A/N

So normally I write these things after I've written the chapter but this time around I wanted to share something with you all straight away. Angelina Jolie (someone I've admired since I was young) has come out in the NY Times revealing that she has had a double mastectomy when she found out that she had an 87% of developing breast cancer due to a faulty gene. You can find her article in the NY Times :)

Also, busy week so this chapter is a little short. Sorry about that, I have something planned for the next couple of chapters.

Thank you for all of the reviews, keep them coming. I truly appreciate the feedback.

Disclaimer : I own nothing, nada. Sutter be King, I just be a highly imaginative milk-maid with many different friends inside of my head. Including Dixie. And the chickens...lol...

Chapter Eleven

Dixie blinked, staring at the ceiling of her room, and tried not to breathe. Breathing made her stomach rolled. Or it had...she took an experimental deep breath and sighed long and hard when she realized she had a momentary reprieve from the throw-up fest her life had been seen her first chemo session a week ago.

She had taken the anti-nausea medication.

Dixie was fully prepared to be sick to her stomach, to feel tired, to eventually lose her hair. She had done everything right – taken her medication, rested, hydrated...and her body didn't care. She could barely take a shower without feeling like she was going to throw up. Weed helped her keep the food down but it didn't make the nausea go away. And to be honest...she just wasn't hungry.

Pushing herself up she slowly got out of bed and ran her hand through her hair. It had only been a week. She had another week or two before the effects starting making her hair fall out. That's what the nurse had reminded her when she had left the hospital. It'd be another week or two before those effects started taking place. For now...she was exhausted, nauseous, aching, dry, and...there were so many things happening to Dixie right now she couldn't really count them all.

Instead she took the reprieve from nausea to go take a shower and wash the sick away.

Seven days.

Seven days and she was wiped and she had to face months of this shit. And then surgery. And then radiation.

Dixie ignored the strange man's boots kicked off outside of Maggie's door and claimed the bathroom for herself. The water was hot and felt good. She gently washed her hair, afraid for how much time she had left with her locks, and softly scrubbed the sick off her now-dry skin. She couldn't scrub like she used to. She had to be careful because her skin was just going to get worse. After twenty minutes she carefully climbed out and dried herself off.

Dixie avoided the mirror.

She didn't want to see the effects of the chemo, of not being able to keep much down, of constantly throwing up and feeling numb and tired was doing to her body. She pulled on a pair of jeans and an old concert t-shirt and carefully pulled her hair back to the side.

Done.

That was all it took now. No make-up, no extra primping, no taking time to see how she looked in the mirror.

She walked into her kitchen and started preparing tea when Maggie and her visitor came out of her bedroom. She pressed her lips together when she saw Bobby pull on his cut and look a little sheepish in amusement.

"Um...was just comin' to check in on ya." He said weakly.

She shook her head with a smile. "Well, I woke up and didn't feel the need to chuck up the empty contents of my stomach...so I think I'm doing pretty good."

"That's good, I...uh...brought you some organic poppy-seed muffins...with extra poppies." He said.

"Thanks, it'll help keep the tea down." She replied. Dixie reached for one and took a bite out of it. "Who taught you how to bake, anyhow?"

"My Mama."

"Good Mama."

"She sure was."

Maggie flitted about like nothing had just happened a few minutes before her and Bobby and Dixie had to admire her spirit. Bobby and Dixie had never, ever crossed that line. Not because of the age – that wasn't how it worked with SAMCRO – but because of the history between her and him. As in...she grew up living so close to him, he was a friend of the families, and she was pretty sure age was just a number with Bobby unless he could remember you as a little girl. Then it crept him out.

"I was thinking of calling Gemma, having her show me around the shop today." She mentioned, sitting down at their kitchen table and sipping her tea.

"Do you think you're ready for that?"

"Maybe you should -"

Bobby and Maggie spoke at the same time, both looking a little more than worried.

"I just want to get out of the house." She defended quickly. "While I still feel better and while I still have hair."

They fell a silent and she ate her muffin in quiet. She shook her head and drank the rest of her tea. "I might need a ride though. That was a pretty potent poppy-seed muffin."

"I told you extra poppy." Bobby replied shaking his head with a chuckle. "Why else would I bring it to you?"

Dixie felt better, a little hazy from the extra in the muffin, but she felt better. She called Gemma who was already at the shop and asked if she could come. She pretty much got the same response – was she ready? But she was. She wasn't throwing up and her hair hadn't fallen out yet and she had just slept a good night's sleep. Basically -it was now or never.

Gemma met her at the door of the office, the shop operating full speed around them.

"Hey, sweetheart." She greeted Dixie. "You sure you're up for this?"

