Disclaimer: I own nothing other than my creative license to bend this story how I see fit! ;)
"Hello Anastasia. Don't be afraid. Everything we'll be ok sweetie" whispered a soft voice. A voice I didn't recognize this time, but somehow made me feel safe and peaceful again. I looked up and there stood a beautiful woman, with dark brown hair, kind brown eyes and a smile that irradiated hope and peace. Or maybe I hoped that it did, I wasn't sure about anything anymore.
"Who are you? I-I'm sorry, I'm r-really scared" I murmured, not having it in me to speak any louder. She didn't seem to mind. Still smiling she walked towards me and gently stroked my wet cheek. Her touch felt so good, so warm and nurturing. I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths to calm myself. She continued to soothe me, by brushing my hair with her hand like a mother would. When I managed to calm down a bit, she took my hand and started talking.
"My name is Ella. Don't be scared sweetie. I'm here to help you. Trust me Ana" and she spoke with such softness and calmness I found myself calmer because of her.
"Before you can return to your rightful place, we have somewhere to go. Will you trust me?" she asked, smiling at me. And I did, I trusted her completely. No idea why, I just did.
"I do. I trust you Ella" I smile back at her. She exhales softly, relieved by my answer.
"Good. Don't let go of my hand Ana" she warns, and before I can reply, everything around us becomes a blurry sight until it goes completely white. Oh no, not again! I brace myself to fall into dizziness again, but this time the journey is much softer. Thank god, I was still recuperating from the last trip.
"It's ok. You can open your eyes now Ana" she says. And when I do, confusion strikes me. Again.
"Where are we?" I murmur, taking it all in. I had never been here, I knew that for sure. And it felt wrong, something about it made me feel unease. We were in a small apartment from what I could tell. Poorly furnished and the smell was just awful. It smelled of smoke and pee.
"This was my home. I died here. Come, you need to see something" she whispers, and I can see the faintest glimpse of sadness in her, otherwise radiating face. She takes my hand again and directs us into what seems like the living room. There's someone sitting in the couch barely moving. A woman with dark brown hair very similar to mine. As we go around the couch, I'm faced with a woman vaguely resembling the one next to me. But this Ella is just all wrong. Her skin is pale and bruised beyond belief, and her whole appearance scares the shit out of me. But the worse are her eyes, they are dead. This woman is in pain, probably because of the amount of drugs she is pumping through her veins, shown by the multiple syringes scattered at her feet. And is by looking at her feet that I notice a small boy, watching tv at this woman's feet. He too looks sick and pale. I immediately feel pained for him. He looks so helpless, so alone.
"Is that you? Is that your son?" I manage to ask her after a few moments contemplating this horrible sight.
"Yes. I was a drug addict, I overdosed on crack. That is my baby boy and his name is Christian" she whispers, warmly looking at her son. Wow, hold up. What? His name was what? Christian? And she was a crack addict that died? It couldn't be, or could it? I kept looking at her and back at the boy, trying to make some sense of all of this. Was she the reason my Christian had turn out so screwed up?
"Ana, I'm sorry to have to show you this. But you needed to understand what Christian was coming from. And for that, you had to see it for yourself. Believe me, I'm not proud of the life I lived. I failed my son. I failed myself. But I loved him very much, I still do." she whispers at me, her speech full of pain and regret.
"Yes, you did fail him. You were his mother and he loved. I know he did, even if he won't admit it to himself." I told her, suddenly feeling angry and disappointed. She should have protected and loved him. How could she not? He was such a beautiful boy, even in his fragile state. She should have fought for him.
"I know you're angry. I understand. But there's something else you need to see. Something that will make you understand certain things about Christian" she whispers. And as she does, a man walks in the apartment and I can feel the change in the air. He's clearly drunk, holding a bear in one hand and a cigarette in the other. He takes a look at the woman vegetating on the couch and laughs. The sound sends cold shivers down my spine. This man is dangerous, I can feel it. His gaze now set on the poor boy, watching TV, absent-minded from the rest of the world.
The man makes a bee line to the boy, passes the woman completely unnoticed and pulls the boy up by one arm. The boy starts protesting, begging him to let go and just let him be alone. He cruelly laughs at the request and slaps the boy so hard it almost knocks him out. He then drags the boy to one of the rooms and releases him on the floor. The boy is now sobbing, and his eyes are now full of terror and fear for what is going to happen next. Without any regret, the man lows himself to the boys level and I know something horrible is going to happen. My first instinct is to save the boy, but Ella takes hold of me and tells me to wait.
I cannot believe her reaction and try to free myself from her, struggling to get to the boy and save him from this monster. She tells me that this already happened so there's nothing I can do but watch, in complete horror, as the boy gets completely dominated by the man and gets his little malnourished chest burned by the man's cigarette. He burns him a couple of times and after he's satisfied, he let's go of the boy and goes back to seat in the couch, sipping hir beer and watching TV. Like everything was normal and he hadn't just violently abused the poor little boy of the woman next to him.
I was breathless. In front of me laid the ghost of the boy my loving Christian had been once. He was sobbing uncontrollably, curled up in a corner, hiding away from the world. His chest was badly wounded, but I knew his soul had gotten the harsher beaten. He was a broken child, because of a monster her mother had let into their lives. Now I knew why Christian cringed every time someone tried to touch him. He had been violently defiled by the most disgusting excuse of a man I had ever seen in my life.
I was speechless. All I wanted to do was reach out and just hold the little boy in my arms, give him some small form of comfort. Letting him know life wouldn't always look so dark and painful. Now I understood why he was so screwed up. Now I knew where his fifty shades had come from. They started here, in this house, with this monster and his ungodly actions. My poor Christian, the hell he came from. No wonder he couldn't find peace now, somehow he was still haunted by these ghosts.
"Now you know why my son needs you Ana. He needs you to bring him back to the light. Only you can bring him out of the darkness he keeps pushing himself into. You are the one Ana" she whispered. This time squeezing my shoulder. I knew it was her fault this had happened for so long. But seeing her like this, so peaceful and beautiful, made me realize she was also a victim. Life had screwed her up real good too. But here she was, trying to save her son by showing me just how much he suffered because of her. And for that, I thanked her. Now I could save my fifty shades. Now I knew how.
"I know. I need him too. I love your son Ella. I won't let him be alone anymore. I promise" And with that promise, the sad chapter of Christian's life disappears in front of us and we were back to the Hospital room, where my flesh and blood self remains motionless. This would never stop being freaky.
"Ana, thank you for trusting me and letting me show you all of that. Save my son, protect him like I should have. Goodbye my dear Ana" and with that she vanishes, just like my dad before her. And I'm left alone again. This was starting to piss me off. All I wanted was to get back to my real body and just find Christian. I would never get that image out of my head, the pleading in his eyes for the man to stop, the hurt in his eyes when the assault was done, the vulnerability and helplessness he must have felt lying in that floor alone. My poor fifty shades, I loved him so much more now. I understood him now. I needed to get to him and let him know I wasn't going to give up on him. I Would never give up on us. But how could I get back? What did I have to do? This was so frustrating! My body was right there, inches away and I couldn't make myself wake up!
Damn it! Please god, please! Just let me wake up! I need to get back! Please! My fifty shades needs me! Please!