Cheongmyeong 1795
There was something he should do. Something that needed to be done before he ran out of time. What was it? He tried to figure out what it was but everything felt remote, so far away. What was he supposed to be doing. He tried moving his hand but his fingers felt sluggish. A light touch on his brow. Someone seemed to be calling him. Who? He strained to hear. Painter, wake up. Please wake up. Was he asleep? Who was calling him?
"Painter .. please," Jeong-hyang paused, closing her eyes with weariness. Pokkot was huddled beside her, eyes roving back and forth between her and Yunbok.
"Give it more time," said Hong-do worriedly.
"It's already been a whole day and he's still not awake!" she bit her lips, holding back her tears. Despairingly, she shook Yunbok. "Painter!"
Turning his head away to hide his own distress, Hong-do looked at Suk-kwon who was bent over, head in his hands. Was he also discouraged? It was nearing evening. They had begun the day with expectations that slowly waned away as the day progressed. Halmoni Jung had fallen into a brief spell of unconsciousness in the morning but was awake in the afternoon, disoriented. Her recovery was assured but it seemed it would not be so for Yunbok. What was taking him so long? A splash of water behind him. Jeong-hyang wringing out the cloth to wet Yunbok's lips. He had been without food and drink for a day. Suk-kwon had advised against trying to feed him so this was the only way to try to get some water into Yunbok.
"Painter?' Suk-kwon's head snapped up at the hope in Jeong-hyang's voice. "Painter!" He exchanged a look with Hong-do. Both men scrambled to get to Yunbok's side.
"Aboji!" Pokkot craned her head eagerly.
"Rascal, do you know where you are?" Joy suffused Suk-kwon when he saw Yunbok's eyes were opened.
Where he was? He stared at the faces looking down at him, trying to sort out his cloudy thoughts. For a moment, he could not recognise them. Why were they looking so anxious?
"Are..," he cleared a dry throat. "Aren't we at master Kim's mountain retreat?" He turned his head to look about him, hands reached out to help as he pushed himself up. "Aren't you supposed to be with Young-joon?" this to Suk-kwon who was beaming at hearing those statements. It meant Yunbok was lucid. A clear sign there was no impairment.
"You gave us a fright," he clapped Yunbok on the shoulder and recounted what had happened. "We thought you would wake some time in the morning but you did not. I was on the verge of sending for a physician."
"And I was on the verge of giving him a piece of my mind," said Hong-do, grinning widely, thumping Suk-kwon on the back. "How fortunate for you I don't have to tear a strip off you."
"I'll like to see you try. For one who has held nothing but a paint brush through the years," scoffed the other man.
"Aboji, are you feeling all right now?" Pokkot stared at Yunbok anxiously.
"I'm fine," he smiled at her but she shook her head, eyes fixed to his chin.
"No, you're still sick," she said, glancing at Jeong-hyang who was gripping Yunbok's hand, happy to feel his response, for affirmation. "Ajoshi should ask for a physician."
"Why do you say that?" he was puzzled at her certainty.
"Your ... your beard is dropping," she pointed to his chin in horror.
He put up a hand to his face to feel the slick of moisture. His eyes leaped to Jeong-hyang's who was disconcerted at her oversight. All that constant wetting of his lips throughout the day had loosened the glue. The two men froze momentarily.
"Is it painful?" continued Pokkot in innocent anxiety.
"You never said one of the side effects of the poison will be lost of hair!" Hong-do said immediately as an idea struck him, nudging Suk-kwon surreptitiously, out of Pokkot's view.
"Well...I don't know about that. Mushrooms can do strange things." Suk-kwon pretended to peer anxiously at Yunbok. "Is it painful?" he echoed Pokkot's question. This was the chance for Yunbok to get rid of the beard. It was something he knew his young friend had always wanted.
"A little..." Yunbok faked a little pain as he pulled at the false beard. Part of it came off in his hand as Pokkot gasped in horror, expecting to see blood but there was nothing but smooth skin.
"Are you going to lose your hair as well, aboji?" Her eyes went to his head, as if she was expecting the entire lot to come tumbling off. The others had to control their laughter.
"No, it doesn't look like it." He tugged at his hair to assure her.
"But what happens if it does come off? Ajoshi, is there some medicine to prevent it?" the girl asked anxiously, unaware of the underlying current of humor.
"The best medicine is rest and food," declared Suk-kwon.
The girl jumped up and headed for the door. "I'll see if dinner is ready!" she said and disappeared.
"That was fast thinking," said Suk-kwon, after making sure the girl had gone. "Unfortunately, the tale will spread. People will have the wrong idea that this type of mushroom will cause lost of hair."
"At least I did get rid of this as I've always wanted to." Yunbok fingered the tuft of false beard in his hand before pulling off the rest. He rubbed his lower face which felt lighter and bare. It was an unusual sensation. He wondered why that was.
