Hello! Hello everyone and welcome to a new chapter of 'Under the Mask'! It's on! It's on, it's on, it's on! Venom is definitely back and it's not just one Kendall will have to deal with! Oh my, I'm so horrible to him and James aren't I? Well, before the action picks up again...I thought a bittersweet Kames chapter was in order. From what we saw last chapter, James rejected Kendall because he feels them being in a relationship would only burden our blond hero more. James only wants to protect Kendall, but has really only left him weaker. Weaker because Venom can and will use this wedge between them to his advantage; I'm getting ahead of myself here, however, so instead of blabbing on about the bad stuff...how about I slow it down a bit? Sounds good? Thank you everyone for the support, reviews, everything. I really appreciate it, it helps a lot to know I have such encouragement behind me. It's really beautiful, just like you all and thank you again. Hope you enjoy this slow-down, bittersweet Kames chapter. ;) Enjoy! Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush! I just love them and writing stories about them, particularly AUs! I also don't own Spider-Man or any of other Spider-Man related characters! All I own is the plot of the story!
James sighed as he stood outside his bedroom, sheet and pillow in one hand. The other was in a fist, up in the air yet not meeting the wood.
His face felt sore from crying; his eyes were red-rimmed and puffy, they still a smoldering golden-red instead of their usual hazel-green; his overall facial expression read fatigue, but also regret and pain.
He regretted hurting Kendall the way he did, it had broken his heart just deciding to ignore the three words he's has dreamed of hearing for years from the blond. It had hurt him very badly, just as badly as it had hurt Kendall...but it was the right thing to do, right?
Kendall was a superhero, freaking Spider-Man. Spider-Man can't have a boyfriend, because then if big time baddies found out they'd use that info to break him. They'd use James to break Kendall, break him once and for all.
Just like Venom tried to do all those months ago.
But...
The brunet couldn't take it any longer. He finally took the brass knob in his trembling left hand and twisted it about, taking a half-step back. The door made no sound as it went back on its hinges, Kendall's sleeping form visible despite the thick darkness surrounding him. James took a deep breath and walked in, careful as he closed the door behind him and locked it. He made sure the front door was locked and all the windows closed, curtains drawn.
New York City was beautiful, but leaving anything open was just asking for trouble. Daytime was bad, but nighttime was just asking to get robbed and/or killed.
Thank God James was a genius; the guy made his own damn security system. No one could get in unless they had business with the two boys.
James took the left side of the bed, Kendall curled up to the right, and sat down. He ran a hand through his hair, over his face and breathed in deeply only for it to escape him in a heavy sigh once again. He tilted his head to look at Kendall's back, his breathing even now.
'I-I didn't mean to hurt you. I just...I'm just tired of being used against you. First Green Goblin, Doc Oct then Sandman...and now possibly Venom again? I'm tired of that, K-Kendy. I'm tired of always being that one person that can really hurt you.'
"It's not fair to you. You need someone strong, that can handle anything that the world throws at Spider-Man. You need someone like that, someone with powers and who isn't so helpless. I-I love you, Kendall. I really do, w-with all my heart...but I realized something when you were being fed off of by that...thing. I realized that this whole time I've been the perfect target. If someone wants to break their enemy, then they take away what they love the most. T-thank God Mama Knight and Katie aren't here, because they're safe. They're safe, and that's good; I would hate myself even more than I do now if they were at risk of getting hurt too. Apart from my own mom, Mama Knight and Katie are all I have. You know me and my dad...wow, ever since I moved here he hasn't called or e-mailed me. Nada, nothing for me from Daddy. Logan and Carlos manage to keep in contact and they're in fucking college, shows that my bros care more about me than my own dad. You and I have always been close, but I think that living together for two years made us even closer. I always f-felt this way, about you but never tried anything.
