Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or any of the characters. Sadly.
A/N: Here we go! This was another fun one to write, and I'm actually glad I'm rewriting this fiction. Dinner scene was a lot more entertaining than what it first was (if I remember correctly, it was initially a paragraph or two long and nothing happened.)
Chapter 3: Holy Flying Meatballs
It was Friday, the third day of the new school year, and the last Sasuke-less day this school had, and Naruto was already sick of hearing the guy's name. It was all he heard the entire day; students drooling over his looks, his money, or the cool factor that would come with befriending him, while teachers just yammered on about treating him like anyone else and to not bring the press to the school. At this rate, Naruto was going to greet the actor with a right hook in the nose.
"I wonder if he has a big penis."
The other four boys stopped their lunch room banter and just gawked at Sai, who seemed completely unaware of the reactions he caused.
Kiba managed to clear his throat. "Uh, dude. Something you want to tell us? Because if you're a closet Sasuke super fan, you can sit your ass somewhere else."
The pale boy finally seemed to notice the very weird looks he was receiving. "No, I don't particularly care about Uchiha, but quite a few do, so I was wondering if he had a big penis." Naruto was having trouble following Sai's train of thought, and their eyes met. "Do you?"
The blond narrowed his eyes dangerously, while Kiba snickered, and Shikamaru and Gaara were smirking in amusement. "Do I what?"
"Have a big p—" Naruto shoved a tater tot in the boy's mouth to shut him up, who was flashed a sultry smile.
"I'm really starting to doubt the wisdom of bringing you into the group. You're kind of weird and immature." He ignored the fact that Kiba was trying to get a spoon to stay on his nose as he said that.
Shikamaru heaved a sigh. "Anyway, let's stop talking about Sasuke and penises. We still going over to your place for the night, Naruto?"
"Yeah, you can come over at any time, I won't be working on homework until Sunday night." He noticed that Sai had perked up, and sighed softly. "You coming, Sai?"
"Of course, it'll be a blast!"
One of the Art teachers, Genma, bounced up suddenly. "Can I come?!"
"No," responded five voices in unison.
It was late Friday night. Naruto was sprawled out on his bed with Sai, whose legs were stretched out over the blond's stomach. Kiba and Shikamaru reclined together in a large chair, and Gaara sat against a wall. All five were devouring pizza, breadsticks, and soda that were delivered.
"Whiskers," Sai said, nudging Naruto with a foot. He had taken it upon himself to give nicknames to the group, Naruto's coming from the three mysterious scars on each cheek that resembled whiskers. Gaara had given him a look from hell when he was called Grumpy, but Sai was oblivious.
"Okay, okay," Naruto muttered. "Uhhh...would you rather eat three spoonfuls of wasabi throughout the day or spend the afternoon with Gai?"
The room was filled with snorts and shudders and the unanimous declaration of wasabi. Sai hummed to himself, next. "Would you rather groom Lee's eyebrows or look at Naruto's artwork for an hour?" No one had the chance to respond before Sai's legs were thrown off Naruto's stomach and the latter shoved him off the bed. Sai grabbed onto Naruto's shirt, however, and both fell to the floor, Sai under Naruto.
"You didn't need to grab me!" he huffed, and Sai merely smiled and rested a hand on Naruto's chest. He jerked up and off the boy, blushing, while Kiba hooted with laughter and Shikamaru studied the two, Naruto especially. Naruto settled back on the bed, grumbling. His heart had skipped slightly, but that was just from the surprise of Sai's actions. He was still getting used to the weirdo.
"So Naruto," Shikamaru u started, "what happens Monday, exactly?" The rest of the boys looked over in interest.
"Ehmm," he huffed. "I have to leave early, but Jiraiya will be taking me, so you don't have to get up early, Kiba." The brunette looked relieved. "Meet the asshole and his brother, and I show him around the school. I have to leave a few minutes early each class to meet him at his so I can take him to his next one. And all that while dodging fans."
"You should wear a suit and sunglasses and like, a baton or something. Look all imposing," Kiba snickered.
"I wonder if Sakura likes a man in a suit." He sighed wistfully, while the others rolled their eyes. While he and pink-haired beauty got along pretty well, she still crushed on the celebrity. Soon she'd find out what an ass he really was and would realize Naruto was the perfect match for her.
