CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
Title: "Salvation: Forever and Always: Elusive Dreams – PART III"
Author: Michelle Heath
Rating: MA for adult situations and language
Summary: Story #9 in the Salvation series. The bonds of family bring the Five-0 ohana even closer.
Disclaimer: I so do not own Hawaii Five-0; unfortunately! All original characters are the property of the author!
Date Written: February 27, 2013
(Capt. Stewart has seen a lot of things in his years as a psychiatrist, especially as a military doctor who almost daily deals with the mental and emotional devastation of soldiers who have been involved in truly horrific combat situations, but, at this particular moment, the distraught young man touches something inside of him in a way that he's known only a few times in his career. Commander Steve McGarrett is something of a legend on the naval base and, having reviewed Steve's service record as part of his evaluation of Sam, the psychiatrist is well aware that this young man is a true hero in every sense of the word. Whatever Cmdr. McGarrett sets out to do, he usually does quickly and efficiently and then "fades into the background"; humbly choosing the satisfaction of knowing he accomplished his mission to the best of his ability rather than placing himself front and center to accept accolades and awards. The young man now standing before him, however, is a mass of raw emotion and his anxiety and fear is nearly a palpable thing. There is no doubt in Capt. Stewart's mind that Steve McGarrett would willingly walk through a blazing inferno if it were asked of him, would willingly lay his life on the line and put himself in harm's way if it were his duty to do so and would do these things with no fear, but the one thing that makes him utterly and completely vulnerable, the one thing that is his "Achilles' Heel", is the love he bears for his wife. The psychiatrist finds that he is shocked by the fact that this brave young man is standing there looking for all the world like he's about to collapse. Snapping out of the momentary, slightly dazed state he finds himself in, Capt. Stewart quickly walks around his desk while inviting Steve to sit down on one of the sofas in his office. Sitting down across from Steve, the Captain mentally reaches down deep to find the right words to ease the near-terror he sees in the younger man's eyes.)
"I understand your concerns, Cmdr. McGarrett, and I want you to know that I will help you, your wife, and the rest of your family work through this. I know that, at the moment, you feel out of control and I'm quite certain that, for you, that is a very unfamiliar sensation. Let me assure you, however, that I don't believe the situation is quite as dire as you may think. After reviewing your wife's medical and service records and talking with you and others who are close to her, I agree that there is some cause for concern, but I do not think this is a no-win situation."
"Glad to hear it, Doc, but I've never, never been this scared in my entire life! I've been in some pretty desperate situations as a SEAL, and there have been a couple of times I was sure I was going to die during an op, but I've never felt like my heart was literally going to explode the way I do now. I love Sam more than anyone or anything in this world; every beat of my heart, every breath I take is because of and for her. I cannot live without her!"
"I understand that, Commander; truly, I do. I want you to take some slow, deep breaths and listen to me very carefully. . . Physically, with the exception of her recent bout insomnia and nausea and vomiting brought on by stress, your wife is in excellent health. Her service record is exemplary, her psychological evaluations are right on the money, and she is an excellent officer; well-liked by base personnel. From everything you and your in-laws have told me and from what I saw with my own eyes while your sister-in-law was a patient here, your wife is a very caring and compassionate individual and she is a wonderful mother to your daughter."
"Yeah, Doc, she is, but there's something wrong. Sam is one of the most level-headed people I know, but, lately, it's almost as if she's two different people. Emotionally, she goes from one end of the spectrum to the other in a matter of minutes and, while her behavior hasn't necessarily been inappropriate as of yet, I'm scared to death that she's going to lose it and lose it big at any second. Something's eating away at her, and, damn it, I don't know how to help her!"
(The psychiatrist sits up a little bit straighter and looks at Steve with a new awareness and appreciation.)
"You've hit the nail on the head, Commander. Something is weighing heavily on your wife and I believe that, whatever it is, she is experiencing guilt about something related to her biological parents' deaths."
"Sam has nothing to feel guilty about. Her biological parents were killed in an automobile accident, Capt. Stewart. They were hit, head on, by a drunk driver."
"Yes, an attorney by the name of Blake Moore; worked for a United States Senator at the time and married his daughter later on. I believe that, not too long ago, both you and your wife were instrumental in bringing Mr. Moore to trial on federal charges and that he is, and will be, safely locked away in a federal prison for quite some time."
"Yes. Blake Moore killed Anne and Jonathan Murdock because he was driving drunk. The Senator used his political connections and made a deal for Moore so that he only had to pay a fine and do community service; he never served any time for causing the Murdock's deaths. Do you . . Do you think Sam feels guilty because she didn't push harder to have Moore tried for her parents' deaths? Is that what you're getting at, Captain?"
"Cmdr. McGarrett was only seventeen years old when her parents died and wasn't legally in a position to force the authorities to pursue criminal charges against Blake Moore, so, no, I don't believe that is the root cause of her recent behavior. I believe it is something deeper, something much more personal, but I need to speak with your wife, in greater detail, to be certain, and I want to speak with you and your in-laws before I speak with your wife. Part of the problem, Commander, is that your wife truly doesn't believe there is a problem. She honestly believes that, because of the recent and rather lengthy medical crisis with your sister-in-law, you and her parents are reacting to the stress all of you were under during Lt. Williams' illness. Your wife believes that, given time, things will return to normal if allowed to follow a natural progression."
"But you believe there is something going on with Sam?"
"I do, but before I can do her any good, she has to be willing to accept the fact that there is a problem. I realize that you didn't know Cmdr. McGarrett at the time her biological parents were killed and didn't meet her until several years later, but I need to know everything she has told you about them."
"Okay. Can we do this now, Doc? If I have to wait until 1300 hours tomorrow to talk about this, I'm going to explode. At least I'll feel like I'm actually doing something if we talk now, and God knows I need to do something to bring Sam back to me."
"Then, by all means, Commander, let's do this."