First off, SO SORRY for the late update, I know I missed two! So, I will be posting two extra chapters for the next update because I am so behind. Thanksgiving is coming up! Three days! In this chapter, Hazel reflects on what she's thankful for. Again, sorry for the late update! I haven't forgotten, life's just been life.

I finally get out of my car and walk up to Isaac's house. Neil nudges Isaac, but he's already standing. There's a smile on his face, and on mine too. I give Neil a big hug and a high five, even though I know he's not twelve anymore. "Man, you're growing so tall! Soon, you're gonna be taller than me!" He grins and says "I'm already taller than you, Hazel." I stand on my tippy toes but give up, laughing. This kid is a giant and he's only a freshman. I remember meeting Neil for the first time. He was such a scrawny little kid. He's obviously grown out of it, and looks how Isaac did at 15, except taller; extremely taller. "Hazel Nut." His warm, sweet chocolaty voice fills my ears and I sigh at his nickname for me. Brings back Support Group memories. "Hey Isaac." "Were you just flirting with my younger brother?", he mock accuses. I know he's joking but in a need to defend myself I blurt out "HE'S GROWING UP SO FAST" and fake sob into my hands so he knows I'm joking too. And yet, I feel his warmth behind me and his hands on my shoulders. Shivers run up and down my spine as if dancing the freaking tango. I don't turn around because I'm afraid of seeing his face and being sucked in by everything that is Isaac. All relationships don't have to lead to love. I'm fine with being friends, in fact I'm quite happy just being friends. And yet, I feel so comfortable being in his arms. It feels right. Like something I've been missing for so long. I take his hand and lead him up the steps and into the house where we meet his mother. She asks me how I've been and I say cancer free, for now. She says that's good and then Isaac says something to his mom in muted tones. She's looking at me with suspicion. God I hate it when adults look at me like I'm up to something. She nods at something he says and then leaves the room.

"What was that? Why did your mom look at me like I have cancer?"

"Well you do, and it was nothing."

I don't say anything. How could I believe that?

"She just didn't expect you to be over so early."

"Seriously?" I groan. "Not her too."

"Yes, her too. She cares about you Hazel. You know we go back a loooooong time. You're like the daughter she never had."

"Or the daughter she'd never want. Isaac, really? One kid with cancer isn't enough, she has to have two?"

"You know what I meant. Come on, I wanna show you something."

He makes his way upstairs and into his room, with me following close behind him. I sit down at his desk while he goes into his closet and pulls out a shoebox. He comes over to me and sits down on the floor.

"There's no easy way to do this, so I'm just going to start talking."

"I remember the day he first saw you, the day he came to Support Group with me. There was something about his actions that just got more cautious. As if someone was watching him. As if you were watching him. Later that night, he calls me up and tells me he's seen the most beautiful girl and needs to see more of her. He couldn't stop talking about this girl who was so different from everyone else. You were on his mind. He wanted to be with you. Me being the cynical non believer I was, I told him he was crazy and that love at first sight was just a myth and nonexistent; it was a rumour started by someone to give people false hope. He didn't care. He wanted a chance with this Hazel girl. He knew that relationships were tricky, especially for two teenage kids with cancer. But he wanted to give it a shot if it meant he would be happy. He started writing these letters. I don't know what they entail, but before he went-"

Isaac pauses and takes a deep breath. He's holding back his tears, as he's done so many times these last few months. He's been a rock. I wish he would crumble and deal with the pain. Maybe he is. Maybe he isn't. I don't know.

"Promise me you will read every one. You were his everything."

"Are you ready?", he asks me.

"I don't know. Yes. Wait, no. Sure, sure, sure. No. Wait."

I don't think I'll ever be ready. It's like in P.S I Love You where Holly gets these letters at random from her late lover Gerry OH MY GOD THIS IS EXACTLY HOW IT IS IN P.S I LOVE YOU OH MY GOSH I'M HOLLY. I remember I didn't want to watch that movie. But I did. And it was like watching my life ten years from now if Augustus were still alive. I take a minute to mentally prepare myself for the worst and so much pain, and tell Isaac I'm ready. I open the box and sure enough, there are bundles of letters tied together with twine. Hazel Grace is scrawled across each one, in that perfect calligraphic handwriting of Augustus Waters. I'm not crying. I'm not crying. I'll later realize that it was a powerful thing, his love. He made sure-he wanted to make sure I would be okay even after he was gone. I wouldn't have had this moment were Gus still alive. If Isaac hadn't done this for me. I don't know what pact he and Gus made, but I'm thankful for their friendship and for his. I'm thankful to be alive. Thankful for Isaac. And I'm thankful I knew Augustus Waters as Gus and Augustus. I learned something when I saw those letters. Nothing, and I mean nothing, can stop love from completing its trial. The brokenhearted will learn to love again if at first, they let themselves learn to trust again. I'm on my way to trusting. I know I'm not alone in this. I have Isaac, my mom, Dr. Maria, and my dad. I'm not ready to open a letter yet, but I tell Isaac thanks. He scoots closer to me and hugs me. The hug turns into him holding me. My head has nestled into his shoulder and my arms are tangled up in his hair. That's when a tear slides down my face. Soon, I'm sobbing. His grip gets tighter around me, as if he's trying to protect me from the harsh world that has broken me into so many pieces. His chin rests on my head, and we just sit there; me crying my eyes out and him holding me. Protecting me.

"And I can't be running back and forth forever between grief and high delight." -J.D Salinger