One by one, the boys dozed off. Sai had gotten back up on the bed and was dozing on the other side of it, and Naruto was amused to see that Gaara appeared to be comfortable on the floor using a stuffed bear as a pillow. Soon enough, sleep took hold of him as well.
It was early. Way. Too. Fucking. Early. Naruto could see that the sun was up through the window blinds, and he wondered why he was awake when he obviously still had some sleeping he wanted to do. The others were still sleeping except for Kiba, who had grabbed a pillow and had it pressed over his head. Naruto was about to ask when the beeping of a vehicle backing up clawed through his ears, and he groaned.
He heard the squeal of tires, men talking loudly to each other, doors slamming, more beeping, and Naruto got pissed. He stumbled off the bed and over to his window, reaching a hand under his shirt to scratch at his stomach. His bedroom window looked out over the vacant house next door, except now there were cars and moving truck in the driveway. Couldn't they have done this at a later damn time on a Saturday morning?
Naruto growled to himself, pissed off he was woken during the weekend where he had some remaining peace left before he had to spend time with an asshole he really hated. Without thinking of much beyond needing to vent at someone, he left his apartment, practically running down the stairs to the main floor, and out of the building.
He briskly walked over to the house next door, barely noticing the cool grass on his bare feet. There were around six men working, heading in and outside the house through the front door that was propped open by a brick. For whatever reason, the atmosphere was tense, and Naruto tried stuffing his hands in his pockets before realizing he stormed out in his dark blue boxers. Well then.
Shoving the embarrassment to the side for a while, he got closer to the house's driveway, heading for one of the men behind a stack of boxes he was carrying that was going down the truck ramp. There came a thump from inside the house, and the man's fingers clenched over the boxes as he snapped, "Would you kindly mind not dropping my shit?"
Naruto narrowed his eyes as he stepped in front of the guy, careful not to get boxes dropped on him. "And would you kindly mind waiting until a decent hour until you make all this goddamn noise?"
A loud, very annoyed sigh came from behind the boxes, and despite his previous words, he dropped the boxes to the ground none too gently. "It's ten o'clock in the morning you dumbass."
Naruto was about to hurl an insult right back when he froze, mouth gaping open. Sasuke Uchiha stood next to him, looking very pissed off as he leaned a bit on the stack of boxes he had been carrying. Sasuke just glared at the blond, daring the idiot to start freaking out, but then recognition finally hit him.
Before either of them could say anything, another man strolled out, looking very much like an older Sasuke but with longer hair that was tied back. "Are the boxes with my books still in...," he stopped, spotting Naruto, and tilted his head to the side in confusion, "Naruto Uzumaki?"
"Uchihas," he grumbled, now very much aware of his state of undress. He could tell the other two noticed, going by the bastard's smirk and the older brother's confused stare. He shifted his weight self-consciously.
"Were you so excited to meet me before Monday you followed me to our new house while forgetting to put pants on?" he said, voice dripping mockery, and Naruto felt his face grow hot.
"No, you conceited ass, I live in the apartment next door and you woke me up."
Sasuke said nothing at all, just kept looking at the tanned male in disdain. Sensing the tension, Itachi clapped his hands together, grabbing their attention. "It's convenient you live so close, Mr. Uzumaki." They ignored the smaller raven's snort. "I'm Itachi Uchiha, Sasuke's older brother and guardian. We'd love to get to know you—"
"Speak for yourself."
"—but we're still in the midst of the fun that is moving everything in and unpacking. Would you like to join us for dinner tonight?"
Naruto looked at the older one warily, and decided he wasn't so bad. It was the younger that had a very thorny pole stuck up his ass. That invitation was still a 'hell no' however. "Just call me Naruto, and, eh, no thanks. I'm very swamped with homework this weekend." He didn't need to know he had very little of it.
"After the first three days of school?"
He nodded slowly, feeling the man's piercing gaze going through him. "Uh-huh." Itachi's eyes slid elsewhere to look at something behind Naruto, and he turned to see Sai waving from Naruto's bedroom window.
