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There's an assembly for Neil in the morning. The admin are obviously trying hard not to glamorize Neil's disappearance but they really don't need to. It's one thing if some random kid runs away but Neil is their king, the undisputed head of the pyramid. Popularity seldom works like it does in movies, with dumb jocks and mean girls at the top of the pile, the truly popular are those who reach out. Who have a sort of energy that draws you to them. Which is why everyone is taking Neil's disappearance as a personal lose and therefore a very bad thing.
At one point the chief of police makes a speech asking anyone who has any information to come forward. Todd glances over to where Meeks is sitting but he shakes his head. But Todd doesn't want to talk to the police anymore because this puzzle is just for him. His panic the night before, that Neil was dead, that he had killed himself seems so childish, so superficial.
A succession of these days is fatal to human life, the back of his mind whispers, but Todd pushes it away. Neil wouldn't leave Todd a clue, a puzzle, an adventure if he was dead because then what would their be to find? The body, his mind supplies but Todd ignores it. Neil was too alive, is too alive to be dead, he's somewhere, probably having a fantastic time, waiting for Todd to find him. He has to believe it because anything else doesn't make sense.
When the assembly is over Todd pushes his way through the crowd trying to get to Meeks but he looses sight of him in the wave of people. Instead he stumbles across Knox, surprisingly not with Chris but with Charlie Dalton. "-gonna be awesome." He hears Charlie, say obviously the end of some conversation.
"Uh, yeah," Knox says, sounding a little flustered, "I'll be there. Definitely."
Charlie nods, "Cool. Oh and you should tell Steven he should totally come to, I mean if he wants to, if he doesn't that's fine or whatever. I invited him already, but just remind him so he doesn't...forget."
"Okay. Thanks Charlie." Knox says. He frowns quizzically looking down at the square of paper in his hand.
Todd pushes through one last knot of freshmen and Charlie Dalton actually winks at him when he passes. He rolls his eyes and looks away. Maybe it's childish to hate Charlie for 'stealing' Neil away from him but something about Charlie annoys him. "What was that about?" He asks coming to stand beside Knox, leaning against the auditorium wall.
The last time he had been in here had been for Midsummer on the closing night. He had decided to sit close, just to get a different view of the play, second row from the front on the far left. Todd isn't sure but he thinks Neil may have seen him sitting in the audience, their eyes meeting during Puck's final speech.
"Charlie just invited me to after-prom at his house. I mean Chris was already invited so I could have gone with her, but he actually gave me my own invitation." He hands it to Todd, the square of cardstock has Knox's name written at the top in looping silver lettering. "You should come too, I know you're not going to prom because you think it's bourgeois or whatever but after-prom is awesome."
"Hanging out with people I don't really know while they get drunk and make-out? Sounds fun." Todd rolls his eyes, "But I think I'll pass."
Knox shrugs, "Your loss." The auditorium is empty enough that they can get through the doors without trampling the underclassman. "Hey, did you hear about Neil?"
Todd blinks at him. Knox can be kind of oblivious sometimes but this is just ridiculous. "Uh, yeah we just came from an assembly all about him, remember?"
"What? No not that. Chris told me that apparently he's handed in all his projects early and he made appointments to get all his exams done early."
"What?"
"Yeah, he had like letters from his dad saying he had an admissions interview at Harvard next week so he needed to take them early. But there isn't any admissions interview, he just set this whole thing up in advance so he could graduate without being here."
Todd swallowed, suddenly nervous. If Neil was technically already done high school than there was absolutely nothing to make him come back. No, he couldn't think like that, he was supposed to find Neil. That was the plan, that was the puzzle. Probably.
He went to Wendy's with Knox and Chris because he knew Meeks would probably be off doing some chemistry experiment or whatever at lunch. Knox made a disgusted face as Chris dipped her fries in her Frosty.
"That's gross."
"It's delicious." Chris said, exaggeratedly dipping a fry in and eating it, "Mmmmmm..."
"You're so weird. I always had this idea in my mind that you were like this perfectly put together girl who only eats salads and has colour coordinated outfits. Now I learn you're this weirdo who eats fries with ice cream and can't swim."
"Did I shatter all your dreams?" Chris asks, neutrally but Todd can hear that it's a loaded question.
"Maybe a little. But I like weirdo Chris better, because she's real and she's the one I'm going to prom with."
Chris bites her lip and her and Knox are looking at each other in a way that makes Todd really uncomfortable to be witnessing. Not like it's gross or weird, just that it's intimate and he shouldn't be there.
"I'm going to go get some ketchup." Todd says sliding out of the booth to let Knox and Chris enjoy staring dreamily at each other in private.
He bumps into Gerard at the little condiments and napkins station. Literally, because he's not really paying attention. "Oh hey, sorry Todd!" Gerard says, once again reminding him of a large friendly dog. Or maybe a moose. "Isn't this the worst about Neil?"