"Are you all right?' Jeong-hyang said as he closed his eyes and frowned.
"Just a slight dizziness," he said, trying to work up some moisture in a dry mouth.
"I'll get you water," she said and left quickly.
"How do you feel?" Suk-kwon said after taking Yunbok's pulse again. He made a visual scrutiny, feeling the years rolling back as he looked at that youthful face.
"A little fuzzy," Yunbok said wanly, wishing the irritation in his eyes would go away. "A little headache."
"They'll clear. If you feel sick or uncomfortable, don't keep quiet about it," Suk-kwon pursed his lips as he concentrated on the beat of the pulse beneath his fingers. Normal.
"Excuse me," said Yunbok, gettng to his feet. He shook his head when Suk-kwon put out a hand to steady him as Hong-do looked on in puzzlement.
"Where do you...," began Suk-kwon but Yunbok left the room. Puzzled, both he and Hong-do followed him until they realised he was making for the outhouse. But of course. They sat down at the porch to wait and keep an eye out.
"Now that he's awake, I'd like to know why you didn't bring back the boy," said Hong-do once they returned to the room, bending close. The subject of P'ado's absence had been overlooked the night before as he did not wish to pile on the strain. "It is your decision, isn't it?" a little anger seeped into his tone.
"Yes. I stand by it," Suk-kwon said, meeting Hong-do's heated gaze steadily. "As I told Hyangya last night, the boy is not in the right frame of mind right now. Should I tell him, he had to decide arbitrarily on what he should do. If he decides negatively, what will happen?"
"Negatively? There is nothing to decide. Irregardless of what had happened, he cannot deny he is brought up by them," Hong-do said angrily. "He has his duty."
"Duty? Yes but that is not the way to convince him into acceptance. I can get him here with that argument but you can sure, his heart will not be in it."
"Not in it? How can you be so certain? You're saying if he was lying at death's door," Hong-do waved in Yunbok's direction, "that boy has no heart in him to feel..."
"That is not what I meant! I had to be sure of his condition..."
"Be sure of his condition?! If he were to die just as you got here, how could you justify your decision?"
"It makes no difference, does it?" Suk-kwon said furiously, roused into temper. Despite what he had told Jeong-hyang, he could not help feeling he had been too peremptory in his action and had been pondering over it. The antagonism of Hong-do only served to vex him further. "He still would have gotten here too late, he would still be dead."
"Yes, without seeing the boy one last time. Is that how it should be done? I doubt P'ado would thank you for it. I believe he would still come here irregardless if he knew..."
"Yes he would but as I told you, it would not be his true..."
"You are missing the point I am trying to make here," Hong-do stabbed at the floor with a finger to emphasize his statement. "The boy's stance is irrelevant if his situation is critical. My message made that very clear."
"You said he was unconscious, possibly from ingested poison and that I was to bring her back. Time was of essence! I had to move fast so how could I waste more time waiting for him to decide?"
"You never told him anything, how could you know how he would react? It's only your own belief!"
"I have seen him grown up. I can gauge how ..."
"This is ridiculous. Living with him and seeing him grow up doesn't mean you have a better insight. Given the short time I have to associate with him, I can tell you he will not hesitate."
"That is not ..."
"What are the both of you doing?!" came Jeong-hyang's voice at the door. Both men turned to see her staring at them in horror. "Your voices can be heard out at the daecheong!"
They glanced at each other, abashed at their inconsideration for Yunbok's feelings. "You're distressing him," she said. They turned to see Yunbok staring expressionessly out of the windows. "Why don't the both of you discuss it elsewhere...softly?" she suggested. "While he freshen up for dinner," she said a silent prayer of thanks that Pokkot was fussing in the kitchen and did not overhear the argument.
Sheepishly, both men got up and left the room. She closed and locked the door behind them. Going to the windows, she made sure they were shuttered and locked properly. Picking up the basin of water, she placed it in the corner before pulling the byeongpung across to form a secluded area at the back.
"Painter." She offered the towel she had wrung out. Automatically, he took it and scrubbed his face vigorously as she removed the manggeon, untie the sangtu and combed out his hair. She said nothing as he hunched over, face buried in the towel, but made sure his hair was smoothed out before tying it up again and replaced the manggeon.
"Go and clean up, I'll get you fresh clothing," she murmured, gently nudging him encouragingly.
As he made his way behind the byeongpung, she folded up the bedding and quilt, coming across the false beard discarded and forgotten on the floor. Would he put it back on again in future, she wondered as she picked up the pieces. A new beard would have to be made eventually for this one was totally ruined. Going to the desk, she pulled out a piece of paper and wrapped it up. It was up to him to decide what he wanted to do with it. She placed it in his pack in the bandaji before shaking out his clothing. Picking out what he would need, she removed the dirty clothes he placed at the corner of the byeongpung and replaced them with the clean clothing.