"Hello!" he called down to the three of them, and Sasuke rolled his eyes and none of them responded. This didn't daunt Sai. "How big is your penis, Mr. Sasuke?" he kept yelling.
Naruto felt a surge of smugness at the irritated look on Sasuke's face, while Itachi went back to looking confused. "Naruto, then. Do you know who that is, by any chance?"
The blond started to head back to the apartment building before any more dinner invitation pressure was sent his way, giving Sasuke one last look of loathing, which was returned with a sneer. "Not a clue," he called back, jogging away.
He stormed through the apartment building and back up to the second floor, unaware that he was muttering angrily to himself. Once he paused to spontaneously kick a walk, much to his regret. After being attacked by Ms. Lind's stupidass chihuahua, he finally made it back to his own apartment, slamming the door as he entered.
Kiba and Shikamaru were grimacing in sympathy at him, Gaara was glaring at the noise he was making, and Sai was still at the window watching the men work, occasionally yelling something down. Which went ignored. He really didn't need Sasuke and Sai having a yelled conversation about dick sizes between buildings.
"Dude," Kiba said, "you're in your boxers."
Naruto opted to stomp over to the window and tug Sai away from it, closing his bedroom door, and then flopped down on the living room couch. "I know, realized that way too late. I'm sure they had a great time laughing about that one. His brother actually isn't so bad, but that stupid bastard..ugh. Complete superiority complex."
"What'd you say to each other?"
"Princess Sasuke was all pissy and sneer-y at me, accused me of stalking him. Pah! His brother's name is Itachi, he invited me over to dinner. Of course I said no and booked it out of there."
"You should go," Shikamaru said, and Kiba and Naruto looked at him in surprise. "I mean, you're going to spend a lot of time with the Uchiha regardless, it'd be best to get on decent terms, or at least over the feelings of wanting to gut each other, sooner rather than later."
"No way in hell!" Naruto said. "I don't have to be his little guard dog that long at school, maybe two weeks, and I can just ignore the fact that he's my neighbor."
"Troublesome," he tsked, but the discussion was over for now. Naruto already had too much of Sasuke for one day, and it wasn't even noon. The group spent the rest of the day playing on the PS3 and eating leftover pizza.
Around five o'clock or so Sai had snuck over and into Naruto's bedroom and was looking at the house again. "The movers are gone!" he announced.
"Good," Naruto grunted. "They were loud and obnoxious."
"Sounds like you," Kiba pointed out.
"That's you, doggy boy," Naruto punched him.
"Hey!" Sai yelled over to them again, "we have a view of Sasuke's bedroom! He's changing clothes right now, maybe we can settle the penis debate finally."
The rest of the group perked up in interest and sidled over, and Naruto elbowed Sai in the side. "There was no debate about his manhood, you're just... really obsessed for whatever reason. Be right back." The others watched curiously as Naruto went over to dig through his closet, and came back with five pairs of binoculars.
"Why do you have so many binoculars?" Gaara asked suspiciously.
"My guardian is Jiraiya. He's the biggest pervert I know, all of these binoculars were birthday gifts he wanted me to make use of." Kiba snickered, and Shikamaru sighed. Sai had an impressed look on his face;Naruto was sure he thought the weird boy thought it was a wonderful idea. "Anyway, maybe we can find something embarrassing about this asshole, dangle it over his head."
The group huddled around the open window, trying to be as quiet as possible even though there was no way the raven could hear them. Naruto put the binoculars up to his face, and noticed he also had a view of the kitchen, where Itachi currently was making dinner. Naruto's stomach rumbled; he should boil some ramen to snack on.
Sasuke disappeared from the room, tossing the shirt he was wearing earlier into a hamper. Naruto scanned the room for anything obviously incriminating, like a naked married celebrity, a dildo, or a poster of Justin Bieber.
Sasuke once again glanced out of his window and at the window on the second floor of the building next to his house. The one from where the penis-obsessed guy was yelling inquiries. Except now there were five pairs of binoculars peeking from the bottom and sides of the window, and a very visible head of unruly blond hair. "Idiot," he muttered, leaving his room.
"Itachi," he said as he walked into the kitchen where his brother was making spaghetti.
"Yes, my sweet little brother?"
Sasuke bristled but ignored it. "The blond is spying on me."