"Yeah. It sucks."
"I remember on my first day Neil totally showed me around and introduced me to a bunch of people. I'll never forget that, because he wasn't just being nice because he thought he had to, you know? He really cared. I think maybe that was the problem, Neil cared so much about everyone else he forgot to care about himself. Maybe that's what this whole thing is about. Neil needing to take back something for himself." Gerard sighs, "I just hope he's okay. Wherever he is, probably caring about other people and decreasing world suck."
Todd wonders if Gerard is maybe onto something. That Neil was too busy being Neil Perry, Harvard Bound Model-Student and Citizen that he hadn't taken enough time to just be Neil. But why now? Why so close to the end of high school, when Neil would have the chance to reinvent himself so soon, did he choose to do it like this? Tearing the fabric of their lives and leaving all the raw edges exposed. You could sew it back together but the patterns would never match up again.
By the time Todd comes back to the table Knox and Chris are no longer gazing at each other longingly. Probably because Ginny has shown up and is wedged in the booth across from them. "You should come!" Chris is saying holding onto Ginny's hand, "It's going to be fun, and you know Charlie's party will be awesome. You already have a ticket and a dress and everything."
"I don't want to go!" Ginny says, obviously not for the first time. "I just don't okay, I'm glad you're excited but after this whole week I just want to go home tomorrow and watch Say Yes to the Dress in my pajamas. Okay?"
Chris huffs just slightly, "Fine. Okay."
"I heard Neil finished your sociology project." Todd says
Ginny nods, "He handed it in on Monday, he'll probably even get a good grade on it. 'The Life and Times of Lewis Mumford'" She makes a fake banner with her hands, "Neil, was always more interested in soc than me anyways."
"We should go." Knox says, "It's quarter after, do you need a ride?" He looks at Ginny who shakes her head. "Okay then. See you later Ginny."
Todd gets up out of the booth, his feet sticking a little bit. Then in a moment of weakness he turns back to Ginny, "I miss him too." He says and then walks quickly out of the Wendy's before Ginny can say anything.
Todd had meant to look up that quote during his free period but he's so busy preparing for exams that he really doesn't have time to. He edits his history essay and then starts in on his math review absentmindedly chewing on his pencil. He feels more than sees Ginny staring at him from across the library and when he looks up she blushes and turns back to her notebook. She's sitting with Charlie Dalton whose talking to her rather animatedly about something but she keeps looking up at Todd.
Finally, unable to concentrate on quadratic equations any longer Todd gets up and walks over to their table.
"-And then I'm like 'well you ever heard the expression good things come in small packages?' and she's like-" Charlie cuts off abruptly seeing Todd. "Can I help you."
Ginny turns in her seat and gazes down, obviously embarrassed. "Hey Todd."
"D-did you wanna talk to me?" He says, his voice skipping like an old record. He blames Charlie Dalton for this, he has a way of looking at people that Todd can't stand. Like he's waiting for you to entertain him.
"Ummmm," Ginny bites her lip, "Yeah, kind of. Uh, Charlie do you mind?"
Charlie rolls his eyes, "Of course your majesty, besides I have things to see, people to do." He winks and Todd barely refrains from rolling his eyes. "Hey, you're friends with Steven right? Tell him he should come to my party tomorrow, you to if you want. It's going to be legend- wait for it -dary!" He tips an invisible hat at Todd before swaggering out of the library.
"What the hell?" Todd says, mostly under his breath. "Did he just quote How I Met Your Mother at me?"
Ginny shrugs, "He does stuff like that. Though to be fair Charlie is kind of like Barney, he talks a big game about the ladies and underneath he's Neil Patrick Harris."
"What?"
"You know, because he's bi."
"He's what?" Todd actually has to sit down because things just got even weirder.
"Yeah, he's bi. Or maybe he's pansexual..."
"Charlie likes guys?"
"And girls."
"But he's so..." Todd waves vaguely, even though he's not quite sure what this is supposed to signify. He doesn't even know what adjective he's grappling for here.
"I can't believe you didn't know this." Ginny says, "Didn't he ask your friend Steven to prom?"
"Yeah, as a joke or a bet or something."
"You've got to be kidding me. Charlie has had a huge crush on him for like two years. How do you not know this?" She laughs a little and then her voice drops and goes all fake serious, "Also on the off chance Charlie asks I didn't tell you that because it's supposed to be a secret."
Todd thinks of Meeks' cup steven meeks needs to open his eyes. "Oh. My. God."
Ginny shrugs, "He was pretty upset actually when he said no."
"He was not."
"He was, he's just good at hiding it. Charlie Dalton is a pretty complex person when you get to know him. He's not all dumb hats and stupid jokes you know."
Todd rolls his eyes, "I'm sure Charlie is very complex and wonderful and amazing. But I didn't come over here to talk about that. What did you want to tell me?"
Ginny bites her lip, "It's more of a question actually."
