Well, I definitely stand by my decision to wait until after the finale to tackle these last few chapters because, really, the only way to go about this is to assume that the proposal part of Watershed never happened. So we're just gonna go with that.
Thank you so much to Andy and Sonia for helping me work through this mess and make something of these last two chapters.
The Squab And The Quail & The Human Factor
The door swung open with an excessively forceful shove, hitting against the doorstop and flinging back into Kate as she stepped inside, sluggishly removed her gloves and boots. It was sleeting outside, a freak April storm coating the city in a slushy, white mess as winter made what was hopefully it's final appearance of the year. The streets and sidewalks were slick, and to top off her exhausting and irritating day, the normally beautiful cityscape was a sloppy, mucky mess.
Kate shrugged out of her drenched jacket, shook the droplets from her hair as she stepped fully inside and latched the door behind her, effectively shutting out the day.
She'd woken at 4:34 a.m. to the shrill ringing of her cell, an apparent murder victim found in the park. She and Castle had trudged out of bed, rushing to make themselves at least semi-presentable as they hastened off to the early morning crime scene. The vic, as it turned out, was a middle-aged woman found floating in the water, and with snow already falling, no amount of coffee was successful in warming them up as they crossed into the park, fingers and noses already numbed by the wind slicing through the air.
After consulting with Lanie and the distressed young man who'd stumbled upon the body, Kate and Castle had spent the majority of the day canvassing the park as well as nearby businesses for any information that might lead to an identity for their Jane Doe. But everything turned up empty, and by the time they'd exhausted the list of possible witnesses, they were windblown, chilled to the bone, and thoroughly soaked. Frozen and frustrated, Kate finally called it off for the day at nine o'clock, sent the team home.
Castle was already here somewhere, having cut out a couple hours earlier to head back to the loft and return a phone call to Black Pawn. He'd said something about dinner, too, at some point, but Kate was in no mood for food. She needed warmth. She needed sleep. She needed a hug. But most of all, she needed the two things that provided unwavering support and comfort, no matter the situation: Castle and his words.
She found the man in question seated at his desk, feet propped on the edge, computer balanced precariously in his lap. He greeted her with a smile and a quick kiss and, sensing her need for comfort rather than talk of work, he allowed her space to unwind before closing his laptop and joining her in bed.
He found her curled beneath the blankets, head on his pillow, journal clutched in her hands as though his words were a lifeline, the only thing holding her together. Castle eased into bed next to her, situated himself in order to read along, drawing both pride and comfort from the knowledge that she was seeking solace not only in his words, but in their story.
Dear Kate,
Did I miss something? I feel like I did, because things were going so well for us. Two weeks ago, you loved me.
And now this.
I know I screwed up the other night. I did. I got sucked into my game and I blew you off, and while I won't apologize for enjoying video games, I do owe you an apology for the way I treated you during that exchange. I'm sorry.
I get the feeling isn't the only issue, though.
You asked me the other day if I was taking you for granted. At first, I thought it was a ridiculous and untrue accusation, and I couldn't even understand how you could think that. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that maybe you weren't completely wrong. Maybe I was taking you for granted a little bit. I guess I'm so used to you being with me most nights that I figured whatever you had in mind could wait until I was done with my game. I assumed you'd be there later.
That was wrong of me, because the truth is that you didn't have to be there with me at all. You have your own apartment, other friends, other things to do. You chose to be there with me and I should be grateful for that.
I don't want to lose you, Kate. I want to be with you. I want to spend time with you. I want you, plain and simple. Please don't ever doubt that.
But even though I tried to make it up to you, part of me feels like things still aren't completely solid with us right now. It's like Vaughn threw a monkey wrench into things and whatever he said or did changed something. I don't know if it was the kiss or that he was blatantly into you and trying to seduce you; all I know is that you haven't been the same since that ordeal started, and something tells me it has to do with more than you 'swooning a bit.'
I wasn't there, so I can't be an impartial judge, but I also can't help but wonder why you even had to push him away from you. Why you even let him try to kiss you, after getting upset with me over the very same thing. Clearly I wasn't wrong in not trusting you to remain professional.
Were you trying to make me jealous? Was that your way of getting back at me for my stunt the other night? Or are you really just not as into this relationship as I thought you were? You've never given any indication that you're not serious about us. You've been all in since the beginning which, actually, has been a pleasant surprise.
