"Did you really know back then?" Kate asked curiously, setting the journal aside. Her eyes were still brimming with tears from his letter, his words about her mother. But there was a mix of other emotions swimming in their depths as well; curiosity, trepidation, hope, adoration, love.
"Yes and no."
She cocked her head.
Castle paused, contemplated his choice of words. "I knew I loved you in a way I'd never loved anyone else. I knew I wanted to be with you for the long haul. And when I saw Ryan and Jenny, I knew that I wanted that kind of happiness."
He stopped, took a breath, wiped a hand over his face as if to clear away the lingering pain of what he was about to say.
"But I also think I was jaded, so everything I was writing felt hugely hypothetical. I've failed twice, and I know I've made light of it in the past but it's something I take very seriously. In my mind, marriage was equated with eventual failure, and I didn't want to lose you." She hummed her understanding and he continued. "I knew this was different than my previous relationships, but I didn't know if it was different enough to make a difference. Does that make sense?"
Kate nodded thoughtfully. "Yeah. It does."
"Good."
"And now?" she probed.
Castle reached up, cradled her jaw with both hands. "I love you, Katherine Beckett. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I understand now, in a way that I didn't back then, what that entails." He dropped his hands to her shoulders, trailed his fingers down her arms to twine their hands together. "But I think you already know that."
"I..." Kate choked up, the words frozen in her throat. "I do, Castle. And I want this so much. I want us."
"So do I," he replied effortlessly.
"So that's a yes?" she asked, words spilling from her lips before she even realized what she was saying.
"Wait, what?" Castle met her eyes, shocked. "Did you just... propose to me?"
"Maybe?" she replied sheepishly, though she couldn't take all the credit. As it was, they'd kind of proposed to each other.
"Does that mean I get an engagement ring?"
She freed a hand, swatted his chest. "No."
Castle released her other hand then, climbed out of bed, half tugging the covers off of her in his haste. He crossed to the dresser, opened his underwear drawer and extracted a small velvet box from the rear left corner.
She felt a brief pang of regret at not letting him ask her in the lovely way she knew he would have, a long string of beautiful words culminating in a seven-word question. Though to be fair, his beautiful words were what initiated the entire conversation. And he seemed okay with it happening this way and they were getting married and he was walking toward her with a diamond ring and it just...
Gosh, she was so overwhelmed.
Castle crawled back into bed, arranged himself so he sat facing her. He handed the box to her with shaking hands, and as Kate took it from him she realized hers were trembling too.
She barely registered the soft noise of the box being flipped open, or the way the ring caught slightly on her knuckle as he slid it into place. All she could focus on was the beautiful sparkling diamond band on her finger.
"Castle..." she breathed, lifting watery eyes to his, and no, she was absolutely not going to cry right now. Except she definitely was. "It's gorgeous."
She ran a finger over the band, so many flawless diamonds sparkling up at her. It was... stunning. And perfect.
And hers.
When she looked up again, her eyes locked with her partner's – fiancé's, she corrected herself – and the pure love radiating between them was overwhelming to say the least. Castle crushed her to him then, falling back against the pillows and pulling her down on top of him. He kissed her deeply and she responded just as avidly, tongues tangling, lips caressing.
"We're really doing this?" he asked when they finally separated, breathing heavily, thoroughly disheveled, but smiling so hard their cheeks hurt. "We're really engaged?"
Kate smiled broadly, her whole face glowing with happiness and love. "We are."
"God." He hugged her again, buried his nose in her neck. "We're getting married," he choked out, and she could feel his tears against her cheeks.
"Yeah," she breathed in response, an amazing feeling of calm settling over her. "Yeah, we are."
Thoughts?