King of Dreams

by Selenite

After 3 years of unavailing research, Jane meets a strange, dark-haired MIT graduate, whose brilliant mind may be the key to a breakthrough. But no one could have guessed that she might be the key to his lost memories. Eventual Lokane.

13. Prisoner

Chapter 13: Prisoner

Over and over again
I relive the moment
I'm bearing the burden within
Open wounds hidden under my skin

Pain is real as a cut that bleeds
The face I see every time I try to sleep
Staring at me crying

(Dream Theater – The Enemy Inside)

---

ooOOOoo

Am I cold? Leonard wondered as he lay curled up and motionless on the ground.

Maybe, he decided as he closed and opened his eyes, staring aimlessly into the shadows under his bed. He reached out one hand, seriously considering whether he should crawl underneath. But then he gave up. The bright light that never went off was driving him crazy, but he would not bend so low as to sneak and hide under his bed, squirming like a rat. No, he wouldn't. Because it was not only the constant, accusing light - there were far worse pains and nightmares that kept his sanity occupied. Like the thing that had happened.

Yes, yes it had.

And they'd seen. Everyone had. And Jane, Jane had seen it all.

And now they won't take their stares off me, Leonard realized as the faint, familiar noise reached him. The surveillance camera in the corner turned and focused.

Tensing, Leonard curled up and clenched his fingers into a fist. And then, in a blink of an eye, he bolted up to his feet, seizing the chair. After its metal legs crashed against the table desk, he climbed up. It went much easier than he had expected. The camera shifted quickly to follow his movements, making quick, screaming-like noises as if in protest. But it did it no good as the mount gave up screeching the moment Leonard barely laid his hand on it, ripping it out of the wall. Just one strike was required, and the thing exploded against the grey floor in a spray of a thousand pieces. Jumping down, Leonard grabbed what debris remained, and resolved to do things properly, he smashed the remnants of the poor device against the floor once, twice, a dozen times more… and then he stopped, holding just a bundle of dead, twisted cables. He looked up, breathing heavily. The door was open.

"Needed some privacy?" Clint asked in greeting. His eyes were the same grey-blue shade as the clouds before a storm, but otherwise remained expressionless.

Breathing out, Leonard let go of the poor thing, his eyes cast down. "Yeah. That, and a few other things."

"Like..?"

"Explanations, answers…" Leonard shrugged, still not looking up. "Honest people, true friends…"

"Oh, welcome to the queue." The archer lifted his eyebrows. "You're not the only one lacking those."

Leonard just breathed in reply, letting the silence settle around.

"You're full of anger." Clint noted quietly.

Oh yes, I am, just let me – "I'm fine." Leonard declared, his nostrils flaring.

"I see." Clint nodded his head, the corner of his mouth twitching with sarcasm. "Could you perhaps tell me what other things you are?"

"Will you stop asking this question?" Leonard seethed so coldly it nearly startled him. "You know the answer better than I do. Then why ask? Why?!" He shouted, struggling not to leap forward and grab Clint by the collar.

"What we know is not relevant to you. We know little and less. Much and more lingers inside of you."

"More?!" Leonard could not hold back a desperate shriek of disbelief. "More what? What is it? Why can't you just tell me?!" He screamed, darting to Clint. It required just one move – a quick one – and he was holding the archer by the throat, right under the chin. Leonard got almost surprised at how slow this agent of SHIELD moved, but only until he felt a cold blade pressed against his jugular. Their eyes met.

"Easy now." Clint whispered, barely able to move his jaw.

"Let go off me." Leonard growled.

"You first." Clint insisted, and despite the situation, his eyes remained still, motionless pools.

"Could you at least tell me what happened with the man?" Leonard demanded, showing no signs of submission. He let his stare burn into those empty, unmoved grey eyes. And then, something happened with them - a light that wasn't there before appeared for a moment.

"Come with me." The agent said.

---

The room was simple, the light was dim. Clint's eyes shone on him coolly from across the table. Leonard drummed his fingertips against the desk and overcame the need to rock in his chair.

"You wanted to know what happened with the guy." Clint recalled.

"I did." Leonard confirmed. A long silence followed. Silence that gave way to the unspoken words exchanged by looks.

"He died." Clint announced then, his voice steady and clear.

Having nothing to say to that, Leonard looked down. It wasn't that surprising after all. He suspected it all along, didn't he? But he was hurting her. I had to do something. I had to.

Before his thoughts could run wild and drive him crazy, Leonard glimpsed a movement. It was Clint, producing a small plastic bag with a metal tube inside.

"What do you think it is?" Clint asked, holding the bag up for Leonard to inspect.

Leonard shrugged. "An inhalator?" He observed, his voice quiet.

"Yeah, it looks like that. But if you push this button, a dose of hydrogen cyanide is being released. The effect is immediate." Clint answered, staring at the item with curiosity. "The guy took a lungful of this before we could as much as touch him."

He ended it himself. A spark of life ran through Leonard's heart. Truth, the whole situation was both pitiable and distasteful, but it was a certain relief. It wasn't me, he thought and laid his hands palms up on the table desk before him. The scene came forth vividly. The disgusting crunch of the elbow. Those quiet, pleading noises the stranger had been making. They were so annoying back then that Leonard wanted to smash the man's face in just to make him stop. And someone crying, desperate and terrified. No, not just someone. It was Jane. Jane, of all people, had been watching him torture a human.

How disappointed she must feel about him now? How appalled and disgusted?

"You saved her from him." Clint reminded, as if he had followed his companion's thoughts all the while.

Leonard said nothing, just lifted his stare to those cold orbs before him.

"Now, have you perchance seen this guy somewhere? Anywhere?" The agent said as he placed a large photograph on the desk between them.

Leonard frowned deeply and took the picture by the edge to draw it closer. What? He gasped internally. Of course he knew the man on the photo. He would recognize him everywhere. He just could not understand why would a SHIELD's agent show him a picture of – well, was it really Bret? Leonard leaned closer to take a detailed look.

No, this couldn't be his friend. The similarity was striking, but there were many differences, too. Of course, Bret was tall, well-built and muscly, but this guy was just ridiculous. The wild, angry, defiant stare was almost the same as Bret's, but other features in his face were not.

"This isn't Bret."

"No." Clint confirmed, folding his arms before him, and rocked back in his chair. His tone revealed he was waiting for more.

"Then who is it?" Leonard demanded, still studying the picture, and wrinkled his forehead as a sudden pain started to build up in his head. "Has he something to do with the… incident?"

"Not really. Still, we're searching for him." Clint explained calmly and took back the photo. "You ok?" He asked then, observing Leonard with a curiosity.

"It's nothing. Just a headache." Leonard muttered in reply, pressing the insides of his wrists against his temples.

---

It took a noise coming from the outside of her office to help Jane realize she hadn't been really reading the text displayed on the screen before her. She looked away from the glow and noticed that apart from the light of the monitor, her room bathed in complete darkness. Was it that late already?

Well, it seemed so. And again, Jane was forced to sigh, feeling weak and powerless, and sank deeper into her chair. But tired as she might be, she was determined not to let her eyes close. No, not just now, please.

But it was futile. Even with eyes wide open she could not see the room. She could only focus on something that was not truly there.

I felt safe. Jane recalled.

Yes, that was the only emotion she had felt at that time, when Leonard stood before her, looking at her with confusion and subsiding rage melting in his eyes. She had nearly witnessed him kill another human, but somehow, at that moment, she failed to fully grasp the notion. The only thing that mattered was that the enemy had been defeated. Her enemy. The danger, the panic, the hopeless feeling that she was just a weak, pitiful being that couldn't do anything to protect herself –it all was suddenly gone. That was how Clint had found them. And that was the moment when the feeling of relief dissolved, and chaos and uncertainty took over her instead. Nothing could be seen on the outside, but Jane literally felt like she was choking, as if the hand that had held her throat just moments before was there all over again. So at first she could barely sense the gentle and warm touch of raindrops on her skin. And when she finally did, she was being ushered into a car, and a glass pane rose between her and the rain. Thor, a thin voice somewhere in a very dark and almost forgotten corner of her mind whispered. But the sound of it was too weak to fight her state of mind.

It seemed to her she must have replayed all those scenes a million times over in her head. But the more she was thinking about them, the more surreal and more distant they became.

But to be exact, it happened five days before. And it still felt as terrifying as the moment she experienced it, maybe even worse.

Jane blamed her imagination for that. Because it was the unknown and unseen that her thoughts and dreams were constantly eager to explore. Some people had taken her by the shoulders and led her to safety, and that was all she knew. But what happened with Leonard? And who were the men that attacked her? Jane tried, but couldn't help wondering about all the possible scenarios, even the maddest ones. And why? The answer was simple. Because she did not know anything tangible as yet, even after all those unbearably long days and insane nights. No one was able to tell her anything about him – where had they taken Leonard and why, how long was he going to stay there, why had those men been after her, what… what had actually happened…

But there was nothing. No answers to be found anywhere. The general knowledge about what was going on seemed to simply have vanished into the air, exactly as the Iron Man and then Pepper had done. And Clint and… No, not Natalie. Natasha was her real name. And in fact, she was not Jane's friend. And she'd had no answers either, only questions – and especially the ones Jane could not have answered, not then, not now.

Tired of all the recurrent memories, Jane finally found any further staring into the ceiling of her office pointless. If she could not focus on her work, she should at least try and get some rest. She had been finally permitted to her home that day, after all. Perhaps she should just get up and go there. The director had reported to them that the SHIELD claimed the town and its surroundings clear, so there was nothing to fear now – or better, no further excuse to linger at the research facility tonight. Yes, that was exactly what she would do. Search the offices and the labs, try to gather her belongings and Darcy and go home. And sleep.

Jane switched on the tiny lamp and looked over the mess of papers covering her desk. Judging by the occasional yellow and orange lines of the highlighter, she assumed she must have read most of them. At least once. But trying to recall their exact content and sort them accordingly was a task outside her capability just now. She sighed again. Despite the mocking comments from the other people, Jane never considered herself an unorganized person, but at times like these she had to wonder where all the chaos and mess around her had come from. Certainly it just hadn't made itself… Well, actually, it did. I just haven't done anything to prevent it. It's entropy. Jane deduced, brushing the knuckle of her forefinger over her lower lip. Anyway, I need a coffee. She decided, and grabbing a couple of the nearest research papers, she marched out of her room.

---

As Jane expected, it was dark down in the kitchenette. She would be alone there. No more forced conversations at least, Jane sighed with relief, and walked in, the papers clutched to her chest. She raised her hand and switched on the light. And then she cried out.

He shot up at the sound of her voice, overturning the chair he had been sitting on. "Oh," he muttered, turning after it, and then back to her. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean – I didn't mean to frighten you, I never – "

"Leonard?" She gasped then, finally able to form a word, and viewed him intently. "Where have you been? What… what happened to you?"

"I don't know, Jane, I… I didn't mean to…" looking utterly lost and confused, he kept murmuring, unable to meet her eyes. "Please, Jane, please, forgive me, I – "

Without hesitation, she gave in to the tide that suddenly rose within her and rushed over to him. Tossing the papers onto the table, she reached up and touched his face. "Leonard, look at me!" She commanded. And he obeyed. His eyes were still roving restlessly when he faced her, but then they steadied and locked with hers. And the look Jane found in there was desperate. Miserable. On the verge of breaking down.

She didn't need to take another look at his person. It all just corresponded with what his eyes reflected. His skin seemed thinner and much paler than before. His hair was loose, unwashed and tangled. A few days' stubble was brushing against her skin as she held her hand up against his cheek.

"What happened to you, Leonard?" Jane repeated her question. "Where did they take you? What have they done to you? That's what I was asking. Can you answer me?" She demanded, staring into his eyes.

After a moment, he breathed in and spoke. "They took me to the desert - to the headquarters I think. They demanded some answers." He said, dropping his look again.

Jane's imagination was going crazy. "Leonard, what have they done to you?"