"I put the remnants of the beard in your pack," she said as he emerged from behind the byeongpung and sat down, holding out his jeogori for him to slip into. "What are you thinking of?' she said as she tied the goreum.
"Nothing in particular..," he said stiffly, grasped her hands before letting go. "Nothing," he stared at the floor.
"Here, have some water," she handed him the bowl of water she had brought. "What does your heart say? Would he come if he knew?"
"Do I want to know?" he emptied the bowl and set it aside. "It is better not to know..." Absentmindedly, he made to blot away lingering moisture at his lips and encountered no bristling hair. Confused, he felt about for a while and remembered. "It's gone."
"It is never gone. Not while we live."
"Do you remember the day he came to us?" He lay down, resting his head on her lap. "He looked terrible but adorable, strong little fellow too. I had to fight with him to release the straps of the gat. Do you remember the sleepless nights we had?"
"Didn't we end up tossing him about?" she smiled, "those "dances" you had with him wore him out so much."
"A start to his caper with that rooster. It lived a long life, didn't it?" he chuckled. "He begged so hard when it came to its turn at the pot. He made good on his promise to finish the book he was studying."
"Didn't he say the rooster ought to be the honoured guest at the chaekgeori?" she laughed.
"He was so insistent on bringing it that day, didn't he?" A lump formed in his throat that he could not laugh. He blinked as images flowed before him. "I was dreaming ... dreaming of those days. The three of us, in that little house ... do you remember when he was steady on his feet to run? Wasn't he getting into everything? And that mouth of his .. when it wasn't to eat, it was always appa this, appa that .."
She wiped away his tears which rolled ceaselessly for some time, aching for him, aching for herself. Comprehending why he took so long to wake. He had no wish to return to a painful reality. Perhaps she would have done the same too.
"Master Park knows best, doesn't he? You wouldn't want him here out of duty, compelled to come...," she blotted her own tears with her sleeve. "Not even if you..," she swallowed, unwilling to finish the statement.
"If he cannot receive us wholeheartedly, is there any meaning to a last farewell? Am I asking too much?" he grasped her hand, feeling invisible bands tightening within.
"No, our affections will be empty otherwise..," her hands trembled as she tried to control her tears.
"Hyangya." He sat up and hugged her.
By mutual consent, Hong-do and Suk-kwon wandered out to the garden, each feeling thoroughly contrite. The last rays of the sun crept slowly away, lingering to cast a last fingering glow.
"I'm sorry," Hong-do said just as Suk-kwon turned to him and said the same thing. "That was uncalled for," he continued, "implying that you do not know better."
"No, there is no wrong in your questioning my judgment. I'm having doubts about it," said Suk-kwon. "When your message arrived, all I could think of was to get here as fast as I could. I was afraid for him, afraid for Hyangya, afraid she would do something rash should something really happen to him," he heaved a sigh as Hong-do nodded understandingly. "I know the boy will hesitate. The pressure of getting here, his obligations, his conscience will work on him. He will be caught in a dilemma. That is what I surmise instantly. If he would, as you said, decide immediately without any qualms then I have misjudged him."
"If he comes here out of duty, no, Yunbok will not want that. If he does not come..," Hong-do shook his head.
"Either choices will do no good. It will only hurt them further," said Suk-kwon bleakly.
"I know how much they love the boy. How can they not?" Hong-do stared at the darkening sky. "If nothing else, having him here will ease him. That was what I was thinking. Perhaps even bring about a miracle if he was critical, an encouragement for him to fight to live if he knew he is here."
"That is the point I have been contemplating on the way here. It cast much disputability. But as it turned out..," Suk-kwon shook his head. "If P'ado comes to know about this, anger will be at the forefront and then uncertainty."
"There is the thought if by getting him here, it would also help in some ways to get him to accept them, didn't you?" Hong-do tried to see the other man's eyes in the gloom. "If he is about to lose the person he loves, would he not cast aside his scruples?"
"You see how it is," Suk-kwon said. "It is so difficult, second guessing our own actions. Right? Wrong? How will it turn out if this or that were done?"
"How did you decide for this instance?" Hong-do asked curiously. If it were him, Yunbok was his first consideration. He would drag the boy out here, be it willing or no.
"Knowing how that rascal thinks dictated the action I took...what's so funny?" he said when Hong-do laughed.
"I realise there is a difference between our perceptions on how he thinks... it only proves one thing." Laughter died away and sadness took over. "You understand him better than I do. Everything you did, was from his stance while I was acting from my own."
"That is not true. We each see him in our own ways and act," Suk-kwon reached out to grasp Hong-do's arm, "out of love for him. We can agree to disagree can we not? Because in the end that is all that is important."
"To the point as always." Hong-do returned the clasp and thumped the other man's shoulder. "It's getting dark out here. Dinner should be ready." They turned to walk back to the main hall. "There is never a time to catch you lost for words, can I?"
