Kensi sat in her car thinking how much she needed a doughnut. She needed something to fill this pit in her stomach, the underlying fear that maybe she wouldn't get her partner back.

Strike one, you are up she sent a text to Callen.

*****************************************Deek's Apartment***************************************** **************************

Knock, Knock

"Deeks, open up man. I bring gifts."

Deeks slowly made his way to the door because Callen wasn't the visiting type. He also wasn't the gift giving type.

"Pizza, and beer. You look like you could use both"

"Callen, Kensi was already here. I ..."

Callen cut him off before he could say anything

"Deeks, I know this is not easy and if I could have taken every minute of pain for you I would have. This, all of this, is my fault but this happened to everyone."

Deeks could feel the anger raging inside him

"You weren't there. You have no idea"

Callen put down the box of pizza and the six pack sighing.

"Look Deeks I wasn't there and I will live with that guilt everyday. But if you could have seen Nell not sleep for 48 hrs trying everything she could think of, Eric probably committed 50 felonies scowering the globe for you, if you could have seen Kensi, for god sakes Deeks she..." At this point Callen's pep talk was more like yelling trying to get through to Deeks. He took a moment to walk over to him and say

"We are your family and granted we are dysfunctional and apparently semi-incestuous, but we didn't give up so you can't either."

"Thanks for the pizza and beer but if you are done. I'd like to be left alone"

"Look man, you want to go at this alone, fine be my guest. But take it from someone who has been there, its a lot easier not to. It took me a long time to figure that out. I just hope you aren't as hard headed as me. Now I am done."

As Callen walked out Deeks was filled with emotion. Emotion that he had been trying so hard to suppress. Emotion that had been eating him alive. He took the beer that he had been sipping and threw it against the wall. He wanted so much not to feel this anger against the people he loved. He wanted to blame Sidorov. He wanted to blame himself, his job, his procrastination of any and all trainings but he blamed them and he didn't know to turn that off.

Callen's text to Sam read

Third time is a charm right?

When Sam appeared at Deeks front door, Deeks contemplated running out the back but knowing Sam, Deeks decided against it.

"What no dessert? At least Callen brought food"

"No Deeks, I brought something better"

"Oh yeah what's that"

"some god damned sense"

"Look I know how you feel. You are angry and you want to blame some body. So be angry at me, blame me."

"I don't know what you are talking about"

"I took the torture because that was the woman I love on the line and I would have done it 100 times over but you... you did it because you are a good cop, you are a good friend and as much crap as I gave you before you are a great partner. I am sorry for doubting you Deeks. You are a great man and I was wrong about you, dead wrong"

"I want you to do something for me. I think it might make you feel better...I want you to hit me."

"I am not going to hit you, man"

"Come on Deeks, HIT ME. Come on Deeks, I know you want to just do it. One good swing."

"BACK OFF Sam, I am not hitting you"

"Deeks be the man that I know you are. You are better than this."

"Sam you don't know anything thing about me, never have"

"I know this. You saved my life. You saved my wife's life. You saved this family. So that is all I need to know"

With that Deeks took his right arm and hit Sam right across the face. He would have been proud of the shot if his hand hadn't been in so much pain. Sam stumbled but regained his balance quickly.

"Looks like you still have a little fight left in you Shaggy, feel better?"

"Yes...and no, owwwww" Deeks grabbed his other hand in pain.

"How about this? Paper rock scissors if you come back to work tomorrow. Just tomorrow, see how it feels"

"Really, this again"

"Yes, this again"

With that the two men, counted one, two, three. Deeks put a rock mostly because with his left hand it was the easiest. Sam put out paper.

"Looks like you won. Paper beats rock"

"No, Deeks you won. East coast rules remember"

Sam tried to convey how much he owed his hippie surfer but all that came out was "thank you". Two words were not nearly enough to what he owed him but its all he had.

When Sam left Deeks for the first time in a long time felt like he was in control, like he had a choice and he knew what he wanted and damn it felt good.

Deeks woke up and went surfing at early rise. It was the first time he had gone surfing in months. It was something that he loved and he realized something last night that if he stopped doing the things he loved and being around the people he loved he would always be in that room. Even worse he would be the one torturing himself. Marty Deeks had overcome a lot in his lifetime so what's another hill to climb and couple more scars. He thanked God that he had the people in his life to remind him of that. And when he walked into OPS that morning he knew it wouldn't be the same, nothing done could be undone, it could not be forgotten but he had been given the chance to heal and that was enough.