"Nothing, they just kept asking…" Leonard sighed. "And implying things."

"What things?"

"It almost seemed to me they knew who I used to be." He murmured quietly, avoiding her gaze. "I think they intended to make me remember myself."

"And did you?" Jane gasped. "At least something?"

"Of course not." he breathed, his eyebrows knitting together as if there was a bitter taste on his tongue. "But I don't care." He continued. "I told them many times. I don't want to know. I want to live, here and now. I want this life, not any other. I just want to be Leonard. I don't need the other one, and I don't care who he used to be. I don't wish to know him."

"But how can you – "

"No, listen, Jane. I know he's there. I'm aware of him. Sometimes it feels as if he were trying to break through the surface… and I…" his green eyes, fixated on something in his imagination, suddenly closed. He hung his head. "Listen to me now. Is this how a sane person speaks?"

"No… No, Leonard, stop it! And look at me!" Jane exclaimed, raising her other hand to his face. "You're not insane, do you hear me?"

"I almost killed someone." He reminded.

"But you did not!" Jane cried out, defiant and determined, her eyebrows colliding.

"Because of you."

"Not because of me!" She opposed. "The decision was yours, can't you see? If you wanted to kill him, you could have just ignored me."

"It isn't that simple."

"Oh..!" Jane exhaled, irritated, flailed her arms and looked away. "Come on, sit down." Refusing to have another meaningless argument with him, she prompted, and reached down to lift up the overturned chair for him. He sat down eventually, tuning his side to the table so he could face her.

His expression seemed very attentive at the moment, but he said nothing. His gaze, though, was meaningful enough. It was desperate, brooding and asking for help, as if something huge bothered him, something he could not solve by himself. Seeing all this, Jane made a small step closer, but suddenly not sure whether to touch him again, she just joined her hands before her.

"Leonard, first of all, you saved me from that stranger." She started, looking down on him now. "And what you did after was… was done in fury. In agony." Jane made an attempt to explain, bowing her head to observe her entwined, clutched fingers. "What do you think I would have done if I'd had the strength to oppose him?" She continued quietly. "I fear I can't say for sure I wouldn't have done the same as you did. I was… I was merely lucky to be the weak – the passive one. The one who watched it all when you came for me. But what would I have done if I had been in your place?" She asked him. Or maybe herself, too. "Now when I'm safe I may say I would never be able to kill anyone but… I fear the truth is, I don't know. Maybe no one knows this for sure. But do these thoughts make me a psychopathic killer? Am I insane? What do you think?" She demanded, studying his expression closely. She wasn't too sure where all those words had come from, but they needed to get out, and so she let them.

He averted his eyes again, and Jane felt like grabbing him by the shoulders and shaking the answer out of him, but in the end she decided to let him think it over. And her patience eventually turned out to be fruitful. After what seemed like hours of some raging inner conflict, he finally breathed in and spoke. "Perhaps you're right." He admitted carefully, quietly.

Enjoying this first small victory and relief, Jane let out the breath she had been holding, and decided to continue. "I admit… those are moments in life I fear the most. When one loses control of their emotions, of their actions. In such moments your good will is almost suppressed. It still lingers somewhere inside you, but the path to it seems too hard and difficult to take. In such moments, it is often something that comes from the outside that tells you to stop and reconsider. But it's still up to you whether you listen or not." Looking at him now, Jane could see the scene vividly once again. Leonard had seemed so determined to finish what he had begun at that time, there was no deny to that. And he could have. Jane had almost thought she would witness the kill; however, something else had happened in the end.

"I pleaded with you to stop – I asked you to reconsider." She recalled aloud. "You were given this moment – this chance – again, and you made your decision. You gave the man a hard time, yes. In the end, he was completely dependent on your choice. And what did you do?" She asked him, her voice quiet, but unyielding.

He turned from her, his eyes cast down, his figure shrunk as if he wanted to hide from the entire world. "I let him go." He breathed finally.

"You let him go." She echoed to make those words sound again, making sure they were heard, that they were real. And they were.

He suddenly raised his gaze back to her, and without a prior warning, he just looked right through her; through the flesh and bone, through all the physical and mental layers of her person. He studied her face, every line and feature of it, as if an indecipherable puzzle had been placed right before him. "Jane, what makes you say all this?" He asked finally, his tone still partly sad, but this time it was not a sign of misery and submission to despair. No, there was something more. "All this time I have feared I disappointed you, I – I was put in a cell back there and I was certain I would go mad sooner or later because all of those questions and – and pressure, and… but the worst thing of all was that you had seen what I did and you would judge me, and…"

"But I'm not. I'm not judging you. How could I?" Jane gasped with disbelief. Her eyebrows came together in confusion. "It was my fault, Leonard. It was me who ran away with someone I barely knew. I mean, what came to my mind exactly? What was I thinking?"

"Good question." He observed. "But what were you thinking about me, that's even a better one." He said bitterly.

"Leonard – "

"I neglected you when you were right beside me," he continued, not minding her wish to say something more to it. "I just let you go and be captured by a stranger, and then I made you witness this side of me… I'm sorry, Jane. About the entire evening. Somehow I let it take a completely different way than I intended. It was wrong of me."

Jane's mind was still sort of blank. She did not know what to answer. "I could have tried as well." She said finally. "Could have talked to you too, I mean. And there was the poker game."

"That shouldn't have happened. That's where it all started." He stated resolutely.

"Well, you won quite a fortune, if nothing else…"

"Yeah, I did." Leonard admitted with annoyance in his voice. "Lucky me." He nearly whispered. "It all just shouldn't have been that way. I'm sorry, Jane." He concluded and let a long moment of silence embrace them.

"Things do not always go the way we want." She said then, not knowing any better answer. "And I'm not angry with you. You saved me from that stranger and from… whatever they wanted with me." Jane concluded and remained still, forcing her mind not to recall all those moments of fear and madness. But then her eyes widened as she felt a soft brush of his fingertips against her hand.

Surprised, she inhaled and looked into his eyes. It was just a careful, soft contact, but it was simply overwhelming. Under his gentle touch, she began to open her clutched hands, and as she did, his fingers curled around hers. His skin felt cold, and yet sent sparks of warmth up her forearms.

Jane raised a hand to his face once more. And the moment she touched his skin, he closed his eyes slowly, and leaned in. This reaction startled her, but in a very pleasant way, and so - very much unable to move - she let him put his arms around her middle. Holding her gently like that, Leonard drew her closer to him and rested his forehead against her chest. For a moment Jane thought her heart would explode inside her. But it didn't, to her surprise, and so she wrapped her arms around him, too, and held him close, close to her heart. Leonard understood, and holding her even tighter, he pressed the side of his face against her skin. Shivering with this new happiness, Jane could not keep her smile from growing wider. She lowered her head to him. His hair was messy and unwashed, but she somehow forgot to care. It simply felt so right, to weave her fingers through the raven locks.

"Your heart is beating." He whispered, smiling, his facial hair tickling her skin.

Jane's pulse was hammering in her ears. "It should, I guess. Keeps me alive like that." She grinned.

"Yes, it does. And it's just wonderful to listen to it."

"Is it?" She laughed lightly, unable to believe it was all real. "And have you ever listened to your voice?" She said and brushed a stray lock of hair from his face. And although she intended to say something more, she did not. Someone else entered the room.

"Hey guys!" A voice greeted from the doorway. Truth, it was a mere greeting from a person who had no idea what was going on, but still, to Jane it felt like an arrow between the shoulder blades. She wheeled about to face the intruder.

Darcy stood there and just watched at first, saying nothing. No one spoke. Then she rubbed her head and shrugged almost indifferently. Almost.

"Sorry to disturb you." She said and walked over to the fridge. She opened it, gazed at its contents for a long, tense moment, and then closed it again without picking anything. She turned around and walked slowly to the door again, her eyes studying the floor. "You know," Darcy said then, and had Jane hold her breath. "I just think you should be more careful about this stuff, right? You still have a boyfriend, don't you? The one you've been searching for so desperately for these three long, pointless years." She ventured, then turned and Jane was finally able to look into her eyes for a short moment. They were full of sadness, anger and disappointment. Even resentment.

"Yeah," Darcy sighed and looked away again. "Whatever." Waving her hand, she concluded, and walked out the room, ambling slowly.

Astounded, Jane stood on her spot petrified, unable to move, unable to speak, to think, to summon any emotion. It felt as if her mind had been just rinsed and bleached clean white. A movement woke her up. A shadow emerged from behind and passed her by. Wait –

"Leonard," she uttered finally, just before he could leave the room. But he did not turn back. He just walked away. Disappeared again.

She stared at the doorway, at the spot on the doorframe where he had touched it before he got out of her sight completely. She could not tell how long she had been staring like that, silent and perfectly still, but eventually, she breathed out and sat into the abandoned chair.

There was a cup on the desk before her. And a bit further, there lay her papers she had brought here to read. And there were other cups and mugs and glasses and plates in the cupboard on her right. And Jane knew she could just grab the cup before her and smash it against the opposite wall. She knew she could jump up from her seat, seize the idiotic, meaningless papers and rip them into shreds. She was aware she could open the cupboard and sweep all the dishes out – they would surely make a nice cacophony of crashing and breaking noises that could maybe drown out the words that kept ringing inside her head now.

Yes, Jane knew she could do that. Yet, it seemed senseless to her. And stupid. She knew it wouldn't bring her any true relief. With her mind suddenly perfectly calm and clear, she recalled Darcy's words' once more. Long, pointless years…

No, she wouldn't break things. Not now, not later. Because to solve this situation, she finally realized she had to do something completely different.

---

Consider this question
Look deep inside
Deliver a true confession
What are you willing to live for

Consider this question
Open your eyes
Examine your own reflection
What are you willing to die for

When your back's against the wall
And your time's uncertain

Consider this question
No standing by
When flesh and blood are threatened
What are you willing to kill for

We seek

To understand
We cry

With head in hand...

Leonard mouthed the lyrics as he lay on his bed, covering his closed eyes with the back of his hand. His room was dark, only the light from the street was coming through the curtain, but even this was too much for him. He needed an absolute darkness - the sort that covers all, even the thoughts and memories. However, no matter how dark it was behind his eyelids, the things he wished not to see were shining before him, overwhelming his consciousness. He wasn't cold, still, his skin started to prickle. The other hand that lay resting on his bare chest clenched into fist. Breathing out heavily and painfully, he bent his knees and turned to the wall.

The music he was listening to was perhaps too loud for this night hour, but honestly and simply, he was unable to realize this fact, let alone care about it.

He gave the lyrics a thought. What else was his life than looking for the truth and trying to find his place in life? And was he still seeking, or rather just crying with head in hand?

If only the first statement could be true for him, as true as the second.

The metaphorical veil that kept hidden everything he was looking for was there all his present life. But it was not made of anything solid, it never felt too heavy. It was there, just before him – all he needed was to reach out his hand. It moved and waved constantly, as if inviting him in. But the closer he got, the more vividly it waved, the less Leonard was willing to discover what was waiting beyond.

Of course, he could still choose not to draw that veil aside and look behind it. Worse was the option that the person – or the thing – waiting on the other side could decide to rip this curtain apart instead of him.

And that was too terrifying to even think of.

But even if he put all this aside, Leonard had to admit there had always been a feeling of estrangement towards who he used to be. Not a single time in his life did he think about his forgotten past as something of his own, something that should be a part of him. Quite the opposite was true – in time, he had developed a complete detachment and begun to think about his past life as a story that belonged to someone else, to some stranger, someone that looks sideways at you when you pass them by on the street and you just know you should turn away and run.

Willingly or not, Leonard went through the situation again and again and had to wonder how it all was possible. That hadn't been him, the few days ago in the night. He had just completely lost control… It had been so easy to sneak upon the man, catch him completely off guard and overpower him. And hurt him.

But just how was that possible? Leonard never knew he possessed such ability. And such strength. If he was able do to that all, to kill a human so easily, just with bare hands, he had to wonder – what kind of person he used to be? A skilled murderer? A gangster? Or some organization's secret agent, like Clint? Just who he used to be?