Itachi stopped what he was doing and turned around to face Sasuke. "Oh?"
"Yes. Spying on me. While I was changing my shirt. I know you lost your senses with the whole 'normal life' thing but at least drop the guide."
"Hmm." Itachi didn't seem to have heard him. "He's not even pretending to do any school work."
Sasuke knew where he was going with this. "No."
"Keep an eye on the stove, little brother, I'm going to visit the neighbor."
"No!" he hissed. He once again was ignored as Itachi left the house. He growled low in his throat and stalked away to finish changing in the bathroom and brush his teeth. He hoped dinner burned. Maybe the blond dumbass would choke on it and die.
The raven soon returned in a new pair of shorts with a toothbrush in his brush.
"Why is he brushing his teeth before dinner?" Naruto asked out loud.
He felt Shikamaru shrug next to him. "Maybe he's one of those types of brushes their teeth six times a day."
"Knowing how prissy he is, I wouldn't be surprised. Anyone notice anything? I don't."
"Not from this angle," Shikamaru said.
"Hey, that's it!" Kiba whispered. "We just wait until they leave the house and sneak in to do a thorough sea—"
"Kiba," Shikamaru interrupted. "Stop."
"I can sneak into his room while he sleeps," Gaara whispered. All anyone had time for was to shiver before someone started knocking on the apartment door.
Naruto started whining as they left the window and went into the living room. "Jiraiya is always checking up on me, it's like he thinks he lives across town from me instead of upstairs." He twisted the doorknob. "Go away pervert! ...oh."
Itachi stood in the doorway, looking amused at the outburst. "Interesting accusation." He made a point to look at the binoculars they were still holding.
"BIRD WATCHING!" Kiba burst out. An awkward silence followed.
"Must be very interesting birds," Itachi finally said. Three of the boys had the grace to look sheepish. Of course Gaara just glared, while Sai smiled pleasantly, completely unashamed at being caught. "Anyway, Naruto... dinner is almost done. I suggest we head over now."
Naruto clenched his fists but then sighed in defeat. "I'll see you guys later," he muttered, receiving supportive pats on the back as he left the apartment.
When they entered the new Uchiha household, Sasuke was sitting on the couch, legs propped up on an unpacked box. "Wow," he said.
"What?" Naruto said, crossing his arms.
"You're actually wearing pants."
"You're an asshole. I always wear pants."
"I certainly hope you were wearing pants while you were peeping into my bedroom, dumbass."
Naruto blushed and snarled in response, making Sasuke smirk, while Itachi looked back and forth between the two young men, looking very entertained. "Sasuke, did you keep an eye on the food?"
"Hn."
Itachi sighed and rushed into the kitchen to finish the food, leaving Naruto and Sasuke glaring at each other. After a while, Sasuke stood up and crossed his arms. "Not even going to apologize?"
"Nothing to apologize for." If he was anything, it was stubborn. Bright blue eyes bored into midnight ones, with Naruto feeling tension coiling throughout his whole body.
Sasuke took a slow step closer, and even Naruto could admit the boy looked pretty menacing with the looks he gave people. "You're useless," he said.
Itachi cut in before Naruto could insult the other. "Dinner is ready!" Sasuke glared for a few more seconds and left to go into the dining room. Naruto trailed behind him, and cheered up when he smelled and saw the food, which was spaghetti with salad on the side.
Naruto took a place at the table that was across from Itachi, with Sasuke sitting in between. The ex-actor immediately started heaping food onto his plate and shoving it into his mouth, only pausing to send a glare at the guest every so often.
"So Naruto," Itachi began, and Naruto gave him a closed-mouth smile while chewing the delicious food. "Since we live next door to each other, and with how school arrangements are, it'd probably be best to get a lift with Sasuke for school on Monday."
Neither of the seniors looked none too happy about that. "No," Sasuke clipped at the same time Naruto said, "No thanks I have a ride!"
Itachi sighed. "Okay, Sasuke. Naruto. You need to get over this childish banter, and quickly. It'd be best if you two got along, or at least took an effort to do so, since you'll be seeing a lot of each other." Naruto grumbled, realizing it was the same thing Shikamaru said. "So Naruto, be here on Monday morning, do you understand?" Then he whipped out that same menacing glare that Sasuke did earlier in the living room; he supposed it was an Uchiha thing, then.