"I never tried anything because I always got insecure. About myself, who I am and whether I was good enough for you or not. Even though...I always acted like this cool, calm, collected and confident player who made all the girls swoon and guys jealous...I n-never felt like who I was pretending to be was me. Only now am I deciding to be who I really am, and that's thanks to you. You've always been there for me, ever since we were kids. I love Carlos and Logan, they're the best but you...you always knew what to say. You always knew what to say, what to do when it came to me; I don't think there's ever been an instant in which you lost your cool with me or didn't know how to help me handle my problems. You know about me being bullied for being chubby as a kid; you know about how sometimes I get all body image issue crazy; you know about the times when I would get depressed, depressed and break down crying over my parents splitting up. They split up because...because they had different parenting styles and Dad didn't like that I was into music, theater, the arts basically. Yeah I'm a tech wiz too, not as much as Logan, and I'm good at math and science but that's just one side of me. Dad didn't like every side, every side of me so he g-got up...walked away from me and M-Mom and married some lady fifteen years younger. I still blame myself for them splitting up, you know? I still do, because I don't know what else to believe. Mom has been my mom, my dad, my best friend and disciplinarian; I like to think she did a pretty good job with me.
James wiped at his eyes, the tears resurfacing.
"I think I turned out okay...I have a great job, the best friends in the whole world, a great mother, you. I have everything most people would sell their souls for; there's always a price, though. A price to keep that...keep everything you love. Mom doesn't know I'm Spider-Man's tech wiz, the only secret I've ever kept from her; Carlos and Logan don't know why sometimes we look like we were just attacked by hell-fire, we can't tell them anything. That includes Gwen and Peter too, because they're in the dark about this like everyone else; you and I...we're a team, but I still ended up falling for you. I r-realized my feelings at fourteen; I already knew I leaned more towards guys than girls, that's something you learn about as a kid. Something you feel, but I realized how I really felt about you at fourteen. I tried to stop seeing you that way, ha even when Logan and Carlos were saying you felt the same. Of course I didn't believe them; out of everyone in the world, why choose me? You can have anyone, Kendall...
James sniffled as he turned to fully face Kendall's still body, lifting the covers up so he could slid into bed with him. He turned so he rested on his side, one hand reaching out to play with the blond's short, wild hair. The brunet rested his head down on the nearest pillow, trying yet failing to ignore the drying tears stains embedded in the soft, creme-colored case.
"Why me though, why me? Why me, the guy who once acted like a superficial, pompous, brainless asshole? I was like Jett at one time, only caring about my looks and image. I could love anyone and everyone, but not myself. I-I love you, there's no one else I can see myself with...! I've tried to, really I have and nothing ever lasts. There's so much between us, so much history that trying to...r-replace you, it's impossible. I've loved you this whole time and I wish that things could be different. I've waited years to hear you say what you said to me...I've dreamed of those words over and over, you have no idea how it felt. How it felt to hear you say them: it felt a-amazing. It was beautiful, because it wasn't perfect. Everything in my life has had "perfect" timing: my parents' divorce, moving here, this Venom thing. Everything seemed to have a time and place to fall along, and then...oh God, I love you too. I love you too and I wish I could say these words back...! I wish I could give you everything you want, everything you need. I wish I could give you one night...one night that if only could last forever, then I would do everything to show you that I love you too. I would, I would...
James leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to the shell of Kendall's left ear, making sure his voice was still low and that his tears wouldn't land and run down the shorter boy's neck.
"I wish...one night, that I had one night to pretend that the lives we are in a just dream; just one night to stop everything in its tracks, and be with you."
"Then stay."
-Page Break-
The brunet's eyes grew wide when Kendall suddenly turned to face him, wide awake with slightly wet eyes and a look of absolute love and desperation.
Love that was clear in his expression, love that was reflected clearly in James' own eyes. Desperation, desperate for that one chance. Desperation for that one opening, the one opportunity he has to get James to stay.
"Y-you were...?"
"Yeah I was, James...I want you to stay with me. Stay with me tonight, let me love you." Kendall whispered, tilting his head up and leaning forward. James realized what the blond was trying to do and backed away, sitting up and trying to avoid meeting those bright bottle green eyes as more tears left him.