His better judgment told him not to pursue this question any further. He realized that at this point, it wouldn't do him any good. However, his curiosity and conscience wouldn't calm down that easily.

But in the end, Leonard came to the realization once more. He decided he did not want to know the person he had been before. Never. He was not interested in that live anymore. As he had said a few hours before, he just wanted to be Leonard. He'd fought too hard and too long to win a place in this world and he did not mean to lose it again.

And yet, there were doubts about his present life, too. He tried, he struggled, he did all he could to please those who mattered to him. But for what exactly? That malicious voice inside his head had once told him he was just a substitute. Leonard had denied it, but the doubt stayed in his mind from that time on, and each time before he fell asleep, he would recall those mocking words, unable to drive them out of his thoughts.

And the truth was that sometimes he could not help but actually feel as a kind of back up – a reserve for the occasions when the one before him failed; the second in line who would happily fill the place of someone that was not present, but more important.

This was and most likely always would be the situation with Mike and Julie, who always treated him like their own son, but perhaps too much like the son they had lost.

And then there was Elliot, his beautiful, intelligent schoolmate who he had fallen in love with, and had foolishly thought she felt the same. Perhaps she had, in a way, but even if that had been true, there was still someone else in her life that was loved more.

And now Jane.

A piercing pain erupted in his chest at the thought. Why it all must have ended up like this? Her presence in his life seemed to set everything right. With her near him, every problem and doubt turned suddenly so light, almost nonexistent. Then why couldn't they just continue this, unbothered by anyone else?

Leonard recalled how difficult it had been to approach her at first. Back at the time when he had first arrived to Puente Antiguo, Jane used to let out too much of her frustration and dissatisfaction with her work. She had viewed him as someone who had come to compete with her; as her rival. But he had never intended to put himself in this position. He had come to this place to learn, to gather new knowledge and experience, to see how the science was done in this part of the world. He was determined to absorb as much as he could, but in the process, he never meant to be a nuisance for anyone. He was determined to learn things quickly, to go with the flow and be of help to his new colleagues and mentors, and it was only understandable and natural. They had invited him and offered him their care, so now it was his turn to do something for them, wasn't it? So he kept trying his best every day: he would come to work early in the morning and leave late in the evening, he would think about the research and solve problems even in his free time. He tried to use his fresh, unaffected point of view to come up with the new ideas and solutions. And many a time he succeeded, to a great pleasure of Garo, the director, and Eric, but to a rather obvious annoyance of the one he actually intended to please and help in the first place - Jane.

He had failed to understand it at first, but when he had looked for the reasons why, it became obvious. Jane was simply another one of the long row of young, motivated scientists who used to be full of enthusiasm at the beginning, but their dreams and hopes were beaten down by the indifference and conformity of this world. Jane had stumbled upon something new and fascinating, something huge and groundbreaking, and she was never afraid or reluctant to keep going and exploring what awaited her, even if many of her elder and more experienced fellows would give up on a problem of such an extent. But in time, problems kept piling up and the money flow thinning, and suddenly it all became simply too much for her. However, as much as it was obvious for everyone else, she would not admit it. She couldn't. Why, it used to be her dream. Her lifelong ambition. Something she had spent too much time studying for and working hard on, neglecting and pushing aside her own life. How do you simply give up on something you invested such a big part of yourself in?

In time, Leonard had learned to understand the reasons behind Jane's behavior and could see it all clearer every day. It had bothered him, and he had wanted to do something about it. But how could he? If he came up with something useful and achieved success, it angered her. If he did not, she was frustrated that the research was stagnating. In a way, this whole thing had become frustrating for him, too. He realized too well that considering his own scientific career, he did not want to end up like this. And to prevent it, he knew he'd better leave this place and project as soon as possible. Clearly, Garo should have been more determined to get involved in the joint project with CERN. He hadn't, and when his research group had lost the chance, he'd persuaded Leonard that even a better project was waiting for them in New Mexico. But as Leonard was allowed to judge by himself later on, it wasn't completely true.

As a consequence, during the Christmas break Leonard had seriously considered the option of not returning to Puente Antiguo. And almost everything had been in favor of that possibility. He had been with his family again, with his friends, in a place he knew and was used to, in a place that was humming with life. He even had the proper emails ready and was just waiting for the final incentive to sit down and send them. But on the New Year's Day, a surprise came in the form of a message from Jane. It was a draft of a new paper with a long to-do list attached. It might have seemed rather tedious to even go through all of it, let alone actually make it happen, but it just swept over his plans and would not let go. If nothing else, it was a clear sign that Jane was not giving up yet, that she was fighting and clinging onto a hope. And apparently, she counted on his help. There was a feeling that flooded his consciousness back then. Was it compassion? Yes, most certainly. He looked out of the window, recalling this little, determined fighter of a woman and knew he was coming back.

It hadn't been as serious as before, but Leonard could still feel a kind of detachment from Jane upon his return in January, however, there had been too much work to be done to give it more thoughts. But as the time kept pressing on, Jane was again becoming desperate and nervous and it felt as if she blamed Leonard again.

It had all escalated the day when Leonard dared to write in Jane's work book. And what he had decided to write! He had corrected her... He had to bite his lip later on, thinking about it. It was only natural she had reacted the way she did, Leonard had to admit. She had literally lost control and exploded, showing clearly that the old frustration was back again. That afternoon and evening, Leonard had realized he had to do something – either bring about a change, or pack his things and leave for good. And so, after some thinking, he persuaded Eric he would take care of the task Jane had left him. He had already begun, after all. He focused on this work as he had never before and at the end of the day, he was able to choose just the right parameters and start the computation. In case of any trouble, he decided to stay a while longer, go through the measurements and prepare some data for the next experiment. However, this was more difficult than he had expected and so once again, he got consumed completely by finding a proper solution. Clearly, it must have been a very tedious and tiring job, because next thing he knew he was waking up, startled and confused, unintentionally ripping apart a page of his calculation, staring at an equally surprised Jane.

That night, the dam finally had broken down and Jane had let out in one piece all her worries and frustration. She finally opened herself to him and seemed genuinely relieved after doing so. He was more than happy to accept it and in return, tell her his own story.

That night they had finally been allowed to talk freely, and as they did, Leonard saw that in fact, Jane was the most intriguing person he had ever met.

She was a kind of riddle to him, something unexplainable, a sort of a natural phenomenon. She was talented, intelligent and nearly tireless in pursuing her dream. She might have been tiny, she might have appeared fragile and weak, but in reality, she was far away from that. Of course, she was not exactly an organized person, and she tended to panic unreasonably at times, but this was outweighed by her quick wits and ability to improvise. Sometimes it seemed she was living in her own, small, focused world, but in truth, Jane was always open to the new views and never afraid of a different kind of thinking.

Simply said, Jane just did not fall in any category people might want to put her in at the first sight. In everything she was, in everything she did, she was always unexpectedly different. And it never failed to surprise Leonard. Each day spent with her was unique in its own way. Unrepeatable.

This all had started to fascinate him about her, and it brought about a new, interesting thought. At the time when they first met, Leonard had noticed Jane was a beautiful woman. But back then, she reminded him of a snowflake. Precise, but somewhat inert, distant, unreachable. But the more he got to know her and the more he understood about her, the more her beauty seemed to lay in her personality. It was something coming from the inside that reflected in her thoughtful features. The look in her eyes had often a touch of something unfathomable, as if a part of her consciousness was wandering through her inner world. But then there were moments, especially the happy ones, when her eyes transformed into open windows to her soul, and somehow, Leonard just could not get enough of this.

And as it happened, this realization had hit him with full force the last Friday afternoon when he and Tek were waiting for Jane and Darcy to get ready. Jane had looked so beautiful and so unreachable at the same time that it made him start to panic. He just hadn't known what to do about it. And in the end, of all the options he had chosen the worst – to pretend this disturbance in him did not exist.

This approach proved to be utterly wrong, he had learned later that evening. Not only it hadn't helped extinguish the emotional fire inside him, but it also had added tension between him and Jane and the all the others, too. He had failed in every attempt to look her in the eye, let alone speak to her. He had failed her in this and in many other crucial matters after. But then, being held prisoner at the SHIELD headquarters, he had much time to spend thinking on his failures, as he deserved. But there it seemed to him it was too late for any regret. He was certain he had shocked and disappointed Jane so much that he lost her forever.

However, something else had turned out to be true today. Jane had talked to him, reasoned with him, and calmed down his restless mind. He had thought she would hate him, but instead, she offered him the words of kindness and made Leonard see himself in a better light. And it all simply fascinated him. It was lifting him up; it was warming him, soothing him… It assured him that there was a place for him in her world – a place where none of his personal demons were allowed to enter. And he realized that to be with her again was an indescribable relief, something he had needed all the while; the cure he had been looking for all this time. He realized that if he had ever needed something in his life, it was Jane.

All the more stinging had been the moment later and the pain of the knowledge that even in this case, Leonard was just the second in line. Even if Jane showed him that much affection and care, there was still someone else, someone she was thinking more about, someone she cared more about, someone that would be always ahead of Leonard, someone that would be always the first.

Well, but where was the said man? Where exactly he had been all this time, what actually might have been so important for the fool to be somewhere else than Jane was? How long had it been since they last saw each other? It all seemed kind of absurd to Leonard.

Were Jane and her rumored boyfriend in any contact at all? Of course she might have been trying to hide it, but Leonard somehow never even guessed Jane could be in a relationship. And what kind of relationship it must be then? Perhaps Leonard should just ignore this fact and try to win Jane for himself. Perhaps there was a chance for that?

And perhaps Leonard was still too wounded to admit it. Perhaps he felt too tired and disappointed to give this option a try. And so he thought about someone who surely did not view him as a backup. Someone who he had neglected until this moment. Someone who would truly care about him, and only him.

And with this in mind, he grabbed his cell phone, searched through the list of contacts, and stopped at Darcy Lewis.

---

Rolling over to her side, Jane opened her eyes. Yes, she did just that – she hadn't really been sleeping. Things that had happened until now took care about that.

5:47, showed the clock on her smart phone. With a sigh, she cancelled the alarm that was supposed to wake her up at 6:30, and got up from the sofa. She stretched her tense muscles and looked around the common room. It seemed somewhat emptier, much more than ever.

Her next steps brought her to her office and her cabinet. After some rummaging, she managed to find the fresh undergarment (the overall reserve of her clothes having thinned considerably after all the days she had been forced to stay at the facility); then she headed to the showers by the gym. She had to be quick about it all, before anyone could come and see her and greet her and talk to her and ask her… about what, it really did not matter. Just no questions, not now.

Her hair dripping wet, she gathered her things and rushed to the kitchenette. A coffee and something to eat wouldn't be bad as well. Well, just a necessary nourishment to keep her brain working properly. After all, she needed to get on with a document, didn't she? Yes, she managed just the header yesterday. And the title read: Motivation Letter.

But what did it really mean to her? A vengeance of sorts? A rebellion? A reckless action just to show Leonard and Darcy she did not care at all?

Well, in fact, it was nothing else than a wish to escape. And perhaps she should be even thankful to Darcy. Because last night, after the short but very momentous incident, Jane finally realized the truth – all the three years spent here in Puente Antiguo were a waste of time, and now was the very last chance to move on and do something worthy with her life. She was tired of sitting idly and just waiting for someone. She was tired of lying to herself she was actively searching for… for whom exactly? She realized that her behavior and the way she presented her emotions on the outside must have been confusing and just… improper; wrong. And as the consequence, the words had been spoken and could not be called back – and this Jane chose as a breaking point in her life. The time had come for a change, and the quicker it's done, the better.

Somewhat refreshed after having forced down several spoonfuls of yoghurt and a few pieces of stale cookies, she went upstairs, closed the door behind her, swept away the papers from her table and sat a mug of steaming coffee on the vacated spot in their stead. Next to the keyboard she put her cell phone, ready to send Garo a message once he arrives to come to her office. A talk to him was crucial for her decision, but on the other hand, she was determined not to leave her office, unless in a very urgent matter.

