Jane Doe

Would it be pathetic if he fell over?

Probably, yes, but all the same he finds himself sinking heavily into the chair at his desk, hands in fists against his thighs because he's already broken a cup this morning. The nerves are, somehow, worse than the last time. It's ridiculous, really.

Through the bookshelf walls of his office, Rick watches as his son heads straight for where the boy's mother is curled up on the couch around a mug of coffee. Marlow has this funny, bobbling walk and even from the shards of her face that he's afforded, Rick can tell that Kate is stifling a laugh at their son.

He has perhaps never been so grateful for the less-than-substantial walls of his office than in this moment. He can see his wife and son as Mal climbs up to sit with his mother. Not everything of them, but enough. And, maybe more importantly, he can hear them too.

"Hi Mommy." Marlow says, his voice thick with joy. Their little boy is so excited to be involved in the plan, self-importance making his chest puff up. Of course Kate will notice, but Rick hopes that she won't think too much of it. That she'll just assume their son is his usual wacky self.

Rick hears Kate set her mug down on the table behind the couch and, through the shelves, he watches as she gathers their little boy up into her lap and wraps her arms around him. "Hi there, my sweet boy. What are you doing?"

"I cuddling you." Mal huffs, as if it should be completely obvious. That gets a gorgeous peal of laughter from Kate, dappled like sunshine, and Rick has to close his eyes for a moment. God help him, he loves her. How is he supposed to survive life with Kate Beckett?

There are several moments of quiet - probably the longest Marlow has gone without making some kind of noise in his short little life - and then their son's voice comes out tentative and sweet. Sly, too, but Rick might just be reading that into Mal. "Mommy. . .I see your rings?"

It isn't all that unusual, honestly. Marlow is fascinated by his mother's jewellery, loves to bat little hands at her ears if she wears long earrings to watch them sway. He's particularly enraptured with the gold skull bracelet Rick bought her their first year together, a replacement for the total failure that was his Valentine's gift.

He was, of course, still overshadowed by the utter perfection of the drawer that she gave him, but she has always loved that bracelet and he gets a little silly with pride whenever she wears it. The thing that most draws in their son's attention, however, has always been her rings. She doesn't wear the engagement ring at work, mostly keeps it safe in the simple wooden jewellery box that sits on top of their dresser. But the wedding band she never takes off.

As he watches Kate hold her hand out for their son to see the simple platinum band that encircles his mother's finger, Rick smoothes his thumb over his own ring and twists it around his finger. For his previous two marriages the ring wasn't that much of a big deal to him, but this time he's so proud to wear it. Have the whole world know that he's happily married to the love of his life.

"I try it on?" Rick hears Mal ask and Kate laughs again. He can see her shake her head in amusement, but he doesn't see her tug off her rings and hand them over to their son. There's a shriek of triumph, a crash, and then thunderous footsteps as Marlow charges for the office where he knows his father is waiting.

Rick hears his wife's huff of surprise and then the softer fall of her own feet as she follows their little boy. "Marlow baby, where are you going? Be careful with Mommy's ring."

"My daddy need it!" Mal yells, several decibels louder than is really necessary in this situation, and Rick has to stifle a laugh. His son comes spilling through the office door and careens towards him and Rick stands up from the office chair to catch Marlow and swing him up into his arms.

Mal huffs, out of breath, and thrusts the ring towards his father. Pressing a smacking kiss to his son's cheek, Rick takes the ring and sets Marlow down on top of the desk. Standing up, and he wobbles a little, clutches at his father's arm to keep his balance.

In the threshold, Kate leans a hip against the doorframe and Rick glances up, offers her a sheepish grin. One eyebrow lifts towards her hairline and she smirks, holding his gaze. "You want to tell me why you enlisted our son to steal my wedding band?"

"Katherine Beckett." He starts, covering the distance between them in two strides and sinking to one knee in front of her. Her eyes go wide and she claps a hand over her mouth, staring down at him.

It isn't like the last time. He's a whole lot more confident in her answer this time around, for starters. DC doesn't loom on the horizon, threatening to take her from him. And he's smiling, and so is she, and their son is hopping around on top of the desk behind him.

Rick turns over his shoulder and pins the boy under his gaze. "Mal, sit down. Let Daddy concentrate." Their little boy drops right down onto his butt, little legs kicking against the surface of the desk, but now that Rick doesn't have to worry that Mal is going to fall and crack his head open he turns back to his wife.

