Jane Doe
When Castle wakes up, he's astonished to find that Kate is still in bed with him. She's awake, he can tell immediately, but she hasn't moved away or left altogether and it makes his silly, hopeful heart come alive and struggle for his attention. Sometime in the night they've shifted, so now his wife faces him, cheek pressed to his shoulder.
"Sleep okay?" He murmurs to her, his arm sliding a little tighter around her waist. It's numb right now, and he knows the moment she gets up and the blood rushes back to his limb he'll be crippled with the discomfort, but he doesn't even care.
Kate is snuggling him. He'd chop his arm clean off if it only meant she'd stay. "Yeah, great. You?"
"Just fine." He smiles, risking the glance of his lips against her forehead. It's an awkward angle, and a sharp line of pain wriggles its way up his neck and across into his jaw, makes him hiss in discomfort.
It seems to be the thing that reminds Kate of where they are, who they are, and she sits up, draws her knees up to her chest. "Mal isn't awake yet?"
"Doesn't sound like it. He's a good sleeper." Rick shrugs, sitting up as well. If this was their old life, the both of them awake and their son still sleeping, Kate would slide her knee slowly over his thighs and sink down, rock her hips until he begged for her. Not this time.
On the nightstand, Rick's phone vibrates and he reaches for it, unlocks the screen to read the alert. He frowns down at the screen, so absorbed that the touch of Kate's fingers at his shoulder makes him jump. "Everything alright?"
"Yeah, fine. Just. . .the Ryans and Lanie and Sito are supposed to be coming over for dinner tonight. It's our turn to host." He tries to keep his voice flat and unaffected, doesn't want Kate to feel like this is something they have to do.
He understands, and their friends will too, if she's not comfortable with the idea. "Is this something that happens a lot?"
"Because of the kids, we can't go for a drink after we solve a case now. So we do this instead, get together for dinner once a month and take it in turns to host." He smiles, the memories of the loft spilling over with their loved ones flooding him with happiness.
Kate is smiling too, a little less vibrant than his own but still there, still good. "The boys have kids too?"
"Ryan does. His wife's name is Jenny and she's probably the sweetest person in the entire world. They've got two little girls; Sarah Grace is four and Lucy Katherine is eighteen months." Rick scrolls through the camera roll on his phone, finds a picture of Marlow sandwiched between his two beautiful, blonde cousins, the three of them squished into one of the armchairs in the Ryans' living room.
He hands the phone over to his wife, lets her have a moment to look at her nieces. "They're gorgeous. And. . .her middle name is Katherine?"
She glances up at him with that strange mixture of surprise and delight that she had in the hospital when Ryan told her that he would be honoured if Kate would allow him to name his brand new daughter after the tiny girl's amazing aunt. Back then, she had choked back her tears and accepted the squirming bundle into her arms, only six months on from having done this with their own son.
"Yes. When Sarah Grace was born, Ryan had said that if she was a boy she should be called Javier, and I think they felt bad about that. Plus, you're probably the best namesake a little girl could hope for."
Kate shifts, crossing her legs underneath herself and holding Castle's phone in both hands. Still staring at the three little ones, the expansion of the family she and her boys at the precinct have forged for themselves. "Wow. I'm so honoured."
"They both adore you, Auntie Kate." Rick grins, nudging his elbow gently into Kate's side. He's delighted to find her flushing, not even trying to hide it from him. "Espo and Lanie don't have any kids, and they're not married. But they've been together on and off for seven years, and very much on for the last four of those."
Picking at the frayed edge of her pyjama shorts, Kate's whole body seems to unwind into something soft and lovely, something a whole lot closer to his wife than he's seen from her the last few days. When he first met Detective Beckett she had a steel coating, would only dare to peek out at him from behind it every once in a while.
And then he fell in love with her, and she with him, and now Kate's tenderness and her humour and the way she so loves life has him falling harder for her more and more every day.
"We're all settled down, huh? That's really weird." She shakes her head at herself, twists her wedding band around her finger.
Rick gives her a moment to process everything, watches the furrow and smooth of the skin at her forehead. It's one thing that she's missing ten years of her own life, but she's also missing everyone else's, and he imagines that must be pretty overwhelming.
"It's so good, Kate. We're surrounded by people who love us. But if you want me to cancel tonight, I'm sure everyone will understand."