It was 8:14 when Eric knocked on her door and not waiting for the invite, he peered inside.

"Hey." He said, his eyes roving confusedly around the room. "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at home, having some good sleep?"

"Okay, so first, I'm working. This is my office, Eric, and I just work here, right?" Jane answered with a sigh, not looking away from the screen, "And second, I had some sleep in the night, thank you." Of course Jane respected him as her mentor and friend, but at times she couldn't figure out as to what made him ask these banal, pointless questions.

"I'm also glad to see you…" Eric replied and disappeared, not closing the door behind him, of course. Jumping up from her seat, Jane marched to the door and slammed it shut, then returned to her work.

About 10am, she re-read her work one last time, printed the documents and texted Garo to pay her an important visit.

---

"So," Garo said at last and cleared his throat, pushing his reading glasses up his nose. He turned the pages over to get to the beginning and then scanned through the document once again, as if checking if what he had just read was true indeed. He raised his eyes then and glanced at Jane from across her desk. "Are you certain, Jane?"

"Absolutely."

"Well," sighing, he put the papers down, eased against the backrest and took off the spectacles. "It is fully understandable that after what happened, you wish to leave."

"Yeah," looking to the side and folding her hands onto the desk before her, Jane breathed out. "In the letter I specify it as the case, but in fact… I just feel like I'm stuck here." She revealed. "This research is not exactly what I always wanted to do. Originally I wished to work on something different, and honestly, the project I'm involved in now seems a bit… I don't know. It's just not… what I used to dream about." not willing to offend, she said carefully. "Please, understand, Garo, I'm simply tired of being here, at the end of the world. You at least have another place to return to, but what do I have? I want something else, I need a change. I have my life and I need to live it."

"Hm." Said Garo in response, and moved Jane's motivation letter towards him again. He drummed his fingertips on it. "The young brains." He nodded his head, studying the first page again. "Always so demanding, always so certain that 'something different' equals to 'so much better'."

Jane raised her eyebrows with a silent question.

"Of course I fully agree with you, Jane." he continued then, as if having felt prompted by her facial expression. "Even the first time I'd come here I had to wonder what reason it must have been for such a promising young lady as you to burrow in such a remote place. I'm an old man, at the end of my career, and I can pretty much do as I please with my time. I do not need to broaden my experience as much as you do now… I was in fact feeling very bad for bringing Leonard here. It was very uncertain that we could really do something to help renew the famous research that used to bloom in this place. I tell you, you cannot imagine what relief I felt when Tony Stark expressed his interest in the lad." He admitted in the end.

"Yeah," was all Jane had to say to Garo's last statement. "So, um… what do you think… about… all this?" Raising her eyes to him, she could not hold back any longer and spoke after a silent moment. "Do you think you can help me?"

"Do I?" The old man looked up with a mischievous curiosity in his eyes. "Oh, I think I can, Jane."

"Really?" Jane gasped, her eyes widening. She truly was not expecting a positive answer, let alone so quickly.

"Really." Garo confirmed, tilting his head to the side, his eyes smiling. "Although I'm not sure if it will be a research you used to dream about, I actually have something for you, and this is for certain, it will be a change, the one you long for. You'll need to change some parts of your motivation letter, though – which is written very nicely, I forgot to mention."

"Oh, that's just a detail. Please, tell me more." Jane blurted out eagerly.

"So," Garo continued, after having cleared his throat again. "The thing is, my very good friend has been searching for a research fellow and assistant in one person – you know, someone who would be involved in the research and writing papers, but also take care of the seminars and grade the tests… To my knowledge he still hasn't found a proper person. I've known him for decades, and we truly know each other well, so I'm quite sure that when I make a suggestion, he will certainly listen to me. But prepare yourself for a hard job, Jane. He's very demanding. You know, Harvard." He implied, rolling his eyes meaningfully.

Jane blinked a few times without saying anything. She opened her mouth then, but it took another moment before she spoke. "Harvard?" she repeated.

"Oh yes, what else were you expecting? A proper institution for a scientist of your qualities."

"Are you serious?" Jane still tried to furrow her forehead in careful suspicion, but could not keep a smile from appearing on her lips.

"I'm as serious as I can, dear Jane." He said, smiling, and rose up from his seat. "Now, if you'd excuse me, I believe I have an e-mail to write."

"An e-mail? I mean – are you sure? You will really do this for me?" Jane beamed, still with a touch of doubt, though, and rose up as well.

"Jane! " Garo laughed, "It's the least I can do. Of course I will. And as for you – please, send me those documents so I may go through them in more detail and suggest the proper changes."

"Yes. Yes, right away." Jane nodded, grinning widely.

"I shall send you some links so you can get through what they're working on… Well, the director wanted to speak with me, too," Garo sighed then, checking his watch. "I'll see you in the afternoon, then."

"In the afternoon." Jane confirmed, gathering her documents. "Thank you, Garo." She added as she watched the professor open the door. "I'm in your debt."

"Oh please, Jane!" Waving his hand, he gave her one last, encouraging smile, and left the room.

---

Checking her mailbox for some fiftieth time that day, Jane sighed, resting her forehead in her hand. Garo, could you at least answer my messages? She asked silently, wondering whether Garo had even gotten around to editing her motivation letter. Yes, he had sent an e-mail with a few links to further information as he had promised, but now it was a high time he sent some kind of notification that he was finished with the work and that they could resume their talk.

Or perhaps he's just waiting for me, Jane thought. I want something from him, after all, she had to admit, no matter how much she wished not to leave her office at all.

On the other hand, her inner organs did not share her resolve and had made her walk out of her shell more than once that day, and well, she hadn't run into Darcy or Leonard. He had just seen her once or twice. That was all. She had survived. So why not walk outside once again?

On the contrary, her lucky moments might have been depleted for the rest of the day.

However, no matter what she thought about going outside, staying in her office had slowly but surely started to feel a lot more like running away and hiding behind the walls of some stronghold. She felt like a coward and she hated it.

She drummed her fingertips against the desk. Her stomach made a churning sound. She cleared her throat. And then she got up and walked to the door.

But right there, Jane stopped. She reached out slowly to take the doorknob, hypnotizing the thing in the process, but it felt as if she was going to get burned by it. However, sucking in a deep breath, Jane opened the door eventually. Carefully, she left just a thin crevice of space open at first. Stepping closer, she peered outside.

No one.

Good. Excellent. She thought and slipped outside. No one, no one sees me. She repeated to herself quietly as she made the first hesitant steps, approaching the next door, which lead to Eric's and Leonard's office. She could hear someone typing quite vehemently, but apart from that there was no other sound, nor a movement. She chose to go on then. Her insides tightened as she passed the open door, as though some predator could be waiting inside, ready to snatch her and bury its claws deep in her skin and flesh at a mere sight of her. However, after a quick glimpse, Jane found there was nothing to fear in truth. Leonard's seat before his computer was empty. He was not even given a chance to lay his eyes on her this time.

Breathing out with relief, Jane went on, at a much faster and somewhat relaxed pace. Bringing one hand up to massage her temples with the thumb and the forefinger, she marched past the stairways and straight to Garo's office. Once there, she took the doorknob, or at least attempted to do just that.

But just before she could get hold of the thing, it simply slipped out of her hand and was pulled away. She froze on her spot.

The door swung open, and the one she wished not to meet just here appeared before her. His look was cast down, but at the hiss of her gasp of surprise he raised his eyes to her. However, Jane looked away. She was mad with herself for reacting in such a submissive way, but still, she could not fight it. It was a kind of spasm that bound her body and tightened every muscle in her. Jane simply just stepped aside to make way and said nothing, did nothing, did not even look, as if she might have been turned into stone after a mere glimpse of his eyes. She could feel his gaze, he skin prickled under it, but all she could do was just to let him go.

And so he did, without a word. The door stayed open for her.

"Jane? Is it you?" She heard a voice say. "Do come in! I think I have good news for you!"

Yes, it was Garo. She had intended to speak with him, yes? Yes, she breathed out and entered.

But no matter how she tried to focus on the old man, no matter how amazing and welcome were the words he was telling her, Jane felt as if she stood right beside her person; that she was not really the one receiving the information and leading a dialogue with the professor. Quite the opposite – she stood in the corner of the room and looked around and out of the window and then at the two people talking. And she thought how pitiful was the woman sitting in the chair across the desk from the man. Yes, pitiful and weak. She had just gotten what she wanted, and she could not feel any joy, any kind of satisfaction. It could be a start of something new and exciting, and she just sat there and keep nodding her head and mumbling indifferent answers, instead of rejoicing and eagerly preparing for the next step.

Yes, the news was that Professor Miller, her possible future boss, had replied to Garo's message, and said he was quite interested. Furthermore, he had even heard about Jane himself and was more than intrigued to read her motivation letter and CV and consider her application afterwards. He had promised an answer after the weekend; that meant in a few days.

I should be excited about that! This is what I want, isn't it? Isn't it?! Jane yelled internally at herself when she left the office, now fully integrated with her body again. She was so full of these weird, ambivalent emotions that she almost overlooked what was just happening on the stairway on her right, just a few steps down from her. Almost.

Jane stopped and turned to look at them. They were leaving together. Her hand was in his. They walked down the stairs, and when they took the turn, Darcy looked up. Her eyes locked with Jane's for a moment, unmoved. And then they vanished, escaping her sight. They were gone, together. Together.

Breathing out finally, Jane held her forehead. "Okay." She said in a whisper.

"Jane?" Said Eric, peering out of his office. "Everything's fine?"

"Ah, yeah." Jane nodded quickly, the bitterness gathering on her tongue. "Great, actually." She went on. "This… this is one of the best days in my life." She said, and ignoring any further questions, she marched to her office and closed the door behind her.

---

She was near. The night air was sparkling with cold and dust, but she was so near he could smell the scent of her skin. And yes, it felt good. In an unexpected, surprising way, but it did feel good all the same.

And why not? The entire evening felt like that. Darcy was always a wonderful, witty and funny companion. She was a reliable friend, one you could contact at any time of the day or night and they would answer you, assure you that everything's all right and make you smile at the same time.

This evening, they had left the work together, not bothering what the others might have thought about them holding hands. They had been assuring each other that what they were doing was not wrong, and it truly felt it wasn't – for the rest of the day and throughout the evening.

Then why was this silent heaviness lingering in the air? What exactly was the problem now? What was wrong? Why was this unwelcome feeling creeping up his spine? He was able to identify it, but denied to name it. Still, it was there. Leonard felt almost paralyzed, but then Darcy reached out and touched his face, and he decided he was tired of thinking and overanalyzing, tired of being bothered, tired of everything. He wanted silence and emptiness. He wanted to flee from any responsibility; he wanted his worries to disappear.

And so, brushing her curly hair from her face, he leaned in and kissed her. Darcy managed to let out a small, quick breath before that.

Her lips were soft and full and overwhelming. He had almost forgotten how it felt… eager and demanding and…

With Elliot, it had worked automatically. Easy. There had been no clumsiness to overcome. It had felt they were made for each other. Until words had been spoken and rage unleashed.

This was pretty much the same, except...

"Okay, uh – " Darcy managed when she broke the kiss, resting her forehead against Leonard's cheekbone. "Let's do us a favor and stop, right?"

"Darcy, I – "

"Please," she sighed, and it sounded almost resigned. "I'm not Jane, right?"

No, she wasn't. Truth.

With a desperate gasp, Leonard looked up to the night sky, letting Darcy rest her head against his chest. Then he closed his eyes. He knew and had known it all the while. It was Jane he wanted in Darcy's place.

He could trick his bodily desires, but his true wishes were different, and those he was not able to lie to. The truth was that Leonard desperately wished Jane could be here with him. Or anywhere else, but just with him. But this was not Jane, it was someone else he had just kissed, and it felt wrong.

