…
The journey back to camp was uneventful. Bellamy insisted on carrying nearly everything, and Clarke, still in pain, didn't bother arguing with him though his behavior confused her. Who is he trying to impress?
As they were walking back, Clarke started thinking aloud about the ways they should deal with the guns in camp. She was worried about possible accidents, but more than that she wasn't sure everyone could be trusted with a gun. After all, some of them had been imprisoned for violent crimes. She wasn't really sure how to organize everything, and because she felt tired, in pain, and hurt by Bellamy's apparent loss of interest in her, she didn't have her usual energy and determination. Let him deal with this. Clarke thought, tired.
…
Clarke's tiredness was not lost on Bellamy, and he felt concerned for her. He was still feeling the effects of the injuries he sustained during his fight with Dax, but despite that he was determined to carry back most of the stuff so that Clarke wouldn't have to. Bellamy wanted to show Clarke that he was someone she could depend on, that he was the sort of man she would want to be her man, though he was also determined to be himself as he wanted her to fall for the real him. All this was new to Bellamy, who never had a proper relationship before. Back on the Ark, Octavia had been his priority, and he couldn't let anyone get too close to him. Down on Earth he suddenly became popular with the opposite sex. Bellamy knew that his newfound popularity was in large part because of his status as a leader, but he enjoyed it all the same. It was intoxicating at first, and he certainly had a lot of fun. But the novelty had worn off pretty quickly and Clarke had made him want more than that. He wanted her to be his, he wanted to take care of her, to be someone she trusted. He liked how she brought out the best in him. The desire was there too, but it was different with her as it was not purely physical and was tied up in and enhanced by his feelings for her. Still, Bellamy remembered how Clarke said she didn't want something purely physical, so as much as he wanted to express how badly he wanted her he resolved to hold back until he could convince her that he wanted more than just a physical connection. This is going to be hard. Bellamy thought as he looked at Clarke and felt himself start to get aroused. He made himself focus on what she was saying.
As Bellamy was listening to Clarke's worries about the guns, he was thinking of how to resolve the issue. It was something he would have done anyway, but seeing how worried she was motivated him all the more. He really wanted to be able to take away her worries, to make it possible for her to let go of her concerns and let him take care of the situation. She seems so tired. Bellamy thought, worried for her.
…
When they finally arrived in camp, they were quickly surrounded by the others. Apparently the grounder had escaped during their absence, and people were afraid he would return and bring other grounders with him. Bellamy began to speak then, and Clarke couldn't help but be aware of how how strong he sounded when he addressed the others.
"Let the grounders come. We've been afraid of them for far too long. And why? Because of their knives and spears? Well I don't know about you, but I'm tired of being afraid." She and Bellamy showed them the guns then. The astonishment and excitement of the others was palpable.
Clarke figured she should say something on the responsible use of guns, but Bellamy continued speaking.
"Not everyone will get a gun. Clarke and I will decide who can be trusted with this responsibility, and it will be up to the people entrusted with guns to keep track of them." Clarke found herself looking at Bellamy with admiration, and he looked back at her briefly. It is a good solution. She was grateful to him for coming up with it. Her emotions must have been written all over her face, for as she was looking over the crowd she found Finn staring at her. He looked jealous. What right does he have to look at me like that? Clarke was indignant. Then she saw Raven and found herself feeling bad for her. Clarke sighed and chose to focus on Bellamy's voice instead.
"Tomorrow we start training, and if the grounders come we're gonna be ready to fight." Bellamy finished. Clarke was about to thank him when one of the girls who had frequented his tent in the past ran up to him and threw her arms around him. Figures. Clarke did not want to watch them, so she turned around and walked away.
…
Bellamy pushed the girl away and cursed mentally as he watched Clarke walk away. Still, he felt good because he noticed how Clarke looked at him as he was speaking and he felt he did his job in sorting out the gun situation to her liking. Hopefully this means she can worry less now. Satisfied, he went to talk to Octavia. It was then that he heard Clarke's voice.
"Bellamy! It's time." She called out to him.
…
Clarke didn't really want to interact with Bellamy, not after seeing him with that girl. But they needed to talk to Jaha together. She thought carefully of what she would say, as Bellamy's life depended on it and she strongly felt that he deserved to be pardoned.
"Mr. Blake, I've wanted to talk to you for some time now." Jaha said. Bellamy looked at her then. He looks so vulnerable. Clarke wanted to do this right. This is it. She began to speak.