She's still frozen, watching him intently, and he takes her hand in both of his. "Kate. I love you. Marrying you was the happiest day of my life. I hate that you don't remember it. So if you'll have me, I'd really love to marry you. Again."

"If I'll have you?" She huffs, and then she drops to her knees and throws both arms around him, her mouth hot against the shell of his ear. "Of course I'll marry you again, you big idiot."

Kate pulls back to look at him and he frames her face in his hands, kisses her slow and sweet. All of their history is rich between them and then she laughs and the touch of their mouths crumbles apart around the arc of her grin. "Did you really have to get Mal to steal my ring? You couldn't just use my engagement ring from the dresser?"

"That's not as fun. And I wanted to involve him." Rick smiles, reaching for Kate's hand and sliding her wedding ring back home where it belongs. She takes a moment to look at the ring on her finger and then she looks up at him again, leans in for another kiss.

When they break apart, Rick stands up and collects their son from the surface of the desk, carries him over to where Kate is just getting up from the floor. Marlow lunges right out of his father's arms and Kate takes him gratefully, peppering kisses over his cheeks. "Thank you for helping Daddy, my sweet boy. You did such a good job."

Mal flushes with pride, a little bashful under his mother's praise, and Kate laughs. One hand around their son, she tangles her fingers with Rick's and leads him to the living room, drawing him down to the couch with her and their little boy.

"I'm surprised you didn't do it at Thanksgiving." She nudges an elbow into him and he smirks, reaches out to ruffle his son's hair. Mal has his head pillowed against Kate's chest but his eyes are on Rick and he offers his father a shy little grin that Rick returns, wider and brighter.

It is kind of a strange time to do this, he knows. Six weeks since she first said she loves him, slap bang in between the two wintertime holidays. "I thought it would be good at Christmas, but I just couldn't wait that long."

"I love you." Kate says quietly, leaning in until her cheek meets his shoulder. And then she sits bolt upright and glances at her father's watch where it circles her wrist, eyes wide. "Oh no, I'm supposed to meet Lanie for lunch. Take him."

She hands over their son and Rick finds himself suddenly with his arms full of a squirming toddler, holds Marlow close as he tries to escape and follow his mother. Rick carries Mal with him over to the front door and each of them gets a last kiss from Kate before she shrugs her way into a coat and scarf and disappears down the hall towards the elevator.

There's a beat of quiet, and then Rick grins down at his son. That went better than he could have even imagined. Holding his hand out, fingers upturned and pressed together, he can't help but let a peal of delighted laughter escape when his son - his partner in crime - feeds the birds with him.

"Sorry, sorry." Kate huffs, sliding into the booth across from her best friend and struggling her way out of coat and scarf as she goes. It's hot in the restaurant; Kate shucks her blazer as well and pushes up the sleeves of her turtleneck, huffing a breath.

Lanie is frowning at her in mock annoyance and she shoots a pointed glance to her watch, purses her lips. "You're late, Kate Beckett."

"I know." Kate says quietly, unable to stop the smile that bubbles over when she thinks of just why she didn't make it on time for lunch with her best friend. "I, uh. . .got a little waylaid."

An eyebrow lifts across the table and Lanie snorts, rolling her eyes. "I know that look. You got something-laid, alright."

"No!" Kate chokes out, takes a sip of the ice water sweating in front of her on the table just to buy herself a little time. "I wasn't. . .doing that. Jeez Lanie, I have a son. I can't just spend all morning in bed."

Their server interrupts and they order lunch, thank the young woman. Kate's gratitude is probably a little too intense, but she is so very glad for the opportunity to escape from her best friend's inquisition, even for just a moment. She'll tell Lanie, of course, but she wants to get it right. Convey how wonderful it was.

When the waitress leaves Lanie laces her fingers and rests her hands on the table, pins Kate under a stare that rivals Beckett's own interrogation glare. "So what were you doing then, if not that?"

"Marlow asked to try on my wedding ring and then he ran off with it. I followed him to the office and he had given the ring to Rick. And then Rick asked me to marry him. Again."