"Feelin' guilty?" Darcy murmured into his jacket.

"Sort of." Leonard confirmed after some hesitation. "You?"

Darcy waited a moment until she spoke. "I think I've never felt guiltier. Janie is my friend…" she said quietly. "But what's the matter, huh? You two are not even together yet. She has no proprietary rights to you." She argued then, and squeezed his fingers in her hands. "And this was just one kiss. A quick one. Sure, nearly right under her windows, but…" she looked over her shoulder, glancing at the house behind her. A house where she lived, the house she shared with Jane. "To justify myself I must say I did not enjoy it. Not a bit."

"Not a bit?" Leonard frowned, surprised, the tone of his voice almost hurt.

"Hey, it's not about you." Darcy reassured. "I just wasn't able to enjoy it, if it makes any sense." She replied, lowering her head, and brushed her fingertips against his. "And you?"

Leonard let out a short laugh, hung his head and remained quiet. To gather and interpret his thoughts on this particular matter felt kind of difficult at the moment. "Apart from the guilt, I actually did. How to put it…" he said and bit on his lip. "It's been just surprisingly intense. You know, it's been a while since the last time."

"A while, you say?" She looked up and frowned. "Could you define 'a while'?"

"I believe I told you once. The thing with Elliot." He reminded, sighing. "Come on, you know what's going on."

"Yeah, yeah." Darcy nodded, tapping her forefinger against her lips. She frowned deeper. "But I never thought – I mean, you never told me it was the last time."

"I'm telling you now." Leonard shrugged.

"Okay." Darcy nodded her head a few times, thinking. A soft line appeared between her eyebrows. "But if I remember that story correctly, you did not get her in the end, did you? I mean, you two didn't… get to the point?" she asked and studied him with a cunning smile, eagerly awaiting the answer to her suggestive question.

"Not really." he admitted. "From the way she slammed the door shut, one could have guessed she wasn't exactly in favor of that option. Well, what I'd said to her wasn't exactly nice either."

"Come on, she meant just to use you!" Darcy replied heatedly. "She deserved it!"

"Please, don't judge it. You weren't there."

"Yeah, whatever." She waved her hand impatiently. "But tell me, was there someone before this unfortunate thingy?" She asked, tilting her head to the side, her eyes twinkling.

"Before I answer – where exactly is this conversation leading to?" Leonard asked cautiously.

"No worries, just answer." The tone of her reply wasn't much reassuring, though.

"Mhm," hesitant to continue this, Leonard cleared his throat. "I think there must have been someone, but sadly it belongs to the past I no longer remember."

"Are you kidding me?" She burst out, her eyes widening with disbelief.

"All right, I do not like where this conversation is leading to." He commented dryly.

"Hey, take it easy!" Grinning, she patted him on the chest with the back of her hand. "Being inexperienced isn't a crime."

"I'm not inexperienced." Leonard opposed, almost smiling despite his serious tone. "I just don't have the memories."

"That doesn't sound much as a difference." She argued.

"To me it does." He insisted.

"Come on!" Adjusting his collar as if it could calm him down, Darcy purred merrily. "You see, for example, I find it pretty cute."

"Oh!" Leonard laughed with a touch of bitterness. "That the only person I ever remember sleeping with is Bret? Yeah, and Shiro a few times. What exactly do you find cute about it?"

"Okay, okay." Darcy laughed. "It's also kind of tragic, I give you that – "

Bringing one hand to cover his face, he chuckled as well, this time with a hint of submission and amusement.

"But I call it cute in the first place." Darcy concluded.

"Call it what you like," joining his hands behind his back, Leonard stated in the end. "But don't forget it's my personal, personal stuff." He swayed forward to put emphasis on his words. "What should it matter to anyone else, after all? I believe sex didn't become compulsory."

"Ah, yeah. Could you spare me these arguments?" Rolling her eyes, Darcy sighed. "I have enough of this talk at home." she added then, in a considerably lower voice.

Leonard frowned. "Um… What?"

"From Jane. You know, the tiny, weird creature that I live with." she explained chaotically. "You may calm down actually. She's maybe even a worse recluse than you."

Taking a look at the house before him, Leonard frowned. "Strange," he said then, pursed his lips and looked down, "I thought she had a boyfriend."

"That's what we all thought." Darcy admitted and turned her head to glance at the house, perhaps to look for the lights; to see where Jane might be at the moment. "You see… That's maybe it. She always thought she had a boyfriend. But the truth is more complicated, I'm afraid."

"Could you elaborate that?" Leonard asked quietly.

"In fact, it was just an episode. He stayed here a while, then he just left, promising he would come back for her, bla bla bla…"She waved her hand. "And the result is that three years have passed, we're both stuck here, me and Jane, and I'm sorry but I just fail to see any princes in shining armor coming our way." Gesturing with her hands vividly, Darcy let it all out in one piece. She breathed in again.

"And I'm just tired of persuading her to let it all go and start to live again." She continued. "You know how stubborn she can be. Of course she would never listen to me. But since you arrived, things got different. Yes, she was mad at you at first, but at least she started to be aware of something else than the computers and papers, and… I don't know what exactly the thing between you two is, but please, if you want her – do something. Do something and make her start living. Please."

"If she'll want me." Leonard murmured.

"What? Is that a joke?" Darcy lifted her eyebrows. "Who doesn't want you is an idiot." Her expression was quite serious in the moment she said that, but then she had to smile at the way he lowered his eyes. "Look at you. Even the great Tony Stark seemed to have fallen in love with you."

"Yeah." He sighed in answer, shaking his head minutely. "But what do we do with Pepper?"

Darcy made a horrified face. "Just… don't make me imagine things." She requested. "And as for Jane, leave that to me, no worries. We should have quite a serious talk tonight… For which I need to gather some serious courage, actually." She revealed, peering worriedly over her shoulder.

"Come on. You're Darcy Lewis, you'll handle it." he encouraged.

"It's easy to say for you – you're not the one who pissed Dr. Foster off." Darcy muttered, turning back to him.

"Are you sure?" He voiced a doubt. "I thought her eyes would set me on fire when we were leaving."

"But unlike me, you didn't steal… yourself away from her." Darcy explained quietly but firmly. "Anyway," she sighed deeply, "I think I should go while my determination still lives."

"Perhaps you should." He said in reply. "And about this all… I'm sorry, Darcy. I didn't mean to hurt you like this. You don't deserve it."

Now it was time for her to clear her throat. "That's okay. No, really. I won't cry, no worries. As you said, I'll handle it somehow, right?" she claimed, but her trembling voice did not support her statement.

"Will you?" He asked, stepping closer.

"Yeah, I'll be fine. Eventually." She said, averted her eyes and took a deep breath. "I'll just spend a couple weeks dreaming of…" she shrugged instead of finishing the sentence. "Whatever." She said then and sighed.

"I'm sorry." He whispered once again and brought his hand up to touch her face, but she pulled away.

"Good night, Leonard." She breathed and turned around, not looking back, and paced towards her home.

"Good night." He answered softly, much quieter than he would have liked.

Ha stayed and watched her reach the house, climb the three stairs to the entrance, pull out the keys from her bag and unlock the door. She gave him a quick glance before she entered. And it did seem to him there was a smile, too. It was sad and bittersweet, but also a reassuring, friendly one. And that exactly made him feel horrible. She was the last person to deserve to be lonely and sad. He hated himself for having made decisions that led to this. He felt like running to her and try to set everything aright, but the next instant he knew it would be inappropriate and foolish. Both Jane and Darcy had now an opportunity to clear a lot of matters between them and to decide what they truly wanted. All he could do meanwhile was to wish they would reach some understanding in that.

And so, putting his hands into his pockets, he turned and walked away.

---

Breathing out slowly and heavily, Jane finally decided to straighten her back and raise her head. A few last water drops fell from her wet face to the white surface of the basin.

But no, she still wasn't prepared to take a look at her face right now. Please, just not now. Just a little while longer without the need to face this image. A perfect image of a useless looser.

But eventually, regardless her wish, Jane would have to face her reflection in the mirror - if she was unable to face even herself, how could she ever face Darcy? The roommates could not just keep avoiding each other forever.

Leaning over the rim of the basin, Jane sighed again. No, I don't want to look, she thought. And then, a noise came from behind. The lock clicked, and the front door opened.

It's her. She's coming home.

After what she had witnessed in the afternoon, Jane was sure Darcy wouldn't be coming home at all tonight, that she was surely going to stay with Leonard, at the dorm.

Jane swallowed, grabbed the towel and dried her face, pretending she ignored the noises coming from the hall.

"Jane?" Darcy called, and paused. Quick footsteps followed.

She's checking upstairs, Jane observed, looking up and listening carefully to Darcy's footfalls above her.

"Janie, come on, I know you're here!" Darcy called again and another rushed string of noises revealed she ran back down. "Jane, I need to talk to you!" she shouted then.

At that, Jane swung the door of the bathroom open. "Good, I need to talk to you as well."

"Jane – "

"Let me speak." Jane cut in, stepping out into the light of the hall. Suddenly, she felt a rush of energy, a kind of intense, inner heat. And she meant to use it before it vanished again. "Yesterday, you made a good point, Darcy." She began. "You said 'long, pointless years'. And you know what? I thank you for that. Because it finally made me see. You were right. And when you left the work, I stayed through the night, and had some time to think it over. And I made a decision."

"Jane, listen – "

"I. Made. A decision!" Walking slowly closer, Jane continued, not minding Darcy's attempts to say something, too. "I'm leaving." She revealed.

"What?" Darcy gasped, shocked. "Now? Are you insane? But what about the new project and stuff? What about Garo and… You have things to finish!"

"Yes? But what exactly have I ever achieved here?!" Jane exclaimed, scowling. "What is it, Dee? Can you name something? Anything that's worth mentioning?" she shouted angrily, clutching at the edges of the sleeves of her pajama shirt. "Go on, name something." She prompted, raising her eyebrows with a faked curiosity.

"Well, nothing?" Jane asked after an awkward, silent moment.

"There's the paper and the new results…" Darcy tried insecurely.

"Screw the stupid paper!" Jane screamed. "I've done nothing, Darcy! That's the point. I was just sitting and waiting where Thor left me, all those years, like an idiot!" Pointing at herself, Jane bent forward so as to let all the rage flow. "But it's over! Do you hear me? Over! I'm done with this place. I'm leaving, and I'm selling this house."

"What?!" Now it was time for Darcy to express her protest. "Are you listening to yourself now?" Raising her voice considerably, she stepped down the last stair and stood face to face with her raging friend. "And what about me? What should I feel like? What was I promised at the beginning? Listen up, Janie, you had your splendid blond alien hero to come back for you, but what did I have? Huh? I stayed because of you! I also wasted three years of my life here. And what do you care? Where should I go now?"

"Where you should go?" Jane repeated and snorted mockingly. "I don't know. Wherever you want to. I won't clutch your leg to make you stop! And anyway, I believe you have a boyfriend now. Isn't he more qualified to discuss these matters with?"

"Yeah…" shaking her head, Darcy let out a bitter laugh.

"Yeah." Jane repeated in the same tone. "Look, I'm not in the mood for this. Good night!" She said and walked past her roommate to get upstairs. And she only managed three stairs before she felt a squeeze as she had been grabbed by the forearm.

"Where do you think you're going?" Darcy demanded as she yanked Jane back to her. "We're not quite finished here."

"I am."

"You're not."

"Let go."

"Jane – "

"Let me go!"

"Listen to me!"

"Let go!" Jane screamed frantically, wrenched her arm free and slapped Darcy in the face.

The dark hair tresses moved, curl after curl like a feather fan, and finally brushed over the opposite shoulder. Jane viewed it breathless and wide-eyed. And before she could as much as remember to breathe, Darcy returned the slap. But this time, the hit was so forceful and unexpected Jane lost her balance and fell, throwing her hands up to get hold of the banister. Startled, she cried out, and ended up with her arms wrapped around the newel post. She hung there for a moment longer, just breathing, and then let go slowly, and sank to her knees on the floor beneath the stairs.

