CHAPTER FIFTY

Title: "Salvation: Forever and Always: Elusive Dreams – PART III"

Author: Michelle Heath

Rating: MA for adult situations and language

Summary: Story #9 in the Salvation series. The bonds of family bring the Five-0 ohana even closer.

Disclaimer: I so do not own Hawaii Five-0; unfortunately! All original characters are the property of the author!

Date Written: March 13, 2013

(For the next couple of days, everything runs smoothly for the Five-0 ohana and Steve and Mike quietly go about implementing their plans for Sam's surprise. Sam continues to see Capt. Stewart and, between the therapy sessions with him, the loving encouragement of her husband and family, and Emily being her Mommy's sweet baby girl, Sam is more relaxed and upbeat than she's been in quite some time. The only snag occurs when Sam tells Steve that she's called several airlines and can't get their flights to and from Washington scheduled within reasonable time frames. Steve finally convinces Sam that he'll take care of making their travel arrangements and she finally agrees to let him. Two days before they are supposed to leave for Washington, Danny calls Sam and invites her to go to lunch with him; just the two of them. Both Steve and Caroline are fully aware that Danny wants to take Sam to lunch and they're both more than okay with it except neither of them knows exactly why Danny wants to talk to Sam alone. Sam, too, is a little baffled by Danny's invitation, but she agrees to go and to take the extra hour for lunch that Danny requested. Danny picks his sister-in-law up at the base and they have lunch at a small but lovely seafood restaurant not far from the base and, once they've finished eating, Danny suggests they go for a walk on the beach. Steve isn't the only one who knows the ocean washing up on the shore in gentle waves is one of Sam's favorite things. After they've moved a short distance away from the restaurant, Danny gets to the heart of the matter.)

"So, okay, I'm sure you're dying to know why I invited you to lunch."

"Well, 'dying' isn't exactly the right word but I am more than a little curious, Danny. Why did you ask me to have lunch with you?"

"Things haven't been easy for any of us lately, Sam, and, well, I wanted you to know that you're not alone; you don't have to try and deal with the survivor's guilt thing all by yourself."

"I know that, Danny. I'm seeing Capt. Stewart, I have Steve and Emily, and you and Caroline, and Mom and Dad, and Kono and Tony, and Lana and Chin, and . . . I have a lot of people who care about me and want to help me through this and I truly appreciate each and every one of them."

"No, Sam, you don't understand. I know exactly how you've been feeling because, well, I have been through survivor's guilt myself."

"You . . What?"

"Rachel had just told me she was pregnant with Grace and I was on top of the world. I spent most of my time daydreaming about the pregnancy. Things like, would we have a girl or a boy, would the baby look like Rachel or like me or like both of us, what I was going to do if we had a boy like teach him all about football and baseball and how I was going to coach his first little league team, or, if we had a girl, I was already planning on how I was going to interrogate any little boy who came within a mile of my daughter."

(And Sam can't help it; she lets loose with a little giggle, but Danny's next words cause her to sober up pretty damned fast.)

"The point is, I was so preoccupied with our baby, that I didn't pay attention when things went south at work. At least, I thought I wasn't paying attention. . . About two weeks after Rachel told me she was pregnant, my partner and I were pulling an all-night surveillance on a suspect who happened to be the right-hand man to a mob boss, a guy named Roberto Albertini, we were trying to arrest for ordering the murder of a federal judge. Around three o'clock in the morning, the guy left his apartment and headed for the warehouse district. See, we had a mole on the inside who called and gave us a 'heads up' that the guy was going to meet his boss and they were going to be finalizing plans for the murder of another federal judge. We called for back-up as soon as we started following him and were told they were on the way."

(Sam and Danny have stopped walking and Danny is looking out at the ocean with a far away expression in his eyes. The expression on his face tells Sam that whatever it is he's about to tell her is going to be bad; very bad.)

"We got to the warehouse before our back-up arrived and Mac decided we'd try and get close enough to hear what was going on. We'd already checked in with dispatch and were told our back-up should be there in about five minutes, so off we went. Mac and I eased up to the building and split up. Mac went around the back and I moved closer to the front door. Sure enough, I could hear the perps inside talking. The guy we were after, along with about six of his lieutenants were in there talking about how they'd killed the first judge and what their plans were for killing the second one. . . And then, it got really quiet; too quiet. A couple of minutes later, Albertini 'invited' me to come inside and join them. To make sure I complied, he had two of his goons open the door for me. When they did, . "

"Danny."

"When they did, I saw Mac being held by two more goons and looking scared to death. Albertini was standing there in his three thousand dollar suit with a smile on his face and holding a damned big knife against Mac's throat. He told me to put my gun down slowly and carefully or he'd kill Mac. So, I did what he told me to only . . . Only he slit Mac's throat anyway and laughed while I watched my partner bleed to death."

"Oh, Danny."

"Our back-up had finally arrived by that point, along with a S.W.A.T. team, and they took out most of the other guys and wounded Albertini, but . . It was too late for Mac. . . An hour later, I went with our Captain and the Departmental Chaplain to Mac's house. I had to tell Mac's six year old son that his mother was never coming home again. See, Mac was short for MacKenzie; MacKenzie Simpson, my partner. Her husband was a Marine who had been killed in a training exercise a couple of years earlier and it was just her and her son. They lived with her mother."

(By now, Sam is crying and she grabs Danny, who also has tears in his eyes, and hugs him tightly.)

"Danny, you didn't have any choice! If you hadn't of done what this Albertini told you, he would have killed Mac while one of his goons killed you. Mac's death wasn't your fault, Danny!"

"Yeah, Sam, I finally figured that out but it took me a Hell of a long time and I'm pretty sure that the survivor's guilt I went through is what was the beginning of the end for my marriage to Rachel. The Department shrink, my Captain, Hell, even the Chief of Detectives kept telling me that, since Mac was my supervisor, I was following the orders she gave me and it wasn't my fault that she died. It took a long, long time but I finally realized that they were right. And you're right, too, Sam; if I had tried to keep my weapon, they would have shot and killed me and Grace wouldn't have her father. . What I'm trying to say here, is I understand exactly what you've been living with for all these years, and I want you to know that you can talk to me at anytime, day or night, if you feel yourself starting to backslide. God only knows how many times I did before I was finally able to put it behind me and move on with my life."

"What finally got through to you?"

"Not 'what'; who. Grace. And just like my daughter helped me, Emily will help you, too, Sam. Just remember, I'm here if you need me."

"Thank you, Danny. I'm so sorry for what happened and that you just had to put yourself through reliving it, but I'm extremely glad you're my brother-in-law."

"We're all family, Sam, and family sticks together; no matter what."