Oh dear god, Todd thinks, please don't ask me to prom.
"Did Neil ever tell you...about us?" She asks voice pitched low.
"Us? As in you and Neil?"
She nods timidly, "I mean did he ever tell you how we weren't..." She trails off, obviously not wanting to tell Todd outloud if he doesn't know. But he does.
"Oh, yeah. He uh, mentioned it."
"Okay. Cause I was just wondering if you two were..." She waves her hand around vaguely again. It takes Todd a second to get what she's implying.
"N-no! No. No, no no no, no. Definitely not." Todd splutters.
"Oh," Ginny says, "Sorry, I just thought maybe...because you said you miss him. I don't know. It's stupid never mind. I'm sorry." She shakes her head. "It's just, Neil used to talk about you sometimes. Not a lot or anything. But you'd come up occasionally."
"Really?" Todd asks, a little flattered to be honest. He shouldn't be surprised really, but something about the idea of Neil talking about him when he wasn't around, even if it was just a fleeting mention or a casual comment, makes Todd's stomach flip.
Ginny nods and smiles down absentmindedly at her notebook. "Yeah, he really did." They're both quiet for a minute Ginny continuing to stare at her notebook. Todd wonders if she was, or is, in love with Neil too. That if that was the reason she had agreed to be his pretend-girlfriend. He's working up the courage to ask when the bell rings and Ginny's up out of her seat. "See you around." She says, her back already turned away from him and Todd looses all his desire to ask. It's not his business anyways.
Math is long and Todd spends it hastily editing his history essay despite multiple protests from Cameron to join in the poker game he set up instantaneously (if anyone asks they're only playing Cheat). "Come on, it's not for money or anything. Betcha got a great poker face, huh Todd?" But he doesn't feel like having his ass kicked by Cameron in cards, even for free. Todd actually has a theory going that Cameron has some sort of card counting thing going on and that one day he'll be banned from Las Vegas, Atlantic City and Monte Carlo.
Chris is busy with prom commitee so for the first time in days Todd actually has to drive Knox somewhere. Knox actually could have had his license ages a go, not to mention a much nicer car that Todd, but he had a bad experience with a deer and hasn't gotten behind the wheel since. Todd doesn't really mind to be honest, it's nice to have people need him for something, even if it's just his car.
"I got us reservations at Oskar's," Knox says, "My dad knows the chef so he was able to get us a table. I'll probably blow all of pay for the month on it but it'll totally be worth it. Besides, Chris was so excited when I told her she actually sort of...squealed a little."
Todd flips on his turn signal, "Is that something straight guys find attractive?"
"I think in general I just find Chris being human really attractive. I mean, not that she wasn't human before, but like, I had this whole idea that she was so...put together? Like everything she did was so carefully planned out ahead of time. It's just really nice to know that she's just this girl who has thoughts and emotions just happening spontaneously."
"You should write greeting cards." Todd says pulling up to Knox's driveway. Unlike most houses in the community Knox's has an obnoxiously long driveway leading up to it which winds it's way up a hill. In the winter it's pretty deadly and there have been a few memorable occasions where Knox has missed school because he hasn't been able to get down the driveway.
Keating's already alseep when he gets to the store and Todd notices disparagingly that another few copies of Fifty Shades of Grey have sold. He runs the words from Neil's quote through his head over and over as he cleans shelves and sweeps the floors, running them smooth. By the time he's finished all the jobs and types them into the search bar he doesn't even falter in the wording. A day spent without the sight or sound of beauty, the contemplation of mystery, or the search of truth or perfection is a poverty-striken day; and a succession of these days is fatal to human life.
It's a quote, Todd has already figured because it doesn't sound like a poem or song lyrics, but google confirms it giving him pages of matching searches. It's from some guy named Lewis Mumford and Todd opens his wikipedia page in another window. It's a familiar name, only vaguely, but it twinges in his brain anyways. Keating wanders into the room and Todd shuts the window he was looking at, he knows that Keating doesn't care if he uses the computer but he wants to keep Neil's message to himself, at least for now.
"Ah, Todd. I see you have returned the store to it's former glory." He reaches up, back cracking as he stretches. "You can head of early if you like, I thought I might pack it in soon myself, I'm sure you have lots of big plans for tonight."
Todd sometimes wonders if adults all magically forget being a teenager once they hit 30, because Todd knows that there have always been people like him and never once have any of them ever had 'big plans' on a Thursday night. He doesn't like to burst Keating's bubble though so he just shrugs, "Prom's tomorrow, so I thought I'd just do some homework."
"Ahhh, Prom night." Keating says nostalgically, even though Todd knows for a fact that he went to some crappy all-boys boarding school out in the middle of nowhere and probably didn't even have a prom. "Well then, by all means head out early, and I'll see you on Monday."
It's not until Todd's almost home that it hits him. He knows where he's heard Lewis Mumford's name before.