After that, deep silence settled around and lasted.

But eventually, a voice slashed through the thickness of it.

"Jane Foster?" Darcy whispered. "You ok?"

"Yeah." The one addressed breathed, staring into nowhere. "You?"

"My cheek burns like hell."

"Mine too." Jane uttered absently.

Another long moment of silence followed, until Darcy stepped down the remaining steps and knelt beside her friend. "Oh," she commented as she removed the hair tresses from Jane's cheek.

"What is it?" Jane asked, turning her head to look at the other woman.

"I even managed to scratch you… not much, but… wait here, I'll get something to clean it." Darcy promised and tried to get up, but Jane grabbed her by the hand. "I'm sorry, Dee." She murmured.

"Jane…"

"For everything. For what I just said and," Jane took a deep breath, "for all the time I stole from you –"

"Jane!"

"Just let me speak!" Jane shouted once more. "I wanted to say I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have stayed here and shouldn't have persuaded you to stay with me. And now I'm… just sorry, I'm so sorry." Breathing heavily now, Jane looked into Darcy's eyes and shivered. She literally felt as if her body was about to burst open. Helpless, she parted her lips, and focused on her breathing, the one thing left that kept her from starting to sob.

"Hey!" Darcy gasped and brought her hands to Jane's face. "Janie, come on!" she said softly and then snorted a bitter laugh. "And don't you think I should have figured it out myself? If I wanted to go away that much, I could have moved my ass long ago. I'm the one responsible for my life. You're my friend, not my mother. No, Janie, it's my own fault. It's just so much like me, right. The reckless, weird Darcy, who tries to look cool but cannot make a single decision in her life." She said and shrugged, her eyes watering.

Pricking Darcy with her eyes, Jane swallowed. "Don't even try to cry, Dee. I warn you."

"No," the other woman replied stubbornly, tilting her head back. "I promised I won't. And I won't. If Darcy Lewis was ever good at anything, it was holding back the tears." She informed the ceiling.

"You promised? Whom?" Jane asked, and after a nervous moment grabbed her companion's head to make her look down and answer.

Darcy submitted to the silent command, but said nothing. Then she grinned, threw her arms around Jane's neck and just held her tightly. And well, Jane did just the same. How could she not? It was a kind of reflex. A necessity.

How long they stayed like this, Jane could not tell. The only thing she was able to notice was that her mind that had been in constant, raging action, gears shifting all the time, finally reached a completely peaceful state. There were no thoughts. Just a strange, comfortable kind of weariness.

"Janie?" Darcy spoke at last, and loosened her grip a bit.

"Yeah?"

"We're not together."

At first, Jane just opened her eyes and stared at the opposite wall. Then she frowned. "Who?"

"Me and Lenny."

"Leonard." Jane corrected automatically, not really getting the notion.

"Yeah, this one." Darcy confirmed, sighing into Jane's shoulder. "You said we were together. But that's not true."

"But it looked like that when you were leaving work today." Burying her chin into Darcy's crook of the neck, Jane reminded. Her voice still sounded detached, but something had already stirred inside her heart.

"Well, that's what I wanted to believe." Darcy said with a touch of regret. "We went downtown to have a drink and some fun… It was great. He walked me home…" she paused here for a moment, "and then we broke up."

Silence.

"Or better, we decided not to start." Darcy explained.

Jane blinked a few times, then rested the side of her face on her friend's shoulder. "Why?" she asked eventually.

"Come on, Janie." Darcy laughed. "He wants you."

Wrinkling her forehead, Jane opened her mouth, but was hesitant to speak. "How do you know?" She said in the end.

Darcy rolled her eyes. "I looked into my pocket-crystal ball." She sighed and withdrew to look Jane in the eye. "He told me!" she stated, holding Jane by the shoulders.

"Did he?" Jane peeped, her eyebrows climbing up carefully.

"Yes, he did!" Darcy confirmed, rising her voice as to repel any doubt.

"Oh." Jane replied.

"What?" Darcy frowned after a while. "Is that all you're going to say?"

"No."

"So..?"

"Well… I don't know. What I'm supposed to say?" Jane asked, feeling the unstoppable silly smile take over her lips.

Darcy sighed. "That it's just amazing and that you and Lenny need to talk about it... How does that sound?"

Dropping her look, Jane let out a breath she had been holding. "And what exactly we should talk about? 'Hey, I'm glad that you like me, but sorry, I'm leaving.'?"

"No! Are you nuts?" Darcy scowled again, as if talking to a child. "And speaking of leaving – you still haven't told me where."

"It's still uncertain." The shorter of the two gave an evasive answer. "A mere idea, really."

"Just tell me." Darcy insisted. "Besides, you seemed quite certain about it a while ago."

"If everything works," Jane said and cleared her throat, "then I'll… I may be moving to Boston. Maybe."

"Any specific place in there?" Darcy asked and tilted her head in an attempt to restore the eye contact.

"Yeah."

"Hm?"

Jane hesitated again, but then smiled. "Harvard." She revealed, raising her eyes.

"Jane!" Darcy exclaimed, squeezing her friend's shoulders.

"Darcy!" The tiny scientist laughed. "I'm telling you it's not certain!"

"Come on, girl!" Not willing to listen to any further explanations, Darcy rejoiced. "You deserve it! And you'll get that, no discussion about it!"

"Well, the decision isn't really mine." Jane reminded. "I'll have to wait what Prof. Miller thinks about my letter and CV."

"Then I advise him to like it." Darcy narrowed her eyes. "Otherwise I kick him in the balls."

"Dee!" Jane burst into laughter again.

"What?!"

"Well…" Still giggling, Jane gave a shrug. "No doubt this prospect would inspire a lot of respect."

"You bet." Darcy agreed.

"Then I should have told Garo to mention your threat in his e-mail." Jane sighed.

"Yeah, you should have." The taller woman concurred, and then pricked Jane's shoulder with a forefinger. "And anyway, if my memory is still worth something, isn't by chance Boston the place where Lenny comes from?"

"Hm." Jane muttered, unable to stop thinking that it actually wasn't his true hometown. It was some other, unknown place.

"Then where's the problem?" Darcy waved her arms. "Ok, so let's presume you get the job. You move there next month? Next week? So what? When he's done here he'll come to you. In a few months."

"But if we… start something now, how am I supposed to live without him when I'm gone?" fighting the smile again, Jane objected.

"Goodness," Darcy turned her sight to the ceiling for a moment. "I knew there was something going on, but had no idea you had such a crush on him." She commented dryly.

Turning her look down, Jane only smiled in reply.

"Oh no. You're not even denying it!"

"No." Jane admitted quietly.

"But anyway, do I have to remind you the three years issue again?" Darcy said and held Jane's tiny hand in hers. "What are a few months to you?"

"Everything!" Jane burst out. "I'm tired of waiting, Dee. And honestly, after those three years, I feel like I've been waiting all my life. I'm just tired and sick of it. I want to live. I…" unable to express all her thoughts and emotions at once, Jane just shook her head, helpless.

"Want Lenny in your bed?" Darcy finished for her, and smiled roguishly.

"No!" Jane's eyes widened, but then a smile played on her lips. "I mean… That wasn't what I wanted to say."

"But you do?" Her friend kept inquiring.

"And don't you think it's my business?" The scientist argued.

"Come on!" Darcy insisted, shifting a bit closer again. "Could you at least tell me when has Lenny replaced the Prince Charming in your fantasies?"

Jane pursed her lips. "Darcy Lewis, do you remember our numerous discussions about not asking certain questions?"

"I remember and I don't care." Darcy replied, annoyed. "Besides, who else would you like to discuss this stuff with?"

"And what if I say 'no one'?" Jane objected. "Look, I understand you're quite open about these things, but I'm not, okay?"

"But that's a pity. It's a good thing to share this. You wouldn't feel that much tense, you know."

"I'm not tense!" Jane raised her voice.

"Of course you're not, sweetie." Darcy shook her head, letting her sarcastic smile meet Jane's accusing stare. "But, if you don't want to discuss your own frustration, why not someone else's?" She added in a quieter, conspiratorial tone.

Overlooking the mention of frustration, Jane frowned. "And who should that be?" she asked with suspicion.

"Who do you think?" Darcy smiled widely.

"Oh." Jane said and lowered her eyes. "Was he sad that he wouldn't get lucky tonight?"

"Maybe." Darcy inclined her head. "But such regret certainly wouldn't include me." She said, watching Jane meaningfully. "Actually, the thing that transpired was far more interesting." She announced in an excited half-whisper, leaning closer, as if someone third might have been listening. "He hasn't been with a woman yet." She whispered, holding back the giggles with an obvious difficulty. "He says he did for sure, but this is great – he doesn't remember."

"What?" Jane lifted her eyebrows in confusion and doubt, but watching Darcy's grin made her smile nonetheless.

"You heard me." Eager like a little child spreading secrets, Darcy confirmed.

"Um…" Jane cleared her throat, not knowing what to do with this information. "Okay, so… Maybe I really shouldn't ask, but why exactly are you telling me this?"

"I don't know. I just found it kind of cute." The black-haired woman shrugged. "But one thing is for sure – if you two mean to be together, perhaps you should check certain chapters in the biology textbooks first." She suggested, feigning quite skillfully a concerned look.

"Hey!" Jane protested, unable to hold back a smile. "What's your point, Darcy Lewis? Yes, it's been a while, I know. But I still remember what's going on, thank you very much." She said, grinning widely now.

"Let's hope he knows that, too." Darcy added.

Jane laughed in reply, shaking her head. "You make it sound like it was all a relationship should be about." She said.

"Well, and isn't?"

"Of course not!" Jane objected. "What about a real, mutual friendship, understanding, trust, respect and empathy?" She went on and she meant it. Perhaps these ideals were naïve and too demanding for this world, but they were the right ones. Jane had been raised on them and simply refused to give them up. "These are lifelong qualities." She said. "And that's what I want."

"Yeah," Darcy admitted after a hesitant moment. "It's true. But remember that many people would call you a dreamer."

"I don't care about what other people think." Jane had an answer ready.

"Well, that's certainly useful." Darcy said and remained quiet. Then she furrowed her brow. "But tell me, how exactly do you plan to make babies?"

Jane brought a hand to her face and sighed deeply, still smiling, though. "Can I please withdraw from this conversation?"

"Now? No way!" Darcy protested playfully. "It has just started to be interesting!"

"But I'll do it anyway. So," Jane cut this off unmercifully, raising her voice to introduce a new topic, "this all means I'll be his first girlfriend after all this time?"

"Oh no, dear." Darcy disagreed. "Because for an afternoon and evening, it was me."

"But you said you decided not even to start!" Jane reminded.

"Yeah, okay. Still, there was someone even before me, I'm afraid." Darcy recalled. "But it didn't work. Apparently Lenny really meant it, but the bitch just wanted the benefits. For the real thing she meant to keep her other guy, who was in Europe at the time."

"Bitch, indeed." Jane agreed. "But I ought to be thankful, I guess." She grinned. "Still, I can't understand it. Leonard's an amazing person. Is everyone in Boston blind or deaf or what?"

"I guess they're just weird. You know, all those colleges… The city must be full of socially clumsy nerds like you."

"Socially clumsy? Me?" Jane asked and put one hand to her chest, feigning surprise. "Impossible." She said, closing her eyes and shaking her head.

"Yeah. And living in their small, focused worlds." Her friend went on.

"Not a chance!" Jane denied vehemently. "You should know I live for the present moment only." She claimed, and those who did not know her would have surely believed her words were true.

"Yeah, and now the other fairytale." Darcy grinned, obviously immune to Jane's acting skills. "Honestly, Jane, where would you be without me?"

"Most certainly dead, covered with the desert dirt…" Jane said, but then brought a forefinger to her lips and wondered. "Or polishing a Nobel Prize." She added.

"Um," Darcy made a face, "do you realize these two options are quite contradictory?"

"Yeah."