I don't understand, Kate. Are you still upset with me? Or are you just losing interest? If it's the first, I promise I'll do absolutely anything to make this up to you. If it's the second... I don't know what I'll do.
My mother brought something up today that I've been trying to ignore, but I can't suppress it forever. Alexis assured me that you're fully committed to our relationship, but my mother was quick to point out that since there's no ring on your finger, technically you're not committed at all. I brushed it off at the time, but now I can't help but wonder if that's how you see it.
I'm serious about us. I want you to know that. I'm serious about you and I want to be with you. It never even occurred to me that you'd want more already, that you'd be ready to move in or put a ring on your finger. Hell, I'm not sure I'm ready for that. I personally don't see any reason to rush into things when everything seems to be going so well. But maybe that's not how you see it. Maybe that's not what this is to you.
What can I do, Kate? How can I prove this to you? I want us to be on the same page here. I don't want whatever is going on between us to grow into something it shouldn't be. I want us to be like we were before Vaughn swooped in and tried to woo you. I just don't know how to do that.
Help me out here, Kate. Please.
Love,
Rick
Kate closed her eyes, shook her head, exhaling long and slow as she finished reading.
"You okay?" Castle queried, one hand rising to stroke her arm.
"Yeah, just... what a mess."
"Us?"
She nodded, gestured to the letter. "All of this."
He tipped his head briefly in agreement, couldn't argue with her assessment. Bad decisions, horrible communication breakdowns. It was a miracle they'd even made it past that first year.
She opened her mouth to speak, forced it shut again. They'd been through all of this already. They'd fought about it, cried about it, spent endless hours dwelling on it, and rehashing it now could serve no possible beneficial purpose.
"Come on," Kate urged, forcing the memories aside and flipping the page of the journal. "Let's keep reading."
Castle hesitated but soon arrived at the same conclusion, nodded in silent agreement.
Dear Kate,
You're so cruel. So very cruel. Using my own toys against me, in the middle of the night, no less. I can't believe you did that (though I love you a little bit more for it).
I admit, you got me. I completely fell for it. But it wasn't entirely my fault. I'm a bit on edge because of this case, maybe slightly paranoid by the implications of the evidence we've uncovered. It's disconcerting to know that there are machines out there that can take someone out so stealthily, and it's even more distressing to know that some genius with a computer can hack into them and take complete control. Every scenario I've written in my head ends badly.
What comes next? Mass murders committed via drones? A whole fleet of them under the control of a hacker, wreaking havoc on people's lives? Innocent people dropping dead on the street at the hand of a psychotic killer who's taken over command of these machines? The possibilities are endless. And desolate.
I don't like this. I don't like it at all. It's times like this that I hate having a writer's mind, because I can't help but write the story. Only this time, there's no good outcome. Cases like these make me wish I could crawl into a bubble and maintain a sense of innocence about the world, a place where rogue drones aren't even a consideration. No matter how hard law enforcement works, no matter how good the Feds are at their jobs, things like this can still happen, and that knowledge isn't at all comforting.
What's even less comforting is how willing they were to cut us out of this case, despite the fact that we had a murder to solve. I understand that there are things that are confidential, but I don't like when they take priority over us bringing a killer to justice. It's frustrating.
Like you said, no body, no crime scene, no evidence. But at least we have each other.
Love,
Rick
PS – Are you ever going to tell me what Agent Stack really said to you? Because somehow I doubt he called a private conversation with you to talk about nothing.
"Do you regret it?" Castle asked, the words rolling off his tongue before he had a chance to stop them.
No. No. Stupid. Why was he bringing this up again now, after such a long, miserable day.
Kate swallowed hard, taking his question in stride. "Coming back to New York, you mean?"
He nodded stiffly, still cursing his lack of brain-to-mouth filter.
She shook her head, no hesitation in her movements. "No."
"Not at all?"
A shrug, slight purse of her lips. "Better doesn't equate to happier, Castle. Not when I had to leave behind friends and family and the luxury of having time for us." She shook her head. "My heart isn't in DC. It never was. It's here in the city."
Castle nodded pensively, opened his mouth to weigh in, but Kate beat him to it.
She smiled softly, lifting earnest eyes to his as her palm came to rest against his chest. "And here."
Thoughts?