It's probably a little ridiculous, how proud he is that Kate takes a moment to actually think about her answer. That she's considering all of her options before she commits. "No, don't cancel. I think it will be good to see everyone. To try and have that normalcy."
"Okay." He beams, wrapping his fingers around her knee and squeezing gently. It's not at all the contact he wants to make. Really, he burns to lay her down underneath him and kiss her until her toes curl, but that's-
He's not holding out hope that they'll regain that intimacy anytime soon. Over the baby monitor, the sounds of their son waking up ring out and Rick makes to slip out from between the sheets, freezes in place when Kate's fingers circle his wrist.
"I'll get him. Say hello before I have to get ready and go to work."
He nods, follows her out of bed and through the living room so he can make a start on breakfast. And then, before they part ways so she can head for the staircase, Kate stretches up onto tiptoe and brushes a kiss to his cheek.
It leaves him standing there, face split apart around a grin and his eyes glassed over like a lunatic. For far longer than he will ever admit to. Ever.
"Daddy!" Marlow shrieks, and it's all the warning Rick gets before the hurricane of his son lands heavy in his lap. He grunts, plays up his surprise to make Mal laugh and is rewarded with a shower of giggles and a splatter of sloppy kisses thrown over his face. "Today my cousins come?"
"That's right, my man. The girls will be here tonight, with your aunts and uncles." Kate had brought it up with their son at breakfast, asked him if he was excited to see the Ryan girls later today and ever since then Marlow has been a whirlwind of delight and, yes, impatience.
Mal throws himself backwards onto the couch cushions and flings an arm over his eyes, such a grown up gesture for so tiny a person. "Daddy, is it so many hours?"
"It is-" Rick glances at his watch "Four hours until Mommy is home, and one more after that until the rest of our family gets here."
This morning, Kate promised to be home by six no matter what. In fact, the captain knows about their longstanding dinner arrangement with the boys and their families and so Gates is always lenient for this one day a month. Castle is pretty sure that the captain has come close to forcibly removing Kate from the precinct a couple times.
"Daddy, I can help you chop?" Mal asks, sitting up again and pushing his hair back out of his eyes. Really, he needs to go get it cut again, but Kate adores their son's cherubic curls, finds the thought of cutting them unbearable. Every time Rick has mentioned it she's sighed and looked so desolate that he's let it drop immediately.
In answer to his son's question, Rick scoops up his little boy and carries him over to the kitchen. Upside down, of course, and the blood rushes into Marlow's head and makes his cheeks pink, makes him sway a little when Rick sets him down to sit on the counter top.
When they first started doing these family dinners, way back when Kate was pregnant with their son, Rick had suggested they have it catered. And really, he should have known, but his wife was aghast at that idea, flat out refused it.
He'd been hurt by that, her not even bothering to consider his perspective, and they had fought. Kate had said she would be ashamed to present their family with food cooked by somebody else, that she wished just once he could drop his celebrity status and be a normal person. It had stung, but they'd moved past it and the two of them cooked together, an offering of meat sauce to taste turning into an impromptu round on top of the counter.
So, they cook. And now Marlow helps, under his father's careful guidance. Rick fetches an apron for each of them from the hooks at the inside of the pantry door. Each hook has a name painted above it in Kate's lovely cursive; Mommy and Daddy and Gram and then, low down enough to reach, Marlow.
Once the two of them are all suited up in their protective gear, Rick sets about fixing a marinade for the salmon to soak in until it's time to cook it. For the kids there are pizza bases he bought from the store and a whole array of toppings so they can make their own, get involved in making dinner themselves. Mal helps to cut up peppers and tomatoes, stores them in tupperware containers in the refrigerator for later.
The window is open, the thick summer air curling lazy inside the apartment and bringing with it the sounds of a city at play, those who abandoned it as it baked to the point of cracking slowly filtering back home, flinging open windows and breathing in life as fall waits patiently for the last of the heat to swim hazy to the sky.
Somewhere out there, the woman he loves is clearing away the rotten parts of the city they so adore. And later, she's coming home to him and their son.
A knock sounds out, crisp and clear, and Kate jolts hard. As she heads for the door she wipes her hands off on her jean shorts, feels them grow clammy again immediately. It's so utterly stupid for her to be so nervous, but there it is.
She's terrified of screwing this up, of not being able to keep up with the rest of her family. Who seem to have stretched and swollen and grown in the space of the years she is missing, and her heart aches for that too. How she wishes she could remember the look on Ryan's face when he held his child for the first time, or having teased Esposito mercilessly when he and Lanie finally settled down into life together.