"Okay." Darcy brought up her hands in submission. "I guess I don't want to know more." She sighed, helpless. "Anyway, if I may come back to Lenny – if we take his life into account – he woke up one day in the middle of some wasteland with no memories, right? He was confused, then even more confused, and then he had a new family and enrolled at MIT and studied and studied and spent most of his free time with his roomies or playing poker or…" she paused there to take a breath, "…whatever. Who knows, maybe he just never had time for a relationship. And maybe," she smiled toothily, "the universe just wants you two to be together."

"Nah!" rolling her eyes, Jane growled disapprovingly.

"Just consider it!" Darcy exclaimed. "Why not? He just literally popped out of nowhere in the middle of Texas, with no idea of how he got there; then went all the way to Boston and then bam! He ended up here, falling in love with you. I'm sorry but this is quite clear. Seems like the universe is sending you hot guys one after another. Which is quite unfair, actually." She complained.

"And not only it is unfair," Jane continued, crossing her arms before her, "it doesn't even make any sense. With Thor it was an accident, and Leonard had an accident, too. That's all. An accident."

"But what if Lenny fell from the sky, like Thor?" Darcy tried.

"Then what? He might have." Jane explained and gave an indifferent shrug, as if she did not really care. Well, of course she did, but refused to believe her next love interest came from the same place Thor did. "There are lots of explanations for that, both rational and crazy." She continued. "And why falling from the sky? Let's not forget the space-time is not a rigid thing. It is flexible and fluid. He might have been sucked into a space-time or even inter-dimensional portal or whatever… things we once studied, you remember?"

"See? Got you!" Darcy jabbed a forefinger into Jane's chest.

"But these are just wild, crazy speculations." Jane sighed and rubbed her eye with her knuckles, the tiredness taking over her entire being. Right now she was in the mood for anything but searching for the truth behind Leonard's past. All that mattered to her now was Leonard's future, for it very well might become hers, too.

"In other words," Jane resumed, "the Occam's razor tells us to pick the scenario where Leonard was like… I don't know… pushed from a helicopter or something, and he simply injured himself hitting the ground. The height was just enough to cause some brain damage but not enough to kill him."

"In other words, Occam's razor is boring as usual." Darcy waved her hand, resigned, and perhaps a little tired herself. "And you know what? We need to get up." She decided, changing the topic. "My ass is cool, that's an undeniable fact, but if it gets any cooler, my bladder will burst in flames tonight." She concluded and got up. "My knees!" She whined, straightening with an obvious difficulty. "Come on, I think I need a shot." She prompted and held out a hand for Jane.

"Who wouldn't after all this." Jane agreed, took the offered hand, and as she stood up, she grimaced at the pain in her own joints. "But do we even have something to pour two shots from?"

"Of course we have." Darcy informed her with a mischievous smile. "And it'll be more than just two. Because I think," her eyes twinkled here, "it's the right time to look into that bottle I won at the chili festival. You remember how bravely I fought for it?"

"The bourbon?" Jane remembered, her eyebrows climbing up. "No! We should spare it."

"Spare it for what?" Darcy cut in. "Can you imagine a better occasion? So much heartache and bad blood… and see? All it took were just two epic slaps and a proper talk, and the universe set it all aright."

"Darcy! Could you please stop the universe talk?" Jane rolled her eyes in protest.

"And now I'm sensing," simply ignoring Jane's protests, Darcy continued, raising her hand and eyes to the ceiling theatrically, "that the universe wants us to celebrate and drown in the first class booze."

Jane couldn't help but snort out a laugh.

"Hey, this is no fun, soldier!" Darcy objected with a playful look in her eyes. "And thus I ask you, Jane F., are you going to face this task with me?"

"Aye, my friend." Jane managed as solemnly as she could through her joyful, reconciled smile.

---

Rolling over to her side, Jane wished she could stop her head from spinning. She looked at the window, and thought that opening it was a great idea. But getting up, going over there and doing it – that seemed close to impossible right now. She turned and lay on her back again. Darcy, who lay beside her, was already fast asleep, but that did not stop her from murmuring quietly and taking Jane's hand in hers. Jane smiled.

After all the drinking, music, playing video games, and then more drinking she and Darcy had decided to bring the pillows and blankets from upstairs to the living room, and sleep together on the studio couch.

Darcy had fallen asleep the moment she covered herself, but Jane's mind was too full of thoughts for that. Most importantly, she couldn't stop thinking about Leonard – and especially about what Darcy had implied about his origin.

What if he truly had fallen from the sky?

Jane had been thinking about it several times already. And each of those times, Jane had had to reject the idea in the end. Because if she hadn't, everything would have simply clicked into place, but in a very wrong way.

His behavior, his voice, his intelligence, his ability to adapt, his black hair, his almost unnaturally green eyes… the rage that was hiding inside of him, the unusual physical strength – this all taken together and added to the idea that he might have come from Asgard… It could even make sense. Thor had been sent here as a human, to taste the life of a peasant, of a mortal, to learn a lesson and to be punished for his crimes. He had left then, because of his raging brother. He'd promised to return for her, but that never happened. But why? He was alive for sure. All those rains accompanied by the sound of thunder humming in the distance that had come after his depart… they were too often to be considered natural. It was Thor, Jane knew that. And even if they became less frequent, and now she almost could not remember when had been the last time, Jane was still certain it was Thor who had been sending them. It was his only means of talking to her. And thanks to that, she was never willing to give up. Until now.

But if Thor lived, he must have won over his younger brother. He must have stopped Loki. And from everything that had happened and had been told, Jane learned that Loki had turned a traitor. And thus, when he was defeated, he was surely also punished. Could it be Odin chose the same punishment for his younger son as he had chosen before for Thor?

The part of such punishment was the loss of immortality and power. Thor could not wield Mjollnir until his punishment was completed. So the question was - what would Odin take from Loki? His magic, that was for sure. It did not matter now if Jane considered it a real thing or not. But whatever it might be, she was aware that one had to learn and study hard to learn magic. One had to memorize. One had to learn by heart a lot.

Then what would be the thing to do to erase that knowledge?

Yes, yes of course.

An amnesia. A complete and irreversible loss of memory.

Which was exactly what had happened to Leonard three years ago.

It was everything so clear it made Jane shiver. And why she never thought about this option in such depth? Was she always aware of this truth, but just too scared to think it over to the end?

Perhaps the recent events had spurred her imagination again. And perhaps it was the amount of alcohol now.

But on the other hand, what if Leonard truly was Loki? What would it tell about the disobedient, supposedly treacherous being? That he was a pleasant, witty companion? That he had a silky voice and wonderful eyes; that he was interested in science and the universe and in how nature worked? That he loved his new family? That he struggled to thank them for what they had done for him; that he wished to please them with his success in school and work? That he was good at poker, that he loved music, that he refused to get rid of his worn-out Megadeth t-shirt? That his beloved novel was The Little Prince and that he identified himself with the main character? That he'd left a drawing of the Little Prince in her book? The he loved chocolate ice-cream and was ticklish? That he was the most amazing person Jane had ever met, and that she had fallen in love with him? That… That his best friend looked almost exactly like Thor?

Jane let out a gasp at this thought. Yes, she had seen Bret only in a photograph that hung high on the wall in Leonard's room, and once she glimpsed him in the wallpaper image of Leonard's laptop, but still…

She started to tremble. Her eyes went wide open. What other proof was needed here? What other proof than that?

Tears started to leave the corners of her eyes.

What must have happened then? What had caused this person to be willing to kill Thor? What had driven him so mad?

But whatever it could have been, it belonged to the past. If Leonard truly was Loki, he was being punished right now, and he had been all those years. All this time, he had felt alone and a stranger, that he did not belong. He was afraid of his past, as he alone had confirmed. And he wished never to find out who he used to be. He'd lost interest in that. He'd found a new life, and what happened before belonged to someone else, someone he no longer identified himself with. He only wished to be Leonard. And he wanted to be with her.

And Jane decided that it was all that mattered.

"Whoever you used to be." She mouthed then and wiped away the tears with the back of her hand. She sat up then, still holding Darcy's hand, and leaned over the edge of the couch to get the bottle of bourbon. However, she reconsidered her action promptly after her stomach rolled over in disagreement. And so Jane waited a moment to make sure everything stayed where it should, and then lay back down.

As she did, she felt Darcy move closer and snuggle against her shoulder. Jane breathed out slowly. If only you knew what I was thinking about, she thought.

Feeling sort of helpless and lost, Jane turned to face her friend, then reached out and removed a long, curly hair tress from Darcy's face. "You've been my best friend all these years," Jane whispered. "You were always there for me, cheering me up, supporting me, encouraging me, keeping me sane… And I have never even thanked you." She admitted, and then felt her heart beat faster as she got an answer.

"I wasn't doing that to hear you thank me." Darcy said slowly, then sucked in some saliva that had just escaped her mouth.

Jane giggled. "Then why did you do that?"

"Because you're my friend, Janie. You're such a tiny little creature, you know. I was just making sure no one hurt you, not even you alone."

"Well, then I think it worked." Jane replied.

"Actually, no. Some idiots kidnapped you and then I hurt you myself." Darcy pointed out sleepily.

"Yeah. But I just decided it doesn't count." Jane stated, quietly but firmly, and kissed her friend's forehead.

"Okay." Darcy yawned and smiled, squeezing Jane's hand tightly. "But I'm afraid there's one more thing I have to tell you, Janie. Sorry, but I have to."

"Sounds serious. What is it?" Jane asked, propping herself on her elbow.

"We kissed. Lenny and I." Darcy informed, her voice getting hoarse.

"Hm," was Jane's first reaction. Well, she had expected something like that, hadn't she? "What was it like?" she asked, genuinely curious.

"Generally, wonderful." Darcy replied. "But the thing was I couldn't enjoy it. I felt guilt-ridden."

"Yeah, you're right. I think I'll stab you for what you did." Jane said.

Silence followed. "Shut up." Darcy growled then, which made her friend giggle.

Jane sighed deeply then, and lay back down. "Darcy?" She asked after a moment.

"Hm?"

"I was thinking about what you said. About Leonard falling from the sky like Thor did."

"And?"

"Well, if he's from Asgard, too… Wouldn't he be Loki?" Jane suggested, gazing into the dark ceiling.

"Loki, you say?" Darcy rolled the name over her tongue. "Yeah, I think you're right. Lenny does seem a lot like a raging psycho killer."

"But what do we actually know about Loki?" Jane pointed out.

"That he intended to erase this place from the planet Earth's surface." Darcy muttered angrily. "He hurt Eric, and killed Thor. Is that enough?"

"But what was driving him?" Jane asked, wondering. "You know, from what Thor told me, it seemed to me he admired his younger brother. He truly loved him, and was sure Loki loved him back. So… I don't know. Could Loki have feigned it all his life? They grew up together, after all."

"So..?"

"So I think Loki must have been a good person." Jane concluded. "But then something happened that made him see things from a wrong point of view."

"Janie, he was just envious." Darcy explained in an annoyed tone, as if everything was simple and clear. "He wanted the kingdom for himself, and he did just what was needed to achieve that. He could be an exact opposite of Lenny, in fact." She paused here to think it over. "No, Janie, Leonard isn't Loki. That's for sure. Plus, Thor would never allow him to come here. He just wouldn't let that happen."

"But there are so many things that speak for it." Jane tried.

"Like what?" Darcy sighed, growing truly irritated.

"Everything. The way he speaks and behaves, his hair and skin and eyes…" Jane listed, gesturing with her hand to help her thoughts turn into statements. "And SHIELD seems to be watching over him constantly. It looks like they know something about him, but don't want to tell us."

"Okay, so now every guy with black hair and green eyes is a possible Loki?" Darcy asked, and Jane could feel her friend's stare of disbelief on her skin.

