CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
Title: "Salvation: Forever and Always: Elusive Dreams – PART III"
Author: Michelle Heath
Rating: MA for adult situations and language
Summary: Story #9 in the Salvation series. The bonds of family bring the Five-0 ohana even closer.
Disclaimer: I so do not own Hawaii Five-0; unfortunately! All original characters are the property of the author!
Date Written: February 28, 2013
A/N: I hope this chapter will be what some of you have asked for with Caroline and Danny. If not, just send me a p/m and give me specifics and I'll do my best. Thank you all for reading and reviewing! Michelle
"I think it's time we forgave each other, Caroline. You are no more to blame for Gabe's death than I am, and I do not blame you for what happened when you realized we'd lost him. You may think you just gave up and didn't care about how I or anyone else felt, but I know better. You were in pain, Caroline; physically and emotionally, and you really didn't have any control over what you were feeling."
"But, Danny . ."
"We lost our son, Caroline. We lost Gabe and there's nothing either one of us can do about that now. What we can do is be there for and help one another while we work through our grief. We need to be there for Grace, too, and the rest of our family. We aren't the only two people who loved Gabe and who are hurting because he's gone. And while were on the subject . . . Yes, I want us to try again. I love you with all my heart and I want to have children with you; our children. I want to hold your hand and be strong for you while you're in labor and delivering our babies. I want to stand across the room and watch you while you nurse those babies because there's nothing in the world any more beautiful than the sight of a mother nursing her child. I want to agonize with you over things like when we're going to let our daughters get their ears pierced and how old they should be before we let them start dating. I want to listen to you tell our sons how awesome it is to fly for the Navy and watch you roll your eyes while I tell them how Hawaii can't hold a candle to New Jersey. I want to be by your side when we explain the facts of life to them, and, more importantly, when we tell them about the pure and perfect joy that's going to fill their hearts one day when they fall in love with the person they were meant to spend the rest of their lives with. I want to look into your beautiful eyes when we tell them how we met and fell in love and how we'll always be in love and that they'll be damned lucky if they find anything close to what we have together. Twenty years from now I want to be able to look at our sons and daughters and see your eyes or your smile or your sweet and gentle spirit. We lost our son, Caroline, and it hurts worse than any other pain I've ever felt, but we need to work through our grief and move on with our lives. We won't ever forget Gabe, but I pray we'll have other children and we'll tell them all about the brother they'll never know and they'll never doubt they're loved. See, they'll know that, even though losing Gabe broke our hearts, we wanted children so much that we brought them into the world and we love them with everything we have in us."
(As Danny has been speaking, Caroline has been watching his face and really listening to everything he's said. She realizes that she's never seen this particular expression on her husband's face before, never heard this particular pitch nor tone in his voice, and she just wants to pull him into her arms and hold him tightly. She wants to take all his pain away. Every word Danny has uttered his reached deeply into her heart and pushed aside her grief over losing their son leaving the first, faint stirrings of hope where only desolation and pain had been. Now, as Danny lifts a hand and gently touches her face, Caroline feels the rush of many emotions; pain, heartache, grief, longing, and, yes, hope. He ever so gently brushes away the tears that are steadily streaming down her cheek and she knows that her heart is in her eyes; everything she is feeling there for him to see. Sliding her arms around his neck and pressing herself as close to him as possible, Caroline slowly nods her head.)
"I want all those things, too, Danny. You're right, we can't bring Gabe back, but we can help each other. I . .Want to try again, but I want to wait a little while before we do."
"I get that, Caroline, and I'm willing to wait until you're ready. I don't want to do anything that's going to cause you pain, Sweetheart. I wouldn't hurt you for the world."
"Nor I you, Danny. You know, Capt. Stewart told me that I wouldn't be able to fully recover until I let myself. I didn't understand what he meant at the time, but I think I do now. Danny, I'm not going to tell you that everything's going to be perfect from here on out because I can't promise you that it will. I am going to tell you that I love you very much and I will do my best to work through this. I promise you that I won't leave you again the way I did after losing the baby. We will get through this together.