As she helped him put the finishing touches on dinner, Castle had done his best to fill in as many of the gaps as he could. Given her a time frame, at least. But it still feels like stepping head first into the unknown, and she has to suck in a deep breath and close her eyes a moment before she opens the door.
"Hey." She beams at Javier and Lanie, ushering them inside the loft. "Rick's just upstairs with Marlow. We had. . .an incident with the potty chair."
Esposito shudders, and it takes a concerted effort not to echo him. Yes, she loves Marlow more than her own life, but tonight has certainly opened her eyes to the less appetising aspects of motherhood.
"Javi, go see if the boys need a hand." Lanie instructs, swatting at him when he stares at her with something close to terror contorting his face into a comical mask. "You, Kate Beckett, are coming with me."
Lanie hooks an arm through Kate's and drags her over to the kitchen, reaches into the cooler for a couple of beers and hands one over to Kate. The ME takes a long gulp and sighs, sharing a grin with Beckett. "Damn, I needed that. Now, how are you holding up?"
"I'm fine." Kate starts, ploughs right through the disbelieving lift of Lanie's eyebrow. "Really, I am. I mean, it's been a shock. Obviously. And there's a lot to get used to. But Rick has made it really easy to adjust. He's been great."
"Oh, Rick huh? Usually you only call him that when he's in trouble." Lanie smirks, leaning back against the counter and taking another drag of her beer.
Kate feels herself flushing but she has no defence. And really, no inclination to stop calling him that. He's her husband, and it just feels weird to be calling him Castle all the time. Especially since she checked her driver's licence earlier and found that she's a Castle too, now. At work, everyone was still calling her Detective Beckett, but it seems that at home she's Mrs Castle.
Either her silence has gone on for too long, or she's just terrible at hiding her emotions, because Lanie squeezes her bicep and offers her a small smile. "I'm sorry, honey. I think you're coping amazingly. Honestly, if I woke up to a husband and son I didn't know I don't think I'd have been able to run fast enough."
"The worst part about not remembering is how much it hurts him. I just wish I could love him back, you know? He deserves it." Kate keeps her voice low, conscious that her husband is upstairs and it would probably gut him to hear this.
Lanie nods, regarding her for just a moment before she speaks. "You may not remember him Kate, but we all do. He is absolutely crazy about you and once upon a time, you were absolutely crazy about him. I have no doubt that you'll get back there. You two have made it through worse than this."
"Right. I've heard some things." Kate laughs, shaking her head. Yesterday at work the boys gave her the run down of some of the cases they've had in the last ten years. Some of it just seems nonsensical. Honestly, a dirty bomb? Never mind the handcuffs and the tiger.
A shriek of delight rings out from the top of the staircase and Marlow almost flops right out of Esposito's arms, Kate's heart pounding double-time until Javi manages to get a stronger grip around her son. "Tía!"
Lanie moves to meet the boys at the bottom of the stairs and takes Mal from Espo, snuggling the boy close and pressing a row of smacking kisses to his cheeks. "Hello there, peque. How are you?"
After a moment of watching Marlow's aunt and uncle shower him with affection, Kate is drawn away by the curl of Castle's fingers at her shoulder. They take a few steps away and Castle's fingers twitch at his side; she wonders if he wants to take her hand.
"Everything alright with him?"
"Eventually." Rick huffs, casting a horrified glance in the direction of their son's crotch before he swings back around to meet her eyes. "You okay? If it gets too much, Kate-"
"I'm fine. Really." She cuts in, doing the brave thing and taking his hand in her own. He seems so surprised and it just assures her that this is the right decision. Give him as much of herself as she can. "And if it does get too much, I'll tell you. I promise."
There's another knock at the door before Rick gets a chance to answer her and Kate follows him over to the loft's entryway, stands close at his side as he opens the front door and ushers the Ryans inside.
"Auntie Kate!" The eldest girl beams, reaching her arms up to her aunt, and Kate lifts her into an embrace, kisses her cheek.
Both of Ryan's daughters look exactly like their mother, the same nose and blush-coloured mouth and spill of blonde hair, but the gentle blue eyes that meet Kate's are all Kevin. "Hey there, beautiful girl. I love your dress."
