Finally, I managed to finish the 3rd chapter. Thank you for hanging in there. Work has been stressful lately :(

A big THANK YOU goes out to Josie and Steffi for their support :) You two are just great :)

I still do not own The Good Wife :(

Peter watched Alicia hurry to her car through the window. She had managed another escape, maybe the final one of so many during the last few weeks. He was able to get one last look at her face when she got into the vehicle and had glanced towards the house once more. But he was not able to tell if she had realized he was watching her. But he had seen that hurt and haunted look in her face, that burnt itself into his heart. Then finally she drove away. He didn't know how long he stood there motionless by the window, still watching the spot where he had last seen her car vanish before his eyes.

Finally he made his way back towards the living room. The room still echoed with her words. The worst thing was that he understood her reaction completely. He knew she still didn't trust him entirely and he had just asked for that, her complete trust in his decision without knowing why he had made it. He should have known that she was not able to do that. But he still stood by his choice not to tell her. He couldn't bear to bring more hurt into her life. What he already caused was enough for more than a lifetime. He'd rather set her free, albeit the thought alone to finally put the word divorce under their marriage made his heart clench.

He poured himself a scotch and sat down on the armchair Alicia had been sitting in earlier. Unconsciously he mimicked her posture resting his elbows on his knees watching the amber liquid swirl in the glass. He cursed himself once more for bringing all this tragedy over his family. He had no one else to blame but himself for what was happening now. He had started all this five years ago by thinking he was smart enough to never get caught. Of course, he had been caught and from that moment on his life never was the same again. Although his name had been cleared of the bribery-accusations and he had gotten his old status back, at least in the public eye, his private life remained confusing. Even more so in the last months since Thanksgiving when they had started having sex more or less regularly again. Before that, everything had been pretty clear in their relationship. They shared the parenting responsibilities for Zach and Grace and Alicia supported him in his campaign. Nothing more. Having sex again had transported them into a grey area and Alicia's refusal to talk about where they were in their relationship left him even more confused. He knew what he wanted - Alicia. Now even more than ever since their lives had lost the balance due to his betrayal. But what Alicia had wanted was a total mystery to him. He doubted he would ever find out after tonight. She had made it pretty clear what she thought of their future together, if he did not tell her his real motive for dropping out.

...we probably should think about ending our marriage for real... He silently winced when her words crossed his mind. It had sounded so final with no chance for him to make her change her mind. He thought he was done paying for his sins, but right now it seemed to him he would continue to pay for them his whole life. Especially if he had lost Alicia for good now. He sank back into the cushions realizing he still had the glass in his hand. He had not even taken a sip from his drink. He leaned towards the coffee table to place the glass on it, when the phone that was also lying there rang. He didn't even check for the caller ID when he answered.

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry!" he recognized Alicia's voice. She didn't say anything more. All he heard was her starting to cry and then the line went dead.

He stared at the phone in his hand. He had no idea what had happened. He tossed the phone back on to the table and rushed outside, grabbing his coat in passing. Before he knew it he was in his car speeding into town.

She knew she had hung up on Peter. It had not been intentionally but when she started crying the phone dropped to the floor and she simply had not the strength to pick it up again. She had fallen back on to the bed, tears streaming down her face and her whole body was shaking uncontrollably from her sobs. She had been so hard on him, when all he was trying to do was protect her. Why hadn't she been able to trust him? She had seen that he had changed. Had she really thought another affair was behind his decision? Or had it been a mere habit to ignore her feelings towards him which told her to just trust him once again. But she had learnt not to go with her feelings when it came to Peter. He had lied to her more than once and his second betrayal had hit her at a time when she had been comfortable with their life again and it just had started getting back to somehow normal. Who could blame her for not wanting to get burnt a third time? She knew their relationship was a long way from normal and she had brought it into dangerous territory by adding sex to it. The night it had happened for the first time again she had been furious at her mother for trying to manipulate her life. She had needed to let off steam and screaming at Veronica had not been an option with Owen, Jackie and the kids around, so she went for the next best thing - a quickie with her estranged husband in the unlocked bathroom. He had asked if this was about her mother and she had confirmed it. But afterwards when they had sneaked out again, hoping no one had realized they had been gone for quite a while, she had already known deep down it was only half the truth. It had felt so good and right in the strangest of ways as it had been a long time since she had even thought of Peter in any sexual aspects. Yes, there had been this kiss after she had found out that he had indeed not slept with that campaign worker. But it was just meant as a thank you for telling the truth. New tears formed in her eyes when she remembered her accusation from earlier tonight. She had known back then that he had told her the truth about that, but here she had used it against him again. She felt like she had built a wall around her heart and it seemed to her that whenever a positive feeling towards Peter appeared outside that wall a defense mechanism turned it into doubt. She was so sick and tired of this. She wanted to stop doubting his every move, looking for lies behind each of his words. She longed for the days when trusting him had been easy and nothing he had to earn from her. Deep down in her heart she knew she was ready to trust him again, that he deserved a real second chance.

She was finally able to sit up again. The heavy weeping had died down. She was just reaching for the handset that lay next to the bed, wondering why Peter had not attempted to call her back, when she heard the front door.

"Alicia?" she heard Peter calling out softly, his steps approaching her bedroom.

He slowly opened the door but as soon as he saw Alicia sitting on the bed, her eyes puffy from crying, he rushed to her side, sitting down next to her, pulling her close to him. The moment he put his arm around her she buried her face into his shoulder, clutching at his lapels with both hands and the tears started to silently stream down her face again.