"Yes sir," he said meekly.
Sasuke snorted and Itachi wrinkled his nose teasingly in distaste. "We'll also agree that I'm no 'sir' and you're not 'Mr. Uzumaki.'"
Naruto grinned this time. "Deal. This is great food, by the way. Thank you for having me, even if... " he was able to stop himself in time from insulting Sasuke. Itachi raised an eyebrow. "... even if I have... a lot of homework... " The two smirked.
"Don't forget bird watching," Itachi added. "So Naruto, tell us about yourself. Any dreams, do you have a girlfriend, favorite school subject, you know."
The blonde chewed thoughtfully for a while, with Sasuke completely ignoring everyone else, and swallowed. "Well, I guess my favorite class is Kakashi's English class. No girlfriend, but I hope to ask out the girl I like soon." He smiled nervously. "And as for dreams... I don't know. Just graduate, I guess."
"No career ambitions?"
"I don't really need them," Naruto muttered.
Itachi heard him anyway. "Why not?"
Naruto flushed, poking at his food. "I just have a little money from my parents after they died." The room was awkwardly quiet after that. Sasuke still looked completely bored, and Naruto now couldn't wait to get out of there even more.
"I'm sorry you had to go through that," Itachi said quietly. "Was it a long time ago?" Naruto nodded and left his response to that. A cell phone rang in another room, and Itachi stood up. "Excuse me," he said, and left Sasuke and Naruto alone.
Sasuke looked up finally, smirking. "Bird watch? I don't recall there being any birds in my room."
Naruto flushed, poking at a meatball. "Shut up, asshole. We were only trying to dig up some dirt, we didn't want to see your goods or anything. Well, maybe Sai did, but that's it."
The raven rolled his eyes. "Well now I'm reassured. You really are a dumbass, huh? And I'm supposed to be relying on you at school?" He scoffed.
The blond hissed. "You can't get a better guide than me! Helping a snobby prick like you is beneath me, but I'm still doing it!"
"That lady principal is making you," Sasuke snapped. "Similar to how I'm being forced to suffer your company. I'd rather have the dick-obsessed boy helping me than you. You do put on pants before going to school, right?"
"Just that one time, asshole! You're one to talk, walking around everywhere all day with a duck ass on your head!"
"Excuse me?" Sasuke maturely launched a crouton at Naruto's face. "Thousands of women and even men beg to get this 'duck ass' in bed." He sneered near the end, leaving it obvious he thought those people as beneath him, and not in a good way. "Meanwhile you sit here and whine over one girl who doesn't even know your name."
"I didn't whine, and she knows my damn name, princess!" At this Naruto impaled a meatball with his fork and whipped the utensil at the raven. The chunk of meat flew off and hit Sasuke smack in the middle of the forehead. The Uchiha sat there, nostrils flared, as the meatball slid off, leaving sauce behind.
Naruto started laughing at the whole thing, which was cut short when the raven stood up and launched himself at the blond, knocking him from his chair and tumbling to the floor. "Get off me asshole!"
"No!" Sasuke hissed, throwing a punch but missing when his head turned, but he still hit his ear. Naruto winced and kneed Sasuke in the stomach, which just pissed him off even more. Before it could escalate, Sasuke was being dragged off Naruto, who scrambled up and righted the chair.
Itachi stood between them, looking at Naruto, who was flushed again, and to Sasuke, who kept his glare up. The older man sighed, running a hand down his face. "Sasuke, I know you're upset with this lifestyle change, but losing control like this isn't like you." The younger said absolutely nothing, leaving Itachi to turn back to Naruto. "Well, Naruto, it was good to have met you, personally. I'm sure it's time to go back home."
Naruto opened his mouth, feeling bad about ruining dinner for this man, but closed his mouth. He nodded, giving Sasuke a hard stare, who glowered in return, and made his way to the front door. "And I'll see you here Monday morning. Hopefully things go smoother then," Itachi added. Naruto paused briefly, nodded once again, and left.
A/N: And that's another chapter done! Hope it was enjoyable to read. Reviews are always much loved, whether it's criticism, comments, questions.