"Mommy said I could wear it so you could see." Sarah beams with pride and glances over to Jenny, gets a smile of reassurance from her mother.
The Ryans' younger daughter tugs at the bottom of Kate's jean shorts and she cups the back of the girl's skull in her palm, crouches down so she can hug both of them at once. Ryan huffs a laugh and nudges his littlest girl so he can come all the way inside of the loft, ruffles his daughter's hair. "Lulu Kate, give your aunt some space to breathe."
"It's okay." Kate grins up at Ryan, gathering both girls against her for a last hug before she lets Sarah go. The girl charges straight for her cousin and Mal clamours to escape from Lanie's hug to get down and play, but when Kate turns back Lucy is watching her with those doe eyes, so silent, and Kate scoops the girl up before she stands.
She has nieces, and she's halfway in love with both of them already. "Hi, sweetheart. You just want to cuddle, huh?"
"Sorry, Kate." Jenny laughs, blushing a little as she sets down her backpack and leans in to kiss her daughter's cheek. "It's sort of a running joke. Lulu's like a little shadow to you, always wanting to be close to her namesake."
Feeling herself bubbling over with silly delight, Kate dusts a kiss to the crown of her niece's head to buy herself enough time to school her features. She can feel Castle's eyes hot on her from across the room, even as he fixes everyone a drink. "That's okay, I don't mind. She's gorgeous, they both are."
"I'm so sorry! I didn't even introduce myself, or them." Jenny says, pressing her palms against her cheeks and looking so genuinely embarrassed that Kate frees a hand from around the tiny slip of a girl in her arms to touch her fingers to Jenny's bicep instead.
"It's fine, don't worry about it. Rick filled me in on who would be here tonight. Actually, he said you're the sweetest person either of us knows. And so perfect for Kevin." She's not entirely sure what makes her share Castle's sentiment from earlier. Just that it seems like something she would like to hear, and this woman, Kevin's wife, more than deserves it.
"Thank you, Kate." Jenny says sincerely, before a smile bubbles its way across her face and she gestures towards the kitchen. "Shall we join the rabble."
The night is long but oh, so good.
Kate finds herself truly relaxing, comfortable in her skin for the first time since she woke up in the hospital. Eventually, she managed to encourage Lucy to let her set her down and the quiet, timid little girl scurried off to play with her older cousins.
It left the adults room to talk, and she was so grateful that no one tried to avoid the topic of Kate's memory loss. They spent the evening filling her in on some of the things she's missing, a slew of stories about Esposito's drunken behaviour at Kevin and Jenny's wedding making her laugh so hard her abdominal muscles are still aching a little even hours later.
And yes, there was some ribbing from the rest of the team about Kate's own behaviour at the Ryans' wedding. Apparently she got a couple glasses of champagne inside her and then refused to leave Castle's side for the rest of the night, totally monopolising him on the dance floor and elsewhere.
She had blushed, but Rick's fingers had folded around her knee underneath the table and they'd shared a smile. There are a lot of gaps in her knowledge, but she gets the feeling that there's a whole lot of hurt in their history that she might actually be lucky to have lost.
After everyone leaves, Mal sacked out against his father's chest, the two of them work in tandem to get their sleepy boy to bed. Outside of his room, Rick starts towards the guest bedroom and Kate stops him with a hand fisted in the bottom of his shirt.
She lets go the moment she realises what she's doing, but it's enough to make him stop and turn back, regard her with his face so open. Just waiting for her next move. "Rick. . .last night wasn't a one time thing, for me."
Yes, thank you, she hears what that sounds like. Knows the connotations all too well. But he understands, and doesn't tease, just follows her back down the stairs and to bed.
He's on autopilot. Must be. That's the only plausible explanation as to why he undresses in front of her, tossing his clothes towards the hamper and climbing into bed in just his underwear. It hits her then that the previous two nights, he's been wearing a shirt and pyjama pants only in deference to her.
That normally, he sleeps in boxers, or maybe even less than that. And maybe she does too. Kate pauses for a moment, considers going for the bathroom to change, and then thinks better of it. Not like he hasn't seen her before.
She strips down to her underwear and tugs on a tank top and a tiny pair of shorts. Unclasping her bra, she tugs the straps down her arms and pulls it out from underneath her shirt. And when she climbs in to bed, she goes straight for the middle and meets her husband there, her head settling at his shoulder.
Everywhere his bare skin touches hers, their history rewrites itself.