"Yes, yes." She said, trying not to get annoyed. Gemma smirked and shook her head. "I'll show you around then I'm gonna head out and see the boys. Chucky will stay with you and help you out."
"Absolutely positively!" Chucky said, appearing in the office with a goofy grin.

"How are things?" Dixie asked when they stepped inside the cluttered office.

"It's good. Busy, but good." Was Gemma's semi-cryptic answer.

The office was cluttered but there was a system. This wasn't like any work that she had ever done before. Dixie danced for a living, she bar-tended, and that was all that she had ever aspired to. She wasn't dumb by anymeans. She was a quick thinker, she could learn fast, and she was pretty strong when it came to the common sense end of things. But, this was definitely a new chapter in her work life.

The fact that she was doing it while in Chemo made it seem less important, though. And maybe that was a good thing, she thought, as Gemma showed her how to operate the telephone. Her mouth was dry, she felt tired, and Bobby's extra-kick muffin was doing it's job. She wasn't throwing up and that alone made her feel immensely better.

A couple of the guys came in and asked her how she was doing, Chucky did most of the work. But she answered the phones. It was a low-key situation and she figured she could do it if she felt worse. So that was also a plus.

But being in the garage and working near the boys made her homesick for Tig. Dixie realized how dependent she was on him for so many things. And it was just getting worse as the time went on and he wasn't here and she was getting more sick. She had no idea how it would be when he got out and it scared her. She believed in him and she believed in them. There was just a lot of unknown circling around them at a time when Dixie really wanted to be certain about everything.

It was a couple of hours into the afternoon when she heard the boys pull out. An hour later they were racing back in and the garage was closed down for the rest of the day. She wandered out and watched them from the doorway of the office as they pooled into the Clubhouse. It was obvious that they were going to church or she would have gone in and see what was going on. She wasn't sure if she should, since Tig was inside. How deep was she without Tig?

"Do you need a ride home?" Chucky asked, coming up behind her.

"I think I'll stay for another half an hour, I wanted to get familiar with the filing."

"Alrightie." He said, "I'll be in the Clubhouse making a sandwich. Do you want something?"

"No, I'm not hungry." Dixie replied honestly, she was actually more tired than she let on but she didn't want to let on. Not yet, she was having a good day and she wanted to make it last. Even if it was just so she could get acquainted with filing. It was better than going home again.

"Okie dokie, just call over if you need me." He said before bounding across the lot.

She sighed and went to the desk and started slowly going through the files. It was straight forward once you got used to reading the language but her eyes began to itch and her head started to ache.

A half an hour later she was trying not to fall asleep when Chibs came into the office.

"It's a good thing you came in today, darlin'." He said, "We've gotten into a bit of heat and we're placing a patch on you and the rest of the Old Ladies."

"Is everything okay?" She asked before realizing it.

"No worries, darlin'. Just a bit of heat with the buyers. We just want to be cautious, that's all." He informed easily. "You finishing up for the day?"

"Yea, I was just getting familiar with Gemma's filing system." She stifled a yawn and he quirked his brow.

"Alright, let's get you home. Tig will cut all our dicks off if somethin' happens to you." He replied, leaning against the door and shaking his head.

She stood up, holding herself still as her head rushed around her. Chibs was there in an instant, his arm propping her up.

"Alright, darlin'. You're alright."

Chibs held her up for a few moments until Dixie could move on her own. She nodded stiffly and he let his arm loop around hers.

"So I'm guessin' we're taking a cage then, doll?"

She nodded, a weak laugh escaping from her mouth. "I think that's best."
"No worries, you'll be better in no time."
She knew and he knew that wasn't true. But it was sweet that he said so.

Chibs took her home and helped her inside to her bedroom. Her entire body felt foggy and she was almost asleep as he practically carried her into her house. She remembered a very long time ago when she was watching children and he was lonely without his family and wondered if he was still lonely. Being away from Tig made her remember him and she felt a little guilty that she had forgotten the piece she knew about Chibs.

She laid down on her bed and he covered up her up with a blanket. Maggie was still gone tending to her chickens.

"I'll stay until the prospect comes." He said, and she wanted to get up to get him something to drink or fix him up with something to eat...but she couldn't even move.

"Help yourself to the fridge." She said instead.

He nodded and smoothed back her hair. "Sleep tight, sister."

She curled up and let sleep tug at her until she was sleeping fast. When she woke Chip was sitting at her table and eating a sandwich that Maggie set him up with and her nausea was back. She choked down a bit of muffin before throwing it up.

It was nice while it lasted.

She worried that something was happening with the Club, something that she didn't know about. And it wasn't that she didn't know about it it was that it might hurt Tig while he was inside and vulnerable. And she didn't...couldn't even think about that. So she curled up in her bed with a trash can in easy reach and fell back asleep.

Life went on with or without cancer.