Lanie's face breaks open around a beaming grin and Kate echoes it, thumb circling over her wedding ring again. She still can't believe it really happened. It had crossed her mind, definitely. That there are some memories that she can repeat. She'd been afraid to mention it to him, figuring that after three weddings he probably wouldn't be so eager to have a fourth.

How wrong she was. This morning, as hope bloomed into joy and spread across his face, Kate was certain that Rick will never get bored of her. That even repeating things he's lived through already won't make it any less amazing for him.

"He did? Wow, honey, that's amazing." Lanie slides out of her side of the booth and comes around to sit on Kate's bench seat instead, wrapping both arms around her and squeezing until Kate lets out a huff of breath. "I'm so happy for you."

Kate closes her eyes against the threat of silly tears and wraps an arm around her best friend, the two of them holding one another tight. She was never really a big hugger before, but now she has a husband and son and both of them seek her out for snuggles all the time.

Eventually, Lanie extracts herself and returns to her own seat. The medical examiner is a little misty eyed herself and Kate lets out a bubble of watery laughter, wiping at her eyes. "I'm so happy, Lanie. Everything is. . .perfect."

"You more than deserve it, Kate. After everything you've been through to get here." Lanie says softly, reaching for Kate's hand and squeezing her fingers. "I can't believe he kept it so simple. That man had so many ridiculous ideas for Ryan and yet both times with you it's been small and intimate."

"What was the first time like?"

"Well, it was when you got your job offer in DC." Lanie starts, taking a slow sip of her own water. Kate knows all about that already; a late night conversation with her husband filled in the details of Kate's entire career history. "There's this swingset that you two always seemed to pick as the setting for your most serious conversations. You met there, and you thought he was gonna break up with you. But instead he asked you to marry him."

At that, Kate feels a blush rising in her cheeks and she dips her head, chews at her lip. It's still very strange to hear about such intimate moments from other people and get not even a spark of recognition. "Did I tell you what he said?"

"He said that he wasn't proposing to keep you in the city or because he was scared of losing you, but because he couldn't imagine his life without you. And that he was willing to figure it out when things got hard."

Swallowing hard, Kate cards a hand through her hair and sighs softly. "I don't really deserve him, do I?"

"Don't be ridiculous." Lanie says immediately, her voice sharp enough that the people at the next table swivel around to look. Lanie glares until the strangers turn away again and then continues, softer now. "You two are equally deserving of each other. He's very good to you, Kate. But you're so good for him too."

"Okay." She murmurs, feeling thoroughly chastised. Self-deprication is rare for her, but when it comes to Rick she can't seem to help it. He's just so amazing that she still can't quite believe he ever wanted to marry her in the first place. He's her favourite author, for goodness sake.

"Kate? You should talk to him about this. He's probably the best person to convince you that you're more than worth it to him."

Meeting Lanie's eyes, Kate manages a nod and a tremulous smile. "You're right. Yeah. I'll talk to him."

"Good. Now eat your sandwich." Kate laughs and thanks the server as she sets their food down, takes a moment to collect herself before she follows Lanie's advice and takes a bite.

The television is on, the sound muted, and Rick is pretty sure that his wife's attention is entirely not focused on the news headlines that scroll across the bottom of the screen. She's in his lap in the armchair, her legs draped over the side and her forehead flush against his neck. His arm is around her waist, hand underneath her shirt, and his fingers smooth over the skin of her belly without him even consciously realising it.

When she was pregnant, they would sit like this a lot. Rick would spread his palm at his wife's stomach and feel the strange, wonderful flutter of life underneath the surface. Still, after so many months, he aches for her and the joy she's lost along with those memories.

Melancholia floods through him and he twists, torquing his neck at a ridiculous angle to get his mouth against the crown of her head in a kiss. "I wish I could give it all back to you."

"Hey, shh." She soothes, fingers wrapping around his wrist. Her thumb strokes over the hum of his pulse and she drops an open-mouthed kiss to his neck. "It's okay. You've given me more than enough, Rick. You want to marry me again. You want to do all of that again, for me."

"I love you. I'd marry you every day for the rest of our lives if you wanted."

That earns him a laugh and he's glad, even if he was only really half joking. Kate hums and arches her back, sinking down against him again with her body loose and languid and delicious. "That's maybe a bit excessive. But do you have any ideas for when?"

"I want to give you the wedding we were supposed to have. Sort of. Smaller, more intimate. But with a lot of the same plans." He glances down at her, a little surprised when she tips her chin up and brushes her mouth over his.