"Never ever," declared Suk-kwon.
"No...there is a way to watch you fumble," Hong-do grinned. "That woman of yours. Tied you up in knots didn't she? She is your weakest point."
"That's absolute nonsense..," began Suk-kwon.
"Really? Then that must be the finest act I've ever seen for the past weeks: stumbling about, blushing, tripping over your tongue. What will she say if she knows you're pretending?"
"I wasn't ..."
"Wasn't acting? Then how can you claim you have no weak point?"
"Why not speak of yourself first? Always shutting us up whenever we talk about your wife. Are you ..."
"Don't switch the subject ..."
"The subject is about women, is it not?"
"The subject is about YOU!"
"No it is not, you started talking about women."
"Your woman ..."
"Leave my woman out of this when you don't even want to talk about yours."
He smiled as light fingers daringly tiptoed across his face and swatted gently at the hand.
"It really doesn't hurt?" she asked. For the umpteenth time that day.
"Pokkotya, you will never complete anything if you keep doing this," he said.
Yunbok opened his eyes as she poked his face one more time before getting up and moving several paces to where her drawing was spread out on the ground, weighed down so it would not fly away in the breeze. Frowning in concentration, she picked up the piece of charcoal and resumed her work, sketching the outline of the butterflies flittering about. He sat up and observed her at work before turning to accept a bowl of mandu when he felt a nudge.
"You're giving her too much liberty," Jeong-hyang scolded softly, handing him the chopsticks.
"She's curious," he dipped the mandu in sauce before biting into it and saw her annoyed stare. "All right, I know what to do," he said placatingly. Girls past nine years old were not supposed to approach their fathers too readily but he was in no mood for such dissemblance. Would it not be better she knew as well now? It would save them a lot of trouble later. "What are you going to do for the rest of the time we are here?" he switched subject.
"Help out with the spring chores. You'll need some new jackets too," she said, plucking at the one he was wearing.
"What's wrong with this one?" he looked down at himself. There were no tears he could see.
"I meant the underlying jacket," she corrected herself. "You only brought a few with you."
"Do you have to? The new ones are always itchy." He washed down the food with a drink from the bowl beside him. "It will be summer soon, that makes it worst."
"If you don't mind the sunshine airing more than it should," she chuckled when he rolled his eyes.
"I'm indoors most of the time, what sunshine?" he finished the last of the mandu. "The mandu's very fragrant. A little different from the ones you usually make."
"I have some help." She took away the empty bowls and chopsticks and replaced them in the chanhap. "Yes," she affirmed to his questioning look.
"You don't suppose she slipped something else into the food this time, do you?" he shifted so he could lean against the tree they were sitting under, twitching an eyebrow at her as she lifted a mandu from her own bowl. She considered as she chewed.
"I have a feeling there is more to the poisoning incident, something that she knows," She picked up another mandu. "Which is why I did not insist that she return to the Sohn residence."
"How are you going to find out?" He was puzzled when she shook her head. What was that supposed to mean?
"Not me. You," she saw a look of disquiet crossed his face. "It has to be you."
"I'm not of a mind to have further discourse with her." He closed his eyes. "I'm tired. I've already done all I can for her."
"But that incident between the both of you is not closed. She never did say it has ended, did she? It still lingers." She moved closer, aware that Pokkot should not hear too much. "Take this chance now to clear up any misunderstandings."
"There is no ..."
"For our peace of mind, you must talk to her," she interrupted. "Painter," she said insistently when he said nothing.
"Can I sleep for a while?" He did not want to think or do anything much less exert himself to reach out to someone who posed more problems for him.
"No ... no, get up."
She finished the mandu, put her bowl and chopsticks into the chanhap, wrapped it up in a bojagi and reached for his hands. His lethargy since his awakening was worrying. He had not resumed his work, nor took up any sparring despite Suk-kwon's attempts to persuade him. All he did was lie in hs room, staring at the ceiling or looking out of the window. Afraid it was the food, she had taken to tasting all his meals before allowing him to eat. When nothing happened to her, she could only conclude his spirits were low. It was with much effort she managed to cajole him to go for a picnic.
"Painter!" she exhorted when he let her pulled at him. At that, he finally opened his eyes.
He got to his feet reluctantly. "Where do you want to go?"
"Let's go for a walk, Pokkotya, keep away your things,' she said to the girl who looked unhappy for a moment but did as she was told.
Putting away the piece of charcoal in a small pouch, she rolled up the sketch and slot it into the paper tube Yunbok had made for her. She brushed herself off daintily and joined them.
"Come," Jeong-hyang said, tugging him when he stood immovable like a stone. She picked up the wrapped chanhap as they moved off.
Korean Words
chaekgeori - a simple feast when a student finished a textbook