"K-Kendall please stop, don't ask me that..."
"Why not? James, I'm asking you to let me love you. I-I love you, I've loved you all this time. I've loved you for a long time, first as my friend, best friend, brother and then and now...as more than those three put together. You're not just my tech wiz or apartment-mate, James. You're everything to me..."
"If I s-stay...if I give us tonight, then it will be even harder to walk away tomorrow morning." James choked out, biting his lower lip while Kendall took a deep breath as he pressed their foreheads together gently, lightly.
"Remember when your mom and dad were fighting over custody rights, and t-that your dad said he was going to take you away to L.A.? T-that he said that you were going to start over there, and f-forget about everything else?"
James let out a broken gasp, nodding in return though.
"Remember what I told you?"
"Y-yeah, 'He's not going to win, Jamie. Everything's going to be okay; nothing is going to break us f-four up'." James quoted without a fault in his memory, finally having his gaze meet Kendall's.
"He didn't win, did he? No, you stayed...our group wasn't broken up." Kendall said, taking a deep breath himself.
"W-what does that have to do with us right now though?" James asked, a light gasp leaving him when the blond cupped his face.
"I didn't give up, I didn't let your dad split us up. I knew that losing you would mean losing way more than just another face in the morning. I would lose my best friend, a party king, a sometimes drama queen but also an amazing person that I can't imagine my life without anymore."
"I shouldn't have walked in here..."
"James, please stay."
"No, n-no I can't because if I do...! If I stay, then I won't be able to say goodbye! K-Kendall, I won't let myself leave! I'll want to s-stay, and be here with you! I won't leave, I w-won't...!"
"You don't have to."
"I-it's the right thing to do, Kendall!"
"That's what your mind is telling you to do, James, but what about your HEART?" At this James looked away again, though it was kind of hard since Kendall was cradling his face as if it was made of precious, fragile glass.
"It doesn't m-matter..."
"Yes, yes it does James. Tell me, what does your heart want? Was is it saying?" Kendall softly coaxed, their noses brushing now. James sucked in a deep breath, hands on Kendall's shoulders.
"It...it..."
"What's it telling you, James?"
"It's telling me...telling me to stay." James whispered, eyes wide as if experiencing a sudden realization.
"Then stay...stay with me tonight." Kendall replied, his right thumb now lightly brushing James' soft, full bottom lip. James' face was a bright red at this point, their lips not too far apart then they were before.
"If I stay...then it will be h-harder to leave tomorrow morning." James repeated, eyes half-lidded.
"Then...give me tonight. I want to show you that you don't have to leave. We can stay together, no matter what. Let me give us tonight; let me hold you tonight, have you tonight and not let you go." Kendall said, eyes soft and tender.
James still had the choice to leave. Kendall wouldn't force him into anything he didn't want; that wasn't the kind of person he was. Even though it was breaking his heart...James was the one who had the real control.
"If I stay, then I might not leave."
"I wouldn't want you to. I'd want you to stay, stay with me forever."
"I might lose the nerve to l-leave..."
"Then let go, let tonight be about us..."
-Page Break-
James swallowed hard before he fully closed his eyes, a light gasp leaving him again when Kendall's lips embraced his softly, gently and lovingly. The kiss wasn't rushed, hard nor rough.
It was warm, careful with a small passionate flame behind it. There was no senseless groping or battle for dominance. It wasn't an act done by horny teenage boys under extreme sexual tension.
It was an act of comfort, of protection and...love. That was all there was to it: love. No lust, but an intimacy that was slow and steady.
And it completely melted James' heart, Kendall's as well.
The brunet soon wrapped his arms around the shorter boy's neck, Kendall's palms gently messaging his hips as they encircled his waist. The kiss lasted until both were out of breath, breaking the kiss softly to meet each other's gaze.
Sudden silence, sudden heat, hearts racing, faces flustered.
They didn't share another word. They didn't break eye-contact; all they did was reunite their lips, finally...letting go.
Letting go, if only for tonight.