"And SHIELD?" Darcy continued, calming down a bit. "Come on, you know them. They constantly put their curious noses in everyone's life. Sometimes I think they know stuff about me that would surprise even me. They are one of the Big Brothers of our world, Janie. And I can vividly imagine Coulson saying that it's just their job. So yeah, it wouldn't really surprise me if they knew who Lenny was. And who says SHIELD is not behind his amnesia? He might very well be a part of their weird secret projects – and that's what I'd be worried about, if I were you. For me the option that he fell from the sky is the better one in this case. But don't you think that if they knew he was Loki they would not have let him come here and work with us?"

"Well…" Jane murmured insecurely.

"Occam's Razor, Janie, Occam's Razor. It's boring, but sometimes it helps. Think about it." Darcy suggested and yawned again.

"So, the Loki possibility doesn't bother you? Not even a bit?" Jane couldn't help but ask once more.

"Nope," was all Darcy had to say to that.

"Not even the tiniest bit?" Jane faced her companion, her eyebrows climbing up.

"Nope!" Darcy confirmed loudly.

"Okay." Jane frowned. "I heard you the first time."

"Then stop asking."

Jane sighed loudly in reply. "I'll open the window." She announced then.

"Huh."

"Good night, Dee."

"Good night, Janie." Darcy replied, and drew the blanket over her shoulder and up to her chin.

Jane let go of her friend's hand then, turned carefully away and got up. Reaching out to lay her hand on the table, she steadied herself, and then walked to the window. She opened it as quietly as she could at these conditions, breathed the air for a moment and then turned around and walked back.

Before she lay back down, she noticed her mobile phone on the table desk. She took it and sat down on the couch. She double-checked the alarm and intended to put the phone back, but an idea crossed her mind.

No, she thought right away. But then she simply opened a new message, disregarding her inner voice, and typed "Did you fall from the sky?"

And before the tiny voice of her better judgment could protest, she sent the text to Leonard.

Jane viewed the small device in her hand then, frowning. And suddenly, she tossed it on the blanket beside her, as if it could bite her. I must be insane, she thought. Sighing and resting her forehead against the inner sides of her wrists, she propped her elbows on her knees and bit her lip, whining quietly as to not wake Darcy.

And in the middle of her lamentation over her previous action, an incoming message made her phone shine and beep.

Darcy muttered in disagreement, but Jane's hand snatched the thing eagerly.

"I might have. Did you?" He said.

Jane laughed quietly, bowing her head. "No one has informed me as yet." she replied, surprised at her ability to write correctly after that much bourbon, and switched off the sound on the device.

"Then we're in the same situation." His next message started with. "So, are we talking to each other again?" it went on.

"We always have. I was just avoiding you." She texted back, unsure if this was the proper thing to say. His reply took a little longer this time.

"I'm sorry Jane. I shouldn't have behaved like I did." he said.

"I think I can say the same." Jane answered.

"Now one important question – is your roommate still alive?" he asked in his next message.

Jane looked over her shoulder, checking on her sleeping friend. "It doesn't look like that, but I assure you she is."

"Did you talk?"

Jane smiled. "A lot. And we drank a lot, too."

"That's a good sign, I guess. How do you feel? And can we talk, too? In the morning?"

"Strange. And of course we can. We have to."

"In the morning then. Should I wait for you or go with Garo?"

"I'd choose Garo if I were you. I need some really good sleep." Jane answered, buying some more time to prepare for the said talk.

"Ok. Then I wish you good night, Lady Jane. Have calm, sweet dreams."

"You too, Leonard. Good night." Jane replied and put the phone back on the table.

This night, she fell asleep with a smile.

---

The closer she got, the faster was her heartbeat, however, unlike the last time Jane had walked down this corridor and past this door, the cause was not her defiance and frustration. It was excitement now; the positive kind. She held her breath before the incriminated office came into her view. And she saw him, too. He stood by his table, sorting the papers.

"Morning." She peeped, waving her hand insecurely. Their eyes met for a fleeting moment, and then he was out of sight. She just went on to her own work space. Darcy said 'hi' to both Leonard and Eric shortly after and then hurried to Jane.

"Don't forget. You need to talk." The taller woman reminded quietly through gritted teeth. It did not really sound like a reminder to Jane. More like a threat, maybe.

"I know!" Jane mouthed, frowning. Who should know better than her? "Go to work." She said, gesturing with her chin towards the end of the hall, where Tek and the director had their offices and where Darcy belonged.

"Okay, big boss. Just remember that I want to be informed. Promptly and in detail." Darcy replied and marched away.

Sighing, Jane entered her office then and took off her jacket. She hung it on the peg on the wall, and walked to her desk. She searched inside her bag for a moment, then found her cell phone, pulled it out and tossed it onto the table. Breathing out, she fell into her armchair, sat the bag under the table, kicked off her boots, nestled in the seat and drew her knees up under her chin.

After a moment of staring into nowhere, Jane let down one leg and using her toe, she fumbled at the switch of her computer. In the end, she managed to turn the device on.

"Morning, sweetie." She murmured as the thing started to hum. And before her computer could become fully alive, Jane decided to push herself from the table desk and wheel around in her chair. And only after the second turn, she found Leonard standing in her doorway, leaning against the doorframe as was his custom.

"Ah." She managed and held onto the edge of the desk to make to chair stop moving.

He smiled. "If you're busy I can come to talk later."

"Ehm," studying the surface of her desk intensely, Jane smiled back. "If it's you, I think I can skip this… morning exercise. But only this once."

"I understand."

"Great. Please, come in. And close the door."

He did as he was bid and then approached her in slow, measured steps; his hands joined behind his back, his eyes lowered to the floor. He stopped right before her desk, and placed his fingertips on the edge of it.

Jane got up from her seat, intending to stand face to face with him, but then stopped halfway around the desk. Her previous thoughts on his possible origin reached her mind, seized it and refused to let go.

She viewed him. His jet-black hair, his pale complexion, the long, dark lashes that were hiding the almost unnaturally green irises, the noble, high cheekbones, the long neck and broad shoulders… His personality, his entire being was something so unexplainable, and yet so real. And like to all things undiscovered and unknown, she was being constantly drawn to him – she had been all this time, and fighting it was simply futile. And like in the case of all things yet undiscovered and unknown, she partly feared what she might truly find.

His lips moved. "I do not bite." He said.

"I know." Jane answered and closed the remaining distance between them, approaching him perhaps too carefully for her statement. He turned to face her in the meantime. And then, there she was, right before him, unable to look up at him. Suddenly he seemed so unbelievably, unreachably tall.

He spoke again. "Did Darcy tell you why she and I couldn't be together?"

Jane nodded. "She told me everything." She said.

Leonard inhaled and held his breath. "Well," he said then, "I choose not to ask what 'everything' means."

At that moment, Jane felt the corners of her mouth twitch into a smile. She finally looked up, and found him smiling lightly, too.

"I think you chose well." Dropping her gaze again, Jane assured him, and bit her lip.

"Thank you." He replied, apparently still smiling. A long silence took over the room then.

"Where is he?" Leonard asked then, his voice quiet but somewhat stern. "I mean, where has he been all the time?"

Suddenly feeling her heart hammer almost in her throat, Jane panicked internally. Of course she knew who was Leonard asking about. She knew that precisely.

"I don't know," was the only answer she could muster at the moment. However, it was the most honest and truest one she could give. "He's…"she continued after a while spent on several attempts to calm down somehow, "he's away. And I don't know where. No one knows. But he promised to come back… to me." She revealed, surprised that it was the talking that helped ease her heart and breathing and the disturbed, restless memories.

"Who is he?" he demanded.

"That's quite a question," she said evasively. "He… he has knowledge… the kind of knowledge that might be too advanced and too… perhaps too dangerous…" she replied with difficulty, closing her eyes firmly and hoping she hadn't just revealed too much.

"Are SHIELD looking for him?" unfortunately, he hit her with a too direct, dangerously specific question.

"Well…"she sighed, and shook her head. Screw that. "Perhaps that's the main, true reason why SHIELD still keeps me around, you know. To get to him."

He held his silence for a long, long time then, and she could feel the raging battle of thoughts inside him.

"Could he be the one you told me about while you visited me at the dorm? The one my friend in the photograph reminded you of?" he asked then.

Beware Jane, this ice is getting too thin. "Yeah." She heard her voice say. "It's…" What did you call him then? It was something like… "It's Donald." She blurted out finally.

"Hm," was his only reply. Feeling utterly miserable, Jane waited.

"I guess that isn't his true name..?" he said then, quietly, barely above a whisper.

"No." Jane managed. Please don't ask, please don't ask..!

"Good." He said, after what seemed like an hour of torture. "And no, I don't want to know it. You were clearly forbidden to share this information, and I do not mean to force it out."

Jane breathed, her eyelids sliding shut once more.

"I only need to know," he went on in the same quiet, serious manner, "are you still waiting for him?"

Breathing in and out again, Jane knew immediately the only possible answer. "No. Not anymore. Not ever again." She said aloud. The relief behind those words was overwhelming. Not anymore, not ever. Thor, I want you to live, the same way as I want to live. Let's just live our lives from now on. Our separate lives.

Another unbelievably long, silent moment passed between them, but this time it did not seem to matter that much. The time once again became her ally, not her judge, Jane realized and smiled internally. In some sense, she thought immediately, recalling the possible future job that awaited her in Boston.

"Then I'd like to ask…" he began then, calling her back to reality, his voice still quiet, but the soft, and maybe a bit if insecure kind of quiet now, "I was thinking if – if you'd like to go out this evening. With me." He said and touched the bent corner of a paper lying on the desk.

She smiled for real, waiting a little while before parting her lips to give an answer. "No." she said. "Not just 'like'." She added promptly, feeling his confused stare on her. "I'd love to." She revealed and looked up to him.

"Jane!" He said, his tone and expression instantly making her feel bad about the way she had first answered his question.

"I'm sorry." She whispered softly and held out one hand to curl her fingers around his. "And where will you take me?" She asked.

"Would you mind The Monster's? They're open again." He suggested, clasping her hands in his palms.

"Why not?" feeling her heartbeat drum in her ears, Jane replied.

"All right then." He said, looking at her. "And when should I pick you up?"

Jane swallowed, lowering her gaze to her hands in his. He ran his thumbs gently over her knuckles. "I think..." she began, quite unable to think, in fact, "I… I think I will have to stay here a little longer today, considering I arrived just now, so… What about half past seven?"

"I'll be there." He replied.

"Hm." Jane nodded, and they both remained still. After a moment, it seemed as if they both refused to let go of one another, which fact made Jane smile widely.

"Where are your shoes, Dr. Foster?" he inquired then, having her look down on her black and white, striped socks. She curled her toes.

"Um," she chuckled, "they have a day off." She said and looked up to meet his eyes. They were full of joy again, and the green color of his irises shimmered at her. They were simply the most wonderful thing she had ever laid her gaze upon. His lashes fluttered lightly.

"I'll have to go back now." He said with a regret in his voice, but smiling faintly. "Eric must be getting nervous. He observed me quite suspiciously when I was leaving our office."

"Of course." She murmured, looking back down. He loosened his grip and was letting her go slowly, until they held just by the fingertips. Some sort of emptiness started to fill her from the inside, but that didn't last long.

She felt a light pull and she followed it, stepping a little closer. Her heartbeat skyrocketed as she sensed the movement and then his breathing against her skin. And everything around her just turned into a blur and ceased to be when he kissed her, gently, so gently as if she were made of glass so thin she would fall apart under his touch.

It might have lasted minutes and even hours, and Jane knew it still wouldn't be too long. It was a mere touch, soft and tender, but there was everything she needed to know. And she could never get enough.

"Half past seven," he said then, and let go. And was gone.

Jane wasn't sure how she'd gotten back to her chair, but one thing was for sure. This will be a painfully long day, but it should be worth it.

---

ooOOOoo

A.N.: Sorry for the long wait again, I know. Well, real life, what else can I say?

Both songs mentioned in this chapter are by Dream Theater, Lenny's favorite band ;)

And as always, if you read this till the end and liked it, please, let me know in a review. I'll be happy to answer :)