"Before you do, uh, I...I'd like to say something. When you sent us down here, you sent us to die. But, miraculously, most of us are still alive. In large part that is because of him. Because of Bellamy. He's one of us, and he deserves to be pardoned of his crimes just like the rest of us." She briefly looked at Bellamy as she was speaking, and when she did she found him looking back at her with warmth in his eyes.
"Clarke, I appreciate your point of view, but it's not that simple." Jaha responded.
"It is, if you want to know who in the Ark wants you dead." Bellamy said as they had agreed he would. Jaha looked thoughtful, and after an all-too-long, anxiety inducing pause during which Bellamy briefly gave Clarke a nervous glance Jaha spoke.
"Bellamy Blake, you're pardoned for your crimes." Bellamy and Clarke both smiled then, relieved. "Now, tell me who gave you the gun." Jaha continued.
After their conversation with Jaha was over, Clarke looked at Bellamy. He was smiling. He looks so calm, and ugh he has such a sweet smile. Bellamy met her gaze.
"Clarke… thank you for speaking for me. And for thinking up this plan in the first place. You may well have saved my life. And… it just means a lot." Bellamy sounded sincere, but he spoke awkwardly, his usual confidence was not there.
"Everything I said is true." Clarke replied, somewhat formally, recalling the night before, when she said similar things with more emotion in her voice, and again feeling the pain she felt when Bellamy pushed her away as she made to kiss him.
"Thank… thank you for seeing me that way." Bellamy said, as he looked directly into her eyes, his voice full of emotion.
"Yep. Well, I should go check on Finn now." Clarke replied all too abruptly.
...
Bellamy was confused. Why is she so distant? Suddenly he wondered if Finn was the reason, and felt jealous as he wondered why Clarke liked Finn so much. Bellamy felt lost at the prospect of Clarke wanting someone like Finn, as that's just not who he was and not who he would ever be. Bellamy's jealousy drove him to follow Clarke and stand close enough to Finn's tent to hear them speak. He didn't care that Finn thought badly of him, but when Bellamy heard Clarke say she trusts him he couldn't help but smile.
Clarke exited the tent then. She took one look at Bellamy, made an irritated noise, and started walking away fast. He was confused, and was about to let her walk off when he saw her making for the wall. Is she seriously going to go outside alone? He went to pick up a gun and then made to follow her, closing the distance between them.
…
Part of her knew it was stupid to go outside the camp, but she really needed to be alone. And walking itself was making her feel good, it was helping her forget Bellamy. That didn't last long however as she soon heard footsteps behind her.
"Clarke! Wait!" Him.
"What do you want Bellamy?" He looked hurt.
"It's not safe out here, you shouldn't be alone." He replied. Why does he even care? Well, I suppose he is grateful for my help in getting him pardoned.
"What if I want to be alone?"
"You should at least have taken a gun."
"Fine," she said, "give me your gun and leave." She extended her hand towards him, but he did not move.
"Do you want me to hurt Finn for you?" Bellamy asked.
"After I spent all that time fixing him up? Also, Bellamy, you think this is about Finn?! You're an idiot." He looked at her with confusion in his eyes.
"Wow, you really are clueless." Clarke said.
"Please just tell me what's going on."
"Forget it." Clarke started walking off, but Bellamy reached for her, grabbing her forearm. She trembled at his touch, it brought back so many memories. She didn't know what to do. She couldn't take any more rejection, but she also wanted to be near him. So she just stood there, uncertain, doing nothing. He moved closer to her then. She still did nothing. Suddenly he was so close to her that she could feel how warm he was even though they weren't touching. She briefly glanced into his eyes and turned away. Bellamy dropped his gun then and pulled her hard against him. Oh…
"I am an idiot. I was trying to show you that I was interested in more than just sex. I guess I'm not very good at this relationship stuff. Forgive me?" What?! Clarke was stunned into silence. But she felt Bellamy's heart pounding as he held her against him.
"Bellamy…" She said softly, unable to say more. He cupped her cheek then and turned her to face him. She felt herself melting as he looked into her eyes. He kissed her then. He was trembling, and he was so tender. She felt her legs get weaker and heard herself moan softly into his mouth, at which he started kissing her harder, more urgently. She felt how aroused he was, and pulled him against her.
"Clarke…" His voice was low and his breathing heavy. To the extent that she could think, Clarke thought how similar this was to what they shared before, yet how at the same time it was also so very different.
…