CHAPTER FORTY-THREE
Title: "Salvation: Forever and Always: Elusive Dreams – PART III"
Author: Michelle Heath
Rating: MA for adult situations and language
Summary: Story #9 in the Salvation series. The bonds of family bring the Five-0 ohana even closer.
Disclaimer: I so do not own Hawaii Five-0; unfortunately! All original characters are the property of the author!
Date Written: March 6, 2013
(Steve sends a look in Capt. Stewart's direction that has made many other people, including some of the deadliest terrorists on the planet shake in their boots, but the Captain is so focused on Sam at the moment that he totally ignores her husband. Mike, having caught the look Steve sent toward the psychiatrist, catches his son-in-law's eye and shakes his head ever so slightly but he realizes that Steve is "on an extremely short leash" right now and it's not going to be long before, regardless of whether Capt. Stewart likes it or not, Steve is going to have Sam in his arms. Sitting next to Steve, Caroline looks like she's been struck by lightning by Sam's words and Mike certainly understands her confusion; he's fairly confused himself. How could they have missed what was going on with Sam for so long? As for Libby, her heart is breaking at the thought of what Sam has been living with for all this time and she is angry with herself for not seeing that Sam was still living in agony over the deaths of Anne and Jonathan. And, much like Steve, Libby very much wants to be able to hug her child who appears more vulnerable than Libby has ever seen her. Libby's ire only increases when Capt. Stewart again urges Sam to continue.)
"What happened then, Sam?"
"Dad called me later that night. He said Mom really wanted me to go with them to look at the property and so did he. He . . He said. . . He said that, in a few more years, he and Mom wou. . . wouldn't be seeing me nearly as mu. . much as they wanted."
"And what did you tell your father, Sam?"
"I . . I told him . . . I told him I really nee . . needed to st. . stay in Annapolis and study."
"Did you talk with your parents after the phone conversation on Tuesday?"
"Ye . . yes. I spoke with both of them again on Friday morning before they left Washington."
"And did either of them again ask you to go with them?"
"Bo. . both of them did."
"And, again, you told them you didn't want to go."
(Capt. Stewart is not asking a question but stating fact and all Sam has to do is agree with him. Steve and Mike are now quite sure that Sam is suffering from survivor's guilt and everything is starting to fall into place; from Sam's excelling at every, single thing she's ever attempted, always being at the top of her class and pursuing several advanced degrees to running away from Steve for years before he simply would not allow her to run any longer. Sam, for whatever reasons, feels responsible for her parents' deaths and she has, subconsciously, been trying to accomplish everything and anything she could that she has thought would have pleased her mother and father. As SEALs, both men have seen men they've fought with suffer from survivor's guilt and they both know how very dangerous it can be; some people are so affected by it that they end up committing suicide. That Sam has lived with it for so long scares the Hell out of them; especially Steve, and he's determined to do whatever he can to help her put it behind her. But right now, Capt. Stewart seems to have Sam's attention and Steve focuses on what the doctor is saying.)
"Was the conversation you had with your parents on that Friday morning the last one you had with them, Sam?"
"Yes. It was the last time I ever heard their voices."
"Sam, you are not responsible for what happened to your parents. Blake Moore, the man who hit them, went to a party, got drunk, deliberately got behind the wheel of a car, and then proceeded to hit them head on. Their deaths are not your fault!"
(But guilt has been eating away at Sam for a very long time and she is convinced that she is to blame for killing the two people who, at that time, she loved more than anyone else in the world. Her eyes snap up to meet Capt. Stewart's, her face is a mask of raw pain, tears fill her eyes and spill over onto her pale cheeks, and she raises her voice as she shoots to her feet.)
"I. Killed. My. Parents! I didn't really need to study that weekend; I just didn't want to go look at a piece of property that would never be my home! If I had been with them, they wouldn't have started driving back to Washington! I would have convinced them to stay at the Inn near the property! They wouldn't have even been on that road that night!"
"You don't know that, Sam. If you had gone with them, you would have been killed, too, and then you would have never married Steve and you wouldn't have that precious little girl Danny's holding."
"I don't deserve Steve or Emily! Don't you understand? My parents died because of me, I took Caroline's parents away from her and their best friends away from them, and I've hurt the man I love with all my heart, but I will not hurt my daughter!"
"You've done none of those things, Sam, but even if you had, Emily is your child. Are you just going to abandon her? Walk away from her, desert her?"
"I'm not fit to be Emily's mother!"
(Capt. Stewart never gets the chance to reply because Steve has had enough and can't stand it any longer. In less than a heartbeat he is on his feet and in two strides has yanked Sam up against his hard body and is holding her tightly. His voice is shaky as tears fall from his eyes, too, but his arms never loosen around his wife.)
"Sam, baby, please listen to me! . . If you never believe another word I say, please believe this . . What happened to Anne and Jonathan was horrible but there was nothing you could have done to prevent it from happening. Capt. Stewart is right; if you had been with them, you would have died in that accident right along with them and I would have never met you or fallen in love with you or been able to create one of God's true miracles with you by the name of Emily Anne McGarrett. Look at me, Sam. . .I've told you this before but I'm going to tell you again. I know in my heart that God created me for you and you for me and no one will ever convince me otherwise. You told me that you believed that, too. Do you, Sam? Do you still believe that God made us for one another?"
(And through her tears, Sam manages to look into Steve's eyes and slowly nods her head. He gently reaches up with one hand to touch her face and drops a soft kiss on her mouth before he goes on.)
"I love you, Sweetheart; I can't live without you and neither can Emily. She needs her mother, Sam. We both need you. You aren't responsible for what happened to your parents, Sam; your being with them that night wouldn't have changed things . . . Except for the fact that you might have died."
"Steve . ."
"Sam, listen to me. You have nothing to feel guilty about, you're not to blame. You can't be the reason your parents died that night, Sam, because you believe, as do I, that God made us for one another and if you had died that night, we would have never met. Let this go, Sam, please."
(And as they stand there holding one another and looking into one another's eyes while Steve tries to help Sam understand the truth, the other people in the room quietly slip out the door and close it behind them leaving Sam and Steve alone.)