CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

Title: "Salvation: Forever and Always: Elusive Dreams – PART III"

Author: Michelle Heath

Rating: MA for adult situations and language

Summary: Story #9 in the Salvation series. The bonds of family bring the Five-0 ohana even closer.

Disclaimer: I so do not own Hawaii Five-0; unfortunately! All original characters are the property of the author!

Date Written: February 25, 2013

A/N: I apologize for not updating before now but it seems I was premature in telling all of you that our other daughter, although having the same condition, would not require surgery as her situation was not as severe nor urgent as her sister's. Just after I posted Chapter 32, we learned that our other daughter would require surgery, too. As her situation is not as severe nor urgent, she will be able to wait until she graduates from high school in May and then have the surgery sometime this summer. Our faith is strong, however, and I know that the Lord has His healing hands on both our girls. Writing fan fiction is a type of "mental therapy" for me so I will continue to write and promise you all that I will do my best to post quality material that is worth your time and attention. I would like to ask, again, that those of you who are praying people please include our family in your prayers and ask the Lord to be with all of us in the months to come. Thank you all so much for continuing to read and review my work and for the private messages many of you have sent me. My fan fiction friends mean the world to me and your words help so much! Michelle

(Caroline and Danny have spent the day swimming and making love on the sailboat, and Danny begins to truly relax for the first time in what seems like an eternity. While he knows that Caroline is a long way from the person she was before losing their baby, he is still very thankful that she has finally emerged from the dark, dark place she went to after the accident. Watching her as she straightens up the galley after their late afternoon lunch, he is nearly overcome with emotion as thoughts of how desolate and empty his life would be if he had lost Caroline run through his mind. Suddenly, the few feet separating them seems like an ocean to Danny and he grabs his wife and pulls her into his arms with a ferocity that causes her to gasp.)

"Danny, what on Earth . . .?"

"I can't live without you, Caroline, so promise me you will never, ever leave me again."

"Oh, Danny . . ."

"I mean it, Caroline; you're my every thought, my every breath, . . . I can't lose you."

"I'm not going anywhere, Danny; not again. I am so very sorry that I wasn't strong enough to deal with. . With losing our baby. I wouldn't hurt you for anything in the world. . . Oh, my God, are you crying? You are! What am I saying? Of course, you are! Dear God, what you must have gone through while I was out of it! Oh, Danny . . ."

"It's all right, Caroline."

"It's not all right! How could I have been so selfish, so self-centered as to retreat into my own, private little never, never land and leave you to cope with losing our child and worrying about me?"

"You couldn't help it, Caroline. You heard Capt. Stewart; losing our baby after wanting him for so long was just too much for your mind to deal with rationally at the time. I know you didn't deliberately leave me, Sweetheart. I just. . . I don't want to ever go through something like that again."

(Caroline reaches up to gently wipe the tears from her husband's eyes with her thumbs and pulls his face to hers to softly brush her lips across his before pulling back to meet his eyes with a steady yet loving gaze.)

"I swear to you, Danny, that I will never, ever hurt you again. Capt. Stewart helped me to realize that I just . . Gave up when I lost Gabe. I didn't think about you or Grace or Mom and Dad, or Sam and Steve, or anyone else; just myself."

"Caroline . ."

"Let me finish, Danny. Please. . . Capt. Stewart and I managed to have a rather lengthy talk after I came out of the state I was in and before I was discharged from the hospital. . . I . . have to tell you something, Danny, and it's going to be hard for me to do so . . Please just listen and let me finish, okay?"

"Okay."

"Do you remember what happened when I woke up after the accident?"

"I do. You woke up and told me you were in pain so the nurse came in and gave you something in your I.V."

"And I realized I'd lost our baby just before the pain meds kicked in."

"Yeah. The next time you woke up, you weren't . . You weren't there, but you couldn't help leaving, Caroline."

"That's just it, Danny. As soon as I realized I had lost the baby, I just . . . Gave up. I didn't think about you or Grace or Mom and Dad or Sam and Steve, or anyone . . Except myself. I didn't want to think about anyone else. I . . I didn't care how you felt; how any of you felt. I had lost the baby I so desperately wanted and I didn't care if anyone else was hurt by that fact or not. . . Not even you."

"Caroline, . ."

"Don't you dare say I couldn't help it again, Danny! Don't you understand? Once I realized our baby was gone, I shut all thoughts of everyone else out of my mind! I did not care how any of you felt!"

"You were physically injured, Caroline; seriously enough that you required emergency surgery! You were in shock. No one can blame you for being overcome by grief."

"I blame me, Danny! If I had only thought, for even a moment, about how much losing the baby would hurt you. . . If I had, for once in my life, not been so selfish . . . God, Danny, can you ever forgive me?"