"I am so sorry, Peter." she managed to say between sobs. Peter did not respond, he just pulled her closer, stroking gently over her hair and back.

"It's ok! I am the one who should be sorry, babe." he placed a light kiss on top of her head and felt her slightly shake her head against his chest.

"I should have known that you could not accept my explanation or rather the lack of one." he continued to caress her back in delicate circles. Alicia started to relax under his touch and loosened her grip on his coat. Peter just kept on holding her while she slowly calmed down. Finally there were no more tears left and she tilted her head to look at Peter, only now truly realizing that he had driven the way from Highland Park to her apartment without asking why she had called or why she was crying.

"Why are you here?" she asked while sitting up a bit, slowly removing her hands from his chest.

Peter flashed her a tiny smile, releasing her from his embrace but kept one of his hands at the small of her back.

"You cried. I felt like I needed to be here..." she saw the sadness in his eyes and his words made her shiver slightly. New tears formed in her eyes and escaped down her cheeks.

"Sh, no more tears." Peter gently wiped them from her face.

"I was stupid to expect you to trust me on this without giving you a reason. I know I deserve your mistrust for the lies I told you in the past, Alicia, and I'll tell you why I have no other choice than dropping out of the race if you still insist on it. But I hope you won't, 'cause it will hurt you and I can't bear to add more pain to the one I've already caused." he looked at her insecure.

"I know, Peter." she reached for the envelope on her nightstand.

"I know what you tried to hide from me and that is why I have to be sorry." she offered him the envelope and he took it with a confused look.

"What is that?" he slowly reached inside.

"This was at the door when I arrived earlier. You might have already seen what's inside, but if you haven't I need to tell you something before you do." she grabbed his hands and stilled his movements. Peter let the envelope fall on his lap and looked at her puzzled. He lightly nodded his head urging her to go on.

Alicia took a deep breath, still holding his one hand in her own, her thumb drawing nervous circles on the back of his hand.

"You always suspected that I had an affair with Will back when you were still living here...it was not true then, but after I kicked you out, we...Will and I..." she broke up, her eyes avoiding his glance, looking down on the floor.

"I know, Alicia." he reached out and softly lifted her chin up to make her face him again.

"I read your testimony from the Grand Jury."

She looked at him, a lump forming in her throat.

"Why didn't you say something?" Alicia's voice was barely a whisper.

"I figured you would tell me eventually. And it was not my place to judge you, Alicia, it still isn't. We were already separated when it started. I don't like that I was right but I have to live with it. It's the price I have to pay for my betrayal to you." Alicia saw the sincerity in his eyes and knew that he wasn't comparing her affair with Will with his cheating. She gave his hand that was now just resting in her own a gentle squeeze.

"Guessing from what you just told me, I have a pretty good idea what is in here." his eyes wandered from her face to the envelope in his lap. His gaze returned to her eyes asking her silently if it was ok to open it now. She nodded, releasing his hand.

Peter reached inside the envelope again, retrieving the picture and the note. He shortly glanced at the photo before putting it back in the envelope. Then he picked up the note and took a deep breath while reading it several times.

"You want to drop out because of this, right?" Alicia saw the worry in his face while he still stared at the piece of paper in his hands. "Do you know who sent this?"

"Yes." Peter also put the note back into the envelope and returned his attention to Alicia.

"Kresteva showed up at my office last night with a stack of pictures and offered me he wouldn't leak them to the press if I dropped out. He gave me a week to announce." he heard Alicia gasp.

"There are more pictures?" her eyes widened in shock.

Peter just nodded.

"How many?" she asked in a low voice.

"Maybe ten. I have not counted them; I haven't looked at all of them. I do not even know if that one is among them." his eyes rested on the envelope again.

"Do you understand now why I chose not to tell you and why I have no other choice than to drop out?" he watched her with an earnest look in his eyes. "I won't have our family in the centre of another scandal, not if I can prevent it."

Alicia just nodded, her gaze on the floor again.

"Thank you, Peter, for protecting me and the kids. I felt so bad when I found this earlier and realized why you hadn't told me...and I have said those mean things to you. I am sorry for not trusting you like I should've." she finally looked up at him, her eyes filling with tears again.

"I understand." a small smile forming on his lips while he slowly sled an arm around her shoulders, his eyes asking for her permission to hold her.

Alicia let out at small sigh when she gladly put her head against his shoulder once more, her hands resting on his chest. They just sat there nestled against each other for a while. Alicia listening to Peters heartbeat while he tenderly stroked her hair and back over and over, placing light kisses on top of her head from time to time.

Alicia simply enjoyed the closeness and tried to remember the last time she had been truly happy just feeling his arms around her. She couldn't recall, but guessed it must have been before the scandal shattered their lives.

"I want to trust you again, Peter." Alicia finally broke the silence. "I really do...but I am still afraid as soon as I let you in again another affair of yours will surface and I can't go through that again." she whispered against his chest. "So, if there is anything you haven't told me, yet...now would be the time."

Peter had stopped his stroking movements, leaning back a bit so Alicia had to remove her head from his shoulder and sit up again. She looked up at his face but couldn't read his expressions. Alicia's stomach clenched as she watched him and she could feel her heart beat in her throat while she waited for Peter to start talking.

"You are right, it's truth time."

Ok, you will probably feel the need to murder me in my sleep now. And I probably deserve it :P

Please review :)