Thanks for all the support guys! I want this story to be as honest and organic as I think it should be which is why I feel Alison will question what her true feelings for Emily are. Stay tuned for the next chapter!
Love. What a conjecture. Seems equal to matter fabricated by the devil himself and splattered with seasonings from god if you believe in that sort of thing. Ali wonders what love means. What it really to love.
Was love always telling the truth? Was love admitting how you feel? Was love forever? Ali sparsely told the truth, and she never let anyone look into her mind, and she was as fleeting as a ship in the night. If that was what was love Ali couldn't love… And in the end she didn't want to.
Ali conceives what her and Emily have is bigger than that, better than that. She would render up her eternity to shelter Emily against offend. Ali can't father a promise of any form of a future with the girl but somehow for whatever reason she adventitiously locates herself getting tangled up with Emily lost in a moment that wasn't born to persist Ali comprehends Emily can hear the moment of truth in her lies. Yeah, Ali appraises what they share wasn't love it was something much more. Unlike love it went unquestioned.
After the text, Emily is removed. She doesn't seem to be jarred though just taken back by the alerting confession. Ali analyzes she's probably immune to her continuous hot and cold by now. Emily doesn't bring up the text or the context of it and she can't help but feel thankful for the omitting.
School is getting better, she doesn't go unnoticed but the looks are more in the nature of shock than anger. She hears from Hanna Emily is back in contact with Paige, a fact she already had known.
Ali doesn't want to feel the storm that builds in her core but with the words in her head, they hit like knives to her heart. She's only human and she can only take so much till she's had enough. But she's lays no claim to Emily so in the end she just nods slightly.
Tonight was the biggest party of the year. It was a long standing tradition in Rosewood that every senior year the class breaks into the school and has a wild party through the academic halls. Ali wasn't much for the idea of attending but she had already missed out on so many right of passages this wasn't going to another she added to her list.
She would spend a night with the people most important to her, the people closest to her heart. Her four best friends. For one night she wanted to live more than just half alive.
She dressed in a simple navy blue summer dress and placed her neatly straighten hair in a lose ponytail. She adds a bit of dark charcoal grey mascara and a thin layer of lip gloss to her light pink lips.
When she arrived through the back door to the gym, she sees the room is filling with hundreds of black and white balloons on the floor, a DJ blasting this year's top hits. The room is packed of her classmates dancing wildly with joyful faces. She feels the air is empty of anguish, it's light and...fun. Something Ali hadn't had in awhile.
She crosses the room to find Spencer and Hanna talking over by where the red plastic cups are being passed out. They are talking while occasionally sipping from their cups. Ali sways to them and smiles widely.
"Hey guys." Ali says brightly swaying a bit to the rhythm of the music. "What are you talking about?" She inquires. Spencer squints at how carefree Ali looks something she wasn't known for, and Hanna chuckles at Ali bobbing around to the music dripping out of the speakers.
"Just the fact that Emily's on and off again relationship seems to have flip the switch back to on again." Spencer says gesturing to the scene of Emily and Paige dancing extremely close to some fast pace song. It's hard to see where one person begins and the other ends.
Ali pulls her chin back a bit at the sight. She wants to take her eyes off but much like a crash site she couldn't bring herself to. Emily has the back of her body pushed into Paige, their hips sways in sync. Ali wouldn't say she's jealous its just shocking how they are acting, they are in public after all…
She makes an excuse to get out of the room, and away from the horrific sight she was forced to see by saying she needed to use the restroom. She opens the large doors of the gymnasium and walking into empty hall way. She settles on taking a seat on a bench to unscramble her brain She there for probably five minutes when a figure sits beside her.
It was a guy she hadn't seen around before. He smiled at her. He had dark jet black hair sculpted in what look like a faux hawk , had a deep tan skin, and vibrant blue eyes, and that smile… Wow. Ali had to admit he was at least cute. She didn't smile back and just rolled her eyes.
"I'm Kasey." The boy said not bothered by the eye rolling. "Great. Now that we've gotten that out of the way why don't you leave me alone." Ali said coldly. He just chuckles gently.
"I can't." He said back to her chilling remarks. "And why is that?" Ali said now even more annoyed.
"Because if I leave it means that I didn't have the courage to say that you look beautiful tonight and I would be honored to dance with you tonight." He said smiling slightly. Ali wants to say no and to leave her alone again but then again she wanted to.
So when Kasey gets up off the bench and extends his hand to her she takes it. He walks her through the door just in time for a more slow song to drift into the air. He rests his hands around her waist and they just sway.
