Ali knows that it's not permanent the distance among her and Emily. It's something she has to do for them to get to a place of understanding and more answers than questions. Ali feels so small and she with stumble and fall but she will get there crawling on her hands and knees inch by sadistic inch she will make it. Alison Delaurentis will always make it. While Emily doesn't give up on her she will keep trying. Alison will swallow her pride and say everything she needs to say to the people she loves...especially Emily.
Tomorrow is the start of the journey of getting back to day to day quaintness. Being back in this town feels wrong, it doesn't have the same feelings of relief and comfort. Alison starts school. Tomorrow was the day she headed back to the halls she once ruled with a manicured ironed fist. Homeschool was not an option she was not going to be a hermit and never leave her home due to fear of looks and words spoken. She looks around the room consuming her. So many nice things, that she know longer feels the privilege to touch.
She lays her head down on the pillow wanting nothing more than to get lost in her dreams for eternity. When she awakes the next morning, she doesn't strive to look her best, she strives to go unnoticed between the sea of teenagers. She puts her hair up in a messy bun at the top of her head, doesn't apply makeup, and settles on her dark blue cardigan and dark denim jeans. As she looks in the mirror she cannot even recognize herself. As she heads down stairs her father is no where to be found. Just the money for lunch, and a backpack with some notebooks and pencils. She chooses to take her old bike to school, she never did get the chance to get her license.
On arrival to the haunted building, lingering with times Alison had hated herself all she can do is swallow down the tears. She puts her bike neatly on the bike rake, pull the sweater over here arms even farther thinking it would somehow camouflage her. She keeps her eyes peered down never looking up out of fear of rejection. Then a boy with a bad case of acne is in front of her face. He is screaming words of hatred like "Zombie." "Back from the dead beauty Queen." She looks around to see people she hasn't seen in over two years laughing at the remarks. The boy is mire inching from her face. She finches at each and every word dripping from his mouth. A teacher is soon to end the engagement ushering the boy towards the principal office.
Ali buried her head even further downward on her path to her locker. When there is a crowd of people surrounding it, they part when they see her approach. In bright red spray paint, in large bold letters is the message "The bitch is back!" is sprawled out. She feels the need to flee again but then there is a hand to haul her on her shoulder. It was Hanna. She takes the books from Alison's hands and directs her to Alison's first class. But not before saying "Don't you have anything better to do!" Alison appreciates Hanna for doing that after all she has done to her. She they get to the classroom door of sophomore English. "Thank you." is all Ali can get out. "Always." Hanna says before wrapping her tightly in a hug. When they break apart Hanna smiles and nods her to enter the classroom, Ali smiles back.
She spent the day hiding in the back of classrooms, careful not to seen or heard. She didn't raise her hand, she was careful not to bump into anyone in the halls. But now it was time for lunch. She had gotten in line and gotten her tray of food she couldn't really disguise what it was but she was no longer picky after her time spent going place to place. She scans the room searching for an empty seat to crumble into.
She sees the girls outside on a picnic table so she makes her way over to them. She sits down next to Spencer, directly across to Emily. They are sitting around laughing and smiling. Alison begins to chow down on her meal, she is hungry. After she takes a breath she sees the look on the girls faces. "Jeez, Ali. Slow down. You're worse than Hanna when she's nervous." Spencer says to her. She had yet to realize her new found eating habit. Sometimes money was hard to come by and with that so did food. Ali just smiles back and commands her body to slow down the inhale.
The girls talk about boys,colleges,homework. Everything she hadn't thought about in years. After she finishes up her lunch she attends her last two classes of the day. She heads out to the parking lot in her search of her bike. All she finds is the chain lock broken in the spot it once stood. She deserves this she knows. She knows this should be coming down on her. But did it all have to pour down at once.
She begins the six mile track to her house on foot. When she doesn't think it could get any worse... The clear blue sky give way to a down pour. She is soaked only shielded by holding her backpack over her head in a desperate attempt at salvage. When a car stops besides her on the sidewalk. The passenger side window rolls down to reveal Emily.
"Ali?" Emily asks trying to see if it was indeed the girl. Ali turns to her mascara running. "Go away Emily." Ali says as she begins walking again.
"Do you need a ride?" Emily asked avoiding the prior statement. "No. You want space right? So I'm giving you that. So again go away." Ali says picking up her pace. "
Ali." Emily says with a sign. "No! Don't do that! Don't Ali me! You don't want me around. You don't trust me! So just go!" Ali screams to the girl in the car.
Emily doesn't say anything just parks the car right in the middle of the street and gets out in the pouring rain and walks close to the damp blonde. "Do you honestly think this is easy on me? I fucking love you Alison. I never stopped. Do you blame me for not trusting you? You made me believe you died. I cried myself to sleep for months, I never thought I would smile again, I never thought I could love again. You took a big piece of me with you when you left. Don't make this all about you!" Emily yells back in frustration less than an inch away from Alison's face. "I never said it was easy for you. I don't know what you want me to do? What do you want from me Emily? Tell me and I will give it to you. Just tell me!" Alison says in tears as she screams.
"I want you to try! I want you to try and let me in. I want you to let me be there for you. Damn it Ali just be real with for once in you life!" Emily yells throwing her hands up. "I'm always trying for you! Don't you get it? I'm trying to be real with now and you're the one pushing me away! I can't take it!" Alison throws back her.
"I care about you Emily!" Ali says. "You can't say it can you? You can't say you love me can you?" Emily asks her voice still raised. Ali gets as close to Emily's face as she can without their lips touching. "I'm a hot mess. I'm broken. Like everyone says I'm just a bitch." Ali says.
"No. you're not." Emily says softly trying to hug Ali. "Don't!" Ali says stopping her advances.
"Ali, you're a lot more than that." Emily pleads. "You obviously don't think so." She says turning around headed back in the route of her house.
But before that she turns around and eyes Emily while saying " And just because I can't say it, Em doesn't mean I don't feel it." And just like that she turned around and headed of.
Emily was left soaked in the pouring rain, shaking her head running her hands through her wet hair. The only thing pulling her back to reality was the honking of cars behind her wrongly parked one. It takes everything in her to get in a drive off.