CHAPTER FORTY-TWO
Title: "Salvation: Forever and Always: Elusive Dreams – PART III"
Author: Michelle Heath
Rating: MA for adult situations and language
Summary: Story #9 in the Salvation series. The bonds of family bring the Five-0 ohana even closer.
Disclaimer: I so do not own Hawaii Five-0; unfortunately! All original characters are the property of the author!
Date Written: March 6, 2013
"Capt. Stewart has no idea what I'm about to say, but he was kind enough to come back here to the base to meet me and call all of you to come here, as well. I need to tell you all something. . . Something that's going to be very . . Hard for me, but I'm asking you not to say anything until I'm finished because, when I'm done, I'm scared to death you're all going to hate me."
(Sam's cryptic words affect her family and Libby looks as if she wants to say something but abides by Sam's wishes and remains quiet. If possible, Sam has turned even paler and tears are starting to slowly slide down her face. Steve is doing his best to remain perfectly still and quiet and do as Sam asked, but a muscle is jumping in his jaw because he so desperately wants to go to his wife and enfold her in his strong arms. Sam looks first at Caroline and then Libby and Mike and finally Steve as she speaks with sorrow in her eyes.)
"Caroline, I am so sorry that you were forced to share your parents with me when mine died. I know that if would have been different if you had biological brothers or sisters, but you really didn't have any choice in the matter with me. Suddenly, after having them all to yourself for seventeen years, you were stuck with me. . . Mom, Dad, . . Although I really don't have the right to call you that, you lost the best friends you had in the world. I know the four of you were close and because of my selfishness, you lost them and were saddled with me. . . Steve . . ."
(And now Sam is sobbing so hard that, not only can she barely speak coherently, but Emily has become distressed and toddles toward her father but Danny quickly scoops her up and comforts her as Sam swipes at her eyes and tries to slow her breathing.)
"Steve, I love you more than I thought I was capable of loving anyone. You were made for me and I have never, never known a love as perfect and pure as what we shared. But you were right this afternoon when you said you had been existing in a living Hell lately and that you didn't want Emily to be hurt by what had been happening. I am so, so sorry for everything I've put you through and I swear to you that I don't want our precious baby girl to be touched by what I did. . . I'm sorry for everything I've put you all through. You see, it's my fault my parents died in that accident. I'm responsible for their deaths."
(There isn't a sound in the room as they are all, with the possible exception of Capt. Stewart, shocked to the core by Sam's words and, at the moment, are incapable of speech. Sam is struggling mightily to control her emotions because she doesn't want to upset her daughter any more than she already is but she's having a very hard time. Having been over all available records regarding the accident that claimed the Murdock's lives as well as all of Sam's medical and personnel files, Capt. Stewart is very well aware that Sam is in no way responsible for her parent's deaths but a glimmer of understanding is beginning to take shape in his mind. He carefully leans slightly forward in his chair and sends what he hopes is a comforting glance in Sam's direction.)
"Cmdr. McGarrett . . Sam, what makes you think you were responsible for your parents' deaths? Why is it is your fault they died in the accident? You were at the Naval Academy when the accident happened."
"Exactly! I was at the Academy when I should have been with them!"
"They had gone to southern Virginia to look at some property they were thinking of buying because your father was thinking about retiring from the Navy. You were a few, short years away from embarking on your own naval career. You had no reason to be with them. Why are you so convinced that you should have been with your parents that night?"
"Because they asked, no, they begged me to make that trip with them and I refused!"
"When did they ask you to go with them?"
(Things have been getting more intense and the conversation between Sam and Capt. Stewart has been pretty much rapid fire since the psychiatrist started speaking but Libby looks like she wants to slap the man for badgering Sam. Steve and Mike, however, are beginning to suspect the same thing Capt. Stewart is thinking and they both unconsciously move closer to the edge of their seats, their eyes locked on Sam.)
"My . . My mother called me on Tuesday . . Three days before the accident. She said they were going to look at some property they were interested in and, since it would be the place I came . . Ho . . Home to whenever I was on leave, they wanted my opinion. . . I told her that whatever they decided was fine because I wouldn't be spending as much time there as they would. She tried to talk me into going and I gave her some lame excuse about wanting to study over the weekend. She finally asked me to think about it and said she'd call me later."
"Go on."
(But Sam, lost in the past, is crying out a good deal of the grief she has been holding within herself all these years and it takes her a few moments before she can follow Capt. Stewart's instructions. Steve starts to move toward her, but the Captain motions for him to remain where he is for the moment.)