Ali thinks this is nice. She feels safe and comfortable. After the song is over Kasey thanks her and for the first time since they encountered one another she smiled back. She knows it will never amount to anything but for one night she was just a normal teenage girl dancing with the cute boy. She didn't get butterflies and her heart wasn't thumping a million miles a minute. No and she knew it never would for the sweet boy.
After the dance she goes and finds Hanna and Spencer still planted in front of the beverage table. " Ali, we saw you all cozied up with cute mystery guy over there. Details now please!" Hanna says. "It was nothing. It was just a dance, don't expect anything to come of it." Ali says honestly.
"Whatever but that boy is fine." Hanna says and Spencer rolls her eyes. "Have you guys seen Emily?" Ali asks. "Uh yeah I think she said she was going to step outside to get some air." Spencer answers her.
So Ali makes her way outside and instantly the air make her chest tighten at how cold it was. She sees Emily pacing rapidly back and forth her arms crossed over her chest. "Em, are you okay?" Ali asks. " Why were dancing with him?" Emily asks her eyes burning into the ground.
"He just asked Em." Ali says honestly to the hurt girl. " I can't know you can't love someone… Someone who isn't" She chokes on her tears. "I just can't." Emily finishes, Ali extends her arms to hug Emily but Emily backs away slowly. "I just want you to be happy ." Ali says her heart cracking with each word.
Emily shakes her head in discontent and her tears are now free flowing down her radiant cheeks. " I fucking love you. I love you Ali." She says getting closer. "I wish I didn't. I want more than anything to be free of you. But I'm in love with you." She says louder and more angry with every word.
Ali backs up till she hits the wall of the school building. Emily is less than an inch away. "I wish you could just let me be. I dream of a day I can wake up in the morning without you on my mind. I just...I just fucking love you and I think it's killing me." Ali tries to add distance to her and Emily but Emily grabs her arm harshly and tossed her against the wall.
"You are not going to leave. Not this time. You are going to finally hear me. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone. Don't you get it? I love you so much I fucking hate you for it." Emily says and she tells Ali over and over and over again in her ear she loves her, hoping it will drive Ali to finally be real with her if just for a second.
Ali is shaking and in tears. Her thin body is trembling in anxiety , her mascara running down her cheek, She's focused on not looking Emily in the eye. But after what must of be the thirty something confessions of love on Emily's behalf she raises her watery eyes to Emily's, and she can literally see the pain they hold.
Ali doesn't know to say but she needs to give Emily something… Anything. "I would rather be alone than be with anyone else if I can't love you." Ali says. It's the truth and Emily knows it. It wasn't a declaration of love by any means, hell it wasn't even a promise of anything but it was honest.
In the grand schemes of everything it wasn't anything lasting or something to hold to, or something to build on but when Emily lets her arms go and wipes the makeup off Alison's face she knows it's enough… At least for now.
Emily straights her dress and Ali can't herself when she says "You look beautiful tonight Em." Emily looks back with a light blush now on her already swollen cheeks. It's the two of them and Ali can't take it any longer. Emily eyes are filled with nothing but lust and she wants to be close to Emily. So she takes Emily's hand and brings them to where she is parked in the parking lot, Ali is sure her body is basically screaming "I want you." to Emily by now.
Before Ali can't even get the door closed behind them, Emily is crashing their lips together. Her body is overcome with sensation at the contact. Emily slowing kisses the spot on her neck that makes her shudder. It's not there first time but it sure feels it. Ali is sure her body is dripping by this point.
Soon clothes are a thing forgotten at the bottom of the car and legs are wrapped around. They don't have to rush, and Ali doesn't want to, she wished this could last forever. Ali remembers their first time how shy Emily and how nervous she was around her, it makes her feel like a virgin again. Losing it to Emily was always something she could look back on and smile about.
At one point they had to turn the radio up to drown out their cries as their toes curled. It ends in enduring kisses and Emily situating her head on Alison's disrobed chest her fingertips dancing above the exposed skin writing an E in sweat that had collected. They stay in this gratifying silence coming down from their highs before they notice people are beginning to leave the party and head towards the parking lot. They are both quickly dressed and Emily is back with Paige and Ali is once again alone.
Everything is so touch and almost always go. Fleeting for reasons that shouldn't lead to endless leaving. She's not sure what she wants most of the time. And Ali almost never knows how she feels but she knows she wanted Emily to stay, she always wants Emily to stay and unlike with Kasey her heart was beating a million miles a minute.
But factuality Ali was sitting alienated in her car, as Emily is less than twenty feet away getting into Paige's car, she couldn't neglect that. Ali still wasn't sure what she feel but she knew seeing Emily walk away made tiny pieces of her heart crumble away.