Her kiss is sweet and gentle and it makes his silly heart pound in his chest, his hands clammy. When it comes to Kate Beckett, he has always been a little boy with his first crush. And she knows it, must do, because she's just so tender with him all the time. "That sounds beautiful. And easier, right? If we already made the decisions."

"That's what I was hoping. So, Kate, marry me in the Hamptons, in May?"

She giggles, and he could swear his heart does an actual somersault. His arms tighten around her and he kisses her again, closes his eyes as the television rolls over from the news into some home renovation show. "Yes, Rick. Of course. I'll marry you."

"Kate." He breathes against her mouth, a hand travelling up underneath her turtleneck to find the clasp of her bra and unhook it. She shivers in his grip and tilts her head, lets him open his mouth against the underside of her jaw and brush his tongue to her skin. "I want you."

"Wait, Rick. First. I need to talk to you about something." He watches, more than a little astonished as she pieces back together her control and sits up a little, moves to stop him distracting her with any more kisses.

"Is everything okay?"

"I'm forty next year." She says mournfully, meeting his eyes. Her words sink like a stone in his gut because yes, he knows. And he's possibly never been more aware that he's got ten years on her.

He smoothes a thumb underneath her eye, across to the corner where her skin creases up with delight. He adores every moment of watching Kate age, getting to see the lines that life carves into her skin and know the stories for each of them. "I know, love. More beautiful every year."

She blushes, lashes falling to hide her face from him for just a moment. "Thank you. But that's not my point. My point is. . .I don't want to be having kids in my forties."

"Oh." He breathes, grits his teeth against the clog of anguish. He always wanted his kids to grow up with siblings, have the friendship that he never did. And it seems as if he won't be able to do that for either of them. "Of course, Kate. Marlow and Alexis are more than enough for me."

"No, you don't understand." She murmurs, a palm at his cheek. It takes a moment, but he's eventually able to open his eyes and meet hers. "I want to start trying, Rick. I want another baby with you. Now."

His jaw drops and all of the air escapes from his body in one short breath, like being hit in the solar plexus. He just can't believe that this is actually his life. Upstairs, his perfect son is sleeping soundly, and the most gorgeous, amazing woman in the world is sitting in his lap, wearing his ring and telling him she wants to do it all over again.

"You do?"

"I do." She smiles, shy and so lovely that he thinks he might fall right out of his chair. "Is that. . .something you might want?"

He sighs at her, rolls his eyes. "You are kidding, right? There's nothing in the world I'd love more than another baby with you."

"Okay." She gnaws at her lip, suddenly avoiding his eyes. "I was talking to Lanie today, and I feel so guilty. Like I'm just taking from you all the time. Seems like I always have been."

"Hey." He murmurs, two fingers at her chin to tilt her face towards him. "Don't think like that. You've given me so much, Kate. You and I are not perfect, but we're perfect for each other."

That earns him a smile and another kiss. His wife is adorable, truly, and already he can feel himself bubbling over with excitement at the prospect of another baby with her. She loved being pregnant last time, with their son. She was a glowing, gorgeous, sexy goddess of a woman, even more so than usual. And he wants it, for her and for them.

"I just want you to know how grateful I am." Kate says softly, a little more hesitant than he would perhaps wish for. And honestly, there's no reason for her to be grateful. He owes her pretty much everything good in his life now.

Palming the curve of her skull to reel her back in, Rick tugs kisses from the bow of her lips and his free hand spreads out across her jaw, his middle finger stretching up to her cheekbone so he can feel the work of her face as their mouths meet. "You don't have to be grateful. I'm just so glad you stayed."

"I can't imagine anything other than this." She hums against his mouth, and it's so close to what he said when he first proposed to her all of those years ago. He's so glad she said yes. Then, and now.

Sometimes even now, he still can't believe he gets to spend the rest of his life with her. "Me neither. Now, Mrs Castle. Let's go make a baby."

She laughs, clear and bright, and slides off of his lap. Reaching for his hand, she brings him with her through to the bedroom. Before she lets them get distracted, she turns the baby monitor up and hovers next to it a moment, her face spreading into a smile at the sound of their son's breathing, crackly but still distinct.

It still gets to him. Kate Castle is a wonderful mother. And she's his wife.